Day 747 – emotionally addicted

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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take on/attack myself with angst, fear, judgments, anger and depression, and for not being able to clear the house/my body completely of these emotions (…) and then simply returning to self, with a more concentrated personality/mixture of these poisonous emotions and to crucify myself within my flesh/body with these designs, over and over again – not seeing until now the infinite looping returning to sender (me) like basic math.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be done with judging/blaming myself so it returns from the ego/consciousness with greater force since now I am aware of it, I know it is “there”, for it to knock me out and to crucify me and make me hurt.

I forgive myself that I have that I have accepted and allowed myself feel like letting go of emotions, and I think to myself they are simply imaginary and they don’t exist.

I forgive myself that I have that I have accepted and allowed myself dump my emotions on others/project it on others – simply to have it smack me out of my chair in the next turn.

I forgive myself that I have that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I have to learn my emotions from scratch.

I forgive myself that I have that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like emotions got me doomed.

I forgive myself that I have that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others and to think that they have it so much easier than me.

I forgive myself that I have that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at, and try to make sense of  this looping of emotions short-cutting me into little pieces and making me suffer – from the design of the conscious mind and polarity/energy design, like a rollercoaster/blender from hell.

I forgive myself that I have that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it is my schizophrenia – I have to live with it.

I forgive myself that I have that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that I must stop the conscious looping and energy games – it will only cause consequences for me.

I commit myself to look closer at the bigger picture here, and to look deep into myself, about looping /playing games with energies in my mind.

sooo…

loving the fear & the angst… (looking deep inside)

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to feel like I can express more/be more explicit/creative, when I am inn angst and in anxiety and this then gives me a sense of freedom within being lost in angst.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like angst since I feel like I can express more freely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to addict to angst.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to addict to fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear as a tool to manipulate particular in ways to gain sex and to try to use fear to gain sex to myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to “like” fear as a tool to have/gain/manipulate to have sex.

here I talk more on my schizophrenia : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yO3fFWY-jh4&t=0s

here is a cool interview: https://eqafe.com/p/interview-request-schizophrenia

Other links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

Day 746 – desteni.org and schizophrenia

 

 

what is schizophrenia ?

 

https://eqafe.com/p/interview-request-schizophrenia

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yO3fF…

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org

http://desteniiprocess.com

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

https://eqafe.com

https://warnomore.wordpress.com

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com

 

Day 745 – control vs freedom

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words have power

– we need to redefine living

– so we redefine words !

 

 

freedom and control, can very well be to opposites. here i walk self forgiveness on the word “control”, and i investigate  & redefine “freedom” in my talk (below the self forgiveness)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my desire for control as nothing else than ego in persona.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have control like to have a system or a rule or a dominating force to be with me on my side and to be my protection against things that might seem new or scary to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have not been able to see that by wanting control, I want that something like a judge or a police officer in my head, a sort of bully in my head that I would use for my benefit like to be deceived and manipulated by a simple thought/my own thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to over-complicate things from seeing that control is a mind construct and a part of the old/system, I don’t need control, I need freedom, going into small thoughts, and desires to have dominance or control over things in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to take on control in fear of letting this go out of control – literally fearing the sense of freedom.

I commit myself to expose myself to what I would call freedom and to redefine freedom in my own words.

more living words : http://forum.desteni.org/viewforum.php?f=147&sid=4c3f35ad8056b3357437edf83473c76a

 

 

what is schizophrenia ?

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org

http://desteniiprocess.com

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

https://eqafe.com

https://warnomore.wordpress.com

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com

Day 744 – The schizophrenic child

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The schizophrenic child

How to assist the schizophrenic child ?

When I was  a young boy in pre – school 4-5-6 years old I started to build things on/inn my mind. I did so mostly unconsciously – that was in fact building itself. I soon started to have complicate, emotional and quite horrible imaginations, thoughts and psychosis – as  a child. Off-course there happened things that where nurturing this, giving it more fuel of energies and I see now that I was living then my schizophrenic programming.

