823 – self forgiveness on worry

Worry is something I have worked on for some time now to heal with myself. If you want to really learn worry I suggest to investigate the eqafe interview below, and the next following 3 parts, in line after this one from the atlanteans:

https://eqafe.com/p/worry-the-nature-of-worry-atlanteans-part-109

 

Here is a second source of info, a life review of a worry wart :

https://eqafe.com/p/worry-wart-life-review

 

 

Tormod i Rauland

Self forgiveness from me on worry:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for the moment of worry realize that I had failed at planning, preparing and preventing – harm, accident or abuse to take place in my living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for the design of worry that is making me feel like I have a handicap, which clearly is so, and I am left inferior to my own handicap.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush and in that rush go into worry from not making details secure (enough)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry over electricity – simply from not knowing the detailed about how electricity actually works.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view worry as this superior energetic thing or unit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value worry as something dear to me, from the energy surrounding it, and precious to me and my living from how I relate to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can benefit of worry in any way other than the experience of working through it and learning how to handle it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that worry is to damn complicated and that I don’t have it within me to confront it or deal with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the day I am not worried – because what else should I do with my life other than worry ?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide and stack my worry on the depth of my secret mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lock the door to my secret mind and hasty look away like in suppression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry at my worry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny my interest in worry as to study it and learn it, where I would judge it and mock myself within it.

 

Within this I commit myself to work on this weakness of mine, to not let it develop as a mind system within me, but be at it, to plan, prepare and prevent and make no room for worry within myself and my living !

 

to learn self forgiveness: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

to join the community: https://destonians.com/

 

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Day 822 – my creation

Lately I had a good listen, on eqafe,  to what the snowflakes of existence have to say about creation and within creation: perfection. I deeply recommend  checking out the snowflake series

– it’s awesome.

Here are the 3 eqafe interviews of the existence of snowflakes

https://eqafe.com/p/snowflake-the-snowflake-and-perfection-earth-nature-and-weather

https://eqafe.com/p/snowflake-perfection-and-the-principle-of-two-or-more-earth-nature-and-weather

https://eqafe.com/p/snowflake-relationship-purification-and-the-design-of-perfection-earth-nature-and-weather

full_snowflake-the-snowflake-and-perfection-earth-nature-and-weather

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail at living from the within to the without, meaning from within my heart in equality and oneness as life and best for all, to the outer earth – and practice what substance I am – and what I live in thought, word and deed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to discharge my heart at something weak, foolish and lesser-then – basically judging my heart and lashing out on hearth’s desires (my earth) and judge my hearths/earths desire as  inferior to myself and my believes about my own creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project out a image of me as this superior and strong man, that has no fear and no issues what so ever, and with this kind of mind set I end up with complicating my everyday life, it gets foggy and unclear and I lose sight and direction and my creation is skewed.

 

Here is another cool blog on the topic of perfection:

https://ingridschaefer1.wordpress.com/2019/02/08/dag-798-perfectionism-self-forgiveness/?fbclid=IwAR0xAH4M4gxJmF_cKRViPqw9RKTrASO_V24mKu8Yjj1b6VFn3nvm9AJio-I

Day 821 – steering myself

luis-chacon-244504-unsplash

Photo by Luis Chacon on Unsplash

Taking charge & making directions of my living through self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I fail at creating a real structure with and as my daily life in the sense that I can be my own creator/director, of what I accept and allow to take place with and as myself and my living – this must come from a clear starting point, a direction, a drive, written words to guide myself within self creation – from day to day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that for me to create a supportive and strong – further structure in my day to day life – is too much to ask – where I judge myself within thinking I don’t have that in me – it’s not my capacity I give up trying to create more structure in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for fearing to open up my potential of self creation in fear of what I might find that might be in any way unknown and/or uncomfortable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame for me being able to write and that I  have everything at hand – but still I fail at creating a more solid supportive writing structure with myself to better direct my living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I fail to direct myself as energy/substance – where I am unable to see that taking direction is precisely what I am learning – also within seeing this as a fault.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself refuse to properly investigate options to better plan ahead and to better be my own best version.

