Day 808 – thanks to desteni…..

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I was just listening to a interview of anuaki in the reptilian series, on eqafe, and I wanted to share this post on that concern. Walking my life process, I learn a great deal from others who are walking the same as me, or something similar.

I would like to take this opportunity and audacity of writing a blog in gratitude. I am so lucky to live and breathe in Norway, so I can write pretty much anything and post it from free (!) online, for millions to be able to read…. THAT in itself is a pretty fucking fantastic thing, and I am grateful for so !

I would like on this day to bring out some thanks. The first thanks goes out to my parents. My parents have through thick and thin stood by me, for almost 40 years.  They have supported me, so many ways and lengths so that there is hardly no way to measuring it.

I owe you everything, though I don’t hold that as a energy,  but I am forever grateful – thank you two, for the life that I have been given.

My boldness and my openness, sharing, consistent, persistent nature, my consideration and honesty I have discovered within myself, self discovery – after starting to walk with desteni.org and learning from the people within that group – literally to realize me! I have been able to free myself from several addictions. I rose up to realize myself beyond polarity, personality, believes, emotions and consciousness. I was to discover me and my life potential. I am grateful for what life gives me to live, today I embrace each morning and bring thanks every night  !

The one and true solution to bring me to realize self and my being is without any comparing the online group we know as desteni.org

So I want to honor some destonians here. In fact all !

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From our gathering in Brussel, spring 2017

 

Thanks you all destonians who I have walked with the last decade – your existing is intriguing and deeply appreciated. I have learned a lot from walking with you all. In particular I would like to mention a few bloggers and walkers who I have particular learned very much from walking with, and that is first of all Kristina Salas. And the blog equality walk ! You are a  awesome example of consistency. That blog and those selection of words have taught me A LOT. Your example is very much appreciated Kristina ! Thanks for all the investigation and realizations, support and sharing of your life ! I have learned lots from your words and your living over the years. I think it is about to realize self, to become better from self. So totally awesome equality walk – humble thanks.

Also I would like to thank Anna Brix Thomsen who I have been walking with now for many years – and that I have shared my online life with, from the desteni I process and from managing self in this world. Your support is awesome and I learn from you all the time: to manage self and to find life hacks – great thanks !

 

Also I would like to mention the persistent and convincing Marlen Vargas Del Razo – for  the support that you have given me unconditionally for many (!) years. The short by efficient comments to my many youtube videos and your comments and questioning and appreciation of my blogs is simply breathtaking and I owe you first a good hug and to let you know how deep I appreciate and value the support that you still give. It may not be that visible what you do but in the long haul we see the marvel of marvels, birthing of life,  and the message of quality comes through.

You have taught me persistence and perseverance. And that realizing of reward to “keep at it”, to give up the giving up basically. Your presence is deeply appreciated.

 

I would like to mention Kim Klein for the example of walking through with OCD, I have still to manage my mentality and the awareness and example of you makes my days more structured and doable.

Also I want to thank the very awesome man of Matti Freeman – your example is magnificent ! Big inspiration.

Andrea Rossouw. You assisted me and saw my potential early on I guess. Walking with me through my demons and pain. Your dedication is very much appreciated and your humor and insight is also something I precious dearly.

Lets keep walking & supporting !

 

There are sooo many people I would like to hug and thank… People at our farm in South Africa – great support – thanks all: 100 % ! ….and everyone I work with everyday, From New Zeland to Europe, to China and All over this world. Humble thanks ! The message of equality and oneness is coming through in our living practicality – and that is what matters !

 

I can’t do this post without mentioning you Sunette. You teach me to be honest, simple, daring  and physical. You all are great examples and exceptional being. I have learned lots from you all and the many events, and communications and project we commonly share. May there be many, many more for the generations to come!  I got to meet and say “Hi” to Sunette in Brussels 2017. I got a short glimpse to who you are, and I find it very interesting that you want to show yourself, not only as the portal but also as you the girl from the farm – that you are. So I double appreciate you then Sunette lol. The LF chat is super cool to be a part of – you have thought me so much… man. Heavens Journey to life…   is sooo cool. All the things you have showed me I appreciate perhaps most : the small things that we take for granted (?) stability, presence, internet, breathe, clean water, warm shower, my body, grass, animals… you are very dear to me and I want to honor you as best I can ! So thank you Sunette for your awesome example !

 

 

Offcorse I have also learned lots of key ingredients and honest perspective from the one and only Bernard Poolman. A truly unique being, whom I still visit on youtube and the blog creations journey to life, to remind myself:  what is life about.

