Tag Archives: mind

Day 786 – Feeling loss of mind (component) – going into fear

Feeling loss of mind (component) – going into fear

Just now I was listening to a eqafe interview  that very delicately describes the process that I now walk. Feeling empty and feeling loss: Just today and the last hours, I have been feeling like I Iost something within my mind and within such going into fear thinking I had lost something vital or important when it was “only” from within my mind.

 

 

I would feel angry as a direct link to a fear of loss, fear of loss of possessions, objective, things, money anything from seeing and witnessing a loss of  mind system or components and within that specific loss, feeling empty, silent, depressed, feeling loss, fear and anger lol.. quite a lot to clean up after a simple loss of a mind system component.

Quite specifically I lost a sort of blame component (to my awareness) a sort of deliberating or consequence, call it blame system component. It would simply not be “there” in my mind’s programming no more.

 

self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into automated anger and irritation with self from losing something within my mind that I, within my mind automation,  would consider important to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fear of loss from losing this detail within mind and its mechanics, that I would lose and for my mind going into fear of loss, and me feeling helpless, alone, scared within the change of a second, not seeing that it was only a part of minds programming that I would let go of, where mind feels naked or in fear, and I as a being go into fear, automated with my schizophrenia into anger and further fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not feel like diving into this mechanics and details, where I think it is only mind and it is only bad news, not seeing the whole picture of what went down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not until now see and realize some of the picture of how I can open up to myself and communicate, share and LEARN to me about such happenings and event in the life of me, here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate to not ask myself questions and talk to me about what is going on in my mind – in self honesty what is going on and  trust myself to know self and communicate to self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to know what the future holds, when that is literally impossible, I am here, as breathe, I have to work here with the tools that I have.

 

When and as I see myself feeling a sudden, unexpected drop, or fall, scare, fear or anger, seemingly out of nowhere. I stop I take a deep breath and I slow myself down. I realize that it is in such happenings and moment I can learn, evolve and grow to understand the situation, to understand my mind. I realize that such situations holds great potential for me to open up, and communicate to self and learn about me here.

I commit myself to in such moments, to open up, write, or talk in a considerate way to others about what is going on within. To open up first and for most for me to learn how to live my life.

 

I commit myself to communicate more to me – about me. I commit myself to make each moment matter – more.

 

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These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

 

Day 785 – The Quantum Mechanics of Paranormal Events

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Get this product here:

https://eqafe.com/p/the-quantum-mechanics-of-paranormal-events-part-1

 

Introducing paranormal series. The existence of quantum physical. Quantum physical is where: consciousness as energy and physicality as manifested solidity – meets and merges.

 

A relationship between physical solidity and quantum energy – create voices, the materialization of ghosts as well as physical reality.

This interview of the paranormal comes to question what our standing and existence as physicality within our awareness.

What is our living existence based on ? What is it we are NOT seeing ?

 

How is also imaginations also like ghosts ? Or thoughts ? Are they not paranormal ?

Be ready with this interview to dive into the matrix of self. To really see into what reality or normality that might exist. How there could be ghosts, poltergeist, demons or similar, to occupy a physical reality.

How do we exits in both quantum energy and also physicality ?

Going into this series you will get listen to debating some veeeery fine existential questions – and you will defiantly have some eye openers to what reality or existence really is about !

 

Enjoy !

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 783 – serious

Living serious

 

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Who am I as the word serious ? The word serious can be quite interesting.

Let’s look at this word in my native tongue – Norwegian, let’s play and investigate this word.

Ser I oss ?

Ser dere oss ?

Can tho see us ?

Can you see me ?

Ser I ous –  can you see me/us ?

It ends up like a question, if I am visible or not. If anyone can see me. So what should make one stick out in a crowd ? What draws our attention on what premises ?

Let’s dive into this… We humans are a result of cultural and multilayered programming and upbringing. Consisting of memories, words,  data, energies, conscious, sub-conscious and unconscious mind that have made a myriad of impacts on us as beings. I mean we have gone thought some nasty shit to end up like we have, with constant war, crimes, inequality, pollution, abuse of life, rape, murder, ignorance and that list goes on & on. The human creation. Not a lot to be proud of – so far !

 

Most of us live under cultural influence and a undisputable demand to consume and  live according to polarized and painful energy surges and experiences  – constantly chasing the newest gadget, theme, movie, tech, money, porn, clothing, mobile, drug, hype etc.