 

Within this I commit myself to take those 5/10 + minutes a day to sit down and write about my own course, plan my life – what I would like to achieve from day to day – and take direction of myself – some simple clues from day to day that will assist me with knowing myself further – what points I am looking at – to always know where I am at – and from that awareness to know who I am – and that will make me more stable and steady in my process – of why I am.

 

desteni.org

Day 820 – How I work with self loathing

self-loathing

Dictionary result for self-loathing

noun
  1. hatred of oneself.

 

 

oleg-sergeichik-496386-unsplash.jpg

 

I have been wanting to open up this point for a while now, and it’s a point of self loathe/self hate/self harm and belittlement and how one can understand this dimension, and most important change and recover – from this type of mental suffering.

Mainly it plays out when I start to  become uncertain, in doubt and in worry over something. Something like “did I close my door to my room”, “are the lights of” and “am I certain that I turned the stove of” –  and I can’t stop the thoughts, questions and backchats from hammering at me with worry, doubt and uncertainty.

I see this character of “self loathing” playing from the starting point of worry and being concerned, which is something that have been deeply ingrained in my life from way back in early childhood.

So from the starting point of worry, concern and doubtful thoughts, this then triggers my self loathing personality.  I start to have such a nature of,  backchats, thoughts and ideas in my head/mind of being lesser then. Ideas that tell me I am worthless and insignificant. That I am a lowlife and scum. You know if you hear that many enough times, THAT becomes your reality, and it will play out in real time.

So for many years I would live for being “hard”, worshiping the tough guy personality. Living in hate of the system.  Being that hard core rocker. Being in uproar and basically war against any form of order. This worshiping and nature of mine for some 15 – 20 years of my life – is now getting back at me. Like terminator saying in the mirror the famous “I’ll be back” – that is now present.

So from this over-thinking and bothersome state of mind, I start to believe that I don’t deserve a quality life. I think that I need to be belittled and basically punished – because I judge myself with concerning thoughts – of worry, doubt and insecurity. It is a negative spiral and the only real way out is with self forgiveness, understanding myself within it  – and self change – into new living word such as self confident and/or self appreciation. One of the ways to heal this worry dimension, is to become a master in planning, preparing and preventing – that I take on me to learn.

Also what plays a part here is the point about tidiness, having tidiness around me, and a constant judgment and concern that my living is out of order and not proper and tidy (enough). This is relate to a judgment of my expression not being tidy, and it goes way into my sexuality (symbolical expression) and judgment of my own expression and nature.

In short I end up with self loathing/self judgment and self hate from thoughts and concern about worry, insecurity and doubtfulness.

So I will work my way through these mind layers with self forgiveness – releasing the energy bundle and stabilize self out of harm from the self loath dimension.

 

self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that since worry is a design that is deeply ingrained with me, I should just resign and give up on trying to change that part of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge between positive and negative believes of mind situations where my mind tries to “solve” my worry challenges, where I must rather, when I spot such worry issues, I must ground myself, breathe and rely on my physical and the common sense nature and steer out of that worry as best possible in that moment – but also see to manage and learn well to : plan, prepare and prevent (become a master of planning) as a way to avoid worry, doubt and insecurity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow the worry, doubt and uncertain characters simply play how they like with me in my mind, and end up with massive self judgment and self belittlement issues – where I fall into a spiral of anger, depression and fear – and THAT is not supportive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to draw to worry like a magnet in my mind, and to judge other beings from me going into worry, like I would judge my parents and my upbringing for this program to allow to manifest in and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for failing to trust myself, and what activity I just did and there for sow doubt within me  and later harvest the loath and other concerning personalities/polarities and believe patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to admit myself loathing personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see how bad a self loathing personality could develop within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel attracted to self loathing personality from thinking “I am schizophrenic, so  a portion of self loathing is natural to me and my living” – and to feel attracted to self hate/self loathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attract to hate simply because I want to cure it – so I invent hate in my mind and create it within me to attack it – a pattern of self destruct and simply a mind occupation/possession.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am such a wimp and pussy from living with worry and then also using these backchats of wimp and pussy to belittle myself, judge myself and drive me into self loathing – from thinking I don’t deserve better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that self loathing and hate (toward others) was more a part of me some 15 – 20 years of my life, and prominently so playing the hard rocker dude that would not compromise and that would not surrender, but live in sabotage uproar and in general self loathing (war) for many years – THAT past is playing out now in manifested consequence, like I would live hate – out to system before – that is now inverted towards me like basic math – give as you want to receive, my own mirage giving back to me – lol – looking in the mirror and seeing Terminator 2 : “I’ll be back” – that I have to deal with now.

