Day 874 – Suicide talk

If you are suffering from psychosis or thoughts of suicide: I suggest to contact your doctor or local support team. I not a doctor or a scientist – I am a man working my way through my schizophrenic mind.

Why do we allow our self to entertain thoughts of suicide? Meaning why do I allow myself to give energy, thinking, emotions and time around the idea of suicide instead of simply seeing the thought of suicide – and then just go “NAH” – and ignore it – totally.

If we feed these thoughts within us, with lots of thinking and worry – we then give our energy, time and focus to the idea – here being of suicide, then it will grow & expand. The way we are raised makes this relation into magnetism – we are somehow drawn to such thoughts. It is to be said that people with mental illness have a harder time within this than most others. That means we need to learn more tools and ways to be able to deal with such states of mind. What I am learning is to recognize my thought(s) of suicide – and to see it as a fly on a wall – a dot on the screen. And to from there simply ignore it – to NOT go into nurture it or give it time and energy. If I give it time and energy – it will grow and make my life hell. But if I am able to forgive the circumstances around the thought and then isolate the thought – and from that see the thought as a fly on the wall – and then just ignore it. If I after ignoring it go into defeat and depression anyhow – the loop will just continue to recycle itself. So after ignoring it – after ignoring the “fly” I have to support myself with a living word. If you wonder what is a living word – I can explain that for you – if you ask me.

I suggest to learn how to use self forgiveness and what is living word application. I can help you with this. I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that thoughts of suicide are dangerous and wild, and that I should not play with such thoughts and in that danger reaction – I nurture the thought of suicide, from thinking that I should not do this and I am being a rebel and seeing the rebel as a cool thing and then feeding the original thought of suicide to grow even more.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my thoughts of suicide are dangerous and it is like I am in a drama/action movie and am giving the thought of suicide more and more attention from how I feed the system and components around it.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my suicide thoughts are exotic and cool.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my suicidal thoughts are shameful and that it is my parents fault that I have suicidal thoughts and I should blame them and then within that only feed the emotions and system of the thoughts of suicide and make the suicidal thoughts more pervasive within me. There is nobody to blame. It is all about self change.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself for after ignoring the thought of suicide – like a fly on the wall, I would go into defeatism or depression, feeling miserable, that would only feed the loop into more suicide thinking.

I commit myself to when I notice a suicide thought within me – when I spot it – to consider it as a fly on the wall and let it be just that – to ignore it – to not entertain it with thoughts and energy – and rather focus on supporting myself other vice.

I commit myself to stop going into defeatism or depression – after I have ignored the “fly”, but rather find a living word to support myself with.

Here is a video I made on the matter: