I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself for the urging feeling of needing to break free from the old system – the old me – like a chicken bursting through the egg – like I need for it to crack and open for me, I need the newness and the change of matter – I need to see the creation of a better world – and I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have not understood and taken into me this nagging addiction – just before breaking free– the come/calm down – from mind obsession and addiction to polarities of the old self and system – that have held me down and it is this urging of some new grand awaking and change I would like so much to see – again that is bringing up the addiction to mind pattern – like I am now going cold turkey on my mind addiction.
Within this I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself for failing to fully take in and realize that – grasp of air, to confirm to self that when there is something new and birthing, there is equally something old and dying – with every start there is an end – and this tells me that we need to keep moving in circles – and not in pyramids – that is for sure, I and this is cementing and making my standing and integrity more firm and clear – as a point of stamina to self and life – again that pyramid structure and hierarchy is dying and the circle, cooperation, ecology, and the equality is here sprouting.
I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the dying process to suppress the part of me that is dying (the parts don’t die of suppression) – where I rush through to the birthing of the new life – celebration – that I expect to come, and I forget that I have process of dying also to care for – within and as myself – similar to strengthen my strengths and also strengthen my weaknesses.
I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself for the itching, urging, and irritating newness that is like a ich on my skin – a combination of letting go of the old and then at the same time embracing the new, like the season of spring bursting out new and green (spring here in south west Norway) and I feel this itch and scratch like I am drying out from having been frozen, wet and cold by winter – now heating up and realizing – seeing new ground – within myself.
Oh…. doing mostly ok. There are some points that “itch” me but I am working on it
Ok can you unpack that a little bit?
Sure
So, I think like; since there still is issues in our world – that means that there is still (supposed) to be points of humanity and me to walk – to forgive within self.
And I ponder in this “supposedness”:
who came first: the chicken or the egg? (problem/solution or the solution/problem)
And I am equally reminded by an old Giger picture I would like (yes, the artist H.R. Giger) AND also: “Heavens Journey to Life” – blog – that the chicken and the egg came….
at the SAME TIME – it was and is like time stood still in that moment – they came at the same time – here lol!
So, this makes me ponder some more
and brings me to realize some dimensions of HOW to bring all that which is “bad” about the world – back to self – to equalize and end my reactions to it – because it is my reacting to it – that keeps it there, my suppression, judging, blaming, fearing, assuming, projecting, hating, desiring, hoping, loving…(my feeling, emotions, thoughts & systems of mind) that I hold to a certain dimension and that keeps the world there…. at status Q.
So, I need to bring the reaction/noise/tension of it back to self
I can recommend to check out “Reptilian” # 340 and at least further to # 345 – they deal with some issues about this and about leadership.
when I say bring it back to self – I mean with self-forgiveness and realization/understanding
awesome short play here T – man
grateful
You will see in self-honesty the pattern within self that needs to be worked: I can recommend pen & paper to see like example: STARVATION
So how do I, Tormod, (who is well fed most any time) relate to STARVATION – that I see in the news ?
Who am I as STARVATION?
How do I live/practice starvation: within myself?
Like do I starve my artistic side? Do I give my creation of pictured art (of what I usually enjoy lots) enough room?
Am I allowing my mind and its system to exploit and starve my physical body – my own resources?
Or am I starving the pictured artist/creativity in me? What are the blocks that are keeping me back from expressing with arts?
Or why do I allow my mind to exploit my physical – through desires, love, hate, fear etc.
Such can the dimension of STARVATION of self be viewed – if there is energies and systems running in this : forgive it – realize self as the solution – check self and understand who you are within it, and WRITE A BLOG ABOUT WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH – THE WHOLE STORY – SO THAT OTHERS CAN LEARN FROM YOU !!
That is how we change the world – from within self: one by one. Show others what you have been showed.
Look within – breathe – there is nothing but solutions.
A thing about me, that I would like to make very clear, like “Chumbawamba” would sing it in 1997, is that I often find myself low, in emotion, in lesser then, ostracized, as an outsider – when meeting and working with people, where I would need to express myself, to participate, I would be expected to express myself, and in these moments I would as a common denominator start the expression of me – by me being inferior. I would start down low in emotion. This stemming from a pattern in my childhood of how my expression was not seen or valued – I would then as a child start to judge my expression and slowly poison and abandon myself and the part of me that still was this innocent expression – so I would then poison and abandon a part of my expression – a part of me.
