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Day 809 – CARE


3 parts on how I live the word “care”

  1. How do I live care with me/to me.
  2. How do I live care in my community/home, with my family, people and children around me.
  3. How do I live the word care, globally.



  1. How do I live care with/to me

To me, at this day, the word care is loaded with expression, with the traditionally female/motherly care, for a child or for any sickness and for a individual and being that needs attention and consideration. So when I look at care I might  picture a nurse or my own mother. How me and my mother would go for walks, in my adulthood. In trustworthy conversations, walking nature with mom. Relating that I have had a heart of needing to talk to someone – carrying skizofrenia,  luckily having a mom who could listen to my words. And that picture right there is of interest since we all, humans carry a mind, we are all walkers of mind. We are doomed , to live the cloned life of a mind and all that horror that goes with  – carrying a mind. Like we are all in fact – very sick. We are equally carrying a mind, a box that from its programming governs us – so we are all equally responsible for all the hurt that takes place on earth since we are all equally carrying of our mind consciousness system. So for me to live the word care I would relate walks with a friend, walking nature through the rainy storms of mind. Deeper and more intimate I would recon I have learned to know myself and to care for me, by working my way through my mind layers and my programming, with the specific tool of self forgiveness. That is a very decent, real and honest way to not only embrace self and realize self – but to look behind the curtain and see myself as the physicality and flesh that I after all am – and to understand myself – from how I then see who I was behind the programming and the many deep layers of mind. That understanding of seeing myself and knowing who I was within energies, brainwashing/programming that healing witnessing and realizing is really to stand in proper self care. To learn self is self care. And then also for me to accept what I then – after this forgiving and realizing process is seeing and standing as – that is also a type of acceptance and self care. To be with myself. To walk with myself in self support.


If I walk with mum or I walk alone, it is pivotal to take my time, and not hurry but rather walk in my tempo, to do it properly. In self care. Within whatever I do. And with work like chores, doing dishes or  washing the bathroom, it can be a act of self care. And ultimately it is a deep rooted point of self care. To occupy self with work and activity, to care enough for me, to  see that yes, for me to do the dishes right now, is self support and care for me. For me to wash my toilet is care for who I am it is a point of self integrity and – care.  It is care for the body I live in. For me to have something to do on a daily basis, is self care. Further to care for my physical body is very eminent and a cool way to learn its  structure and care.  Like there is care to massage my feet every night, there is care to be diligent and disciplined with brushing my teeth and also using floss every day. That is obviously the more delicate body care. I have for instance been massaging my feet every night for some years now. Every night I bring them to my lap and give them attention. I learn about me, I am intimate with me, I care and cuddle with me. Self love. With massaging my feet. From this I learn to know the structure from beneath where I walk. I touch the soft feet that carry many, many tons of body during a day. I get to cure and appreciate my feet from their place on my body. I find perhaps points and structure under my feet, that hurt or that give resonance. I can guarantee you that massaging feet every night will give you new light on who exactly you are and how your body operates. It is a prominent and humbling point to learn to know. This attention to my feet have brought more awareness about my standing. My expression, my construct of self. I am further aware that I have a left and a right body part and symbolic and structural and expressional design. The male and female principle.

Lately I have been doing yoga on a daily basis. That is also a physical care point. Care for the physical body. Joints and muscles. Again to be with myself to work with myself and give myself time. To stretch and feel that hey I am alive, I am not just a mind-zombie. I started doing yoga on a daily basis, after a  meeting with the portal and then my mind, body and being in Brussels in spring of 2017. I was then asked to look into yoga and develop a relationship with it, so that was my reflection speaking back at me from the portal. Asking myself to develop yoga. I came back home, and I started to look into yoga on youtube, and I copied some moves and started practice it on a daily basis. Now I have to practice at least some stretching every day. Some basic moves on my feet or my upper body. Yoga is very delicate self care and it have given me lots and a deeper insight into myself. It have granted me access to communicate more freely with my body and I enjoy it a lot. From this type of care with where yoga in combination with many other types of care, would give me access to communicate more freely with my body and to listen to what it has to tell me. To be with my body. Here. My body is a living organism and it needs my attention and it must then be my care and chore to develop that intimacy and consideration, self love in any way that I can, to establish that safe and sound relationship with myself.


Also this very morning, interesting,  waking up in some anxiety and quite some restlessness, I was very, very eager to continue writing this text lol. I wanted to write this and prove myself. I wanted to get it done and change my living. There was quite some competition, angst and stress on writing this experience. So then I have to slow down, breathe, calm down, many times over, and forgive the competing and emotions within. That is self care, proving itself right now.  To take a breath, and move within, to slow down and not be in such a rush. To give myself time, self support, and to walk with myself.


Making my bed. I was looking at a video on facebook the other day. It was from the US military. And it was about starting to organize oneness life. To start do things in self support. And it was about the particular point of making oneness bed in the mornings that caught my attention. So that one can say  that particular activity is done. So that activity is cared for, first thing in the morning, then one can slowly move onto to next achievement. So that one can from making oneness bed in the mornings, start to alter oneness life. Slowly but certain. To care about life and circumstances. In the small moments, to change myself into support into care in the small moments. To reconsider, to forgive, to change and be of support and care. To become better organized, from making oneness bed. You guessed right… I have  started to make my bed lol. And it is already carrying fruits in how I relate to chores and work, and activities. I value the activity where I participate in. Keeping active prevents me from going into thoughts, and self judgment.  I focus more when I have purpose, and have a far better grounding. All this from taking hints on how to care more for myself – by starting to make my own bed every morning.

I have also been under care many times in my adult years. I have been committed to mental hospital many times in my life. There I grew addicted to the care. I grew addicted to the warm shower, the clean bed, a decent meal. I was in and out of hospital numerous times. I just wanted to survive. Being there in the clean, sterile, warm and interesting environment I learned a thing of two about care. I would see deep into the eyes of people like me, in desperate need of someone caring. If someone did not care, then what ? Madness and all hell break loose ?  Psychiatry is a particular thing. And I learned that quite a brutal way. Many of the people who I cared for are now gone, and that in itself have taught me to, appreciate life. To consider all sides of living. To be honest about who I am and my circumstances. To become responsible with myself. I have also tried to work with people with autism and handicap. I was at work for about a year on a care home, for some people with a variety of challenges. It surprises me today that I was able, then,  to push through that work and to cope with it – me being skizofrenic. I guess I wanted to prove myself to me. And it worked.  So I have definitely tested stuff out and from these experiences I can say to you don’t underestimate care. Everyone needs care.


