Tag Archives: life

Day 774 – Establishing a consistent daily routine

There is some routines and some patterns that I would like to add to my day to day living. I have been practicing living this for a while, but I need to establish it further and more sound, so I write about it.

 

In the mornings when I wake up: first thing I do, maybe before going out of bed, is to drink water. It is very healthy for the body to start with water – first thing in the morning. Then standing up and after  getting dressed, I embrace myself (!) and tell myself that; I embrace myself within this day in totality with all its content, and then I find one or two words to live, during my day.

I go about my day with all that there is and use the application of self forgiveness and self correction, breathe awareness, and so on… to assist me through the day. Writing out my thoughts and issues as the day goes, and practicing self forgiveness as the key to change. Writing and living the change is key to understand self, grow and expand.

In the evening after massaging my feet, I lay down and I make up status for my day. What happened this day ? How did it affect me ? Did I face challenges ? What are my thoughts during the day ?

Answering this as I lay down and talk to myself, finding the outcome and solutions to my issues, this completes my day.

 

 

This eqafe recording concerns lots of what I mention here in my writing:

https://eqafe.com/p/when-memories-run-deep

 

For more info on life challenges, solutions and issues:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

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Day 771 – the cereberus of schizophrenia – mind storage

 

Being schizophrenic I bear 3 or 4 minds. That is right. 3 or 4 minds (!) that always wants its own demand and piece of the cake; the physical &  the being. 3 minds that together have a core and design (that I currently see as self judgment/rebars/metal – from my programing of being) locked in their position and placement within my mind/total self experience (see drawing)   3 personalities, and one mind (4rth) who controls or governs the other 3. From my programming/schizophrenia I have learned that all these (4 minds) wants to be in control of the totality of me/minds/physical/being. And they fight for it. They have a war inside my head over being the supreme mind… a psychosis/possession. Like a Cerberus that we know from In Greek mythology (see picture)

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this is how schizophrenia is experienced to millions of people

 

Mind as they are, are  energy systems. They are energy and they depend on more energy. If I can delete my addiction to energies, I can free myself from my Cerberus/Schizophrenia/mind and the minds control. This is easier said than done. But;  It can be done if I work on the very finest of therapeutic and curative care: self forgiveness. Together with being aware of my physical, living words, there is a fuck-load of applications that have been developed and cultivated by desteni during the years. The finest of psychology, behaviorism, self awareness and self healing tools/applications.

 

You see I have schizophrenia and… schizophrenia is a particular design. Like a recipe. It have been placed onto me before I was born. Why ? Long story , but if you ask me private, I can share with you why I am schizophrenic.

Studying the core elements and foundations of being human, sound, life, energy, mind, consciousness, light, dark, colors, darkness, polarity, emotions, time, space, the physical, the being, earth, relations, empowerment, self forgiveness, responsibility, money, words, animals, the universe, quantum and so on… this is some of what I have been studying the last 5 years.

You see I ask question with my living, question everything, I realize that for the world to change : I need to change. There is no other way. I want there to be responsibility, forgiveness, purpose, empowerment, real care, prosperity, life support, equality, oneness, honesty, solutions, peace and freedom and so on… for all life on this earth and I will not stop what I am doing before I see this is taking place. It boils down to equality and oneness – what is best for all.

 

So what I question myself is how to make my schizophrenia livable and to something less of pain and burden to myself. Well there is a lot of therapeutic tools  and  things I can enjoy and savor to do. Like drawing. Expressing, vlogging, blogging, studying and reading. I very much like reading a good book  – so I do that. I read a good book or a good blog. Or I write a post to myself like this. It might sound simple, but to many it takes some to actually do it, and in boredom and mental despair they end up drinking and doing porn… etc, etc, etc.

It is about becoming physical, and to nurture from there the being and by that math to stand, eternal, equal and one to all and everything, without bias and without judgment  – because you/I have embraced it and forgiven it; as self and made it part of self. Just like neo in matrix – he becomes it all… he takes 100% responsibility and does not separate self from anything (!) else. Not the lady in read, not money, not imaginations,  quite simply no separation it is all one and self… do you see where I am at ? Because thinking and thoughts is per definition a separation. It is a sabotage of self. So bring everything back to self and forgive. You would be amazed of the power you have and the qualities you possess. Physical is always stronger than mind. It is you and me as physical awareness, self direction and self honesty that can ultimately become the drivers and creators of our own living.