So… in most situations, I find myself in lesser then, and I have made it my thing, like I know it is to millions out there – to then seek approval and acceptance from other people. I would look at them and seek permission and acceptance and allowance for me to feel good about myself. For me to feel self-worth and self-appreciation. I would look at the other person, and then imagine that I can allow myself to feel love, worth and appreciation – from them accepting me – needing the others imagined grant. I think to myself that I need to feel appreciation and self-worth only in my perceived and imagined acceptance and approval form the other.
It is quite the fuckup, agree?!!
Like I need to feel self-worth – depending on the other. There is nothing wrong with being loved or accepted and appreciated by others – but I sure would like for us to see the basic common sense in that this state of being must come from within the physical being of self. If not, it would not exist at all. Again – the mind is a smart trap to make life difficult.
So, I take it on myself to start to live more the words “self-worth”, and “self-love”, because I deserve it and because I need to be able to express this on my own, no matter what I think and believe others might think or perceive of me.
So again, a reminder to live the words self-worth and self-love from the physical within me – because what I think or imagine that other see me as – is nothing but mind games, and in that I stand inferior. So, time to stand up and be of physical self-worth and self-awareness.
Some self-forgiveness to go:
I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need another person to be able to stand on my own.
I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to poison and abandon a part of me from me, where I would abandon myself from my own self-expression, and start to reject myself as this childlike expression.
I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject and judge this particular childlike expression – that is still me.
I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I must first lower myself and pity myself, judge myself to then seek approval and seek permission to be worthy and to feel loved – from how I experience myself in imagined relation to another where I feel I must have their permission to be.
I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the only way for me to be – is to crumble myself down down into the abyss of me – to find myself crippled and scared and hurt, for me then to seek approval from others to stand up, to rise and shine, to seek approval from others for me to feel loved and to feel appreciated.
I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself for the resistance and the noise – reaction within my mind when I think that I have to be the low down dirty schizophrenic and that I am an outcast and that is how that is – where I feel like I need to seek approval and acceptance from others to be valued and loved. I would need others energy/feeling for me to then sense and feel that ok now I can love myself, now I can appreciate myself, now I can feel worth – because such is granted to me, from my imagination, of the other person.
I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel dependant on another to seek approval of being me – to be able to have a life and to be worthy in my own flesh and being.
I commit myself to live self-worth in the real time moments when working with others.
I commit myself to strengthen my stand as self-support to be real as the physical being of me to give myself that honnor and self-worth.
I commit myself to find myself as that poisoned and abandoned kid and to embrace that kid as myself unconditional and to love that part of me – my innocence and my physical – to give life to life. That is true self forgiveness and true self-worth.
A short story of my life. It is me who is living in this body. I was tonight, a rather hasty but also very much enjoyable and at times very easy going friday afternoon, enjoying the deep sea from a link from a friend on facebook.
As I was scrolling through the post and at all the time keeping my cool, I thought to myself what a remarkable experience of the depth in my chest. Depth in my chest. Equal to the page I was looking at. A newness, a silence, a sounding and affirming respect and intimacy within me.
I was reminded of life. Of my own look at myself in the mirror. I have since the last week, made it my goal and sincere ambition to. talk. to. myself. every. time. I. see. myself. in. the. mirror.
That is mostly after I visit the toilet. That toilet water that eventually run out in the ocean while the ever material is used as fertilizer. But this post is about depth and sanity, and a little about intimacy. It is all connected and there is technical homeopathy in every drop. That is the most and the core information I know about that specific chapter of my every day visits – I swear to dogs that it is the most of my knowledge about that taking place, and that more knowledge and awareness and perhaps even phone calls and searching online to the local sewage service company of other theories and information, could be added to my response ability on this specific field.
After these very fast and compressed details of my awareness, circumstances and comfort, I can then see the person I love and adore to my death.
Myself.