So care… care about life ! To me that would mean on a deep level to breathe, to be with my breathe, to see myself to see into me what is my body communicating. I think that communication is perhaps the ultimate definition of care. To have a honest and real communication with care.

I just saw from my writing that the word “care” is very similar to “fear”. Just one letter difference. And that leaves us with the word ear…. lol… What can we “share” in the “ear” to “care”, that is not “fear” lol.

From walking my desteni i process and following the channels on eqafe and else, I learn about my mind, being and body relationship. And the many dimensions beyond that. I learn to appreciate my life and my beingness, I learn to become comfortable within my own body. I learn that it is sane to have a relationship to self. I learn that it is healthy to be aware of the relationship that I have with me.  So how is my relationship with me ? It is evolving that I would say for certain. And indeed I am glad for this reminder that care is such a pivotal point to me and that I know goes for all in this life. We are all dependent on real genuine care. From we are small babies, until the day we die we are dependent on care. Even the most hard core military, needs to care at least for self. Anything else would be a lie.


Right now my body wants to go out running. I am going to let it very soon. Proving self care. So I was just running and doing a brief workout – where I ended with a shower. I can have a workout and a shower every day. That does not go for all of us humans. Soooo many millions of us go hungry, dirty, dying and sick. Obviously in lack of ?? Money… That is also a cool care point to care for life, and to hold that life principle, where one says that all life must be treated equally. That is then a point that I hold higher than me, a point of equality and oneness. That is self care also to me, to avoid ending up in fear and separation within self, but rather hold that point crystal clear that I am working everyday within that life principle of equality and oneness. The fact that I am aware of the life principles of equality and oneness is self care to me – all life and my own integrity.

I mentioned “relationship to self” and that might sound strange. But ever since I started to communicate with me, to talk with myself, ever since I would open my mouth in self talk and self communication, my world would alter. New arenas and discovery of mind and being (and body) would emerge. To be considerate with myself – as everyone else and my life process. Because get this,  we are all simply one, as life we are all equals. As life we are all in its very core one. That is back to the point of equality and oneness. But also to notice that care for me is care for everyone –  literally.  Awareness and care for my body is care and consideration for all of us. Ultimately and definitely.

One last thing on self care is that every morning I embrace myself, I literally hug myself, and tell myself that I embrace all and everything that I will meet this very day. That is a awesome way to start my day. It lays a very safe and sound foundation for me to work, empower and achieve my day as I create it and evolve within it. When the night comes and I am laying in my bed, I go through my day, in spoken words to myself,  and digest on what really happened to me that passing day. So there is a proper foundation of care, all through my day and doings. And that is part of my achievement from walking my desteni I process. Making my life matter.



So a interesting point within care and others around me, is that we are all one as life and also as humanity. So that care for me is equally care for others. Meaning when I experience disturbance and commotion, that is something I can address, forgive, change no matter where it comes from. Once I can live in self honesty and care to me, well if it is genuine and real, my relationships will tell. That will be my test. Like Jesus died on a cross, that suffering is equal to how we humans suffer within affecting us self with emotions and hurt.  Jesus represents our very physical bodies. The way we treat is reflects our world – through the resonance of our bodies. So Jesus is the “way” through” how honoring our physical is the way. And from there honoring all life and everything around us. To not accept fear and separation of mind.



  1. How do I live care in my community/home, with my family, people and children around me.

I live in a village. A type of community village with many other people. There are people here with mental issues and there are also children living here. Every day I go to eat together, several meals,  with 2-3 other people, in the house where I live. Living together close is not always easy and  it can rather be quite challenging at times. For me to care and consider myself and also the other, there are things that I do to be more cautious, and considerate. There is for instance, “Kari” who is a rather demanding lady lol…  She has amongst other issues eating disorder. And she can also very easy throw a fist/go into psychosis/reaction, if her opinion is not considered. So it have taken me time to learn to handle and just be around Kari. I often think to myself that being around her is like walking on broken glass. I have to be sooo gentle and considerate. But we are all constructed inn rather complicated and intricate way and manners. We all have our pro and cons, and some simply have a tougher time. That is where proper care will show itself. Will I stand ? I mean humans have done and are doing sooo much atrocities and abuse against life and against the common good. This causes illness, depression and suffering beyond.  And life throws/reflects this back in our faces for us individually to take charge and change the way of all humanity and life. So I share a common breakfast and  meal together with Kari and mostly 2 other people. Now breakfast is not served by itself. It takes time to make tea and to get everything on the table. So that is a point for me to work on to add those extra 5 minutes to assist the other 3 people with preparing breakfast. It takes soooo little and it means so much at the start of the day. So I have in my time so far, triggered Kari and made here react. This have been something that I have worked on and that I am still working on to master. In particular I would need to focus on the word “embrace” when seeing her. To imagine me giving her a hug. That is some of my focus. To embrace Kari and not reject and make her react. To care for Kari by considering her situation. To unconditionally embrace her, within me. That have been a challenge but I see clearer, now that I need to be there for her, It is part of my process and it is simply not much to ask of me to embrace Kari, and to show her some care and consideration. That is teaching me about life and that is highly rewarding for me also. It makes me to see more deep within me to support myself with care and so others around me –  can learn from how I act and from how I find solutions to “demanding” or fragile, people like Kari.


