Tag Archives: self honesty

Day 808 – thanks to desteni…..

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I was just listening to a interview of anuaki in the reptilian series, on eqafe, and I wanted to share this post on that concern. Walking my life process, I learn a great deal from others who are walking the same as me, or something similar.

I would like to take this opportunity and audacity of writing a blog in gratitude. I am so lucky to live and breathe in Norway, so I can write pretty much anything and post it from free (!) online, for millions to be able to read…. THAT in itself is a pretty fucking fantastic thing, and I am grateful for so !

I would like on this day to bring out some thanks. The first thanks goes out to my parents. My parents have through thick and thin stood by me, for almost 40 years.  They have supported me, so many ways and lengths so that there is hardly no way to measuring it.

I owe you everything, though I don’t hold that as a energy,  but I am forever grateful – thank you two, for the life that I have been given.

My boldness and my openness, sharing, consistent, persistent nature, my consideration and honesty I have discovered within myself, self discovery – after starting to walk with desteni.org and learning from the people within that group – literally to realize me! I have been able to free myself from several addictions. I rose up to realize myself beyond polarity, personality, believes, emotions and consciousness. I was to discover me and my life potential. I am grateful for what life gives me to live, today I embrace each morning and bring thanks every night  !

The one and true solution to bring me to realize self and my being is without any comparing the online group we know as desteni.org

So I want to honor some destonians here. In fact all !

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From our gathering in Brussel, spring 2017

 

Thanks you all destonians who I have walked with the last decade – your existing is intriguing and deeply appreciated. I have learned a lot from walking with you all. In particular I would like to mention a few bloggers and walkers who I have particular learned very much from walking with, and that is first of all Kristina Salas. And the blog equality walk ! You are a  awesome example of consistency. That blog and those selection of words have taught me A LOT. Your example is very much appreciated Kristina ! Thanks for all the investigation and realizations, support and sharing of your life ! I have learned lots from your words and your living over the years. I think it is about to realize self, to become better from self. So totally awesome equality walk – humble thanks.

Also I would like to thank Anna Brix Thomsen who I have been walking with now for many years – and that I have shared my online life with, from the desteni I process and from managing self in this world. Your support is awesome and I learn from you all the time: to manage self and to find life hacks – great thanks !

 

Also I would like to mention the persistent and convincing Marlen Vargas Del Razo – for  the support that you have given me unconditionally for many (!) years. The short by efficient comments to my many youtube videos and your comments and questioning and appreciation of my blogs is simply breathtaking and I owe you first a good hug and to let you know how deep I appreciate and value the support that you still give. It may not be that visible what you do but in the long haul we see the marvel of marvels, birthing of life,  and the message of quality comes through.

You have taught me persistence and perseverance. And that realizing of reward to “keep at it”, to give up the giving up basically. Your presence is deeply appreciated.

 

I would like to mention Kim Klein for the example of walking through with OCD, I have still to manage my mentality and the awareness and example of you makes my days more structured and doable.

Also I want to thank the very awesome man of Matti Freeman – your example is magnificent ! Big inspiration.

Andrea Rossouw. You assisted me and saw my potential early on I guess. Walking with me through my demons and pain. Your dedication is very much appreciated and your humor and insight is also something I precious dearly.

Lets keep walking & supporting !

 

There are sooo many people I would like to hug and thank… People at our farm in South Africa – great support – thanks all: 100 % ! ….and everyone I work with everyday, From New Zeland to Europe, to China and All over this world. Humble thanks ! The message of equality and oneness is coming through in our living practicality – and that is what matters !

 

I can’t do this post without mentioning you Sunette. You teach me to be honest, simple, daring  and physical. You all are great examples and exceptional being. I have learned lots from you all and the many events, and communications and project we commonly share. May there be many, many more for the generations to come!  I got to meet and say “Hi” to Sunette in Brussels 2017. I got a short glimpse to who you are, and I find it very interesting that you want to show yourself, not only as the portal but also as you the girl from the farm – that you are. So I double appreciate you then Sunette lol. The LF chat is super cool to be a part of – you have thought me so much… man. Heavens Journey to life…   is sooo cool. All the things you have showed me I appreciate perhaps most : the small things that we take for granted (?) stability, presence, internet, breathe, clean water, warm shower, my body, grass, animals… you are very dear to me and I want to honor you as best I can ! So thank you Sunette for your awesome example !

 

 

Offcorse I have also learned lots of key ingredients and honest perspective from the one and only Bernard Poolman. A truly unique being, whom I still visit on youtube and the blog creations journey to life, to remind myself:  what is life about.

 

From desteni the group, all of you, buddies and newbie’s, bloggers, forgivers, mothers and children, I have been given the ingredients to learn self trust, self responsibility, self honesty. Integrity. Humbleness. So many deep qualities and wonders it completes my every day.

Check out the 7 year journey to life page on FB

 

So thank YOU for reading this and let’s keep walking and sharing and exposing our process and learn from each other.

