Category Archives: self forgiveness

Day 633 – Fear of starting my own business

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fear is a illusion

 

self forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to start my own company where I give into thinking I would do something wrong with the papers or I would somehow fail and loose my money with my company and I would somehow fail to run my company and end up like a clown. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the paranoia of feeling alone and left out in the cold to do my business, thinking I would have to grow greedy, corrupt and cheat on taxes to manage my company and have a income.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to do something illegal with my company and to end up like a criminal, without or with knowing it, and then face jail or punishment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself my idea of entrepreneurs as greedy and corrupt that I am programmed with from being very young, throughout my entire life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that now I do exactly like I would fear from being very young, and that I am somehow going against myself and my own programming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am not yet experienced enough and I should learn some more about finances or data programming or healthcare, where I give into this fear that I will not be successful and always drag with me this fear and this idea of myself as handicapped and schizophrenic and not able to run a business by myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think on the opposite side of this polarity that I am special and schizophrenic and I should there for be able to run a company and there for be more successful and creative with my company.

 

self correction

When and as I see myself fearing to run my own company. I stop myself. I slow myself down and I breathe. I realize that I am taking measures to be better prepared to run a company of my own, and I realize that I will walk the miles to do what must be done with a company. I realize that I have to be structured and organize to run a company. I realize I may have to imply some new routines.

I commit myself to listen to advise from other that are skilled with running a business, and I commit myself to imply their ideas to my life.

I commit myself to listen more and to do a thoroughly job with my  company within the field of psychology/psychiatry.

Day 613 – Taking control of my schizophrenia – working with personalities.

I want to help with putting a end to suffering from mental disorders (schizophrenia). User experience and exposure are keys to do this. Learning and un-learning psychology are ways to get there. I will make my schizophrenia understood by all people. To end the mystification and blurry/taboo reputation and rumors of mental suffering and schizophrenia. I want my schizophrenia to be understood by anyone.

I want to leave it a bit open, also, and not carve it in stone, the individual definition of oneness diagnosis must be left open to the individual. We are all different human individuals, and our experiences are different.

Schizophrenia :

Schizophrenia is essentially when personalities of your mind / consciousness starts embodying itself into behaviour all at the same time, so you have for example 2 / 3 different personalities trying to ‘live themselves out’ in the body at the same time causing much inner conflict. Whereas with most people in this world, the personality systems of their mind / consciousness are more ‘controlled’ in the sense that one personality at a time will activate that they will then embody and then live out dependent on where they are / with who they are. – Sunette Spies

https://eqafe.com/p/interview-request-schizophrenia

My mind is designed a bit different than other peoples minds. My mind is constructed with some particular hooks to pull me back into the mind if I try to “wonder”. This design comes from my parents experience of me when I was a fetus.

So… since my mind is wired differently my personalities are more easy triggered and “loose” sort of. With other people the personalities are more stabile in the mind experience and in the physics or how they live and how they act/react and I experience life.

My personalities are more loose and then, the more important it is to be physical aware. Since psychology is failing and creating illness.

My schizophrenia is : How more than one personality is trying to play out at once, and then also my mind is wired a bit different. In very short terms.

What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative – as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath.

– June Roca

http://desteni.org/

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my schizophrenia have it’s way with me and experience conflict within and simply because that is how schizophrenia is; I expect it over and over again failing to realize that I can change and take control of my life myself from learning and unlearning and forgiving my experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let schizophrenia take control of my life for many years, actively making my life difficult within many personalities trying to be me, and providing me with stress, voices, backchats and fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take control of my life and my schizophrenia today and to take back control of my life and my being and to not let my schizophrenia control me but to have myself controlling it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that from here on my schizophrenia will be controlled by me and I would think my life will change for the better as I will be able to realize and live my fullest potential to a further degree.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I can suit my schizophrenia to suit me and to be my tool sort of, and to help research and learn other people about schizophrenia, and prevent suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that through working on personalities I become an expert on personalities, and I am able to direct, shape and make the best of different situations where I take part inn.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shape my schizophrenia into a more understandable unit or design, base on my experience of it and my ability to shape and design my schizophrenia to be understood by more people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to crate and shape my schizophrenia by slowing myself down and being aware of myself and setting my mind into working on making my diagnosis into a unit that is understandable, that people can relate to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simplify my schizophrenia and thinking I do not take it seriously, it is simply that I want to be understood and prevent other people ending up in suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that this is a real breakthrough on the science of schizophrenia, thinking I am changing this piece by piece in this world/word.