 

When and as I see myself going in to worry and concern about a detail (stove, lamp, light etc)  I stop myself, I breathe and I ground myself with what is here. I realize that worry only leads to more worry. I must rather than giving into worry, before that  having planed and prepared my living situation, to slow down and make sure that I have done what needs to be done, I need to make a checklist. I can also cross check with my physical – to ask – is it needed to go back to check again ? But also to use such point to realize that I need to plan, prepare and prevent better.

I commit myself to become a master of planning, preparing and preventing to avoid worry, doubt and insecurity,  and such concerns that I have come to find.

 

When and as I see myself attempted to go into self destructive pattern such as self loathing, I stop myself I breathe and I ground myself with what is here. I realize that hate/loath is something that I would  live expressively with intent some years ago. I realize that I have to face that and such programs today – by forgiving it and deleting it – freeing self from the energy and learning planning, preparing and prevention – and further self trust as I go and change my nature.

 

Investigate:

http://desteni.org/

https://eqafe.com/

https://destonians.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

Day 819 – effortlessness through the lens of hardship

effort

Imagine that the idea and concept that the matrix movies present are real. In which I am aware they are in most ways.

Imagine that you could change your minds programming, according to what is needed and preferred  to become a better version of self.

Imagine that you can hack your own mind, your own system, and change/alter the programming that is layered within and as your own mind/being.

That is what is taking place at me, from me walking my desteni I process now for over 6 years. It’s a altering of my minds programs to change my ways to prove that change is real and that the process I walk is a process that for real can change ones reality – from words and systems as words.

I am now looking specifically at my relationship to some distinguished words. Words that I have chosen  to walk and to apply. So I am at the moment changing and literally programming myself to a new and altered state of being from my relationship to some specific words.

I look at the  word effortlessness. How my life is changing with me simply living my life. From me programming myself with words through my desteni I process and mind programming literally to untie the many connections/systems between my mind and my physical body. It’s like writing new code for my own soft and hardware, my own mind, being and physical.

So after I have written it and coded my self – it’s just for me to live it – to live the change. And it’s quite the remarkable experience. It’s quite hard to be a new self. You can say I recently placed in lots of work in self.  It’s quite painful. Just like a baby is screaming to communicate to its parents,  my body is often communicating with me through pain. The pain is real and it’s from change. It’s new parts of me that is again, discovered and woken up from the long sleep and darkness of past/old abusing programs into a new and  better me.

The point of effortlessness is that the process becomes more easy to follow/go with as I simply have to live it / walk it and applying it becomes easy.

 

It’s like seeing what is there (in my mind) exposing it and knowing the brutal truth/honesty of it. And then to change its coding – from writing. Self forgiveness and redefining my words and relationships, self commitments and other methods of self altering and self structuring are some of the tools I am proud to use – that the group of desteni are working every day to fine tune.

Looking at effortlessness I find it quite challenging to be the change, I mean change to fast can be a challenging ride. And that is today some of my hardship. At the end of the day I realize that I don’t want to be the one that simply gives the responsibility and all the mess we are in over to our children. Like it was done to me. No.  I take responsibility for my and this life, to alter my ways to find solutions and imply them. It’s challenging yes, but it will be worth is in the long haul. I know for sure.

So effortlessness is today my hardship, but it’s a strong and steady ship lol, and challenge is a channel to change. A opportunity for change. So I am looking at effortlessness,  within my being and a solution to the hardness of it is to adjust the stress level with …. watching TV ! TV has today become a remedy for my share these days, is  I need to serve myself with some TV these days and use that is unwinding. Reading books are similar activities that I use when I need to relax and enjoy myself. Walking outside and working physically with my body are other ways to recover.

Thanks for reading

 

 

Here is me talking about self forgieveness:

Enjoy your day !