 

I just realizes that I am greater than my schizophrenia – from the words (!) that I live…

equality and oneness – until it is done

 

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The ultimate store online: https://eqafe.com/

Try out our free online course to learn self forgiveness : http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

 

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Day 806 – Boys don’t cry

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Today I experienced a breakdown, emotional energies would build up within me during morning hours, several complicated details/thoughts, and before I knew it I was simply fully possessed with anger, depression, fear and resentment in a breakdown within my mind experience. There was no danger involved though it was very uncomfortable to be me. This break down went on and it was becoming more and more painful. Until I stopped myself and sort of took a real step out of myself – to get a overview of the situation. To zoom out. And I realized that I had to accept the state I was inn. Once I got a overview of the situation I could tell myself ok.. I am having a breakdown, I accept the goddamn fact that I am having breaking down. I had to tell myself that It is ok to break down. I did that, once I made that clear to myself that:

 

“Tormod: it is ok for you to break down (and cry)” I did not need to cry – it was not that deep a possession, but It was pretty bad, it hurt me.

 

At that moment:  I accepted myself within the breakdown, that is where it all changed within me. It was like the code that ticked and clicked open the up the door to peace, ease, calm, tranquility and comfort.  I was now in charge of the actual breakdown and possession – instead of me being under its control. I could direct it and so I did. I directed lol… the energies down into the ground. From having had a energetic hell-game within my body from my mind – where I took charge and directed all the energies in my breaking down – into the soil. I was outside, mowing the lawn, so it all came to reason. It was like a puzzle that finally made sense. Through my body into the dirt. This was done after I had declared that acceptance of me.

 

The game changed when I took a step back and re-evaluated the situation, and accepted it. I embraced it by telling myself “hey ; it is ok to break down Tormod – don’t take it personal !” From that point I was in charge of the energies within, so could simply release the energies, by directing them  into the ground, under my feet.

 

This sort of self help I have developed over a period of about 5-6 years of practical walking, living and forgiving myself. Learning and understanding myself from walking with DESTENI I don’t think that is a lot of time once you consider the skills I now have developed. To simply be able to take charge, and direct ones emotions into the ground – is just so fucking comfortable ! It is simply beyond. So I needed that reminder of how to act/behave once a possession is active and I lose myself to energies – how to gain direction of myself within that situation.

 

So today the practice was a good reminder of how I can alter my reality and take charge. A good reminder of how far I have come in my process.

Here I talk on this experience :

 

 

Here is a cool video from Sunette Spies :

“What does it mean to be the captain of the crew and ship that is your life?”

 

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

 

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

 

Me on soundcloud:

 

Day 797 – Learning to know myself as the physical

 

These days I am more and more opening up the level of physicality within me – as my body. This means a awareness, stability and groundedness within my physical body. A intimacy, into-me-I-see. My body is advanced and is processing and changing itself – just like the components of the beeingness and the mind of man, is also complex and are components of who I am with everything what that means.

For a deeper context please investigate these interviews where Jesus talks about redefining the physical :

https://eqafe.com/p/redefining-physical-the-crucifixion-of-jesus-part-109

https://eqafe.com/p/redefining-physical-part-2-the-crucifixion-of-jesus-part-110

https://eqafe.com/p/redefining-physical-part-3-the-crucifixion-of-jesus-part-111

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Because what have the physical been ? All my life I have been living in projections and thoughts, imaginations and mind loops, energetic rides, and not the physical reality. Can you see this? Living as the mind box ?  What I  have been experiencing and living for most of my life,  is the metaphysical, mind, personalities, energies and thoughts. And such have been my reason for defining reality. It has been a long lie. That I have be lie ved inn.

So discovering my body, being with my body, my different parts of me, my intestine,  liver, my heart, being aware of my blood, my cells as one and many, and seeing it all in  a holistic perspective and realization. Slowing down and being with myself  in self support. Enjoying the moment, the plant on my table, the good boot on my feet, the taste of dinner, the coffee, the walk, petting the dog – enjoying life and myself within it. Literally communicating with my body on a totally new way. My body is storage of such a waste load of information, and it will communicate with me. A flue is for instance a way that the body communicates, or a rash, or back pain, all the things that are physical, also sensations and the more “liberating” experiences from for instance yoga or self forgiveness are ways to open up to the body and to communicate with it.

 

For me it is the slowing down and breathing, finding comfort in myself making a self forgiveness statement within myself, or spoken out load. To look into and learn to know my body, to live and act as my body, that is a real challenge. Because the body is my matter of life, and life, is one, equal and one. So for me to live equal and one is the big deal here.  To step by step become real, common sensical and self honest.

You could say that my body is my teacher. Or my master within the trinity of mind, being and body. Learning, expanding and growing with my physical as grounding point.

Me finding the integrity and self honesty to look into my body, to learn to know myself as the flesh, is a big discovery, and it takes time and patience to learn this, and to develop trust within  communication and to live what the physical is teaching me.