 

Again to stand equal and one hand in hand with all human beings. Maybe that is not your cup of tea ?  So we all have quite some layers of programming to deal with. We all have things in our lives that possess us, again self forgiveness is key – to become physical.

So for me to walk with schizophrenia is quite challenging. Luckily I live in Norway where I have care and support from a welfare state – that nobody have ever seen before – it is that good.  It makes sure I can walk a healing process, and have a life in decency – no luxury but a decent living. So I can make and share such a picture of my schizophrenia – to make it less terrifying to me who lives with it.

 

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drawing of my minds

 

If you are wondering and have questions please drop me a line

 

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 769 – Camphill living

Perspective on living in a ecological farm

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cows out to grass

Camphill villages is ecologically driven villages and farms and communities that is suited and designed to people with disabilities and needs, who don’t usually fit into the larger hectic/capitalistic society/system. Personally I am diagnosed with schizophrenia.

My camphill life is structured so I can work my way through my schizophrenia with walking with the tools of desteni.org

I just realized that from me living on a ecological, camphill farm and village it gives me the opportunity to have structure. HUH ! We all need some sort of structure and organizing to function optionally. To me structure is like a pattern of organizing – it gives me a sense of control in my living. And after that freedom within the application/task !

I live in a camphil village in the south west of Norway. I have lived here since 01.07.2016. Let me tell you that life here is truly swell. Now there are so many different ways to be living life here on this earth and I would say I am truly grateful for living where I am and under these conditions that is present.

It gives me routines and structure. I provides me with cultural and spiritual/emotional insight. It serves me the best and healthiest of food. It grounds me with good work for the body. It gives me inspiring and touching and dear talks and interactions. It provides me with very dear friendship and colleges and hugs, and it is a international touch to it with people here from all corners of the world.

Life here is season based. And there are things like Bible study groups and practice of Christian tradition. This is of course voluntary if ones chooses to participate or not. I find the Bible study group very interesting – I get to share my insights and perspective from this important historical script.

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me after a days work

Now in the spring I can walk outside and pick my food of herbs from the garden. I can go swim in the fjord or in a freshwater stream, and enjoy a talk, a flower, a goat  … on my way to do so.

There are currently goats, sheep, cows, chicken, birds, bees, and cats here. They provide me with honesty, insight , groundednes, stability,  and realness, awareness and strength – besides the meat, milk, honey and eggs that is also on my plate.

We are very sufficient with dairy products, meat, some herbs, some fruits, berries and also a lot of vegetables.  This awareness is awesome and it brings up gratefulness and humbleness within me.

Camphill living with interacting with animals is very therapeutic. A goat will “tell” you straight. The animals, are honest and real, they are not mind based like us humans.   They don’t have our obsessive thinking, so they are more stabile and here, firm, grounded, sound as physical and natural. Something I know that we humans must learn sooner or later…

Being able to go out and pet a cow or a sheep or talk to the chickens is just medicine ! Very rejuvenating and real! I am very grateful for that presence in my living. It makes me more honest, and alive, like colourful and expressive.

 

One can even go as far as to say that this planet should be for animals and nature only, and not for humans. If we look at how humans treat nature, other humans, animals and so on… it makes sense. Which means that we (humans) must change… or we are doomed. There is no other way.

 

I am grateful for my living in this camphill. Some of the traditions is maybe not of my liking, but there is room to discuss and debate most things. The antroposofic way is known to be a alternative way of living in Norway. Most of it is very cool and down to earth. Either way we can debate practice and reach common ground. The environment  and the ecological policy is very appealing to me and I would imagine to all people. The camphill way is by all means a way for the future.  I don’t agree to some of the Christian/religious traditions, but we can work through it and come to agreements.

