Day 872 – Equality

Equality

What does equality mean to me?

In all simplicity it means to be of the same. To be given the same. To be granted the same starting point in life from a system perspective. Equality is to me to become equal to / responsible for all what is in this life, on this earth – that I can ever see. To bring all and everything back at self to equalize through self forgiveness. To neutralize/equalize self to all things and end the projected mind state. Because whatever I REACT to about this life – be it anything, like news, an emotion, a trauma, a thought – anything – I then need to become equal to that and through self forgiveness stop all my reactions over the matter.

This is what was Jesus message on earth. That we are all one and equal. That God is only inside of us individually – and not a projected entity in the sky. Jesus was used and his story was altered so much that it could suit the people in power. The story of Jesus was so much altered that what is left of him is something he warned us to NOT create – a religion. How evident is that?

Jesus was the prophet for real equality. Equality was his message – though the script – the bible has hidden this in deceptive ways. So, what is equality? To me equality is best seen in the money system – where we today have the perfect inequality. The gap between the haves and the have nots has never been greater. Poverty is staggering and billions of people suffer under inequality – while some few have all the money.

To me equality is best seen in the money system – where obviously we need a new system and an 100% equal money system – for all – that will change everything and literally create heaven on earth.

Equality is to me a matter of realizing and understanding – because we have today drifted far from the message that we know is best for all. For me with schizophrenia equality is to be to equalize /become the same – to my mind and my internal systems. To end all my reactions and to end the bothering constant thinking. To bring stability to the math of me – to stabilize my mind, as my mind, being and body merges into one. So, oneness is also a key part in this with how to manifest equality of self and by that in the world at large. So, there are reasons why Jesus is still so popular yet few really understand his story at all. They make it about God and the light, which is a great deception in this. Jesus was about equality – that is the big key here. For us today to become equal to our own minds systems – to realize ourself as the creator of our desteni and to find the responsibility to walk self into the perfect oneness and equality as self – so that we can live together side by side as – equals.

Equals as one and the same. That we practically have the same value. Like with a money system of perfect equality.

The government and the united nations say we have equal rights -but is this really so? Is not poverty and all the abuse proving that this is not the reality and not lived on practical terms?  

What is equality for you?

Another cool blog about equality : HERE

#equalmoneysystem #equallife #onenessandequality

Day 871 – self forgiveness on self judgement

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being schizophrenic where I think that being schizophrenic means that I HAVE to have a miserable life – because that is what Wikipedia tells us about the life of schizophrenics and I have to follow that because that is the norm.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a sick and deprived human being – because of my schizophrenia – where I take it on to live the sickness because that is what is expected.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the black sheep of the family and to think low of myself like I am an outcast and a freak of the crowd, where I find that I am not much different than others at all, its just that I need some support and someone to talk to along the way of stabilizing my schizophrenic mind.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself for living with self judgement to the extent that I fear I might end up hurting myself like in a accident, and I go blind on self judgement and cant find my path – but have to ground myself in my physical, calm down, and realise that I am here already.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be alone with myself – because I fear what my thoughts will tell me lies of self judgment.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having a mind system.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I should have transcended my mind already.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself for judging myself as not good enough, thinking my life is worthless.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having weird thoughts – where I fail to see that the thoughts I have are not me – they are not real.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself based on pictures that I see that pop up in my head – where I must realize that such pictures and such thoughts are not the truth of me at all, they are a part of my mind and non-reality of metaphysics, and I can learn to ground myself in my physical body, to use breathe, and be my own saviour with stabilizing of self in the truth of me the anchor of self and the being that I know I am on a universal way – and to be stable and grounded in my resolve as that being I know I am, find myself calm and confident about it and build on self   trust.