This schizophrenic programming, was placed  in me when I was in my mother’s belly. That is where the creation of schizophrenia happened.

Important here to understand that I was born with it. I have been living with schizophrenia for 38 years now. I have worked my way  through it, not above it or below it or beside it… but through it. And I am still working on it.

Believe you me, I have faced some quite nasty demon shit within myself through the years. When I say “demon shit” I mean dark emotions stuff, that we are, from the sins of the fathers,  manipulated and convinced to suppress, deny and rather project, secretly think of,  and use in mind games, in suspiscions towards our fellow man – and not to talk about.

I have been working for 5 years straight, to deconstruct my schizophrenia and to remove the pain as of such from my body. To remove my voices, my hallucinations, imaginations, judgments, fears, depressions and the list goes on quite a long way. I have forgive it within myself. The tool of self forgiveness is the very finest of tools to use on self- don’t miss it.

So I have lived and deconstructed my schizophrenia what did I learn ? The definition of schizophrenia is to have two or three personalities present in my mind/head at once. There are two or three present in mind/head at once.  By design the personalities/polarities start to fight to conquer the other personality. This fight/war in the head is then the actual psychosis. This war and fighting is the very pain, voices (!), hallucination, conscious conspiracy thinking, possessions, mind games, blabbering speech,  chaotic and often addicted being of individual.

That is the definition of schizophrenia. That is the suffering and pain/war of schizophrenia.

I can tell you that I have gotten so far from working with self forgiveness – that I am able to delete my personalities in them selves ! – And just be physical !

Then what is the one point that I see could have helped me, when I was young, to  deal with my insides to dare to expose my rather horrible mind and my thoughts ? How could I have found trust and comfort to open up and work on my insides ? What could ever have helped my process of learning to deal with my schizophrenia – back in the days ?

There is lots of things. One thing that peaks out is to have that vocabulary to express my insides. To know what my mind is all  about. In  debt and certain understanding. We have that understanding now. We know what it is about. So a wider vocabulary. Also very important to understand mind already from pre-school. I am not joking.

Another thing is a supportive safe and trust worthy environment. To have trust, and to be able to be self honest in ones reflection to self and others. To have a variation of hobbies and interest physical activities, and healthy family bonds. Also to be with animals and to have the right nutrition and general support of the physical to.

These things I list here, these very few things is soooo easy to read and agree, but are they easy to live ? To practice ? If you are a parent to a schizophrenic child, please consider my advice. I would go so far as leaving you a warm welcome to contact me to write and communicate with me about your child.

To me my life would not have been the same if I were to learn and practice words, to have  rich vocabulary and safety and trust to express such, rather than having to deny it all the time and end up in the suspicious and corrupting of self: the projection, the thinking, the  backchats and mind games that are so easy to fall into from programming.

My mission here is to be able to bring some assistance from my clarity and insight into schizophrenia as myself – to the parent as well as the schizophrenic, child, youth or adult.

I sure hope that there is something here for you to pick up on. Don’t be a stranger.

be careful what you say to your child.JPG

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org

http://desteniiprocess.com

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

https://eqafe.com

https://warnomore.wordpress.com

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com

Day 743 – process of self

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Either we are stuck in a obsessive compulsive mind set, or are in lack of income, or that we are in a addiction of some kind, or inn a abusive relationship. We all have something with our lives that would require for us to walk a process on. We all have something to improve within our living.

To document oneness process so,  is becoming more and more a new real value of life – as it also should. It is self assistance and it is supposed to be healing. We have been our own worst judges and punishers, from habits and patters and emotions, now we must be our own best helpers/healers and assist our self and to bring us to understand what we have been through. To learn what we were going through, and how we managed to get out of it. We need to understand the mind yoga. And  how to improve oneness living. This have been a bisnes for decades with coaching, psychiatry and all sorts of entrepreneurship.

