Tag Archives: psychology

Day 781 – Dragging along old mind junk – mind recycled

Dragging along old mind junk – mind recycled

Who am I as a creator ? What do I truly create ?

Something that I was recently made aware of, and that I in self honesty also knew of, is how I drag with me old mind junk, and mind data from the past that I would like to say that is gone and that I am done with – that is still here. Some of the old dominating systems of my mind. Things like “self judgment” and “fear” – systems. These two buggers in particular.  Some of the very dominant system that we as humans carry. These systems, have very deep seated roots on the humans experience. And people walk through life without properly dealing with it. This has effect on life as we know it on earth today  – as well as for the afterlife and infinite existence of humans. Now, I have tools to work through this, I know how to heal and how to work through this and … literally I know how to change. It is only myself who is responsible for not changing. I have self forgiveness, self honesty, living words, breathe, etc, and I should know how to balance this by now. There is no excuse for me to not change.

 

Still my mind programming is heavy. And in this interview of Annuaki he explains how this responsibility is mostly missed by humans, that we are not creating for real – we drag with us old systems, still.

So these two systems, self judgment and fear, are poking me like crazy. And they should – because I should not need to be mind slave within such a equation. Thing is that I see that my consciousness is recycling itself like it did before. Making old problems new again, “making suffering great again”…lol…within mind,  making fear into anger, and self judgment into blame and so on. So I must stop it and alter – create a better reality.

 

e775f728-61c8-47e5-8656-c718453c4ea6.jpg

 

 

self forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drag on specifically fear and self judgment, where I think to myself that some of the things I have done is unforgivable to myself as a being, and that I would think in my mind that me in my afterlife/reflection would not be forgiven, by my beingness,  for some of my deeds/thoughts on this earth, missing the picture of how I let my conscious mind dictate me into thinking “I am not good enough” – “I am not forgiven enough”, “I can’t do this” and ending up in fear and in self judgment – mind systems recycled.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a moral obligation to drag with me fear and self judgment thinking everyone does this and so should I, not seeing or reflecting on how the word “moral” in this world,  protects the very abusers (religion, war, government etc), and within so I am not better than anyone else, for dragging with me fear and self-judgment like emotions that I am eager to give away, and look into my beingness/awareness, and how I need to dump & delete these emotions once and for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to undermine, the thought that  I can make a drawing and a picture or some arts about me leaving “my old emotions”, and systems behind and not fully seeing, how drawing and arts it could assist me in quantifying my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it fascinating and yet disturbing to see how I find it very hard to dump of me, these systems (fears, self judgments) and at the same time how eager mind is to pick it up and  recycle it into my living/suffering.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fascinated by my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to give my mind direction, and a “occupation”.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I had not been able to see or fully realize and comprehend, that as long as I drag with me the constructs/concept of fear and self judgment, my mind will know so, detect so,  l and it will make a big thing/addiction/suffering/recycleling out of it – since both fear and self judgment  are mind based systems.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the desire to see into my fears and my self judgment, like  a desire to see it diminish and disappear,  like to kiss it good bye for good where I would indulge in memories and my mind would catch up with me and “boom”… the mind systems are recycled.

 

When and as I see myself going into re – inventing fear and self judgment, I stop myself, I take a deep breath, and I slow the fuck down.  I have come to realize that I must know my fears and my self judgments – and from there “weed them out” from a distance. To see them, within self, to alter within self and change as self so that awareness/focus/reality is something else, and not fear, and self judgment. I realize that I have all the tools I need to get through this, I must simply slow down and find myself stable and ready to create best for all/best for  me solutions.

 

I commit myself to be with my tools, and my support to give myself chores and creative tasks. I commit myself to stay busy, creative but slow and commonsensical.

 

b617830a-3ca6-4655-b951-ddf5325296f0.jpg

 

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

Day 747 – emotionally addicted

friends-hugging-4

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take on/attack myself with angst, fear, judgments, anger and depression, and for not being able to clear the house/my body completely of these emotions (…) and then simply returning to self, with a more concentrated personality/mixture of these poisonous emotions and to crucify myself within my flesh/body with these designs, over and over again – not seeing until now the infinite looping returning to sender (me) like basic math.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be done with judging/blaming myself so it returns from the ego/consciousness with greater force since now I am aware of it, I know it is “there”, for it to knock me out and to crucify me and make me hurt.