Day 870 – patterns of schizophrenic paranoia

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a state of war within my mind of playing games between my personalities where the one is always after the other and that this war game and chase of myself as different personalities, is how my schizophrenia is rigged and programmed to play itself out and that is what is going on within my mind of 2-3 personalities are constantly chasing each other around and around in my mind – creating a living hell. My solution to this is to forgive the energies that keep me an addict to the personalities/polarities/believes – to release myself from the mind addiction and find myself grounded and aware in my physical body.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in distrust, fear, hate, paranoia and simply tons of emotional bothers that I would hold against my personalities one at the time – where the one lashing out in emotions at others is also a personality, and that is why it seam impossible to get out of.  Within this I realize how difficult it is to find stability within my mind – but I will keep at it – working my way through the schizophrenic labyrinth of hell.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself into a state of constant war against myself – with different personalities carrying different traits all part of me – part of my responsibility to sort out because even though it is all fake in the sense of being only feelings and emotions, thoughts, opinions, believes etc – I still have to take responsibility for it as it is me who is reacting to it.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself for information that I stumble over that make me go into this state of absoluteness and static depression, prostrative, paranoia from taking in different information, and I feel like I can’t get out and I need to talk to someone and lift on my veil – that is my best remedy atm to air out my mind and voice myself on being stuck in my own rut of paranoia.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to take on new information that might shake things up a bit that is controversial and that many would say is conspiracy, that might resonate with my own finding of reality and matter, where I often go into this absoluteness and static state and can’t get out of – but force myself to stay in, until my prostrative paranoia breaks loose and I have to seek support in order to vent out my mind. What happens is literally a disaster where paranoia takes over – until I can vent it out and find stability in the sense that we are all in it together and that we are facing consequences not only for ourself but for generations past.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to mystify the words “paranoia is the mother of thought” – where I believe that I belong in that state and awareness, I have to create and nurture in this paranoid state – failing to see that it is  a poisonous (paranoid) state of mind, and that I don’t need to think to be alive – and I see today what I do then, is that I take on the sins of the fathers – I feel guilt and believe I must think my way out of it – and literally take on lots programs from my forefathers and that this math then is the creation of my thoughts aka paranoia that I experience often from reading information and theories that shake things up – like with conspiracy theories, where I realise today, what sort of math these theories operate with is often in concern of past – history – going way back in time to past generations and literally facing the sins of the fathers today, and this resonate also with me and I therefor take it on and place the sins of my forefathers and guilt on myself and this load make me feel depressed, prostrative and paranoid and is a leading cause of my mental problems of today. Within this I find it important to note that a lot of these theories all carry truth to them – its just a matter of knowing who self is and what is self responsibility and what we must let go of as our collective past to be able to create something new.

Day 869 – Self Forgiveness on desires

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself for wanting to fight to have a relationship to fight for my desires, like I want to fight for my “right” to have desires, and believing that such ideas in itself can give me a relationship, like some law of attraction bullshit, instead I realize that being in a relationship in itself is not going to solve anything rather complicate everything in particular because of my starting point of minds desires and ego.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to give up my desire for a relationship believing that I need to have that sexual desire in order to secure the relationship – to control the partner and the relationship into my ego/desires wants instead I will practice on letting go of A and the relationship idea about sex and desires – to focus on me and not go possessed over dreaming of sex/desires.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to let go of A because I fear that I am letting go of a potential relationship instead of realizing that as I let go of that I can start something new with myself to open up new doors into me and ground myself more within self and learn better to know me intimately and in general: to practice letting go of things.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have control over energies and physicality, over A to control the relationship into a agreement of being a couple – trying to satisfy my desire, instead of realizing that minds desires will lead to catastrophy like we see with all our dysfunctional relationships and families build on mind experiences and not on common sense – best for all physical reality.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that to have desires is part of the solution, that I will defend my right to look at boobs and buts and bodies and to secretly fantasize about sex, and I tell myself in my secret mind that I do this in order to secure that I will one day actually have a relationship, which is based on lies, ego, fear and deception – so instead I take it to myself to bring that desire back to myself to cherish me to love me and care for me.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to fight for my right to look at boobs and butts- to think that I must allow myself to look at it and to allow myself to stare at bodies and secretly believe that I need to do that in order to secure myself a relationship/desires, instead I take it to myself that I will tend myself and care for myself and give myself that love and care, comfort and intimacy and let go of the superficial desires and be myself – unapologetically – give myself back to me and love me.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself for having misunderstood sex, desires and relationships, to the point that it has become all ego driven, all sexual desires driven and all fear driven (fear of not having) that would build this idea of how I need to fight for my right to have a relationship and a girlfriend and that I need that in order to satisfy my ego and my mind desires.