So Kari goes into my life book story of how can I learn to care  ? Unconditionally ? It is more and more evident that I need to simply embrace and forgive within me, the difficulty that I experience of this lady. Kari is therefore my teacher of life. Kari is telling me when things are wrong and I have to face that within me. Even if I have made her something that I have worked on to prepare or achieve, to gift her, she can tear it down in seconds and turn my “empowerment” around, which would then would become sadness, anger (?) and disempowerment. But that just proves that the achievement that I initially did was not proof. My job was not done properly….. somehow it was able to be ruined which would mean lack within construction and design. Of my dinner, my lawn mowing, my dishes and so on. I humbly thank you “Kari” for the teachings you offer me in this life ! I will mind myself to embrace you unconditionally and lay behind the self judgment and the bitterness that have been brought up within me.


I have a good relationship to my parents. I often participate in gatherings and company/dinners with them together with my sisters and their children. My mom and dad have also taught me quite a few things about caring. Many times when I would be drinking and drugging, partying and addicting, my mom and dad would “dig” me up from the ditch I was in and provide for me. That care is deep and has made me – again humble and considerate to others. To see what they have seen, to stand in the shoes of the other. To realize that there is no judgment once I have walked in all the shoe and considered all sides. I often these days think to myself that I would like to, offer my assistance and help to care for my parents when they become older. I would think to myself that they are going to need someone to rely on and to care for them when they become older. I would project myself out as a assistant and helper, wanting to be the good son, the good person…lol… to my parents. I don’t need to assist them now, but maybe the time comes when they need me. This is something I try to talk to them about openly. I try to share with them openly and in consideration how I feel about things and what my thoughts are. So I would like to care for my parents simply because they have cared for me. And that idea or math, is something I have to work through. Now it is in my awareness. Maybe they would be best of with a care home, retirement home, when that time comes.


I do my best to open up points to my parents trying to show them my process, desteni, and that there is more to life. I can open up about reincarnation, inheritance – after they go, my testament, system structure of this world, about what is belief about Jesus and “God”, my process, thoughts etc. I do my best to open up to them and I show gratefulness and appreciation for how they still show me great care. The care I share with my parents is mutual and beneficial to all. I mind myself to not care for my parents in energies, to do it because of this or that reason or desire. I mind myself that it must be open, free, unconditional and down to earth. Without judgment. I have seen much of what they have seen, and I know them quite well. At least from what they represent today.


I am uncle of 9 children. They are still quite young but I mind myself to care for them. I ask about school and how they think of life. I try to challenge them and ask them the “right” questions. Like “If you where a teacher what would you teach” ? Or “can you think with the belly” , or “what is your mission on earth” ? So I try to challenge them and I try to be a caring and considerate uncle to them.

I make a point of treating everyone the same. Or making a point about just that. I listen as good as I can to their words during play or TV. And I mind myself to also include myself in the play. To say “yes” when they want me – to come play with them. So that is a again a humbling process to care for children. To care for self. Care proves to me to be a quite humbling experience. Interesting. Further I do my best to see children and to listen to them to see where they come from. To see if they struggle. I mind myself to be open and free with children – unconditionally.

Many of the people I would be around, are not any longer amongst my friends. Or someone I see regularly anyways. Recently I would bump into some of my old friends and they are very much the same they where 10 years ago. Obviously they know and are aware that life and this world is altering and changing, progressing and… processing. Though much of their mindset and patterns and addictions,  are the same. This have lead me to many a discussion with them. Like talking about how there is a point of changing self, and that self forgiveness works. This would often lead me to just talking to a  wall, and it feels quite frustrating.  I see so clearly their potential and their process and how they could alter. It is right there, at the nose tip. And there are no wrong answers there are only wrong questions. So for me to be patient and persistent to keep proving myself as the “pudding”, and keep proving myself within the process I walk, to not give up and rather care more – but perhaps from  a new angle…. from a new perspective, new common ground.  I had a talk to a teacher a university about care role and the messy life style of people in psychiatry and that live with lots of addictions and very messy and dirty apartments. I have been visiting old friends and while doing so starting to do dishes and washing their place, in shame of how dirty it was. Thinking that it was care, but rather I needed to see that I felt shame from their dirt.  – Anyways, I was talking to this teacher about how these people in these homes could or should learn to become better organized and structured, how they could learn to appreciate to clean and keep things tidy. And I failed to see that was me pushing my process. It was me trying to have others see my achievements. It was me not recognizing me and my living. I tried to talk and talk about the shame I felt from all these dirty apartments. Literally talking around myself. Not valuing and appreciating my achievements and my process enough.  In vain of appreciating me and my process I would blame this shame within me making these people with their lifestyle of addictions the scapegoats. I would think I was caring but I was in fact blaming and hiding my shame. So during this talk to this teacher I see now that construct  behind it and how it reflects back to me. That teacher knew better, and when I said maybe we should find ways to “force” better structure on these people, he easily dismissed it.  So what I thought was care, was in fact blame and shame and not seeing me  and appreciating me !

There is a girl, let’s call her “Sofie”. I had a interesting experience with her last night during a meeting. Now, Sofie comes from severe trauma, from her past. She had just the other night caused a scene with blaming and accusing other people to violate her. There was quite a commotion. Now, I talk rather directly to Sofie. I am honest and real and support as best as I can.  I made it a point to myself, the other night,  to meet her eyes, and look into her eyes, to be real,  during our meeting. And I made it clear that since the commotion she had caused with blaming people of violations, I made a point about how important it is to include people and to properly care, especially in the toughest hour. I told this to the group, and indirectly pointing at Sofie. So I made a point that I would like to care more about Sofie, since she would accuse and blame others for violations. So I am a bit exited to see what Sofie will share with me – next time I see her.  I am very satisfied with my process of care with Sofie. That part is going greatly. I often see that spark in her, that flame, and I think to myself;  “can she see this herself, or is it hidden under her nose” ?  One thing I have learned from life is that everything was always right here, at my nose tip. So that it is again not  a matter of answer but rather a matter of the question asked.