 

From desteni the group, all of you, buddies and newbie’s, bloggers, forgivers, mothers and children, I have been given the ingredients to learn self trust, self responsibility, self honesty. Integrity. Humbleness. So many deep qualities and wonders it completes my every day.

Check out the 7 year journey to life page on FB

 

So thank YOU for reading this and let’s keep walking and sharing and exposing our process and learn from each other.

 

I just realizes that I am greater than my schizophrenia – from the words (!) that I live…

equality and oneness – until it is done

 

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The ultimate store online: https://eqafe.com/

Try out our free online course to learn self forgiveness : http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

 

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Day 807 – talking at university – expanding in self trust

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A week ago I did a talk at a university. I was invited to talk from my background and history from schizophrenia and psychiatry. I enjoy such things very much. To explain how I experience schizophrenia and how I reason and manage my living in the system.

I did in total 4 talks to groups on 5-8 people. It was very pleasant and I was comfortable – doing my thing. The words to describe my schizophrenia, psychiatry along with a good dose of existentialism, made the students very content it would seem.
So this is simply a tale of me giving quality, back to society. I did remember to follow the advice of my friend who has experience doing similar things, to not go into the polarity high after doing such a talk. To avoid that high pitch – that is not real anyhow, it is just like a drug and there for suppressing of the real me. That was my big challenge and point right there, for me to remain grounded, and stable in my body was the big deal. It was not always easy, but all in all I managed very good. The day strolled along with me directing it. So you can say I just did my job – nothing less – without me going into that high, energetic, imaginative, energy ride. No I chose to remain grounded and in responsibility with myself. I chose to take direction my living both during and after the talk. I would remain calm and directed. Instead of high and “energized”.

There is lots of math to this equation, many things to learn about energies and the physical. I will not go into that here, but I will tell you that we have been living lies. It has been and it is a world in reverse – this we know both from within and without.

If you are interested in learning about energies – please leave a comment saying so.

 

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Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel tempted and addicted to go into a high, pitch feeling, like a sugar experience, from how I was happy and content with my talk at the university thinking I must go into this “high” – simply because that is what people do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I was wrong to feel simply grounded and here in my body and to stabilize myself in the physical (which is negative of math) and to think inn backchats that I was wrong to just feel that quality and comfort of being stable and directed within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others who do the same kind of talk like me and to think that I am better than them because of how I act – not in the energy high.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like to riddiclue people who have a drug and psychiatry background, like I have, and to judge them for taking on the polarity high – which is the same as taking a drug mathematically – it is possible to change this math – I am living proof.

When and as I see myself doing something where I feel a urge to go into a energy high – feeling. I stop myself, I take a breath and I slow myself down.

I realize that energy high is how so many entertainment stars (music etc) go into drugs and illness, to maintain that “look” of positivity that is simple a lie and a scam against life.

I commit myself to be real and stable in my body. I commit myself to that stable, directive, organized, structured and calm self that I know I can be – also at the same time daring to be a clown and a bit crazy and a colorful artist/myself.

 

These links are super – potent with the finest of support
– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

Day 806 – Boys don’t cry

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Today I experienced a breakdown, emotional energies would build up within me during morning hours, several complicated details/thoughts, and before I knew it I was simply fully possessed with anger, depression, fear and resentment in a breakdown within my mind experience. There was no danger involved though it was very uncomfortable to be me. This break down went on and it was becoming more and more painful. Until I stopped myself and sort of took a real step out of myself – to get a overview of the situation. To zoom out. And I realized that I had to accept the state I was inn. Once I got a overview of the situation I could tell myself ok.. I am having a breakdown, I accept the goddamn fact that I am having breaking down. I had to tell myself that It is ok to break down. I did that, once I made that clear to myself that:

 

“Tormod: it is ok for you to break down (and cry)” I did not need to cry – it was not that deep a possession, but It was pretty bad, it hurt me.

 

At that moment:  I accepted myself within the breakdown, that is where it all changed within me. It was like the code that ticked and clicked open the up the door to peace, ease, calm, tranquility and comfort.  I was now in charge of the actual breakdown and possession – instead of me being under its control. I could direct it and so I did. I directed lol… the energies down into the ground. From having had a energetic hell-game within my body from my mind – where I took charge and directed all the energies in my breaking down – into the soil. I was outside, mowing the lawn, so it all came to reason. It was like a puzzle that finally made sense. Through my body into the dirt. This was done after I had declared that acceptance of me.

 

The game changed when I took a step back and re-evaluated the situation, and accepted it. I embraced it by telling myself “hey ; it is ok to break down Tormod – don’t take it personal !” From that point I was in charge of the energies within, so could simply release the energies, by directing them  into the ground, under my feet.