For now, I end this with a quote from a friend:

“At the end of the day it’s about just living that decision to not go into the programming/desires”

Day 868 – Prostrative – facing down

With this word prostrative – that I was showen by my Desteni I Process buddy, would mean to me that I would break down and sort of crush myself, to pin myself down inferior to all and everything. Sort of giving up my strength and vitality to the mind. Giving up on life as physical reality. Totally collapsing down to the ground. To submit myself and my being to a deity – a god – the imaginary mind – or simply – the ground.

This is a result of many things having built up in me over the last weeks. Lots of irritation, stress and frustration and also a feeling of lesser worth. So it all came crashing down with/into “prostrative”

I forgive myself as my beingness, my innocence, that I have accepted and allowed myself to overthrow myself – to force myself into submission to a  believe of a higher self, a god or a imaginary force that I would perceive is greater than me, within this I take it to my HEART that there is no such thing as a higher power or a higher self, there is me , here, now as self as creator of my reality, and to keep believing in a imagination will only disappoint me and eventually bring me down with a hard crash, in feeling lesser than and feeling prostrative.

I forgive myself as my beingness, my innocence,  that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and judge myself and others around me – for what I think is not ENOUGH change, for what I feel is not ENOUGH evolving and improvement, and from this I go calling for a god, a  higher self, where I fail to see that reality, physical actual reality moves sloooooow… and I am still not used to that kind of slowness, and I need to become better at riding that parallel train of slowness, to listen to my body, because change is here and it is merging I only have to slow myself down enough to witness it.

I forgive myself as my beingness, my innocence, , that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my mind in itself is a sort of a god, where I keep isolating my mind in separation of the totality of me, and I go inferior to my mind and I crash down and feel hurt and prostrative and within this I take it to heart to include all of me – to cherish all of me, my body, my being and my mind  all in one scoop – because only there, from the totality of me, is where  I can rise again and be me  in common sense beingness self awareness.

I commit myself to walk with myself in self support and in care of the whole self that I am.

I commit myself to walk in myself like I was a new person and to question everything within me  and bring new light into me, and define myself again and again until I can stand solid in self support.

I commit myself to connect to my depth, to my low, by being and understanding nature and defining myself according to nature.

I commit myself to walk with understanding the word prostrative to see what is this word in nature – HOW is prostrative found in nature ? Could it be the death of nature – plants etc during winter that going back to the soil/ a death process to compost / new soil and potential for new birth… I wonder? I understand that prostrative in nature can be that last but whole breathe and movement of a plant that is giving itself back to the soil -as frost and snow kicks in.

I commit myself to do more stretching out, and to everyday make sure I do some yoga and proper stretching out on myself to connect to the ground to connect to my physical that, yes one day is realy going back to the soil, but here is for me to understand this and grounding this to myself, so that I as a being can learn the whole circular process of life – that includes dying and going back to soil as compost – to rejuvenate after the process of being “prostrative” – facing down.

Day 867 – father sky

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the father figure and to curse the idea of a father like in comparing to mother – where I have come to fear the male – the father figure and the male – the lord – the “father-sky” idea and picture that is presented in religion that the almighty god is the father figure instead of grounding this to myself to simplify this relationship because within me this have gotten very complicated and disruptive.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the idea of a heavenly father.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see my dad as the heavenly father, instead of realizing that is what I have to equalize to – because I have come to fear and hate the father figure / the lord so much so that in itself becomes my greatest challenge to equalize to.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the heavenly father because of the distance, the separation the inequality to the mother and the mother earth that gives me milk and most of the attention, love and care from when I was a baby and a child, that the relationship to the father or my dad is driven beyond and there was no explaining the depth and intricacies of father and mother hood and/or being a child and a human in the world, within this I take it to heart that nobody was taught properly this at all and that the reason, reality and self forgiveness solution behind this is not evident before today.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to build on the father sky mother earth idea to make the father about light and the mother about darkness – where I see that I am reacting to these stereotypes and characters because if not – this inner Babylon would not build itself – but is a result of a construct of reactions, emotions, suppression and my illness that I was to learn as separation between the elements and between the sexes.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself that I had not seen of completely embraced that the different sexes are consistent of the same physical values, from a male sperm and a female egg and that any human being is a result and a product of both the male and the female beings and that both sexes are represented as resonant designs within the one and equal human body.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to identify with either male or female, masculine, feminine personality traits and ways of being where I instead realize that I can define the traits within me that needs to be changed and that I react to – bring them to the “engineer table” for me to edit this about me- to give it names and words, symbols, paint flowers or give these traits of myself a definition and a clear stand where I can set free these suppression’s within me and give them life and purpose – except from mind’s imprisonment. So for instance I could find a trait within me that is about care – where I could name this inner – feminine trait for “my rose” lol… to build that life – to birth that life through writing like this here to sett free these suppression and denials that have been resting within me that want to blossom and come to life – equal and one.