 

We are driven by our minds (!) desire to do “this” over “that”.  Within a fraction of a  second we make our minds to chose, Paris Hilton over Naomi Klein, or Simone de Beauvoir,  we chose a coca cola, over a carrot or water, or porn instead of self investigation,  we choose violent computer games over writing our life story and reading books about perma culture. Can you agree to this  ?? We drive and chase porn, video games, and celebrities, energies, we do anything, all the time to have more money, and to improve our status above others in compare. This is still the core human drive of mentality.  This have been going on for some time now.

 

So why should I be serious, why should people look at one ? What makes one so special ?

To be special today, in a smart way, to be serious,  is to chose to be responsible to have awareness, and self honesty with ones living. To see and work with how minds has us in a dead lock position.  To address the programming within self, of energies and imagination within, being it emotions, believes, thoughts, addictions, personalities, behaviors, ingrained patterns, judgment, fears or desires. To see it all and I expose it, document it, chose to delete it with self forgiveness. To know how it came about, to prevent it to come again.

Here is a catch, If I don’t know what is driving me into fear then how can I stop fear ? If I don’t know the details and specifics of fear, how it origins and operates, then how to delete it ? And we know that fear feeds anger and so the spiral of abuse goes. And we see the conflict in the world as a direct result.

I am serious because I in full debt and consideration take measure of my mind, and chose to work through it, with the very best tool of self forgiveness.

 

I use myself and my life and living as example. I puzzle all that I have been, all my parts I dissolve and place back together after deleting the energy (addiction) involved. I am ser – I – us because I make myself un-corrupt in relation to energies/money. I delete all the element that have led me to the reactions, voices in the head, addictions, fears, judgments, ignorance, believes and so on. I take life serious. Still though;  I don’t want to separate myself into a “good person”,  a “Jesus character”, personality construct, no. I just want to share my earnest, sincere, and honest consideration of how I live my life and the experiences such.

Either to blame any type of programing – because that is all it is. Programs. If I blame something or someone that is a signal that I have something to take responsibility for in my living.

 

So again it is to “know thy self”  – meaning to know the physical, to know self from the flesh. To have a certain awareness of oneness energy relationship. To know how mind works, and gradually take charge of oneness mind and then ones living. To change. To be serious. It does not mean to be boring and dull and grey… no then we have missed the point. And besides that is a assumption and a judgment of others or self. To be serious it to learn self as all the self is, and to become responsible with ones process and living. To know the minds yoga and to learn how systems of mind works. To dissolve the mind systems before it manifests. To take a stand for change. Real honest and genuine. And fail me not: being serious, can be done in a clownish way. That is serious. I chose to be serious, I chose to stand up !

 

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

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Day 781 – Dragging along old mind junk – mind recycled

Dragging along old mind junk – mind recycled

Who am I as a creator ? What do I truly create ?

Something that I was recently made aware of, and that I in self honesty also knew of, is how I drag with me old mind junk, and mind data from the past that I would like to say that is gone and that I am done with – that is still here. Some of the old dominating systems of my mind. Things like “self judgment” and “fear” – systems. These two buggers in particular.  Some of the very dominant system that we as humans carry. These systems, have very deep seated roots on the humans experience. And people walk through life without properly dealing with it. This has effect on life as we know it on earth today  – as well as for the afterlife and infinite existence of humans. Now, I have tools to work through this, I know how to heal and how to work through this and … literally I know how to change. It is only myself who is responsible for not changing. I have self forgiveness, self honesty, living words, breathe, etc, and I should know how to balance this by now. There is no excuse for me to not change.

 

Still my mind programming is heavy. And in this interview of Annuaki he explains how this responsibility is mostly missed by humans, that we are not creating for real – we drag with us old systems, still.

So these two systems, self judgment and fear, are poking me like crazy. And they should – because I should not need to be mind slave within such a equation. Thing is that I see that my consciousness is recycling itself like it did before. Making old problems new again, “making suffering great again”…lol…within mind,  making fear into anger, and self judgment into blame and so on. So I must stop it and alter – create a better reality.

 

