day 875 – eczema

My experience with eczema

Ever since I can remember I have had rash or eczema on my skin. My mother would apply all sorts of lotions on my skin since I was very young. I remember that it was unpleasant and I would cry. I was later seeing doctors about it and the best they could do was to give me more strong cortisone lotions. I grew out of the eczema in my teens, only for it to re-emerge during military and also working constructions.

The doctors would always find an outside source for my rash. But I knew that there was something also deep on my inside. When I was about 7 years old I had the Epstein Barr virus. And I remember from that I would be lying on the sofa with a cold cloth on my forehead with my mother watching over me. I was having some deep and very strong fever hallucinations, and the fevers would later return as nightmares as I grew older. The nightmares where always similar to the fever hallucinations I initially had from the E-B virus. It would evolve much around my hands, they would feel so uncomfortable and rusty, like they where so dry and sand like. The feeling on my hands was strange and very unpleasant.

After military and construction work my eczema got worse and I had lots of dry, itchy and red skin. My life was then filled with stress, anxiety, paranoia and fear, as I was multiple addicted and also in and out of mental hospital.

I would later find some very good support from desteni wiki, about how to deal with eczema se link here: https://wiki.desteni.org/index.php?title=Health/Illness/Death#Eczema_and_Fear

This link explains how eczema come from early on suppressed fear. And also how to solve that through self forgiveness.

I learned then to work with self forgiveness – to forgive my mind body points that were creating the irritation on my skin. And self forgiveness was a game changer for my eczema. I was able to end most of it and heal lot of my irritation. I would not experience much eczema for a long time. Then this Christmas 2020, I again had some flaming up on my skin. It had been re-occurring for a while. And it was very cold this winter I was in fear of my skin cracking up. So, I had heard some good things about homeopathy and I was friend with a practitioner, and I decided to book a session with him.

So initially we talked and I mentioned my Epstein Barr fever and hallucination about my hands and how I had this hideous feeling on the skin of my hands – that would haunt me. I also talked about my suppressed emotions, from how I resisted going to kinder garden and how much lotion I would use.

So, after our session of talking back and forth he per scripted me with a remedy. It was called locopodium 200 C. I ordered it myself from the local drugstore. It was this small, really mini jar consistent of some very small pills, the size of a pin needles head. So, I took one of these tiny pills, and solved in a cup of water and drank. Soon after I was looking into myself, to see what I was sensing within myself, into my body. This deep, very deep in my darkness, bright blue flame burning within me. It was a healing that was taking place. I did experience a slight headache and that was pretty much it. After that my hands and my skin have been very good. I do not have itches on my hands and my overall skin is very good and pleasant. My experience of the homeopathy remedy might be very different to other people’s experiences. But I like to see into myself to see what is taking place in my inner universe.

This is my experience with eczema and my journey with it so far. Self forgiveness and homeopathy healed me. Link to my very good homeopath : https://spaceofgrace.net/practice/practical-homeopathy/
It is online and it is from the work place “Space of Grace” : Enjoy it !

Day 867 – father sky

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the father figure and to curse the idea of a father like in comparing to mother – where I have come to fear the male – the father figure and the male – the lord – the “father-sky” idea and picture that is presented in religion that the almighty god is the father figure instead of grounding this to myself to simplify this relationship because within me this have gotten very complicated and disruptive.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the idea of a heavenly father.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see my dad as the heavenly father, instead of realizing that is what I have to equalize to – because I have come to fear and hate the father figure / the lord so much so that in itself becomes my greatest challenge to equalize to.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the heavenly father because of the distance, the separation the inequality to the mother and the mother earth that gives me milk and most of the attention, love and care from when I was a baby and a child, that the relationship to the father or my dad is driven beyond and there was no explaining the depth and intricacies of father and mother hood and/or being a child and a human in the world, within this I take it to heart that nobody was taught properly this at all and that the reason, reality and self forgiveness solution behind this is not evident before today.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to build on the father sky mother earth idea to make the father about light and the mother about darkness – where I see that I am reacting to these stereotypes and characters because if not – this inner Babylon would not build itself – but is a result of a construct of reactions, emotions, suppression and my illness that I was to learn as separation between the elements and between the sexes.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself that I had not seen of completely embraced that the different sexes are consistent of the same physical values, from a male sperm and a female egg and that any human being is a result and a product of both the male and the female beings and that both sexes are represented as resonant designs within the one and equal human body.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to identify with either male or female, masculine, feminine personality traits and ways of being where I instead realize that I can define the traits within me that needs to be changed and that I react to – bring them to the “engineer table” for me to edit this about me- to give it names and words, symbols, paint flowers or give these traits of myself a definition and a clear stand where I can set free these suppression’s within me and give them life and purpose – except from mind’s imprisonment. So for instance I could find a trait within me that is about care – where I could name this inner – feminine trait for “my rose” lol… to build that life – to birth that life through writing like this here to sett free these suppression and denials that have been resting within me that want to blossom and come to life – equal and one.