I would like to open up more on caring and communicating with children. I see a potential there for myself on how I could, be more out there with talking to children and haring them out, Being with them in support. I recently met this young girl, she was like 9 or 10, and she was under care with a friend of my parents. Obviously she was coming from a home that was not supportive to her. (or her brother) Now I met here for like 1,5 hours at a museum. And I briefly talked to her about her drawings. She had this drawing book to make picture with her pencil. She was drawing more of less the same happy faces and people in her book. Something told me that she was making these drawings since she wanted her (parents) life to be more light, easy, fun, smooth, like the commercial, etc… positive is the wrong words I know. But that is what her drawing would tell me. I have met some children like this. Young children with, more of less troublesome past. And it strikes me to my core, how vulnerable they are. How dependant they are on adult – how fragile they are, and how messy adults are around these children, where the children don’t know what is reality. Where they end up with the same abusive life that their parents lived. That is to me a great question and challenge to investigate and face myself. My thoughts and reactions around these 4,5,6 year old boys and girls who is used to parents who drink, who live abusive lives, perhaps violence or sexual abuse.  They have so many questions and unsettledness. And they have no real foundation. No real substance to call self even. That is something and a matter that I would like to challenge myself on further, to see where I can give of me, or change me to, to make these kid’s more visible. I will remind myself  to ask myself – how can I assist these children or heal or change the abuse that is causing harm with these children.  How can I assist myself to understand where they come from ? That is to me a great challenge, to face my thoughts/internal conversations, and patterns and habits. To realize myself as responsible for these neglected children. That is some of my most prominent part of process to walk and alter, I would imagine. This is also something that concerns me greatly within.  I will humbly do my best to listen and see, where these children come from. And to consider their stories. That is where my pressure point is on care and relations, today, I would say!

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  1. How do I live the word care, globally.

I live the word “care” – globally, lol… very “intentionally” I see right now ! Like I would carry earth within me, within my heart and that “image” or resonance/detail of earth on my heart would simply “settle itself”, I would imagine or hold as intent. What I have not been living fully enough, is that my heart looooves exercise! My heart like “beating” and “pumping” – blood through my body. Where my body must then have plentiful of exercise. Meaning I must get my ass up and jog & work out ! That is me caring for the resonance of earth & hearth and  I am quite persistent on that is how I am settled. Meaning once I carry my heart, earth within the … universe of me… then it is my full and complete responsibility to resonate with earth, and so my physical body.  Today I see myself more and more as one with earth as my hearth… and I must know myself to slow down within this awareness. Further I am  more and more expressing this and similar insight to others in particular on facebook. I use facebook, twitter, my blogs, and vlogs and many other types of social media to expose the mind, my skizofrenia, this world system, and all what lies within so, to share products from eqafe, articles from desteni and my insight and learning so. It is also part of how I care globally. Further I know, and see and hear, that life is in a process, a mission of itself, to equalize and unite all life into one. Equality and oneness. That making has being going on now for … quite some time ! And that trust or awareness is at the center of creation. That awareness is perhaps some of my deepest care, at least theoretically lol. To live equal and one is more of a challenge  –  though there is no excuse, I have ALL the tools to work this. It is only up to me to place things into action – again as myself as my resonance as my body my heart/earth. So for me to live “care” globally I would try to reach out to others to let them know my and life’s stand – of equality and oneness.

I further like to realize a few things about this globe/earth and that is that it is like star, or a mirror that within a instant reflects back at me whatever I represent. If I represent death or dying and perhaps fear so… that is what earth will reflect back at me, and eventually what life will serve me. So for me to clear out all the energies cause energies will knock me out. I can’t have one polarity without the other. Meaning; I can’t have the positive without also having the polarity the negative. Clue then is to embrace the negative. But look out for the fake positive high. Find grounding and forgiveness to settle all the depression and what not.

So the earth will reflect back at me whatever I represent. And that is for me to consider. And care about me and within caring for me, for real, I prove that I am caring for earth, the resonance so.

Care on a global level is both in the small or self and daily care, as well as standing as support and stable grounding to others and in community and social settings, to participate in groups, and activity to yes, create sustainable  resonase and change on earth.

I have skizofrenia. I make it my thing to expose that as best as I can. I vlog and blog about my skizofrenia to a audience world vide. That is also part of how I care globally. What I find it that there is so much stigma and taboo and suppression about mental illness. There is even skizofrenia anonymous groups lol. So for me to care globally, is also to care for the people I know globally either it is people in Brazil or in South Africa, or In Australia or China, the people I know there are my network and they stand for a certain value to me and my possibility to reach out. Like my friend Mike says, your network is your nettworth. So that is interesting. I do my best to build a network of people to reach out with my message of equality and oneness. To share my tool of self forgiveness.

Care globally is also to talk to and sustain the relationship to people across the earth for instance on facebook. To comment, back up, support, and reply. Like a online talk/call that is ongoing, in social media.

I would also say that something I am currently discovering and that is body communication. To read my body. I understand the living organism that my body is. That way I can create and become my own “spokesperson” lol my body can express itself from its physical from sounds and resonance. My body can resonate to anyone – anything on this earth as we are all one and equal as life, and as human beings. My resonating through my body, is the way I see it –  a form of ultimate conversation, or communication. When my body feels emotional, or uplifted or light, hard, cold, warm etc… it can communicate this to.. the rest of the world as we are all connected and we are all one in the sense of life substance. And that is as simple as it is hard to grasp because we as humans are not taught to communicate  that way. We are all through words, speaking, writing, singing etc. But if we let our physical be the very leader here we have so much to come to create a better reality.

So me caring globally is a vide and deep and multi layered concept. But it boils down to my body, my self awareness and how I best can live the equality message. I would also like to start to engage in politics and in political parties. I do think it is a solution for a better world for us all, though I don’t know if the type of democracy we have now is suited for a future. The type of government we have today for sure is working against life. And that desperately needs to be changed, into the opposite – pro life. Equality and oneness. It is more and more certain to me what it will take to push this through. I see more and more clarity in this and that physical is key. Communication with physical is key.

Care globally is for me to pick up trash from the street. To ask of people to not use to much chemicals in food, soil and cloths etc. Care is to be precise and considerate with what money one has. I can go to a grosser store and care as I shop. This goes both for the grosser I shop but also to the payment and the money I send to the origin of that grosser.