 

This sort of self help I have developed over a period of about 5-6 years of practical walking, living and forgiving myself. Learning and understanding myself from walking with DESTENI I don’t think that is a lot of time once you consider the skills I now have developed. To simply be able to take charge, and direct ones emotions into the ground – is just so fucking comfortable ! It is simply beyond. So I needed that reminder of how to act/behave once a possession is active and I lose myself to energies – how to gain direction of myself within that situation.

 

So today the practice was a good reminder of how I can alter my reality and take charge. A good reminder of how far I have come in my process.

Here I talk on this experience :

 

 

Here is a cool video from Sunette Spies :

“What does it mean to be the captain of the crew and ship that is your life?”

 

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

 

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

 

Me on soundcloud:

 

Day 805 – Simple stamina

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In my process, from consciousness to awareness, I am investigating lots of things on my way. I expose and investigate, explore, breathe, ground myself, realize, pay attention to and consider and dive into….. to be able to do this without going into possession and obsession of simply metaphysics and thinking and reactions in my mind… I have to have a common denominator. A purpose higher than me.

That purpose is equality and oneness. This is my purpose that I hold higher than myself. And I need that life code more than very much else. Because as I investigate and search and study and participate and challenge myself, my mind is exposed to lots of dimensions and constructs and also metaphysics.

There is a saying that goes like this: “investigate all things and keep that which is good”. And I do my best to follow that. I investigate all things and keep to me, to life, what is good. Everything else that does not support life I strive to delete, forgive and discharge within self. And that I have developed into a comfortable structure to live by.

I do my best to read myself every day, to see where I am at, to discover myself. And a key point in my process today is to understand or define who I am between moments and who I am between breathing. So I see into me (Into-me-I-see/intimacy)  And I try to see who am I between breathing, between moments. A part of me is this humble and dedicated, committed worker bee, that is persistent and persevere and that will not give up. Working to explore myself and existence. Discovering me. I can also be quite colourful and expressive almost artistic like. I do strive to be more organized and structured in my application.  Integrity is also a word that shows itself. There are also some bothersome things, that I am working on to get over, like fear even paranoia and judgment, sometimes comparison, blame and stress. These emotions I am less and less dependent on as I progress in life process.

 

Within this process that I then walk to discover myself, I keep to consistent and daily application. To stamina, to keep it simple.

 

“Simple stamina” – to keep process simple and also inn stamina – they very much go hand in hand. Also it has that beat to it lol…. like a pop song like just do it, jump into it. I very much like the combination.

Let’s dance to simple stamina… you & me !

 

Simple stamina. To work with words in such a manner that you can make them your own. To redefine and live words. To change the given reality. Right now simple and stamina are my words.

 

You see we all live words 24/7. But most of us don’t know how we are living in emotional or negative words, from memories, limiting and disempowering words, from pre-programming. Words and memories that act like tripping wires, that are stored in our bodies. This is how most of us are living limited versions of self. This comes from the past, the parts of one self that has not been dealt with or forgiven within properly. All the details – which is a lot of details. This leads to the abuse of life, which will not be allowed to continue.

 

Self forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have a accepted and allowed myself to think I have covered all my limiting or negative word and that they are all gone, when fail to realize that that there is always something, some dimension for me to work on there is still some friction/reaction of mind,  and I can still evolve and alter myself more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make process more complicated more massive and complex, thinking it is hard – simply by doing so making process more difficult, failing to live the word simple in the totality of me.

I forgive myself that I have a accepted and allowed myself to relate and judge myself within this word simple is a negative word, where I look at the Norwegian word “simpel” – which means “less” and “poor” maybe even “bad” or “sorry” translated.

 

Commit myself to redefine this word “simple” and to change myself as it.

 

For more information on living words se SOUL or the desteni forum on living words !

 

Enjoy !

Day 804 – selling my car – learning structure

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I sold my car – learning structure

 

Some weeks ago I sold my car.  Mostly out of practical reasons and simply of not needing it more. The process of selling it though was quite complex and rather difficult for me to experience. Let me share with you how that was.

Owning a car is a lot of responsibility. It cost quite a lot of money, and there are many things to consider, like to have winter tires and money for gas, all sorts of automated registration, insurance and so on. There is simply lots to remember when it comes  to owning a car. At least here in Norway.