Investigate : https://desteni.org/

Day 851 – The Magic of self

Hogganvik Village where I live, south west Norway

 

 

I was born schizophrenic. It was “in the cards” for my reincarnation lol… In the west we are not used to use words such as reincarnation – hey, at least not when I grew up! That being said, growing up as schizophrenic I sure did find the best family and probably country and time to do so.

 

What I want to convey to you here, is the solutions to my illness. Schizophrenia is a serious illness of mind and self. Schizophrenia is basically when there are 2 or 3 personalities within self and mind that are at the same time trying to be in control and direction of self and body. There is a war within between these personalities in the mind/self. From this internal war – there is then the symptoms of voices in the head, hallucinations, paranoia, pain, conspiracy of thought, confusion and lots of problems within ones living. What has been common with me also – is that I tend to project out of myself – new mind units – personality platforms – so that I would have to answer for 3 or 4 different minds. That is also quite disturbing and stressful way to live.  The psychosis or war in oneness mind is most often activated in new situations with new people.

 

That is the basic of how my schizophrenia have been playing out.

 

So, what are my solutions to this advanced illness?

 

For me to start with my medication was very important. For a very long time I worked against the doctor’s recommendations, and medication. So, for me to start to cooperate with the doctor about medication and ending my own usage of drugs, alcohol and porn – was essential.

 

The second part that I will present here is without comparing equally as important. And that Is to start to work on understanding self. In order to understand self – I must forgive myself. It is the self that needs to be forgiven – by self. This can be a challenging pill to swallow for many but if you look at it – what have you possibly got to lose from for- giving yourself? And what do you possibly have to gain?

I am telling you from my experience that self-forgiveness is a real and ultimately super power to heal self – from within. To understand self as mind and at the same time you find the grounding and stability as the physical of self – the flesh – and to let go of the metaphysical/imagination/mind. It’s the job of a lifetime and its brilliant. An endless empowerment potential.

 

There are also many, other ways to add to self-process that will heal one. Things like walking in nature, painting, cold bath, writing, reading books, making blogs, to preform in some way, to glue and dig and bake self into a new self. To change from ones preprograming. To change from the destructive and abusive self that we have been, as separation, and inequality. To bring everything here back to self and into oneness and equality. Or equilibrium if you like.  It is us and it is now.

 

 

So, if you know of schizophrenia here is my advice, cooperate with the doctors. And be certain that you at the same time – start new things, like jogging, swimming, painting, baking, cooking, several new activities. One must simply do it. Consistently.

 

For me to write out mind constructs with walking the desteni I process, and to learn to forgive myself and bring all of me into – yes, an equilibrium, from forgiving the polarity and energy addiction, letting go of fear and ego. To become a better me, in thought word and deed.

 

For me today writing and speaking self-forgiveness – to me – for me – is the best medication.

I do still have medication from my doctor, and I have a stable and sound relationship to that, it is what I need for me to function better. So, to add to that at the same time – is writing out my mind, to over time, quantum forgive myself, to learn what is self-honesty. To bath in the ocean, to work with my hands, to cook, clean, play and sing.

 

Self-forgiveness and the desteni I process have changed me and saved me as much as the medication have. And I am grateful for the existence of both for my support and well-being.

Like I say there there are many ways to support to self – be sure to find yours. Pleas ask me if anything is unclear. We must be here for each other.