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self forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drag on specifically fear and self judgment, where I think to myself that some of the things I have done is unforgivable to myself as a being, and that I would think in my mind that me in my afterlife/reflection would not be forgiven, by my beingness,  for some of my deeds/thoughts on this earth, missing the picture of how I let my conscious mind dictate me into thinking “I am not good enough” – “I am not forgiven enough”, “I can’t do this” and ending up in fear and in self judgment – mind systems recycled.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a moral obligation to drag with me fear and self judgment thinking everyone does this and so should I, not seeing or reflecting on how the word “moral” in this world,  protects the very abusers (religion, war, government etc), and within so I am not better than anyone else, for dragging with me fear and self-judgment like emotions that I am eager to give away, and look into my beingness/awareness, and how I need to dump & delete these emotions once and for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to undermine, the thought that  I can make a drawing and a picture or some arts about me leaving “my old emotions”, and systems behind and not fully seeing, how drawing and arts it could assist me in quantifying my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it fascinating and yet disturbing to see how I find it very hard to dump of me, these systems (fears, self judgments) and at the same time how eager mind is to pick it up and  recycle it into my living/suffering.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fascinated by my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to give my mind direction, and a “occupation”.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I had not been able to see or fully realize and comprehend, that as long as I drag with me the constructs/concept of fear and self judgment, my mind will know so, detect so,  l and it will make a big thing/addiction/suffering/recycleling out of it – since both fear and self judgment  are mind based systems.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the desire to see into my fears and my self judgment, like  a desire to see it diminish and disappear,  like to kiss it good bye for good where I would indulge in memories and my mind would catch up with me and “boom”… the mind systems are recycled.

 

When and as I see myself going into re – inventing fear and self judgment, I stop myself, I take a deep breath, and I slow the fuck down.  I have come to realize that I must know my fears and my self judgments – and from there “weed them out” from a distance. To see them, within self, to alter within self and change as self so that awareness/focus/reality is something else, and not fear, and self judgment. I realize that I have all the tools I need to get through this, I must simply slow down and find myself stable and ready to create best for all/best for  me solutions.

 

I commit myself to be with my tools, and my support to give myself chores and creative tasks. I commit myself to stay busy, creative but slow and commonsensical.

 

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These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

Day 779 – consciousness and awareness

This is a review of a eqafe.com product, in the back to basics series.

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Thoughts, thinking and mind with its consciousness, is the very core of system of self that is keeping this world in its locked down position. Thinking and consciousness is two of the very, very factors that maintain the very “same old, same old” system of this world, being inequality, consumerism, war and systems  so on.

How can we start to learn to change this ? Is it possible to change this ? To not be that much a slave of mind ? How to become more aware and self directive ?

 

In this interview you can learn how to work through mind and to master and take charge of these processes, and simply not allow it to go on. To become aware, and not lost in chaos of thinking and consciousness.

 

It gently assists a case studying and finding it bothersome to read and study text.

 

How is it possible to change from mind and thinking to nurturing ones beeingness and awareness? You would be amazed of what you find !

 

This interview will let you know how to take charge and change from these processes of min. And it taught me that ultimately it is me, myself who is responsible and also capable to change myself within such. I have the power to change, from bothersome thoughts, friction and noise of mind to life, breathe, beeingness, awareness and physicality.

I have the opportunity to change. Learn how to see this and how to work with self to change this !

 

Enjoy the interview: enjoy eqafe !

Interview here: https://eqafe.com/p/consciousness-awareness-back-to-basics

 

 

For more info on life challenges, solutions and issues:

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

 

Enjoy !

Day 778 – Rock Fucking Bottom

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I have been there. Have you been there ?  Totally down and out ? No one left to turn to…. It is scary. On ones bare feet, hungry, cold, hurting,  and without money….I had lost it all and driven myself into severe abuse and addictions of various kinds. I was cold and trying to sleep in a ruined and wrecked tent in rainy Amsterdam in  November, 2011. I was at my rock bottom. So low I could go. I was barely alive.

Sitting here now many years later it is strange to think about how far I had pushed myself back then. It is scary to look back and seeing how badly I treated myself. And just that; the mechanics of it, the programming of it, the drive of mind within it,  is what is talked about in this interview:

https://eqafe.com/p/hitting-rock-bottom-the-crucifixion-of-jesus-part-98

the interview/eqafe makes me aware of the specific mind mechanics

 

It is described the programs that are active within such a state. What are the conscious components within being at rock bottom ? I dare you to investigate this interview and others that follow on the topic.  You will get a very, very unique look into the detailed parts and mechanics of the mind and its working in these relations and similarities. What are the programs that run within the mind/body before hitting rock bottom ? Having this awareness of how mind operates we can then forgive the self within this… and change !

 

For me it was mostly a desire to run away from responsibilities, memories, trauma, my life (!) with doing weed, hajjis, alcohol and sex.  I was a multiple addict. And it drove me waaaaay down… Not until 4 or 5 years later on was I able to see and say that yes, that point in Amsterdam, November 2011, that was my rock bottom ! I was practically dead.

 

Because get this, important part here: If we don’t understand and forgive, embrace the parts that drive us to such a state in the first place, being of rock bottom, if we don’t understand it what got us here, then… what is keeping us from ending up there again ? What is preventing the same programs and drivers of mind to cause us to end up there again ? If we don’t work on it, forgive self, and alter our self and our living… nothing will prevent it happening again. This will reoccur again and again and again… mind recycling itself over and over.. keeping us a slave.