I have walked a quite advanced and meticulous process through my  schizophrenic mind. It has been quite some yoga I can tell you. I have lived with all sorts of addictions and bothers. I am currently  walking through my schizophrenic mind into a life with self honesty and self respect. Integrity and responsibility. I still recon that I am schizophrenic, but I do not suffer that much from it any more. I live in a safe and protected environment and  I also live in the country of the best welfare system, the world have ever seen.

The explaining of my steps and my how to is all well documented and shared on my blog and on youtube and on soundcloud as well as other places.

I have gotten to a point to live with my schizophrenia,  and to improve my mental state. I know my schizophrenia very well after walking my process of self forgiveness. So I encourage you to start working on your mental states, on your addictions and your behavior patterns. There is something within this for us all. Let’s start that blog and document to write out our mind and to come clear with self.

 

The only help is self help

I can have assistance and support and guidance… but help comes from within self

 

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Use the links

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

Day 742 – Living the word organized

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From having lived for about 3 decades very un – organized, in system uproar and sabotage, I realize with assistance from eqafe.com and from walking my desteni i process, that this word < organized > holds great potential to me.

From changing oneself from “reverse” of life… into “drive” of life –  one have to bring with the whole words/world’s that makes one…. up for recovery and change.

Why, or how is it  that this word holds potential to me ? Well since my life was very chaotic and disturbed with addictions and all sorts of mind concepts and conscious complications, I was living very much in opposition to this word organized. unconsciously I would despite this word, and down grade it, or more precisely down grade myself from looking at it. You see, words are almost like life, or at least they are very connected !  And I have gone through some huge changes that last 5 years of my life. I now appreciate being organized and I find the process of organizing, my life, to be quite fun, enjoyable, and supportive.

I have also defined this word to myself. So that it suits me. I can recommend working on words and to define them too suit your being. Play with words, express, live words, and redefine words. Check out SOUL

This is how I have redefined organized: to have such a arrangement of details so that all involved parts are comfortable.

Thanks for reading

Day 741 – where I just was… again

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so this is a post about time. “time is a gift we give to our self”, a friend of me once said.

I appreciate that quote.

 

it is like consciousness uses time as a enemy, to postpone it and “do it later” and “why bother doing the chores now”, postponing kind of way.

while awareness uses time to support,  saying yes: “let’s get busy doing this (!)”,  “we have real time, “let’s get down to it”,  “let’s get to work” kind of approach.

so what does this mean. to make a long story short – we are moving from consciousness to awareness. from “power of now” till “power of here”.

very much of this can be found in slowing down and being honest about oneself. to stop for 5 seconds and take a breather, perhaps close the eyes, and catch a breathe, to focus ones awareness and to be “here” as in all that one is, with trust, honesty and integrity, instead of “now as a fragmented and scattered element of consciousness.

this is what life teaches us. to be able to stand in a place of here, as all one is and all one have been, and to not bend down and lose ground over anything, memories, fears etc… to have forgiven everything so one can stand, equal and one as self support. within oneness own flesh.

 

so it is a process of learning to know oneself, to slow down…. and really see the moment within and to see who self is in real time. because, like Bruce Lee can tell us that slowing down oneself, is really, really moving faster within ones process.  and if you add self forgiveness to that and walk a path into life you can achieve anything.

we are creators and we create our own path. I chose to be self honest to change myself as much as I can in this life, to see ripples of that self change into the world as a whole.

to slow down to such a extent that one does not bite ones own tail, that one does not repeat what one is doing – where one just was.

 

self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and fully realize that the words, I speak, will sound better and different if, I am at a slower movement, and if I am able to slow myself down enough I will be more sure on what I say, and what I speak, and my resonance and expression of words will be better and have more effect.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel emotional or bad about slowing down so much that I feel bothered or like a clown failing to realize that slowing down ones process is in metaphysical, moving faster through the layers and diving deeper into oneness mind and self.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have not seen the very value and essence of slowing down, where I see that I would need to practice slowing down further to be able to have more access to my physical and to change.

 

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http://desteni.org/

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