I forgive myself that I have that I have accepted and allowed myself feel like letting go of emotions, and I think to myself they are simply imaginary and they don’t exist.

I forgive myself that I have that I have accepted and allowed myself dump my emotions on others/project it on others – simply to have it smack me out of my chair in the next turn.

I forgive myself that I have that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I have to learn my emotions from scratch.

I forgive myself that I have that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like emotions got me doomed.

I forgive myself that I have that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others and to think that they have it so much easier than me.

I forgive myself that I have that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at, and try to make sense of  this looping of emotions short-cutting me into little pieces and making me suffer – from the design of the conscious mind and polarity/energy design, like a rollercoaster/blender from hell.

I forgive myself that I have that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it is my schizophrenia – I have to live with it.

I forgive myself that I have that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that I must stop the conscious looping and energy games – it will only cause consequences for me.

I commit myself to look closer at the bigger picture here, and to look deep into myself, about looping /playing games with energies in my mind.

sooo…

loving the fear & the angst… (looking deep inside)

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to feel like I can express more/be more explicit/creative, when I am inn angst and in anxiety and this then gives me a sense of freedom within being lost in angst.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like angst since I feel like I can express more freely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to addict to angst.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to addict to fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear as a tool to manipulate particular in ways to gain sex and to try to use fear to gain sex to myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to “like” fear as a tool to have/gain/manipulate to have sex.

here I talk more on my schizophrenia : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yO3fFWY-jh4&t=0s

here is a cool interview: https://eqafe.com/p/interview-request-schizophrenia

Other links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

Day 733 – How eqafe.com helped me solve my anger issue

How eqafe.com helped me solve my anger issue

I was going through a anger issue the other day – and it was not a cool experience.  I was stuck in anger and spinning around in my own shit. I could not figure out how to solve the anger. Where did it come from ? What was the real reason behind it ? No one likes angry people. No one likes it when people get angry. The whole situation is like possessed and uncomfortable.

 

So how did I solve it ? I went to eqafe.com – because I know that eqafe has lots of help for psychological, existential and dimensional issues.

full_the-nature-of-anger-atlanteans-support-part-73

 

So I found the search engine and I typed in “anger” and wisp, I had  57 different interviews about anger. Some about the nature of anger, some about being in love with the anger, some on why anger exist. It was covered from all angels – like only the portal knows how to do.

So the interview helped me look behind the issues, it helped me to understand the nature and the design of the anger and then to clear out the anger once I knew how – using self forgiveness.

 

 

So if you are going through something in your world/mind – please use eqafe.com to help self out.

If you have questions there is usually live support on the page also.

 

enjoy breathe!

Day 727 – voices in the head

what are voices in the head ?

where do they come from ?

allow me to share with you some links to information and knowledge about this troublesome phenomena.

please investigate the links & enjoy the videos below:

When People With Schizophrenia Hear Voices, They’re Really Hearing Their Own Subvocal Speech

160229_HEA_ electromyography.jpg.CROP.promo-xlarge2.jpg

 

here is some very core and on point talk on voices in the mind:

 

https://eqafe.com/p/voices-in-my-mind-death-research-part-1

 

 

a interview done on request by the portal on schizophrenia:

https://eqafe.com/p/interview-request-schizophrenia

 

YT video & soundcloud :

thanks : enjoy your day !

 

 

 

this text below was written one day later

So during my day today I was struck by some thoughts about my latest blog ( day 727) about voices and schizophrenia. I was not happy about the outcome.  It was a point of self judging and anxiety of doing too much, and to exposing myself to much with doing such blogs and sharing my insight on schizophrenia.

 

So on the point of doing too much I will do self forgiveness to release the self judgment and the  energies involved so:

 

self forgiveness has best effect when read out loud:   

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within backchats, from investigating my latest blog;  such as “you are not good enough” and “you can’t pull your own weight” and “you are simply not doing your job” and such a thoughts and thinking mannerism within.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to moralize and judge my effort and blog  as to weak, little and inferior within doing the work, and the appearance and the outcome of the blog.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and feel shame from the content of voices in the head within the blog and that is just what I had to deal with also in real-time later on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write and expose and display voices in the head and also later on have my mind fire back at me with just that voices and backchats.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to investigate my backchats and my voices out of fear of what I might find.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel little and intimidated by my mind and to fear my mind’s power failing to realize that mind only have the power over me that I give to it.