 

This is an example on why I had to open up and expose to myself and walk, my addictions, my trauma, my nitty – gritty detailed past. I had to open up and expose and forgive and embrace to myself all the parts that I had rejected. And this interview lets us know some of the programs and mechanics (much like a computer lol ) we have to understand to be able to deal with this type of phenomena. This will only escalate and increase in time to come. Because life will not wait. Equality and oneness as life is coming.

Fuck ! It had become so bad now, that me googling for pictures on “Rock Bottom”, to shows only wrestling stars… wtf ? Searching for “Rock Bottom” pics and seeing this wrestling dude all over…. geee…..

 

 

Here is the follow up on the first interview:

https://eqafe.com/p/what-to-do-at-rock-bottom-crucifixion-of-jesus-part-99

 

who ever you are eqafe.com can assist you in your process

 

 

For more info on life challenges, solutions and issues:

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

 

Enjoy !

 

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Day 776 – spite and backchats of mind

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Spite : thinking of the fizzy drink “sprite”, when you in your aunt’s wedding, had 3 glasses of coke, you could balance it out in your secret mind /polarity games with a glass of sprite. Making it even to self, inn childish mind games. lol.. I have been living with lots of such mind games.

Spite is, on the other hand, a thing far from the fizzy drink. The health and living damage – differences and similarities, of spite and sprite, is worthy of books and PHD’s  and education.

Spite is that “something is fucked up – so I spit at whatever”, spite is like a judgment and a anger act. Taking a piss at something in “spite” and anger.

The last couple of days I have been having backchats in my mind/head, like these what shall I say, judging and critical thoughts and projections about other beings. It is not nice and it just makes me sad and scared to experience the old backchat dimension of my mind. I had sort of parked that and  thought (!) to myself well no more backchats for me; huh ! So my nature strikes back with backchats in spite.  Judging and bullying words about my fellow man. Not a cool thing to experience at all.

It was happening today when I was talking to “Hans”.  And we were talking about a chore or something, and then suddenly, a voice/backchat appears in my head, saying “You fucking’s retard”  or something similar to that. It just came up in my head from nowhere. I mean it is like the words from “Trailer park boys” or “South – Park” or “Beavis and Butt-head” – kind of talking and you might say programming of mine. And it would play out just like a sneaking energy within my mind, creeping in on me like Loke, shapeshifting  in the mythology. And it would almost tip me of my chair, I was so disturbed. And the mechanics and design of it was old machinery and programs running deep in my mind on polarity and its energies. So a solution would be to avoid the mind dimension, and focus on the body/physical what is here. Mind/head is just imaginations and energies. Physical is here and living – breathing.

So I will work on self forgiveness, on this spiteful backchat episode. Enjoy :

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for failing to see the leak within my mind, that would spill like oil into the waters of my being,  polluting my insides with backchats like being mean and cold hearted to Hans, within backchats in my head/mind, and within this I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for taking part in this backchat in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face these programs of spite and “fuck all” character that would bloom within me, and that I should simply interrupt and delete the thought/character/backchat by focusing on my breathe and at the same time grounding myself, where I look back and I judge myself for not paying enough attention to myself and my leak or poison within mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to instead of brushing of the backchats and sort of neutralizing it, and removing it from myself with breathe, I was rather shocked and scared – and in that giving the energy/spite more power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless in facing spite and backchats.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own inside.

I realize one of the ways to not let spite and backchats win my attention is to not give it that – attention, by not being focused on my head/mind with the programs – but rather my body and physical else. Also to change myself and not be manipulative and to try to control the given situation. Be more flexible – that is what I am looking for within this.

Here (below) is a  life review, a review of the life, of someone who have walked a life with a spiteful mind, that has died and is sharing their story through the interdimensional portal. How does spiteful thoughts emerge, what are the programing that makes us go into spite ? How to stop going into spiteful and manipulative thinking ? The psychology of how spite is built up within mind.

It explains here the experience a being had walking with spite. The games we play with manipulation and spite, always wanting things my way, trying to control a situation. How do we change from spite ?

Check it out:

https://eqafe.com/p/stop-your-spiteful-thoughts-life-review

Here is another interview from eqafe about spite:

The core creation of spite within the human experience. What are the relationships  within the process of spite in the physical and the mind etc…

Really interesting and deep going stuff, about the detailed metaphysics of man and spite. This one really strikes the core of it:

https://eqafe.com/p/spite-introduction-atlanteans-part-174

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Thanks for reading – enjoy breathe !

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/