I lift my chest case to the picture of the dude, and start to gently but in a very charming way to giggle, I say something like; “Well, hello charm-face”, I might continue with something like, “You know you are the man” and similar affirmations to suit the comfort and living application of and into me. It does not take long time. I just see that charming fella and I say my honest gay appreciation of that face and circumstance.
I have been doing this for a week. One fucking week. I can with the depth of my chest and tail bone connected – present to you that it is the best drug anyone could every serve self. I have been tapping into some debt of myself, in between these mirages that appear like the purest grace ever to me dealt with. That being said I have been working for 8 years straight, with some, like myself, first amateurs that have since the last decade and so, through trial and error become experts of self. Experts of self. Nothing less. The real deal of why we are here in this arabraxas and complex, consequence and horror of self and our collective living on earth as the human that we say we are.
I look out the window tonight, after the loveliest supper that is in humbleness is served with bread and fish and Jesus, and I see the darkness and the rain outside. And I sink into that within and without. Within I sink in my chest, an affirming and really comfortable sinking that also goes outwards into my breast muscle and specifically my nipples. My tailbone and my buttocks. Because it is me. Because I am worthy of my own gratitude – my own praise – worthy of genuinely feeling myself. Because I allow myself to sink into myself – equally to sinking thousands of meters down, down, into the abyss of the sea where there is zero light and a pressing quiet and a finding of self that I do not yet know of. There I see on that link from my friend, into the sea, I see into me: a intimacy, I see into me myself and my integrity and my core of self. My heart in the rain. I see that I am part of everything and that I am everywhere and equally responsible for all and everything that takes place – from my physical body – the only thing we know is real.
I see that everything, every thing, has a breathing to it, sort of like everything is moving, like Greta Thunberg says there is change coming and it is not reversable, there is nothing none can do to stop the changes that we have been taking on and that we are living and that are here: presenting.
I see Neo in matrix, that there is nothing else other then oneness and equality as life. And that everything in separation of that life, is from fear and is based on ego. I find that fear and that ego of self and I forgive it – to be able to understand it, and that is what we destonians do – we change self as the problem: to be the living change of the world.
Depth, can add a lot to one’s process and perhaps also a healthy curiosity. To me it brings clarity, focus, centeredness, oneness, sanity and intimacy. I am truly grateful and humble for being in this body and for the process for me to walk.
There is a time for everything and for me this time affirmations in the bathroom mirror is a tool that I take with me further for the time being. I am humbled and baffled by my genuine and honest approach to this. Let’s see what we can do to bring some more of that change.
I really want to make something out of my life. I want to do that extra “thing” every day or so often – to push myself to reach for a higher purpose. A purpose of : Equality and Oneness – what is best for all.
Basic simple math, hidden in front of our noses. The message from; Jesus, Lao Tzu, Bruce Lee, Alice Bailey, Osho, Nelson Mandela… now mine to live, are you ready to take on yours ?
To be able to live this purpose I have to really walk a deep going process to delete tons of energies and programs that have been, the one I was – before – growing up, my mind, taking on the parenting and schooling of life/society. I have dumped/deleted very, very much mind data, and energy enslavement from within.
It is a reason why the new teacher or schooling method is called un – schooling and I myself work to de – program myself. I have been doing so the last 5 years.
By working with self forgiveness and self corrections, gaining self trust, and response – ability and self honesty, it is a humbling and rewarding process to walk.
I learn more than anything – about myself. My mind, being body relationship, from the tools and groundwork that is presented by desteni.org – it is a one of a kind “tool – box” for you to use. Check it out…
Within walking my desteniiprocess I learn more and more about me and to find grounding in my physical (body). Then a cool thing for me to add on to this, to soothen my process is to massage my feet every night. I have now been massaging my feet every night for 3,5 years. I can count on ONE hand the number of days I have lapsed or skipped to massage them from tiredness/forgetfulness. If I was on a journey or inn a awkward position, I would massage my feet perhaps more quicker and not so intense or deep going – not use so much time on it. I would guess I use 10 – 15 minutes every evening on massaging my feet before sleep.
By massaging my feet every evening – I learn to know myself – I learn to be with myself unconditionally. I massage my feet every night to be able to learn to be with myself and to see my signals. I learn to know my body. I know what points to push for ears, eyes, brain, liver and so on. It is all a part of the holistic practice that self forgiveness is a very fine key within to discover, reveal and explore.