Investigate : https://desteni.org/

Day 866 – time within

It happened in those days, that Folken – the student pub – where selling beers for discount, that I found an old school friend on the stairs there. I was 21 years old and the paradigm shift with increasing volume came over us all. I was rootless and very restless. From 1999 onwards towards an increasingly impulsing individually explained reality, me and my schizophrenia came into ever stronger flowering. I quickly became friends with a lot of people and there was a lot of partying. Deep blow of Motorpsycho at Kampen. Long nights on Løkkeveien, and yearning inspiration at Bruket in Hillevåg. Walking alone in the night and getting lost at Storhaug. Endless lots of beer, and a lot of flirting. Became acquainted with many in a short time. Did sorry things to many people. With drugs and escapism, there are always some who are suffering it turns out. The dance became a creative solution and rescue. I danced. I did not have time to sit on the party - I wanted to go out and dance and cause a scene. The spirit of the times still left blankets at my feet. Numusic, Recept, and Tou Scene, but with more and more traces of Schizophrenia. At Fontenehuset on Eiganes with painting as an activity and a growing aversion to chemical medicine. Later in Bjergsted on with more to paint. Some turning points triggered me, where the shift not only left blankets and palm leaves in front of me, but now youtube that tells me that we humans are locked in as pure slaves in our individual minds. What does Schizophrenia really mean and where does it come from? If you are wondering and have time I can tell you later. It all escalated further after Jan Arne, my foster brother, died. I was left in a snowstorm on Karlsøya, Troms, one winter in 2007/2008. Fyresdalen bathed in sun and flames in 2009 - it was magical and it really ignited a spark in me. I saw that there is more to life. That there are opportunities for a better world. Then it moved on more to a climax. North Trøndelag, Trondheim, Bergen, Møre, and still in more trouble. Harder, faster and tougher. I wanted to escape further, until I was on my way to South America in November 2011 - but it was landing with my last crazed tour in Denmark, Germany and the Netherlands, that winter. The fact that I am alive after that last trip I'm simply eternally grateful for. I threatened to be admitted to a mental hospital in Kiel, I slept in a frail tent during the Occypy Amsterdam movement, and in a bunk bed at the hostel with refugees in Copenhagen. Thankful first and foremost to my parents for not giving up on me. The spirit of the times has been here with its shattering of character for a very long time, more noticeably since 1998. The year before I found Folken & the beer.
 
There is a lot of melancholy in what I write. I think back with humble hands. Many different beautiful people I would like to talk to about the days when we drank ourselves silly while heaven as a dimension was completely emptied and closed completely down all vibrations and devices. Our task? To create a real heaven here on earth. As any self-respecting prophet has said. auuuh…. I would like to give you who can read this a good hug - so I give myself that hug and then you get to do the same with you. No one is coming to save us. We have to do that job ourselves. I can still show the way. From everything I have experienced and seen, self forgiveness is the most humiliating and strongest form of therapy that exists. And humility is rising in value. Many have we lost on the journey, but we can’t give up - I rather find that I "give up" - the concept - of giving up. It has worked well so far for me. Thank you for reading my thoughts. I hope to put out some seeds of awareness. We have this life and the opportunity to be here. Let us search within the self - forgive, heal, rise, and create the outside accordingly. Life is the only thing that has real value. It is the same for everyone. It can be very nice here. If we seek inwardly in the self - in our inner garden - our inner ecosystem - and do not give up… that dream.
 