When I have the starting point of carrying the earth within me, inn my body, I have a unique opportunity to create more support and structure to assist humanity and life. From that starting point of caring for earth, caring for life, within myself, I can start to build and create structure and design that go through earth, sight, and awareness, presence, into solutions, and support. I can build constructs, like words that can stand as concepts and design to support life. If I can take on me that “hat” of responsibility, and support, to create designs and structure, also words, that way I can structure life, words, awareness, and build a better reality. If I can live the word “care” within myself, as my original expression, sensible for everyone and all to hear this sound and for folks to realize the message,  then yes that would say success – saving life lol.

I do get a little overwhelmed when I see that it is much a  construction work to build this change. I used to be working construction and that work has be a bit exhausted to me and I have blamed it a bit in my process. That being said; I can see now more “clean cut” what is needed of me. Where I am needed in my process. where I am needed in life. This might sound strange but for me to be taken serious, and for me to live care, I need to be of usage. I need to use me and my potential. And to live the word care, to inn fact not change that word itself, but to rather change myself – as this word. Change me in relations to this word. That is where the fun and creation and is I would imagine !


For me to read news to watch news, and see what is taking place, in other parts of the world. How are we treating life and earth that are going to be taken over by our children one day. Care globally is to care for the children to come. To care for a worm, a bird, a dog. For the ecosystems that we need to bring back to origin. The tipping point here is money. And that to change the way we share our money is a critical point of change in human experience. That is something I do my best to share and spread awareness about. To create a better world we need to start with money. Eventually we would need to give it all equal – that is in the making and the best math to do.  Living income guaranteed for all –  is in such a manner – a way to get there. Basic income. survival secured for all.  To care globally is to care locally and with self’s own body. Like I started with here, self care, to care for self, is no different than to care globally, we are all a extension of the other, and when I care for my body that is also to care for the earth, if there is no separation as such. If there is a equal and one relationship between me and earth – then care for me is care for it. As we are all one. Earth, waters, animals, humans, plants. It is all – not only connected – it is a wholesomeness, a oneness. And that is life – expressing, breathing, creating, morphing evolving and expanding.

I also support with the money where I can, where I find it has best effect, like to give some money to desteni, equal life, or to positive money UK, or to other types of development and life supportive initiatives.

When I was 25 I started a carrier in psychiatry. I was receiving care, for hours and hours, and for quite a lot of money to be honest. Quite a lot of nursing hours and money so, have gone into keeping me alive. Keeping me a float. And for that (norwegian) health care system I am utterly grateful.

I have benefitted from being born in norway, a rich country, to a life in very much abundance. So there lies a knowing and awareness inn that system build up and the fact that I can also give this further. I can pass this system/construct further to other countries and to other generations. To me that is also care.

I have been involved in lots of projects and programs concerning care and psychiatry. And I still am. All along those many lines and microphones and power point presentations, I can say that: start with self. Learn yourself. Care for self – in honesty, as you are equal and one to it all – as life origin. Work with that and you can achieve anything.

Care is a dare thing, care like the word is growing on me. I have been attaching to this word now for some hours. And within so redefined it to myself, and you, and live it to honor it, today.


Thank you

That is it for now

Give time to :


Care – you must care !













Day 808 – thanks to desteni…..



I was just listening to a interview of anuaki in the reptilian series, on eqafe, and I wanted to share this post on that concern. Walking my life process, I learn a great deal from others who are walking the same as me, or something similar.

I would like to take this opportunity and audacity of writing a blog in gratitude. I am so lucky to live and breathe in Norway, so I can write pretty much anything and post it from free (!) online, for millions to be able to read…. THAT in itself is a pretty fucking fantastic thing, and I am grateful for so !

I would like on this day to bring out some thanks. The first thanks goes out to my parents. My parents have through thick and thin stood by me, for almost 40 years.  They have supported me, so many ways and lengths so that there is hardly no way to measuring it.

I owe you everything, though I don’t hold that as a energy,  but I am forever grateful – thank you two, for the life that I have been given.

My boldness and my openness, sharing, consistent, persistent nature, my consideration and honesty I have discovered within myself, self discovery – after starting to walk with and learning from the people within that group – literally to realize me! I have been able to free myself from several addictions. I rose up to realize myself beyond polarity, personality, believes, emotions and consciousness. I was to discover me and my life potential. I am grateful for what life gives me to live, today I embrace each morning and bring thanks every night  !

The one and true solution to bring me to realize self and my being is without any comparing the online group we know as

So I want to honor some destonians here. In fact all !

dem 4.jpg

From our gathering in Brussel, spring 2017


Thanks you all destonians who I have walked with the last decade – your existing is intriguing and deeply appreciated. I have learned a lot from walking with you all. In particular I would like to mention a few bloggers and walkers who I have particular learned very much from walking with, and that is first of all Kristina Salas. And the blog equality walk ! You are a  awesome example of consistency. That blog and those selection of words have taught me A LOT. Your example is very much appreciated Kristina ! Thanks for all the investigation and realizations, support and sharing of your life ! I have learned lots from your words and your living over the years. I think it is about to realize self, to become better from self. So totally awesome equality walk – humble thanks.

Also I would like to thank Anna Brix Thomsen who I have been walking with now for many years – and that I have shared my online life with, from the desteni I process and from managing self in this world. Your support is awesome and I learn from you all the time: to manage self and to find life hacks – great thanks !


Also I would like to mention the persistent and convincing Marlen Vargas Del Razo – for  the support that you have given me unconditionally for many (!) years. The short by efficient comments to my many youtube videos and your comments and questioning and appreciation of my blogs is simply breathtaking and I owe you first a good hug and to let you know how deep I appreciate and value the support that you still give. It may not be that visible what you do but in the long haul we see the marvel of marvels, birthing of life,  and the message of quality comes through.

You have taught me persistence and perseverance. And that realizing of reward to “keep at it”, to give up the giving up basically. Your presence is deeply appreciated.


I would like to mention Kim Klein for the example of walking through with OCD, I have still to manage my mentality and the awareness and example of you makes my days more structured and doable.

Also I want to thank the very awesome man of Matti Freeman – your example is magnificent ! Big inspiration.