 

Medicine can keep me afloat, keep my head above the water – but that is not a comfortable way to live just like that – so with desteni I process I am able to rise myself up, and become responsible, creative, caring, honest, understanding and forgiving self.

 

Give time to investigate : Desteni

 

 

 

Day 824 self forgiveness doses

Change/rebirth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “feel” new born – in the sense that babies are born – and THAT is not a pretty or cozy picture for me, so to transcend myself/point into a re-birth was painful and nasty –  a real shook up – combined with a heavy flue that would have me re-birth myself from within the physical – my own flesh – my own making – into self as life.

 

Within this I find it pivotal to underline the fact that rebirth of self or transcendence  is not a easy or pretty story as it is often presented today. It is painful, it takes courage and effort, will, self respect,  SELF FORGIVENESS and for me this time a real deep integrity and self awareness – together with the unique support from the equal and one self-discovery group of desteni and destonians walking with me here.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pity myself within being reborn, where I think to myself that I am worse of than others and that I need to pity myself.

 

 

Fame and desire to be special

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when listening to different music – where I  remember how I was  to seek for fame – to desire to be seen and to be famous only to serve my ego the way it pleases, through energy surges like with money and sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be special and unique, like when I was going into my teens and later on – I would want and crave to be special and to be seldom and unique, I would crucify myself for the cause of being special and “out of order” – in opposition to the rules of the game.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have that linger in the back of my mind that I would tap into – “rejuvenate” my ego’s desire for fame/being special – that would drive me deep into insanity and abuse, under the cover of trying to find myself being a young man with lots to struggle with, and I would simply believe that “ok… my life have been rather difficult, that is how it has to continue” – believing that my life must be hard – then living that.

 

Today I realize that even though I don’t agree with what is being done (in the world)  – I have now a level UNDERSTANDING of the programming of the human mind, I can understand what drives people to doing what they do, and that way understanding is a powerful thing, basically it makes me unable to hate them -I can’t hate someone that I understand – and that makes the human mind and self experience and understanding so – a utterly interesting story.

Let me know if you want to know more about that !

 

Shift / rebirth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand what I am going into – diving into the unknown – being dependant and independant at once, where I realize that I have gone through some rather huge changes of self and my being, my awareness has changed, the last days, where I find it utterly supportive and kind of “neat” – where I catch myself at drift and going into being very colorful and vivid – where I have to catch myself – slow myself down – breathe –  so I don’t go into possessions and basically  over speed –  crash and burn.

 

Too hard on self

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself from the example of going into stress and from within “doing many things”, where I fail to take proper care of me, to breathe calmly, to care for my body and my being, where my day becomes stress and the stress allow for nasty thoughts to emerge and make my comprehensive self experience sad, deprived and filled with angst.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that being “hard” or “rough” is a goal to achieve – a calling within me, and quite something to be and express, where my definition of hard and rough and tough, is layered within my idea of masculinity, and ego/desire such.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that to be a male means to be macho and tough/rough and brutal on myself and life such.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am pulled like magnetism towards being tough and being hard on self and to push self beyond – where I end up with crashing and burning within and simply need to rest on sofa/collapse from angst and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drive myself through my own hardship/hardness/roughness to the extent that I end up losing touch with who I am as softness, gentleness, innocence, purity, pristine, organized, touch, in tune, sound, expression, water  etc. Meaning I drive myself beyond in one angle and end up compromising myself over all with loosing touch the more softer and lighter aspects of self and life.

Anxiety

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like my anxiety is not able to be solved like it is a big fuzz-ball, out of logic, of barbwire and sharp metal objects, that is overflowing, within my solar plexus that is being stirred up and making me sour, sad and reactive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for failing to see the solution of my problem, the reason why I feel this deep anxiety within my belly, this time, it’s  because I am 40 and single and this fact bothers and makes me sad, rather I should look at what is my options of bettering my living, what can I do in my situation to better my life – to love myself, to simply make up my mind of letting go of the anxiety, and by that see the possibility over time, for others to like me to. If another is supposed to love me – I must first love myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others, that are happily together with a family, job, income, etc things I don’t have, where I must realize that they have their life and I have mine, there is no need for comparison. In fact competing and comparison is one of the MAIN drivers of anxiety and war as we know it in our world.  As long as there is competing – there will not be peace. Take that to consideration!