 

I realize that the intimidation and voices/backchats that I experienced today was my mind firing back at me.

I commit myself to embrace myself for daring to stand up against mind authority and voices/backchats and to be brave and not give into ego/abuse/separation.

 I commit myself to keep exposing the mind and its dimensions and my schizophrenia, as long as I have to.

I commit myself to deconstruct my schizophrenia, as best as I can,  until it is no more.

 

Day 688 – Immortal, Horus and Schizophrenia

Immortal, Horus and Schizophrenia

11828784_695192743958404_7573565922002322698_n

So. I am doing something no one have ever done before me. No one before me in human history have walked a process having schizophrenia and then be walking a process of self communication, self forgiveness, and self correction. Into self responsibility, self honesty and a purposeful life and living. To be without slaving to energies within mind. To stop living by the old metaphysical (separation) of thinking/thoughts.  I am stepping out of that role of living like a schizophrenic, obsessed with mind, and  how schizophrenic people are supposed to be addicted to weed, the drinking, obscure/nasty culture,  and in general addiction to all sorts…. Society is rooted so that it wants me who have schizophrenia, to live that “criminal” and marginalized way. It have been rigged and I say no more of this old sickness/system. It is all energies. It can be forgiven within.  I have now been walking my desteni I process for a little more than 4 years. I can tell you that I no longer live a  life of a suffering schizophrenic. I still carry the blue print within me. I have its coding sort o speak. But I don’t live it no more.  I know what it was and what it is to millions of being out there. Now my further purpose is to stand and help. Assist and support others. And let me tell you that it is going quite well.

Today I trust a great deal on self intimacy. Into – me – I – see. I look into myself and I see myself. I see myself in self honesty. And you could say I am amazed of what I see. Now I have been clearing out energies and psychological data within me for years – and I have dumped old data and energies from within, and found a way to embrace myself and to stand and be responsible with myself, clear and awake.

 

A fun thing appears to me lately. It is related to the movie “Immortal”. I suggest to check it out, it is quite a show. And it is about how I see this figure Horus – this ancient Egyptian God – who carries sort of similar story as the more popular Jesus Christ. Anyways : this god Horus, is doing some “God stuff” to a character in the movie. To Nikopol. Nikopol have lost a leg in action. And Horus is then  melting and creating a metal bar/rail to replace the foot. Horus creates a artificial foot for Nikopol from metal.

So what does this have to do with me  ?  I keep seeing within myself  a construct of rebars. It is a small construct of rebar’s that is see within me. Perhaps it is from suppression. I see it down by my foot it is like  a extra foot to me.This may seam like strange imagination or fantasy and perhaps that it all it is. It is still what I see within, to deal with to myself in self honesty.

I know this can sound silly or hard to understand – but I keep seeing this foot, of rebar’s at my own foot.  And … within this I think it is important to understand that I am more like a sponge/receiver now, than ever before. I love to learn new things. I love to read new things and to learn new skills.  So this belief or this fantasy of Horus and the melted leg really got to me. So I would picture myself as wounded and hurt. So that I need to have a cure or a healing from having had schizophrenia. And within this comes then the story of Horus and his magic. And I really like that movie.  Weather it is a matter of belief system or fear or whatever – I will clear it out with self forgiveness;  to not drag shit around  – and rather be more sponge ! Point is that I am able to see a alternative to the same old Jesus story that is being be – lie –  ved  and worshipped etc.. to this day. It is that of a alternative and also it is telling me that strange things can happen and  strange things can occur. And to use myself and my physical as example I would tell at least myself that I have already done lots of magic on myself by no longer living and suffering to energies as schizophrenic – but rather carrying the blue print of that illness.

This is the dawn of awakening. Time of consequences; year of creation. If you are living in lies, (be-lie-ve) no matter how small or how great you will be confronted.  We can’t create a good world for all beings based on the very same fundaments (thinking) that brought us here in the first place.

 

self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to brush  of this insight as imagination and fantasy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think this is to strange material for a blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be – lie – ve that I know Horus or to give into any sort of be – lie – ves to him or to anything at all really.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I favor Horus over Jesus.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think religions is a great popularity contest which is not far from “truth” only it is much more grave and depriving than so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be seen as a beliver.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that Horus would save me, failing to realize I have to save myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for alternative solutions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I need a fix.