Day 818 – powerlessness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anger at life/everything/self and I do so because I fear to face my deep, deep down powerlessness and inferiority and feeling little and below, lost and scared, like a freak lost… and I don’t like to feel like a lost freak – so my mind uses different energy/moments and components to build up a anger/rage within me, to make my mind feel more alive and more vital, it gives my mind a boost but it makes me/myself within it  more scared and lonely than before because the anger outburst and the boosting of mind greatens/makes larger the divide/separation between my body, my being and my mind – making me and life suffer – for not really taking on looking at that dimension of powerlessness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face my deep down powerlessness as I fear to not have anything there to do, where I fail to realize that I can’t do much about the power itself –  it’s the content – who I am within it – that matters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not seeing before today, in clarity, in perspective, how I need to practice to not go into anger/reactions/blame but rather face my powerlessness/my depth my sorrow, head on, face it, forgive it and let it go – again – it’s who I am within facing my powerlessness that matters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project out this idea/picture of me all confident and seemingly strong guy – where that is but a shell/cover/secret mind/projection – that I use to hide my insecurities and fears/lesser than/low, that boils underneath and makes me feel like a failure because my facade / my shell is cracking up and I am falling down, and hurting myself from my stand of being confident/almost cocky  – into a depth of hurt and lonely/powerless, because deep down we are all insecure and more or less lost and/or sick/deprived from our minds, programming and our culture/inherent.

Within this I will know myself (!) to balance myself to a common sense life/practice/application to not fall for the illusion of depression or… other typical stereotype emotional burden – rather take a deep breath, chin up, find solutions that really work – practice it again  –  learn it/understand it  – and not give up on self!

 

desteni.org

 

forgiveness

Day 817 – Plato’s Allegory of the Cave vs. the Savior Character/Savior Complex

 

Plato’s  Allegory of the Cave vs. the Savior Character / Savior Complex

 

So If you don’t know the Allegory of the Cave by Plato – I suggest to take some time to investigate it and understand it before reading this.

(There are several cool (and short) videos on youtube about this fine theory)

 

This is me looking at who I am I relation to the Cave theory by Plato – and how I (then) play my savior character /savior complex.

Savior character is typically a character/personality (of self) that want to save other people.

So if you know the cave theory you would know how the savior character is a part of that, and that it’s not supportive at all – to be a savior within such a deal.

 

Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it’s my job to save anyone else from their own misery.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall down and obey the savior character within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to praise the savior character – as myself  – within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worship the savior character – within and as a personality of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like honoring the savior character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program my own being and body to chose and apply/like the/my savior character/complex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the/my savior character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make process about others and how I can save them/fish them out of their hell, and make them see my reality/light – when they must find this out for themselves – I can only share snippets and parts and hints here and there – to not pressure people or “save” people, but rather let them see the reality for themselves – and so my living application/solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself trying to save people from their own fears/shadows like the Cave Allegory from Plato lets us know, that it’s not easy for people to see the truth and that might be a delicate and risky business, all in all to be such a savior/prophet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as this savior character within the Cave Allegory of Plato, and to think that I have to save and untie/unlock people from their chains and free them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for believing that it is my job to work on myself – equal to that of anyone else to try to free them from their past/programs/emotions as we are all equal and one – which is a interesting take – still I am  me and other people are themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for feeling like I am dying to save people – like the Allegory from Plato tells us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to not save people from their chains.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior since I understand the Cave Allegory by Plato – where that is a trap that I make and I soon find myself inferior and in need to correct myself and by correcting – my programming tells me to save others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to not “have to” save others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like to save others is a deep, deep issue with me, and again like we know from the Allegory of the cave by Plato, people must find out for themselves how to live.

 

Self commitment :

I commit myself to drop the savior character and be and express me !

I commit myself to live words like : relax, easy, gentle, focus, clear, calm, when I feel like going back into the cave “to save people” – rather I must resonate and live my solutions and be a gentle guide/assistant.

I commit myself to break the spell  of me having to be a savior character.

I commit myself to ground the savior character and to bring that focus/energy back at self – and my process, and my living application.

 

leaflove

 

desteni.org

 

 

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