Self commitment:

I commit myself to take on all psychiatry and all polarity and all psychology, and to unlearn it piece by piece and then leave it behind like a empty shell that is no longer needed, when we all have learned psychology and ended the gaming and the addictions and the polarity suffering etc… then we will be more free.

I commit myself to simplify my schizophrenia, so that I control it and it does not control me.

I commit myself to take on all of what psychiatry is and have been to take it apart piece by piece, to expose the abuse and help people to find cures to heal.

I commit myself to teach of my schizophrenia, to anyone willing to listen.

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Check out the links & have a nice day !

Yo listen : https://eqafe.com/

The platform of all the fun: http://desteni.org/

Walk the talk: http://desteniiprocess.com/

Lets walk the easy first: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

The program: livingincome.me/

Day – 578 – Living words – Focus

Current allocation:

When I think of this word I think of how I am “in” focus”, like studying words, or a picture, or I am at this sort of state or activity. Like to stare at something. Reading. I think about my car that is a Ford Focus. I think about driving and to have a certain focus on driving, and I think about being at somewhere having my awareness at something like my awareness becomes my focus. I think my awareness is directed to a certain focus. I would think that you need a complete focus when learning something new. I think that focusing on my body have great rewards.

focus

Dictionary definition:

focus;

the centre of interest or activity.

Etymology:

focus (v.)

1775 in optics, “bring into focus” (transitive); 1807 in the figurative sense, from focus (n.). Intransitive use by 1864, originally in photography. Related: Focused; focusing; less commonly focused; focusing.

focus (n.)

1640s, “point of convergence,” from Latin focus “hearth, fireplace” (also, figuratively, “home, family”), which is of unknown origin. Used in post-classical times for “fire” itself; taken by Kepler (1604) in a mathematical sense for “point of convergence,” perhaps on analogy of the burning point of a lens (the purely optical sense of the word may have existed before Kepler, but it is not recorded). Introduced into English 1650s by Hobbes. Sense transfer to “center of activity or energy” is first recorded 1796.

Sounding of this word:

fog – us

fuck – us

(In Norwegian the word få (fo) means to have/take. Grant to self)   = have – us / take us.

The Norwegian word “Frokost”, means breakfast. = “Frokost/breakfast”

Polarity:

I would think of this word as something positive that I would need to push myself to do. I would think that I would need to use energies to have focus. I would think that to have focus I would have to give inn something to sort of exchange my energies or my money or any kind of substance to have focus. I would think that I would need some sort of emotional background to be able to have focus. There would also be hidden fear out of how I would fear to go into a possession from going to deep in my focusing and ending up in a energy possession.

Creative writing:

Focus is something that everyone needs to push through sometimes. Yet it is always here. Focus is for sure needed when learning something new. To have focus is to be determined sort of or to be giving in efforts to be focused could also be drawn into a possession almost. If one is to focused on one detail one could become possessed by this energy. I would there for recommend to combine focus with clarity. And a daily walk. Focus is a great strength the we build, individually, like with a fire place. You build a fire and burn it up. Focus is in the center of the fire, from etymology. Focus is sort of running through our very torus. Focus is like the fire/food that we burn inside our cells in our body and it comes in through our mouth and it leave through the lower part of the body. (pop/pee/sweat). It is smart to have a good focus on oneness own body.

Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of focus as something that I would not want to participate in because of how it requires something of me, and this effort is within my energies that I would not want to give in sort of out of pure laziness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that only scientist and student focus I do not need to focus.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist focus.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear focus out of fear what I would see.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear focus out for fear of facing myself in honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I do not need to focus someone one else can do that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from this word, out of fear of going into a possession because of my experience of possessions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to take on focus out of not knowing what it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see that focus can also be a activity and not just staring/reading and it can be something further than to us my senses – like it could be a physical activity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that focus is either love or not love.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that love is a part of focus.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that focus is almost like honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that only humans can focus.

When and as I see myself going into a task or a chore or a activity of any kind. I stop and slow myself down and I breathe. I realize that to focus is like a movement within clarity almost. I realize that both focus and clarity is needed when learning something new. I realize that I would need to have focus to drive and write and to do certain things. I realize that I would need focus to learn and to unlearn. I realize that I can use focus on practical way when learning something new. I realize that focus on my body is like a tube or a vortex stream. I realize that focus is also related to the fire place the love that unites. The universal love. I commit myself to be focused on my task/activity/chore. I commit myself to investigate how to us focus on unlearning. I commit myself to unlearn my old meta data that I do not need. I commit myself to common sense within focusing. I commit myself to live and to use focus on unlearning lots from my past.