Immortal movie.PNG

 

Check out the movie:  Immortal

Enjoy computing

Day 686 – two pillar system

samson-pulls-pillars-down-tissot-82860-wallpaper.jpg

 

From old myth there was a very specific ruling class in the western world (Europe) It was a  two pillar system. Between the king and the priest.

The king rules the land and the priest rules the law. In very many ways and according to law and believe systems you can say this is still so. Laws like the “unum sanctum” from 1302, in its insanity proves the grotesques and real evil (be – lie – ve) of church. Mind you that later on laws and structures of this world is founded on these document like the unum sanctuym and beyond…

 

So we are dealing with amongst other things, a  two pillar system. Divided or split between a priest and a king. Like the wall of our conscious mind. This ends up as our very physicality with our bodies to this day. We have accepted  and allowed laws like unum sanctum to exist… if you don’t know the “unum sanctum” I suggest you research it.

 

So… me here alive breathing today holds …. matter from these laws and this system. That means I have to take responsibility for it – as I live it. it is a part of me.

I will release myself from these emotions and these element with self forgiveness.

Human-Brain-viewed-from-below-a-Anterior-lobe-of-cerebrum

enjoy:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be divided between the rule of a king and/or the rule of a priest as if that was the only option I had, forgetting to be me here in physical and directing myself,  mastering myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chose the one pillar over the other ignoring the fact that I am inn separating myself between the two and bringing pain onto myself in this programmed quest of a decision/choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that this is how the world is run from separating and dividing people between the priest and the king, red and blue, left and right etc..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have been programmed from mind and that all my life been living like a ping-pong ball within this play or balance between these two pillars and divisions, playing myself into infinity/loss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project hate or anger and spite at the  image of the priest of the king and giving them power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see this two pillar system as a ultimate mind-fuck as it is life, and very physical in my everyday life, like with consumerism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the two pillar system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to fear to enter the domain of a king or  a priest in fear of feeling less and  weakened by it failing to realize that this domain is here with and as my being everywhere of this world to this day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am pulled between the one or the other pillar like I can’t agree with what I see, programming myself to fail to make decisions and fearing to take risk in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see that the two pillar system is like a mirror of mind and my conscious “walls” of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that kings or priest are more evil and spiteful than other people when they are mostly programmed into character, like organic robots with be – lie – ves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to talk to priest out of fear of what they might say to me that I have to confess to in any way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that all royals are bad and abusive and not supportive as long as not each and every one of us is not included in that royalty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think like I have had more to do with priests over the years, several uncles in my family are priests and there for that pillar is closer to me and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that a king is further away from me, and more operating in the distance and that the two then over lap each other like a mind game / loop /mind fuck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having not known about the two pillar system before and within that having followed its codes and its premise like the program it is, simply tagging along with everyone else in the brain washing games/activities.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I would favorite the one over the other out of escapism and fear of being responsible, for my thoughts, projections and my imaginations  literally fearing my mind and the pillars.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose this one guy who is my uncle and a priest, to think that the thought over and over again “the priest on the mountain”, making him into a projected figure and sorts of icon within my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for feeling like throwing a fist and to demand to crush down all banks and priest-hoods, and for getting really provoked when the people it depends on does not see what they do in their occupations failing to realize that this is what they would like us to react and how we are programmed to go into anger.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for calling myself a king and for making claims that I have royal blood etc, and for simply claiming that we all could live like royalties, there is abundance and there is more than enough for all to have plenty, we are simply being told lies from media, governments, churches etc until we be – lie – ve it our self.

 

When and as I see myself going into anger or reactions over the  lies and the atrocities of this old western world system: I stop myself, I slow myself down and I breathe. I realize that these very same institutions and operators wants me to go into anger and despair it is what they like us to. I realize that I participate with this old system with paying my bills by signing on papers etc.. I realize that I am a part of this system as much as anyone else, I am equally responsible for accepting and allowing it to go on.

 

I commit myself to tell anyone (!) who I meet about this old system of enslavement and control. I commit myself to expose it and to take responsibility for myself as for anyone else.

I commit myself to stand to support, to myself and to anyone who might need assistance to see in clarity this old system.

 

For further education on world systems, money and law

 

check out: http://www.gemstoneuniversity.org/

 

to learn self forgiveness, check out: http://desteni.org/