I was walking around in town the other day, heading for a health shop to use a gift card I was given at Christmas. I was listening to music from my IPhone. I was enjoying myself but there was this little thing in the back off my mind bothering me. The idea that I should be obsessed with emotions or that: if I already was obsessed with emotions, and I would not be in control of myself no more. And that if I let my emotions run the show, I am no longer in charge of myself and what I did. The mind takes over. This thought was bothering me. I was listening to some up spirit music. Funny enough, I was dancing in the streets.
I entered into the supermarket and headed over to the escalator while dancing, and followed it up to the upper part of the supermarket coming up from the escalator with a pose to play electric guitar. Air – guitar is for free by that way, – remember that. Still I had this thought in the back of my head that emotions are going to run me over, sort of paranoia.
I did some brief dancing and made a little scene as I moved toward the health shop I had in my plan to visit. I came into the health shop and I said, “Hi: how are you doing” to a man that was in the store and managing it. He was at work. I reached out my hand to greet him, and I wanted to shake his hand. This slight little paranoia was still present within my way back in my mind. He bluntly replied that “I do not want to shake your hand, why should I?” – at me and all of a sudden it was like I was punched in the gut. Boom. I fell down within myself within my being to the diagnosis of me – want – to – cry – now – not – later kind of diagnosis. I was so flabbergasted by his words that left without saying much, so I went out from the store, to check my gift card and my credibility with it at an automat. So I said to myself ok, Chill Tormod, breathe, and use you’re commonsense, what do you do now?
So after I had checked my gift card and made some thoughts about what to do, I went back into the health store to talk to him again. And I apologize to him for my behavior. I said I was sorry for being rude, he could not know here my hands had ben that day. I told him he was right to choose who to shake hands with – and I should not judge that at all. He was entitled to not shake my hand. And he accepted my apology and we separated more or less from there.
I realize that I have been missing to say self-forgiveness on letting emotions ruin my living and I will do that here, now inn this blog, related to this episode. Then I will not be surprised or flabbergasted by people like I did this day at this store. If I can live without addicting to mind and without salving for energies I can live more honest and there for more in what I best for all.
I will work through self-forgiveness to sort out my energies and my mind components to come clean from this paranoia and this belief that I experienced this day. Enjoy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I had to hold onto a pieces of emotions within me because I was convinced by mind that it was the correct thing to do, and to keep this energy or emotion within me because of following the authority of my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the authority of my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this belief that it was the right thing to do to carry this emotion within me and giving my belief and energies to my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into paranoia from this experience of giving into energies to my mind and slaving to mind on this day trying to dance it away, acting like a dancer to draw attention away from the emotional.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fell my guts all punched out from within me and as I did that I would feel like I was had like been fooled or flabbergasted, and turned into a laugh, from my experience of meeting this cold- shoulder or refusal from shaking hands, with this person working in the health store.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think “what the hell is your problem man, can you not be nice and polite?”, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project out this thought, at him, and remove myself form the responsibility of having this thought at all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about that man like you are a freak and you are weird and creepy for not shaking my hand.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I will get my revenge you just wait and see man, thinking that he had something coming for him etc. simply thinking badly about that honest man, judging him, that acted simply from his honesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to bring this story up within me from fear of what to see.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge that man at that store and thinking that you (the man) are such a typical health store freak that is always perky and on your own, special like kind of person.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to go back to that particular store again, from fear and embarrassment of facing that man again.
When and as I see myself being turned down and being rejected by someone. I stop myself and I slow myself down, and I breathe. I realize that people are different and people have different programming. I realize that it is deviant to judge and blame other people. I realize that this person in this store has his life rule to who he shakes hands with, and I have no reason to judge that. I realize that I become the clown when I judged him. I commit myself to go back to that store without any grudges or judgements from the past. I commit myself to let go from mind by focusing on the physical. I commit myself to be to use the air – guitar – tricks more often; I commit myself to live my life in honesty – without slaving for energies and mind.
Check out the links : Thank you!
http://desteni.org/ – Oneness and Equality
http://desteniiprocess.com/ – “The” process to walk
http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ – A free of charge writing course with buddy support
http://livingincome.me/ – Our best alternative at the moment
Fundamental human rights: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eT8Sfq-pF3Y