 
About being stuck in your own garden & dream. We all have bigger or smaller bites - it all depends on the viewer - a bigger or smaller bit of utopia, a dream world. How we know we can be, where we know we can create a better world. Where we know it is possible to change. We know today that forgiveness of the self has an incredible redemptive power. And that honesty can be an incredibly nice path towards love. One day - dear friends, we can be together without having to measure each other, without having to compete and think polarizing thoughts about ourselves or others. That day was shattered into a thousand thousand thousand pieces a long time ago. The piece we find - is our golden garden - our belonging, our dream world, our better self. When we search for ourselves in our memories, origins and presence, when we piece our self back together, we reflect in others, we constantly find bites and elements that we recognize in one way or another. Pieces of ourselves that were lost to us, pieces of our universal belonging that we carried as little children, but which in thoughts, judgement, ignorance, competition and polarization of the conscious mind - lost or forgotten, repressed as stupid, bad or sinful. It is when we later find these "grains of gold" these elements of our belonging and concept as ourselves, that is how we find meaning - we can again look at our lives in innocence and with admiration and grace. Because we dare to take the step out to talk to the self, to forgive the self and make the self more acceptable and make the self more understandable and adaptable. When we find elements, pieces and fragments of our past, and put them together, forgive our polarizing and assumed attitude in relation to these pieces, to which every one of the lost pieces (!) has a belonging, then it is what we master we unite and we find meaning with our life. When the honest expression we learned as children where judged as stupid and sorry or ugly and crooked and wrong, when today we bring out these wounds, these traumas and forgive our oppression of these childish expressions these memories, that is to live. It is finding meaning in own garden of self. To breathe freely. We all carry trauma in one sense or another. It is when we do shadow work and bring out these stories from oblivion and forgive ourselves, that we can truly view our lives in truth and in confidence. We have a way to go, utopia is still on the way. It's us and it is now. It is not the intention of anyone to fight, starve, beg or compete. Because competition is a form of warfare. When we are stuck in our own garden, we have forgotten to seek and work with the self - to learn new words and redefine our words and our lives. There is much left to find and discover. I would say we are well on our way. Self realization and self mastery are essential for mankind. We are all going through a process and an awakening today. Be aware and be humble. People around you are all undergoing some form of healing for something they are not talking about. A bit from the trauma of oblivion, a mirror image to forgive. Muscles that contract in fear. We can no longer live in fear. We must forgive it too - and become free - in oneness and in equality. In the process of a heaven on earth, a utopia, as we all deep down wish for. A great place for everyone. It starts with me and it starts with you. Search inward in your intimacy. Let's change the collective system - the money system, because then masks will fall and a lot of fear and anxiety will disappear from our lives. A money system where we all get the same amount - equal value in system form. Then we must work with the self and find ourselves and all people - like ourselves – equal and one.
 
 
 

Give time to investgate: desteni.org

Day 865 – voyage of void

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself for thinking that since I find this empty space within me, this void of sorts I therefor need to fill it up with something, like I have to make a show and a broadcast/entertainment out of myself and my free space, where I fail at recognizing that I should simply allow myself to have some free space within me. There is nothing wrong with emptiness, I don’t need to fill it with anything. I can just be my own space within – for me to breathe and perhaps if needed – give others space to see and realize self.

I was dreaming last night about finding empty spaces within me. I would have this urge to fill it up and to occupy the space with so me gadget or what would be seen as “value”. Like to make something out of nothing, but it did not sit right and I felt awkward about what I needed to do with it. I felt like I needed to develop that nature within me – instead of allowing it to be an empty and free space within me. Like we see in nature what we often think about is to develop and take profit of nature. To extract from nature – to our benefit. But nature also needs (today more than ever) to rejuvenate and heal from man’s abuse. So where to start with giving nature more space and freedom to heal? I start with my human nature. By allowing emptiness and void, a free space within me for me and my nature to heal self. So within so without.

My process buddy gave me a quote for me to look at here it is:

“The void is not the void because there is nothing to be empty of”

Day 864 – make my mind sexy

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself the feeling of emptiness and void within me, feeling there is a lack or a empty space within that I have to fill and “make desirable” – I feel like I have to make my life and living more likeable more sales worthy  – it is like I give my mind the task of making my life more desirable and according to my mind the result of this is that; in  my dreaming my mind produces porn for me to watch in my dreams, I find myself in my dreams – watching porn, and that is not ok – obviously – because then I start to desire porn and sex pictures and such imagination in wake life – in separation of self and life – where I see and realize that I need to first define and sort out the emptiness and void within  me – to properly define that and then  after that – if needed – find something to fil the void  with that is of life support.