Andrea Rossouw. You assisted me and saw my potential early on I guess. Walking with me through my demons and pain. Your dedication is very much appreciated and your humor and insight is also something I precious dearly.

Lets keep walking & supporting !


There are sooo many people I would like to hug and thank… People at our farm in South Africa – great support – thanks all: 100 % ! ….and everyone I work with everyday, From New Zeland to Europe, to China and All over this world. Humble thanks ! The message of equality and oneness is coming through in our living practicality – and that is what matters !


I can’t do this post without mentioning you Sunette. You teach me to be honest, simple, daring  and physical. You all are great examples and exceptional being. I have learned lots from you all and the many events, and communications and project we commonly share. May there be many, many more for the generations to come!  I got to meet and say “Hi” to Sunette in Brussels 2017. I got a short glimpse to who you are, and I find it very interesting that you want to show yourself, not only as the portal but also as you the girl from the farm – that you are. So I double appreciate you then Sunette lol. The LF chat is super cool to be a part of – you have thought me so much… man. Heavens Journey to life…   is sooo cool. All the things you have showed me I appreciate perhaps most : the small things that we take for granted (?) stability, presence, internet, breathe, clean water, warm shower, my body, grass, animals… you are very dear to me and I want to honor you as best I can ! So thank you Sunette for your awesome example !



Offcorse I have also learned lots of key ingredients and honest perspective from the one and only Bernard Poolman. A truly unique being, whom I still visit on youtube and the blog creations journey to life, to remind myself:  what is life about.


From desteni the group, all of you, buddies and newbie’s, bloggers, forgivers, mothers and children, I have been given the ingredients to learn self trust, self responsibility, self honesty. Integrity. Humbleness. So many deep qualities and wonders it completes my every day.

Check out the 7 year journey to life page on FB


So thank YOU for reading this and let’s keep walking and sharing and exposing our process and learn from each other.


I just realizes that I am greater than my schizophrenia – from the words (!) that I live…

equality and oneness – until it is done




The ultimate store online:

Try out our free online course to learn self forgiveness :



Day 807 – talking at university – expanding in self trust



A week ago I did a talk at a university. I was invited to talk from my background and history from schizophrenia and psychiatry. I enjoy such things very much. To explain how I experience schizophrenia and how I reason and manage my living in the system.

I did in total 4 talks to groups on 5-8 people. It was very pleasant and I was comfortable – doing my thing. The words to describe my schizophrenia, psychiatry along with a good dose of existentialism, made the students very content it would seem.
So this is simply a tale of me giving quality, back to society. I did remember to follow the advice of my friend who has experience doing similar things, to not go into the polarity high after doing such a talk. To avoid that high pitch – that is not real anyhow, it is just like a drug and there for suppressing of the real me. That was my big challenge and point right there, for me to remain grounded, and stable in my body was the big deal. It was not always easy, but all in all I managed very good. The day strolled along with me directing it. So you can say I just did my job – nothing less – without me going into that high, energetic, imaginative, energy ride. No I chose to remain grounded and in responsibility with myself. I chose to take direction my living both during and after the talk. I would remain calm and directed. Instead of high and “energized”.

There is lots of math to this equation, many things to learn about energies and the physical. I will not go into that here, but I will tell you that we have been living lies. It has been and it is a world in reverse – this we know both from within and without.

If you are interested in learning about energies – please leave a comment saying so.



Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel tempted and addicted to go into a high, pitch feeling, like a sugar experience, from how I was happy and content with my talk at the university thinking I must go into this “high” – simply because that is what people do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I was wrong to feel simply grounded and here in my body and to stabilize myself in the physical (which is negative of math) and to think inn backchats that I was wrong to just feel that quality and comfort of being stable and directed within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others who do the same kind of talk like me and to think that I am better than them because of how I act – not in the energy high.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like to riddiclue people who have a drug and psychiatry background, like I have, and to judge them for taking on the polarity high – which is the same as taking a drug mathematically – it is possible to change this math – I am living proof.

When and as I see myself doing something where I feel a urge to go into a energy high – feeling. I stop myself, I take a breath and I slow myself down.

I realize that energy high is how so many entertainment stars (music etc) go into drugs and illness, to maintain that “look” of positivity that is simple a lie and a scam against life.

I commit myself to be real and stable in my body. I commit myself to that stable, directive, organized, structured and calm self that I know I can be – also at the same time daring to be a clown and a bit crazy and a colorful artist/myself.


These links are super – potent with the finest of support
– I am living proof

Day 806 – Boys don’t cry



Today I experienced a breakdown, emotional energies would build up within me during morning hours, several complicated details/thoughts, and before I knew it I was simply fully possessed with anger, depression, fear and resentment in a breakdown within my mind experience. There was no danger involved though it was very uncomfortable to be me. This break down went on and it was becoming more and more painful. Until I stopped myself and sort of took a real step out of myself – to get a overview of the situation. To zoom out. And I realized that I had to accept the state I was inn. Once I got a overview of the situation I could tell myself ok.. I am having a breakdown, I accept the goddamn fact that I am having breaking down. I had to tell myself that It is ok to break down. I did that, once I made that clear to myself that:


“Tormod: it is ok for you to break down (and cry)” I did not need to cry – it was not that deep a possession, but It was pretty bad, it hurt me.


At that moment:  I accepted myself within the breakdown, that is where it all changed within me. It was like the code that ticked and clicked open the up the door to peace, ease, calm, tranquility and comfort.  I was now in charge of the actual breakdown and possession – instead of me being under its control. I could direct it and so I did. I directed lol… the energies down into the ground. From having had a energetic hell-game within my body from my mind – where I took charge and directed all the energies in my breaking down – into the soil. I was outside, mowing the lawn, so it all came to reason. It was like a puzzle that finally made sense. Through my body into the dirt. This was done after I had declared that acceptance of me.


The game changed when I took a step back and re-evaluated the situation, and accepted it. I embraced it by telling myself “hey ; it is ok to break down Tormod – don’t take it personal !” From that point I was in charge of the energies within, so could simply release the energies, by directing them  into the ground, under my feet.