I highly recommend to massage hands also. It is easy and it can be done by self – like with feet, it is good mental hygiene.
To learn about self and to give self that balance and a good night sleep – try to massage the feet every night. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain lol. Massaging my feet makes me move slower in physical, and at the same time faster; through mind (metaphysical)
A thing to KNOW to be really response – able, is that all the body has points on it from all sorts of programming and dimensions. Did you know that the under arm, (lower arm, from elbow to hand) is the place on the body (your & mine equally) for resistance ?
Check out this link to dive into some real explaining holistic practice, from desteni articles. All the pain/movement /discomfort you experience has a meaning and a practical explaining. It is all a purpose, and it has all be a programme running in reverse….
I want to help with putting a end to suffering from mental disorders (schizophrenia). User experience and exposure are keys to do this. Learning and un-learning psychology are ways to get there. I will make my schizophrenia understood by all people. To end the mystification and blurry/taboo reputation and rumors of mental suffering and schizophrenia. I want my schizophrenia to be understood by anyone.
I want to leave it a bit open, also, and not carve it in stone, the individual definition of oneness diagnosis must be left open to the individual. We are all different human individuals, and our experiences are different.
Schizophrenia :
Schizophrenia is essentially when personalities of your mind / consciousness starts embodying itself into behaviour all at the same time, so you have for example 2 / 3 different personalities trying to ‘live themselves out’ in the body at the same time causing much inner conflict. Whereas with most people in this world, the personality systems of their mind / consciousness are more ‘controlled’ in the sense that one personality at a time will activate that they will then embody and then live out dependent on where they are / with who they are. – Sunette Spies
My mind is designed a bit different than other peoples minds. My mind is constructed with some particular hooks to pull me back into the mind if I try to “wonder”. This design comes from my parents experience of me when I was a fetus.
So… since my mind is wired differently my personalities are more easy triggered and “loose” sort of. With other people the personalities are more stabile in the mind experience and in the physics or how they live and how they act/react and I experience life.
My personalities are more loose and then, the more important it is to be physical aware. Since psychology is failing and creating illness.
My schizophrenia is : How more than one personality is trying to play out at once, and then also my mind is wired a bit different. In very short terms.
What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative – as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my schizophrenia have it’s way with me and experience conflict within and simply because that is how schizophrenia is; I expect it over and over again failing to realize that I can change and take control of my life myself from learning and unlearning and forgiving my experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let schizophrenia take control of my life for many years, actively making my life difficult within many personalities trying to be me, and providing me with stress, voices, backchats and fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take control of my life and my schizophrenia today and to take back control of my life and my being and to not let my schizophrenia control me but to have myself controlling it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that from here on my schizophrenia will be controlled by me and I would think my life will change for the better as I will be able to realize and live my fullest potential to a further degree.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I can suit my schizophrenia to suit me and to be my tool sort of, and to help research and learn other people about schizophrenia, and prevent suffering.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that through working on personalities I become an expert on personalities, and I am able to direct, shape and make the best of different situations where I take part inn.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shape my schizophrenia into a more understandable unit or design, base on my experience of it and my ability to shape and design my schizophrenia to be understood by more people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to crate and shape my schizophrenia by slowing myself down and being aware of myself and setting my mind into working on making my diagnosis into a unit that is understandable, that people can relate to.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simplify my schizophrenia and thinking I do not take it seriously, it is simply that I want to be understood and prevent other people ending up in suffering.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that this is a real breakthrough on the science of schizophrenia, thinking I am changing this piece by piece in this world/word.
Self commitment:
I commit myself to take on all psychiatry and all polarity and all psychology, and to unlearn it piece by piece and then leave it behind like a empty shell that is no longer needed, when we all have learned psychology and ended the gaming and the addictions and the polarity suffering etc… then we will be more free.
I commit myself to simplify my schizophrenia, so that I control it and it does not control me.
I commit myself to take on all of what psychiatry is and have been to take it apart piece by piece, to expose the abuse and help people to find cures to heal.
I commit myself to teach of my schizophrenia, to anyone willing to listen.
A schizophrenic's journey from consciousness to awareness. In Oneness & Equality! 