The way of living is simple, and structured and rich. I recommend to find a camphill near you, and become friends with them, visit them and test it out. There are camphill villages mostly in Western Europe, North America, but also in Russia, South – Africa and India.

Enjoy your investigation of camphill !

http://camphill.net/

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Day 763 – physical aware

How I am more physical aware than before

The basics of my physical awareness living

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I am more physical by focusing on my breathe. First point, 24/7 breathe awareness. Then bring everything together with that breathe, and be one and equal to everything. HAH ! That is a challenge of a life time lol.. so it is a purpose higher than myself – it is still good. I mean look, the way we treat each other and this mother earth, we need something that is greater than our self to reach for. Not like a believe, but practical for the body/physical,  so… equality and oneness is the perfect match. Codes of life.

So breathing in awareness. Inn and out. I breathe inn; I embrace what is here, I breathe out I express myself.

Then, from long time practicing self forgiveness/embracing self completely, once reaching that state of not being in separation, being here, not feeding the thought/paranoia/mind.

The thought and the mind is what keeps this old slavery system/matrix/mind together. You see, I have been searching high and low for “the secret” – seeking outside, failing to see that I in  the flesh/physical is the key. I as the physical is the very key here. To bring equality and oneness (heaven) to earth.  To balance a awareness with my physical with living words is a cool way to treat self. When I do that I live in physical energy, energy of the body, like solid, firm, not signals/lights  in mind/head. But a rather calm, comfortable, warm, yet chill kind of sense. Really cool to experience.

Today I started a yoga practice. I will do this for some time to see what are my effect. But I must say that it is very important to be able to let go of thoughts and thinking of the old mind. I will always carry my mind in this life, but I don’t want to slave to it for energies/eternity. It does not have to be prominent like with consciousness.

So I breathe and ground myself in breathe awareness, find grounding my physical and balance it all with living and redefining words and self honesty.

When I work out my physical it is the same, though a more prominent focus on self honesty. Like digging dirt, I stay focused on my body in full self honesty. And sort of break it off with living words as well as with breathe awareness.  Without pictures of boobs, buts, beers, cars, weed, whatever pictures or any particular energy that I would slave to mind with. But saying fuck of to energies/emotions sneaking inn on me. Telling my mind to fuck off: I am working with my body atm.  Don’t give mind space/energies. Not with anger/fear but in self direction. Be self in charge from the physical. Calm, directed and honest.

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sweaty from farm work

I can learn to use my mind if I need it but I will not give it free range: no more.

It is a cool job. It works, I am living proof.

Enjoy breathe

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picture of me and my friend Sunette,  desteni europa meeting, Brussel 2017

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 762 – I am GATVOL of fear

I decide today that : I am GATVOL of fear

“Gatvol” I learn is africaan and it means “no more”

I decide to not allow myself going into fear. Instead I become here with myself, looking within myself, sensing and being aware of myself, within of my body, in self honesty.

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Fear makes us angry – let’s NOT be angry !

Fear and anger is the opposite of solution.

 

Here is two awesome links to investigate:

https://eqafe.com/p/why-is-the-world-becoming-angrier-heart-of-matter

https://eqafe.com/p/self-forgiveness-on-the-experience-of-fear

 

Instead for feeding my mind with energies and reactions, “what if” – kind of thinking and paranoia.

I say till here no further. GATVOL with fear. Fear is a imagination – it is a lie.

I have been corrupting myself enough with “what if thoughts”, fear and imaginations of mind.

Instead I will be here with myself supporting myself and living self honest. And I will secure it with living words. Living words like; intimacy, support, genuine, honesty, guide, deep, gentle, stable, calm etc.

 

So… if I face situations that can seen stressful or reactive. I stop, and I breathe… perhaps I close my eyes for a second. I move within to self support. I embrace the situation and live and act in self honesty.

 

If everyone could do this and drop the fear… THAT is real change…

wooooow… what a potential !

Are you ready for this kind of world change ?

 

Let’s join teams !