 

When and as I see myself stuck with anxiety that is without any particular origin or starting point, I stop myself I slow myself down, and I breathe. I realize that if the anxiety is seemingly “just there” like a overspill of my minds chambers/storage, I can simply decide to delete it, to slow myself down enough, to breathe, find common sense in the physical and let go of the anxiety.

 

the “no fear” community: https://destonians.com/

self forgiveness and start of self discovery: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

 

Day 795 – Relationship patterns within me/self forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have second thoughts and to practically want to dump the relationship when it gets hard within facing some challenges and to have a plan B, a extra girl that I could go into a relationship with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I don’t really want a relationship, I want just the sex and good times the rest can just be, and within this fall back on old patterns of using girls in relationships as objects.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want the hard parts of a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not know what a relationship is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think a relationship is like “Friends” or “Sex in the city” or any typical TV show or magazine picture that is 100 % fake news – on what a relationship is about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust in TV and Hollywood/whatever lifestyle on what is reality and how things work, living in a bubble, that has no match, it is simply no-good for relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have not defined a relationship to myself, how I would realistic want it to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I can not value or appreciate a girl since I have schizophrenia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to commit to a girl, out of fear of what I might say or do that would expose me and leave me vulnerable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be honest and to fear to be me, open and vulnerable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am not mature enough to have a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad and sad for how I have handled relationships in my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as an abuser of relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not appreciate myself or the other being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value life as I would like to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not appreciate myself and give myself space.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect someone to love me when I don’t love myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect someone to like me when I don’t like myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect someone to want to be with me when I cant be with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to open up and communicate on all levels of me to a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that money solves all issues with a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that sex solves all issues with a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that imagining, nice fluffy words, imaginations and projections is any good for a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Netflix/HBO solves and saves a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to……….(you can fill in on your own terms; self forgiveness goes beyond relationships)

 

 

self forgiveness has the best effect : when spoken out load – like self communication

enjoy:

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

Day 743 – process of self

 

Either we are stuck in a obsessive compulsive mind set, or are in lack of income, or that we are in a addiction of some kind, or inn a abusive relationship. We all have something with our lives that would require for us to walk a process on. We all have something to improve within our living.

To document oneness process so,  is becoming more and more a new real value of life – as it also should. It is self assistance and it is supposed to be healing. We have been our own worst judges and punishers, from habits and patters and emotions, now we must be our own best helpers/healers and assist our self and to bring us to understand what we have been through. To learn what we were going through, and how we managed to get out of it. We need to understand the mind yoga. And  how to improve oneness living. This have been a bisnes for decades with coaching, psychiatry and all sorts of entrepreneurship.

I have walked a quite advanced and meticulous process through my  schizophrenic mind. It has been quite some yoga I can tell you. I have lived with all sorts of addictions and bothers. I am currently  walking through my schizophrenic mind into a life with self honesty and self respect. Integrity and responsibility. I still recon that I am schizophrenic, but I do not suffer that much from it any more. I live in a safe and protected environment and  I also live in the country of the best welfare system, the world have ever seen.

The explaining of my steps and my how to is all well documented and shared on my blog and on youtube and on soundcloud as well as other places.

I have gotten to a point to live with my schizophrenia,  and to improve my mental state. I know my schizophrenia very well after walking my process of self forgiveness. So I encourage you to start working on your mental states, on your addictions and your behavior patterns. There is something within this for us all. Let’s start that blog and document to write out our mind and to come clear with self.

 

The only help is self help

I can have assistance and support and guidance… but help comes from within self

 

 

Use the links

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

Day 724 – investigating pain of self: part 1

Have a listen how I changed within this particular memory of suppression of emotions/burden: to standing as self support within the memory and my living.

I am collecting data from this post: emotional past

 

enjoy

 

https://soundcloud.com/tormod-hvidsten-gjedrem/child-play-at-5-6-caught-by-adult-honest-perspective-investigating-self