Tag Archives: what is schizophrenia

Day 728 – Learning to hate from school work

 

This is the story about how I learned to hate and going into sabotage,  from attending school and having massive conflict within/without of school work and doing assignments at home.

 

It boils down to the memory of me struggling typically with math assignments at home. I could not get my head around the math. If you take into consideration the sickening game of money in this world,  I am sure you can picture a child’s pain and trouble facing such issues as, mathematics do you not agree ?

Math was not making any sense to me. Simply because I did not see the equation lived in this world.

 

It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

 

– Jiddu Krishnamurti
 

dsc_0445

painting by me

 

 

The outside world was reflecting war, and corruption abuse and suffering. The outside world was not living the math equation of 1 + 1 + 1… of oneness and equality. The math books taught me simple  math that I was supposed to learn. But the outside world and the bankers (in particular) was stealing from everyone else, in their quest for war and profit. Like it was 30 years ago when I went to school, like it was 70 years ago and how it still is today, in most of the world. How for instance we allow pisa tests to corrupt our children to this very day. The private institution of pisa that shapes our children’s everyday – it is simply beyond.

I remember this picture of me sitting at a table, trying to do assignments, with my face filled with snot and tears. Struggling and fighting within to control my anger from not bursting out, and how I was waaay out of balance. Again the assignment I was shown in the text books, did not comply with reality/outside world. I was so hurt by this… my insides was twisting and turning like a  propel within my body. My insides was devastated and totally a  mess of emotions and anger. I was having anger/psychosis/breakdown at age 7, 8 – ish. The worst part is that I did not know what went on inside of me. I had no words to describe my inside movements other than my tears and my anger. I did not understand school and even less did I understand myself and my reactions / tears from my frustration. I was stuck with hate! (And I had no way to express it !!)

So from the many hours or struggling within this I learned to hate. School was pure torture only extended for many years as such. And this assignment and school work taught me one thing more than anything else: to hate.

 

I will release the hate from myself and the energies/components attached so. I will use self forgiveness to release the energies, and to free myself from this memory of hatred/anger.

 

maxresdefault

 

Self forgiveness is best read out loud

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate school and to hate to do school assignments at home, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to grow more and more into sabotage and hate of system from struggling and going into sorrow, spite and anger from school work when I was 7, 8, 9 and older.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see any other way out than to go into anger and sabotage from not understanding home work/school work that would not comply with the outside world/reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for not seeing this particular pattern with me, and for blaming them for not considering my well being within this memory and pattern of learning to hate from school work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I realize that the pisa school – testing people must be really insane and/or evil because of how they design children to compete and to fight each other, so there could  be more wars and murder/crime in this world and then more money in the rich man’s pocket.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project this hate I experience today from being a child onto the pisa people and institution and for judging them as sick and wrong in their ways and business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I have learned my lesson to hate and now I want to break free and dump that hate and not touch it again but rather expose it and bring on a solution for school and for children/the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the school memories as one big black happening like a nightmare of pain and lasting torture and suffering, and that this is the truth about my school experience that I see clearer everyday – from looking back at being a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilt and shame from exposing this personal truth about my childhood, thinking I am making myself into a martyr, also considering what is best for all and what potential I see, and  being totally honest about my experience and telling it like it is.

 

 

 

 

Ultimately we need new systems and a new way of doing govern – mind/ment, banking, school, health,  and everything. They way we do things today with left / right, red / blue in politics; (as an example) is simply not doing any good at all. It is hurting us all and it is causing war/separation/abuse/etc.

 

 

 

Our children deserves a better tomorrow.

Let’s to absolutely (!!)  all we can to provide just that !

 

Here is what I think of public school:

https://soundcloud.com/tormod-hvidsten-gjedrem/public-schooling

 

 

So, what solutions are there to give children a better school/everyday ?

Well I think it is time to start investigating just that and; you could start with this blog right here:

http://teachersjourneytolife.com/

 

 

thank you !!

tou m.m 006.jpg

painting by me

Day 727 – voices in the head

what are voices in the head ?

where do they come from ?

allow me to share with you some links to information and knowledge about this troublesome phenomena.

please investigate the links & enjoy the videos below:

When People With Schizophrenia Hear Voices, They’re Really Hearing Their Own Subvocal Speech

160229_HEA_ electromyography.jpg.CROP.promo-xlarge2.jpg

 

here is some very core and on point talk on voices in the mind:

 

https://eqafe.com/p/voices-in-my-mind-death-research-part-1

 

 

a interview done on request by the portal on schizophrenia:

https://eqafe.com/p/interview-request-schizophrenia

 

YT video & soundcloud :

thanks : enjoy your day !

 

 

 

this text below was written one day later

So during my day today I was struck by some thoughts about my latest blog ( day 727) about voices and schizophrenia. I was not happy about the outcome.  It was a point of self judging and anxiety of doing too much, and to exposing myself to much with doing such blogs and sharing my insight on schizophrenia.

 

So on the point of doing too much I will do self forgiveness to release the self judgment and the  energies involved so:

 

self forgiveness has best effect when read out loud:   

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within backchats, from investigating my latest blog;  such as “you are not good enough” and “you can’t pull your own weight” and “you are simply not doing your job” and such a thoughts and thinking mannerism within.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to moralize and judge my effort and blog  as to weak, little and inferior within doing the work, and the appearance and the outcome of the blog.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and feel shame from the content of voices in the head within the blog and that is just what I had to deal with also in real-time later on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write and expose and display voices in the head and also later on have my mind fire back at me with just that voices and backchats.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to investigate my backchats and my voices out of fear of what I might find.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel little and intimidated by my mind and to fear my mind’s power failing to realize that mind only have the power over me that I give to it.

 

I realize that the intimidation and voices/backchats that I experienced today was my mind firing back at me.

I commit myself to embrace myself for daring to stand up against mind authority and voices/backchats and to be brave and not give into ego/abuse/separation.

 I commit myself to keep exposing the mind and its dimensions and my schizophrenia, as long as I have to.

I commit myself to deconstruct my schizophrenia, as best as I can,  until it is no more.