So when I was to sell my car, I first talked to my dad, who had recently invested in a new car for himself.  Hidden here lies a deep fear within me, fear of being rejected by my dad if I should sell my car for too little money. I would fear to be rejected by dad if I should make a bad deal. So that was something for me to work through with self forgiveness and a deep rooted awareness.  I simply reasoned that  it would be safe to ask him on; how do I go about to sell my car ? What are the process of it ?

And there lies a clue to pick up on. Why are we not taught about such a detailed process in school ? Why ? We could save a lot of scams, conflicts and maybe also accidents by giving our children real valuable knowhow. And even more how to fix and maintain a car….Valuable information that everyone would need to know – whether they drive or not…

 

Anyways the selling of my car was not a simple solution to come to though I had been planning it and thinking of it for some time. I bought a add inn a online marked places and waited. There was someone contacting me, but they soon lost interest. Another guy was simply hard to communicate with, so I had to let him go.

After some 3 weeks I was contacted by a young man who was honest and real with me. He was very interested and we agreed to a sum of money and he came to see the car together with his dad. I was  alone and did not have anyone with me, to mentally back me up. So when the moments came where we signed the online contract, and printed it out in my apartment, and he handed me the money, I was deep in stress and close to collapsing. Simply in deep fear of making a mistake, to feel rejected, and the responsibility with the money, the car, the deal etc…

The deal itself was a deeply stressed situation – where I kept breathing through my stress and my fear. It was painful and not a nice experience.

But things ended well and I sold it and it is now settled some time ago. What I learned from this is to be more consistent when it comes to being structured, genuine and organized in my application. If I could have invited with me a friend to be my backup and buddy during the agreement- that would have been simply a great support for me.

 

So I learned to sell a car simply from this experience. If I am to sell a car later in my life there might be new rules and regulation to it so I will be care full to anyways know to be more gentle with self, to analyze more, to slow down, breathe, and to be more real in myself support. I would know to be more structurally organized from the start. I would prepare better and know how to take things in a gentle and considerate manner – considerate to myself. I learn to be structured and considerate from the start, to plan things and to organize myself better.

 

Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be rejected by my dad over fearing to make a bad deal of sales.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to deal with the system and to deal with agreements, papers and ultimately money  – where I see that I fear money – with how I fear to lose my money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see that I needed more backup and support other than just a phone call to dad and that I see today that it alone was not sufficient to calm me down and make me stable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subtle judge myself as a sabotager of systems, and for being against the structure of a system, when I really want and need to improve it and to build on it and see people and life thrive in cooperation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see myself as a structured human being.

 

Self corrections

When  and as I see myself about to do something that I know can stress me and potentially make me unstable, I stop myself, I slow myself down and I take a  breathe.

 

I realize that there are lots of system here for me to use and to support myself with. There are people, “do it yourself” videos and support for me on many levels and most important from myself and me slowing down and assessing the situation.

I realize that there is a lot of supportive structure out there and I can pick it up and build on it to create more stability and structure.

I commit myself to in situations involving money or documents, or similar, that can be particular stressful where I should be aware of it, support myself however I need, structure it,  make plans in my mind and direct my imagination and use my mind/projection to design and create the best possible outcome, as I plan it in my simulator : my mind.

 

I commit myself to build on what support that is already here and to use the system for what is best for all.

I hereby embrace the word structure !

Thanks for reading

 

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

 

Day 803 – communication

Opening up the word communication

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This word communication is rather interesting. First I would think to myself that it means  two different things. One is to talk or read and train ones cognitive ability as well as ones speaking and sounding. So one is the writing, reading, listening, sounding and speaking of text and words. Also It means to travel or move objects/people.  I can send a package from Oslo to Rome – and by that communicating between Oslo and Rome. A function operated by humans that are … agreeing to make so happen.

 

So it seem like there is this notion of  something to trade places. Object of substance that change location, either in physical (matter) reality or with information, energies and …words.

So two people that are talking, expressing with speaking and body language, are obviously communicating, but what is it that changes location/placement in such ? To  a very far degree I would say (today) that it is projections, energies, imaginations and pictures. To talk using metaphors. To use the mind and imagination. Which is in itself ok,  though it is not real. With real I mean physically, matter, here and solid. The usage of only metaphors often lead to much misunderstanding – within communication.

 

So this word is to me multiple in extent. By reading the time the buss arrives on a screen I am taking inn information and communication. With talking on the phone I communicate often through pictures and imagination, that is hidden or stored in the words that is used during the talk over the phone lines – from programming and energies within the being. Or talking to my neighbour while standing on the lawn, also using pictures more active using expression of my face and my hands and body to express, and then communicate. And if I ride with the buss between  location A and B, I communicate so.