 

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

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Day 759 – fearing suicide

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Disclaimer : we at desteni are not doctors or health care personel – we are ordinary people figuring out, practical, best for all solutions in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fearing not living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear committing suicide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame for fearing suicide, like I fail at life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame for having lost so many friends to suicide and/over mental issues.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  feel shame for not knowing myself good enough to see this pattern of fearing suicide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather than giving into this fear, this programming of accepting suicide, I should rather open up and communicate and talk to people, to have courage and to be brave and talk without bias.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live like a personality/polarity construct of wanting to honor life, and to give my best and in the other end fearing to not be able to live – to chose the death part, like with the extreme of suicide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame and discomfort for alarming and confusing others by saying/admitting that I have issues with suicide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to limit my world and opportunities by admitting and saying to the world that I have issues with suicide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel discomfort with talking even to myself, alone, about suicide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in energies and drive to something I don’t quite know what is.

 

 

I realize that I should rather be with myself comfort myself do things to support my body/self love.

I commit myself to be more open and communicative – to dare live.

I commit myself to express and share more my insides.

 

 

links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

Day 757 – How I found desteni: Part 2

Part 2

continued from : part 1

 

I was first introduced to the demonology forum. This might sound scary, but we are serious about what energies and possession can do. Realize that “possessions” is what a hospital/doctor would call “psychosis”. Since I have been carrying schizophrenia and having lost of energy addictions, it was natural for me to start at demonology forum. It was logical for me, with my condition of illness. I was guided there and shown some basic structures of mind, thought, what therapy and resonance to apply. The origin and psychology. Common sense and responsibility. Thing is that I was so loooong gone corrupted of slaving to energies, I was simply very, very fucked after many years of drugs and addictions. I had to realize that I am the system, I am responsible, within my mind, my being, my body and myself breathing, something like a human. This would make up a system that is me. So within so without.  I had to take responsibility for me being me. For me accepting and allowing myself to participate, in a world of abuse.

 

 

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Two things in particular was crucial for me to grasp. One thing was to build up and write my own self forgiveness sentences. That was not as easy as it sounds lol and there were some newbie  strange attempts to do so in the beginning. So it was rather challenging to learn the writing and spelling of self forgiveness. I have been half way a dyslectic, and to be comfortable with writing have been challenging.

 

The second thing that I found challenging was to see the difference between feelings and emotions. I would think that feelings is the high and emotions is the low, of a wave of energies. Just like that. It took me some time to see  the clear difference of the two. To come to terms with that feelings is one thing and emotions is another thing. This was hard for me to grasp. My programming was so hard wired it would refuse this awareness.

 

 

Gradually I started to speak self forgiveness to myself, and this was the big innovation of me. Like going backwards, finding my own innocence. Becoming physical, forgiving the great mind enslavement.

 

And there was lots to study within this new me. Equality and oneness. Who are we really as humans ? What is our origin ? Why are we here ? Why is there abuse/war ? All these questions and many more is found within the language and writing of desteni.org

 

It is a waste database of knowledge and investigation to see and study. To listen to Bernard Poolman on YT. To hear his words and to see what he would see. To not believe the portal but take it all into consideration and just hear it and then apply it, within the system of self. The messages of desteni.org  is a very practical and common sensical message. It is sanity and what is best for all. It is what this world is literally screaming for.

 

For me with schizophrenia, desteni.org was through the portal able to show me what is schizophrenia, and how to best deal with it. Now be clear we are not doctors at desteni.org, we are ordinary people investigating life/dimensions. I have been able to reduce and marginalize my schizophrenia with the tools taught to me at desteni.org  In particular the self forgiveness have been of great support, and I have deleted lots of bother within me – physically/interdimmensjonally/of mind. I have gained lots in practical terms, of where I am and how I live. Also self honesty, self trust, self responsibility, self aware, consideration, regard, living words…. the list goes on and I am truly grateful and humble to be. With the tools of desteni.org I saved my life. I am still puzzling myself together.

 

So who every YOU are – desteni.org holds something truly unique to offer you and your living. From my experience I would not waste a second more – but get right on it and start the process to walk – to make it a good world for us all. We are the system(s). Lets walk into equality and oneness – for what is best for all.

 

Thank you for reading

 

links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/