So, the emptiness is basically feeling like I am ready for next level. I feel like this level is complete and done. I feel ready for next challenge basically.  And it is also a stability point and mastery point for me to recognize myself as a being – meaning I have come very far in my process, and I have achieved lots and realized lots about self. So instead of following the Mc Donald’s way of  making my mind reality more “sexy” or basically for me to dream of sex and porn, and follow the system way of just feeding my mind with energies and images – like the dead mind zombie robot that I have prior been – I would need to ground that and find my stand in that and find something that I can fill my void with, some interest or something where I can believe in myself again and not lose faith because of dreaming of porn. But forgive that and like with this writing understand that, find something that I enjoy that can fill my void somehow. This might not be easy to alter, but I will not give up.

So this is about understanding my mind, and then to believe in myself, because I have come far – and I have accomplished lots – however I will not slack of and simply let mind run its course – I know that would lead me into suffering – I will ground myself, honor life as the physical real awareness that is here – waiting to come alive as godhood of flesh of self (to make it biblical lol) So I am here – standing as solution to self.

Investigate : https://desteni.org/

Thank you for reading.

Day 863 – self forgiveness process of life

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk around myself like on eggshells, fearing to make mistakes and fearing to screw up – giving into this personality of clamming to be neutral in life, where I fear to commit and I feel like backing out and not being seen or heard,  sinking into me with no direction or plan – just wanting to vaporate as a being, within this I realize and see within me that making mistakes and doing “wrong” is part of life – that is how we learn to do stuff – right – and further I commit myself to simply do – to act to be and to live – and to not fear the mistake – but take it as a part of a learning curve. Also further than that – when I make a mistake – I commit to embrace myself and what goes down – completely – I commit myself to LOVE myself and the mistakes I do – fully and completely, again as a part of learning.

 

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself for the dominance of my inherent schizophrenia structure – personality platform – within my mind and now within my body – that is the core of schizophrenia to me – a sort of stage or platform for 2 or 3 personalities to fight/balance each other out – and to conquer each other seemingly eternally in a fight for dominance over me, instead of realizing that even If there is such a sick game in my mind, I know and have proven that I can still take charge of the physical  & being of me, to direct myself and move according to what I can assess in the moment is best for all – and not go into the seemingly endless schizophrenic depression and sorrow – that I recognize within most people living with this illness.

 

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure and in doubt and worry of my own being – where I fear to make mistakes, and I fear to screw up this math and recipe of mind system – leaving me then in a state of deep penetrating anxiety and I drain myself by giving into this anxiety that is a polarity and a program of my mind that is mining my physical to keep up the looping and polarity games in my mind, and this seeing and responsibility of know-about – that the mind box extracts physical resources from my physical body to keep running its systems of polarity and believes of mind – just like big cooperates exploit he natural earth for its recourses – and neither is sustainable – so I am ending my own inner exploiting and abuse of me as a natural physical being – giving life back to life.

 

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel defeated and in sorrow over being presented information about what some people are willing to do to hold on to assumed power, position and money, meaning what level of inner greed and corruption and deep down abuse that humanity is willing to accept as a part of their own mind – inner reality and THEREFOR also on the outer external reality and life that we face and live. Within this I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel defeated,  depressed and inferior in comparing to specific people that live under certain conditions, codes and certain laws – where I find in myself and I see in another that specific concept that even though there are people who are wiling and also that in structured manifest and family weapon etc – in all obviousness – present themselves as abusers to stay in power and money positions, that still tells me that : I am looking at the man in the mirror and THAT person is who I have to deal with – that my inner most sick demons that have been part of my thoughts and reality in this life –  are equally mine to forgive, alter and change as self.

 

Also within this I find that awareness and knowhow from the dimensions and where Mykey tells me through the portal:  That which I find unforgivable and impossible to accept as myself – where I keep judging myself is where my view and movement is skewed into a position of judging myself – because that – back then I could have made better choices and lived a better life,  but I did not, and the abuse that I lived, I then need to view today as a story – and what I can then do to alter my standing and within that my understanding of my own position and belonging to such story. And it is within that UNDERSTANDING of self as a partaker in a story – that I can go back into the memory/story and live it differently (!)  to free myself from the system placement and energy addiction with mind consciousness system of the memory by forgiving myself – AND change myself as the partaker in the story, and end the self judgement. Meaning I needed to go back to my stories that where haunting me and rewrite my experience of the stories. I needed to rewrite the story – this will not change the past – but I can change the story – and it will change who I will be in the present and so the future.

 

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