 

So it is much to do with both expression, movement and transfer. When I during talk to my neighbor in the lawn, and I hold a hand at my hip, I am symbolizing something to my neighbor. If I start waving my arms I would maybe signalize that I am very stressed or angry. This is signals that my head/brain/mind sends to my arm (from unconscious or subconscious)  So then also there are signals and a program running in the back. I would place my hands on my hip, from having seen others do that before me, and learn that it means some sort of pride or firmness or stability. I would have known so from watching my parents, siblings, others, movies, etc. What is referred to as programming – which is massive. And the screen that lets me know of the information of the buss, is also a program, of a computer, like the human mind.

 

So this communication of mine, on programming, mind and computers lets us know that the essence of communication is centered and stored within the human. It has lots to do with expression and voicing of self, and how we are taught. And a very great deal about relationships. Who we are and how we express our selves to others.

 

So communication is quite a huge topic.  It seem that communication is mostly signals and electricity being passed from A to B, my brain/mind/programming telling myself to move my hands to my hip, or the driver of the buss physically moves the buss by operating the buss, systems, or the operator of the screen that holds the information of the buss is programming and typing in the info that the traveler needs. Or how I my fingers are told by signals to type in this very text.

 

So this is my initial awareness of the word communication.

Let’s look at it more creative and try to open up with the word itself.

 

common / – what is usual – what is normal practice,  I /- me the I person,  cation /- creation

/common creation (?)

Common also opens the door to the word communism

So let’s open that further

/come you what is on

/come on can I say some

/open mouth and say some

It is like something within us that needs to express, like something within us tells us to TALK lol… there is this cup, or water, pool, flowing over with info, and we need to talk and express. This overflow or need is often suppressed and denied within the human, this we know, and this suppression and denial of self needing to express, causes, misunderstandings and also conflict/illness that we see all around us. Again:  The usage of only metaphors/pictures of mind, often lead to much misunderstanding. It can be very subtle.

So we flow over with some energy /emotion, angst, fear, judging, blame, depression etc etc … we have a overload within us. And this is very problematic, this we know from our own experience and from watching the news.

So communication is much a human thing – or should I say lack of real communication is a human thing. Animals and plants live in expression, though you might say that a dog will communicate with you for sure. You might very well also say that your house plant communicate with you – though it is not the same as communicating with pictures and imaginations with your human friend/foe.

 

So what is real communication? Communication between humans are currently driven by metaphors, energies, emotion and pictures. It have been like this for some time. The more honest and genuine talk with words and expressions of matter is still not very common. To be physical, to be honest and real, not lost in imaginations, fantasy and mind drama. In other words, today mind is still governing much of the communication. Though this also ruins the communication because it is out of balance. To be able to talk from matter and life substance is not common today, though that is where we need to gain stability.  So to talk in pictures that means angst or depression or addictions, is  still communication – yes indeed.

I would however classify and arrange the figurative/picture (emotional) speaking, in a separate category of communication. A sort of sub-division. Of metaphoric, emotional, energetic/imaginative/channeling  speech.

 

So if we consider the design and appearance, of angst, depression, anger, desire, believes and fear (emotions) we see that the fact that this is prominent with our experience, and inn our communication it clutters up the message to a very far degree. It makes it rather chaotic and not very practical or comfortable at all, to give or receive information and sharing experiences/expressions.

Still my definition of communication is : Life in expression

 

Here is a interesting video on communication:

 

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

 

Thanks !

 

Day 802 – symmetrical

Living the word: symmetrical

 

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For quite some time I have been spinning around in this world of symmetrical. Trying to find out what this word would like to tell me, what does it mean ?

If I was to define symmetrical it would be something like equality and “the same” on all sides. Equality on both/all sides.  So I have been trying to understand it from a mathematical and scientific point of view. Like from a picture of something that is symmetrical. Like the wings and sides of a butterfly that is all equal.

 

So…for me to make this into practical terms would mean to adjust myself and my mind, so I could see how I can better live the word symmetrical. What would it mean for me in practical terms to live this word ?

I was reminded by this rule of life that goes like this: “Treat others the way that you would like to be treated self”.  And that right there is just brilliant. That is just so awesome to see of collection of words. Totally awesome that mankind is able to collect words to say such a thing.  So to be able to live this equality equation it would mean that I am going to give equally to both sides, both to me and my neighbor.  Or equally to two different parts. To live in balance, with my thought, word and deed.

 

So… symmetric:  you are a challenge that I take on!

For more info on living words see:  SOUL and Desteni Forum

 

Enjoy !

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

This WordPress.com site is the cat’s pajamas