This sort of self help I have developed over a period of about 5-6 years of practical walking, living and forgiving myself. Learning and understanding myself from walking with DESTENI I don’t think that is a lot of time once you consider the skills I now have developed. To simply be able to take charge, and direct ones emotions into the ground – is just so fucking comfortable ! It is simply beyond. So I needed that reminder of how to act/behave once a possession is active and I lose myself to energies – how to gain direction of myself within that situation.


So today the practice was a good reminder of how I can alter my reality and take charge. A good reminder of how far I have come in my process.

Here I talk on this experience :



Here is a cool video from Sunette Spies :

“What does it mean to be the captain of the crew and ship that is your life?”


These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof


Me on soundcloud:


Day 805 – Simple stamina



In my process, from consciousness to awareness, I am investigating lots of things on my way. I expose and investigate, explore, breathe, ground myself, realize, pay attention to and consider and dive into….. to be able to do this without going into possession and obsession of simply metaphysics and thinking and reactions in my mind… I have to have a common denominator. A purpose higher than me.

That purpose is equality and oneness. This is my purpose that I hold higher than myself. And I need that life code more than very much else. Because as I investigate and search and study and participate and challenge myself, my mind is exposed to lots of dimensions and constructs and also metaphysics.

There is a saying that goes like this: “investigate all things and keep that which is good”. And I do my best to follow that. I investigate all things and keep to me, to life, what is good. Everything else that does not support life I strive to delete, forgive and discharge within self. And that I have developed into a comfortable structure to live by.

I do my best to read myself every day, to see where I am at, to discover myself. And a key point in my process today is to understand or define who I am between moments and who I am between breathing. So I see into me (Into-me-I-see/intimacy)  And I try to see who am I between breathing, between moments. A part of me is this humble and dedicated, committed worker bee, that is persistent and persevere and that will not give up. Working to explore myself and existence. Discovering me. I can also be quite colourful and expressive almost artistic like. I do strive to be more organized and structured in my application.  Integrity is also a word that shows itself. There are also some bothersome things, that I am working on to get over, like fear even paranoia and judgment, sometimes comparison, blame and stress. These emotions I am less and less dependent on as I progress in life process.


Within this process that I then walk to discover myself, I keep to consistent and daily application. To stamina, to keep it simple.


“Simple stamina” – to keep process simple and also inn stamina – they very much go hand in hand. Also it has that beat to it lol…. like a pop song like just do it, jump into it. I very much like the combination.

Let’s dance to simple stamina… you & me !


Simple stamina. To work with words in such a manner that you can make them your own. To redefine and live words. To change the given reality. Right now simple and stamina are my words.


You see we all live words 24/7. But most of us don’t know how we are living in emotional or negative words, from memories, limiting and disempowering words, from pre-programming. Words and memories that act like tripping wires, that are stored in our bodies. This is how most of us are living limited versions of self. This comes from the past, the parts of one self that has not been dealt with or forgiven within properly. All the details – which is a lot of details. This leads to the abuse of life, which will not be allowed to continue.


Self forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have a accepted and allowed myself to think I have covered all my limiting or negative word and that they are all gone, when fail to realize that that there is always something, some dimension for me to work on there is still some friction/reaction of mind,  and I can still evolve and alter myself more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make process more complicated more massive and complex, thinking it is hard – simply by doing so making process more difficult, failing to live the word simple in the totality of me.

I forgive myself that I have a accepted and allowed myself to relate and judge myself within this word simple is a negative word, where I look at the Norwegian word “simpel” – which means “less” and “poor” maybe even “bad” or “sorry” translated.


Commit myself to redefine this word “simple” and to change myself as it.


For more information on living words se SOUL or the desteni forum on living words !


Enjoy !

Day 804 – selling my car – learning structure



I sold my car – learning structure


Some weeks ago I sold my car.  Mostly out of practical reasons and simply of not needing it more. The process of selling it though was quite complex and rather difficult for me to experience. Let me share with you how that was.

Owning a car is a lot of responsibility. It cost quite a lot of money, and there are many things to consider, like to have winter tires and money for gas, all sorts of automated registration, insurance and so on. There is simply lots to remember when it comes  to owning a car. At least here in Norway.

So when I was to sell my car, I first talked to my dad, who had recently invested in a new car for himself.  Hidden here lies a deep fear within me, fear of being rejected by my dad if I should sell my car for too little money. I would fear to be rejected by dad if I should make a bad deal. So that was something for me to work through with self forgiveness and a deep rooted awareness.  I simply reasoned that  it would be safe to ask him on; how do I go about to sell my car ? What are the process of it ?

And there lies a clue to pick up on. Why are we not taught about such a detailed process in school ? Why ? We could save a lot of scams, conflicts and maybe also accidents by giving our children real valuable knowhow. And even more how to fix and maintain a car….Valuable information that everyone would need to know – whether they drive or not…


Anyways the selling of my car was not a simple solution to come to though I had been planning it and thinking of it for some time. I bought a add inn a online marked places and waited. There was someone contacting me, but they soon lost interest. Another guy was simply hard to communicate with, so I had to let him go.

After some 3 weeks I was contacted by a young man who was honest and real with me. He was very interested and we agreed to a sum of money and he came to see the car together with his dad. I was  alone and did not have anyone with me, to mentally back me up. So when the moments came where we signed the online contract, and printed it out in my apartment, and he handed me the money, I was deep in stress and close to collapsing. Simply in deep fear of making a mistake, to feel rejected, and the responsibility with the money, the car, the deal etc…

The deal itself was a deeply stressed situation – where I kept breathing through my stress and my fear. It was painful and not a nice experience.

But things ended well and I sold it and it is now settled some time ago. What I learned from this is to be more consistent when it comes to being structured, genuine and organized in my application. If I could have invited with me a friend to be my backup and buddy during the agreement- that would have been simply a great support for me.


So I learned to sell a car simply from this experience. If I am to sell a car later in my life there might be new rules and regulation to it so I will be care full to anyways know to be more gentle with self, to analyze more, to slow down, breathe, and to be more real in myself support. I would know to be more structurally organized from the start. I would prepare better and know how to take things in a gentle and considerate manner – considerate to myself. I learn to be structured and considerate from the start, to plan things and to organize myself better.


Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be rejected by my dad over fearing to make a bad deal of sales.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to deal with the system and to deal with agreements, papers and ultimately money  – where I see that I fear money – with how I fear to lose my money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see that I needed more backup and support other than just a phone call to dad and that I see today that it alone was not sufficient to calm me down and make me stable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subtle judge myself as a sabotager of systems, and for being against the structure of a system, when I really want and need to improve it and to build on it and see people and life thrive in cooperation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see myself as a structured human being.


Self corrections

When  and as I see myself about to do something that I know can stress me and potentially make me unstable, I stop myself, I slow myself down and I take a  breathe.


I realize that there are lots of system here for me to use and to support myself with. There are people, “do it yourself” videos and support for me on many levels and most important from myself and me slowing down and assessing the situation.

I realize that there is a lot of supportive structure out there and I can pick it up and build on it to create more stability and structure.

I commit myself to in situations involving money or documents, or similar, that can be particular stressful where I should be aware of it, support myself however I need, structure it,  make plans in my mind and direct my imagination and use my mind/projection to design and create the best possible outcome, as I plan it in my simulator : my mind.


I commit myself to build on what support that is already here and to use the system for what is best for all.

I hereby embrace the word structure !

Thanks for reading


These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof


Day 803 – communication

Opening up the word communication



This word communication is rather interesting. First I would think to myself that it means  two different things. One is to talk or read and train ones cognitive ability as well as ones speaking and sounding. So one is the writing, reading, listening, sounding and speaking of text and words. Also It means to travel or move objects/people.  I can send a package from Oslo to Rome – and by that communicating between Oslo and Rome. A function operated by humans that are … agreeing to make so happen.


So it seem like there is this notion of  something to trade places. Object of substance that change location, either in physical (matter) reality or with information, energies and …words.

So two people that are talking, expressing with speaking and body language, are obviously communicating, but what is it that changes location/placement in such ? To  a very far degree I would say (today) that it is projections, energies, imaginations and pictures. To talk using metaphors. To use the mind and imagination. Which is in itself ok,  though it is not real. With real I mean physically, matter, here and solid. The usage of only metaphors often lead to much misunderstanding – within communication.


So this word is to me multiple in extent. By reading the time the buss arrives on a screen I am taking inn information and communication. With talking on the phone I communicate often through pictures and imagination, that is hidden or stored in the words that is used during the talk over the phone lines – from programming and energies within the being. Or talking to my neighbour while standing on the lawn, also using pictures more active using expression of my face and my hands and body to express, and then communicate. And if I ride with the buss between  location A and B, I communicate so.


So it is much to do with both expression, movement and transfer. When I during talk to my neighbor in the lawn, and I hold a hand at my hip, I am symbolizing something to my neighbor. If I start waving my arms I would maybe signalize that I am very stressed or angry. This is signals that my head/brain/mind sends to my arm (from unconscious or subconscious)  So then also there are signals and a program running in the back. I would place my hands on my hip, from having seen others do that before me, and learn that it means some sort of pride or firmness or stability. I would have known so from watching my parents, siblings, others, movies, etc. What is referred to as programming – which is massive. And the screen that lets me know of the information of the buss, is also a program, of a computer, like the human mind.


So this communication of mine, on programming, mind and computers lets us know that the essence of communication is centered and stored within the human. It has lots to do with expression and voicing of self, and how we are taught. And a very great deal about relationships. Who we are and how we express our selves to others.


So communication is quite a huge topic.  It seem that communication is mostly signals and electricity being passed from A to B, my brain/mind/programming telling myself to move my hands to my hip, or the driver of the buss physically moves the buss by operating the buss, systems, or the operator of the screen that holds the information of the buss is programming and typing in the info that the traveler needs. Or how I my fingers are told by signals to type in this very text.


So this is my initial awareness of the word communication.

Let’s look at it more creative and try to open up with the word itself.


common / – what is usual – what is normal practice,  I /- me the I person,  cation /- creation

/common creation (?)

Common also opens the door to the word communism

So let’s open that further

/come you what is on

/come on can I say some

/open mouth and say some

It is like something within us that needs to express, like something within us tells us to TALK lol… there is this cup, or water, pool, flowing over with info, and we need to talk and express. This overflow or need is often suppressed and denied within the human, this we know, and this suppression and denial of self needing to express, causes, misunderstandings and also conflict/illness that we see all around us. Again:  The usage of only metaphors/pictures of mind, often lead to much misunderstanding. It can be very subtle.

So we flow over with some energy /emotion, angst, fear, judging, blame, depression etc etc … we have a overload within us. And this is very problematic, this we know from our own experience and from watching the news.

So communication is much a human thing – or should I say lack of real communication is a human thing. Animals and plants live in expression, though you might say that a dog will communicate with you for sure. You might very well also say that your house plant communicate with you – though it is not the same as communicating with pictures and imaginations with your human friend/foe.


So what is real communication? Communication between humans are currently driven by metaphors, energies, emotion and pictures. It have been like this for some time. The more honest and genuine talk with words and expressions of matter is still not very common. To be physical, to be honest and real, not lost in imaginations, fantasy and mind drama. In other words, today mind is still governing much of the communication. Though this also ruins the communication because it is out of balance. To be able to talk from matter and life substance is not common today, though that is where we need to gain stability.  So to talk in pictures that means angst or depression or addictions, is  still communication – yes indeed.

I would however classify and arrange the figurative/picture (emotional) speaking, in a separate category of communication. A sort of sub-division. Of metaphoric, emotional, energetic/imaginative/channeling  speech.


So if we consider the design and appearance, of angst, depression, anger, desire, believes and fear (emotions) we see that the fact that this is prominent with our experience, and inn our communication it clutters up the message to a very far degree. It makes it rather chaotic and not very practical or comfortable at all, to give or receive information and sharing experiences/expressions.

Still my definition of communication is : Life in expression


Here is a interesting video on communication:


These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof


Thanks !