 

Basically it is from moment to moment to live self forgiveness in practical terms. To not allow myself to go into reacting and judging/emotions for anything at all. Let me give you some examples of how deep this goes. For instance if I dislike the color of a house, or the way a person is walking or is dressed. Or I judge a tattoo, or I judge  and dislike a picture in the news. It covers anything and all. Literally becoming one with life.

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These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

 

Day 795 – Relationship patterns within me/self forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have second thoughts and to practically want to dump the relationship when it gets hard within facing some challenges and to have a plan B, a extra girl that I could go into a relationship with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I don’t really want a relationship, I want just the sex and good times the rest can just be, and within this fall back on old patterns of using girls in relationships as objects.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want the hard parts of a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not know what a relationship is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think a relationship is like “Friends” or “Sex in the city” or any typical TV show or magazine picture that is 100 % fake news – on what a relationship is about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust in TV and Hollywood/whatever lifestyle on what is reality and how things work, living in a bubble, that has no match, it is simply no-good for relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have not defined a relationship to myself, how I would realistic want it to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I can not value or appreciate a girl since I have schizophrenia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to commit to a girl, out of fear of what I might say or do that would expose me and leave me vulnerable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be honest and to fear to be me, open and vulnerable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am not mature enough to have a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad and sad for how I have handled relationships in my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as an abuser of relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not appreciate myself or the other being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value life as I would like to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not appreciate myself and give myself space.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect someone to love me when I don’t love myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect someone to like me when I don’t like myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect someone to want to be with me when I cant be with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to open up and communicate on all levels of me to a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that money solves all issues with a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that sex solves all issues with a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that imagining, nice fluffy words, imaginations and projections is any good for a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Netflix/HBO solves and saves a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to……….(you can fill in on your own terms; self forgiveness goes beyond relationships)

 

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self forgiveness has the best effect : when spoken out load – like self communication

enjoy:

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

Day 786 – Feeling loss of mind (component) – going into fear

Feeling loss of mind (component) – going into fear

Just now I was listening to a eqafe interview  that very delicately describes the process that I now walk. Feeling empty and feeling loss: Just today and the last hours, I have been feeling like I Iost something within my mind and within such going into fear thinking I had lost something vital or important when it was “only” from within my mind.

 

 

I would feel angry as a direct link to a fear of loss, fear of loss of possessions, objective, things, money anything from seeing and witnessing a loss of  mind system or components and within that specific loss, feeling empty, silent, depressed, feeling loss, fear and anger lol.. quite a lot to clean up after a simple loss of a mind system component.

Quite specifically I lost a sort of blame component (to my awareness) a sort of deliberating or consequence, call it blame system component. It would simply not be “there” in my mind’s programming no more.

 

self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into automated anger and irritation with self from losing something within my mind that I, within my mind automation,  would consider important to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fear of loss from losing this detail within mind and its mechanics, that I would lose and for my mind going into fear of loss, and me feeling helpless, alone, scared within the change of a second, not seeing that it was only a part of minds programming that I would let go of, where mind feels naked or in fear, and I as a being go into fear, automated with my schizophrenia into anger and further fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not feel like diving into this mechanics and details, where I think it is only mind and it is only bad news, not seeing the whole picture of what went down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not until now see and realize some of the picture of how I can open up to myself and communicate, share and LEARN to me about such happenings and event in the life of me, here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate to not ask myself questions and talk to me about what is going on in my mind – in self honesty what is going on and  trust myself to know self and communicate to self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to know what the future holds, when that is literally impossible, I am here, as breathe, I have to work here with the tools that I have.

 

When and as I see myself feeling a sudden, unexpected drop, or fall, scare, fear or anger, seemingly out of nowhere. I stop I take a deep breath and I slow myself down. I realize that it is in such happenings and moment I can learn, evolve and grow to understand the situation, to understand my mind. I realize that such situations holds great potential for me to open up, and communicate to self and learn about me here.

I commit myself to in such moments, to open up, write, or talk in a considerate way to others about what is going on within. To open up first and for most for me to learn how to live my life.

 

I commit myself to communicate more to me – about me. I commit myself to make each moment matter – more.

 

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These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

 

Day 763 – physical aware

How I am more physical aware than before

The basics of my physical awareness living

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I am more physical by focusing on my breathe. First point, 24/7 breathe awareness. Then bring everything together with that breathe, and be one and equal to everything. HAH ! That is a challenge of a life time lol.. so it is a purpose higher than myself – it is still good. I mean look, the way we treat each other and this mother earth, we need something that is greater than our self to reach for. Not like a believe, but practical for the body/physical,  so… equality and oneness is the perfect match. Codes of life.

So breathing in awareness. Inn and out. I breathe inn; I embrace what is here, I breathe out I express myself.

Then, from long time practicing self forgiveness/embracing self completely, once reaching that state of not being in separation, being here, not feeding the thought/paranoia/mind.

The thought and the mind is what keeps this old slavery system/matrix/mind together. You see, I have been searching high and low for “the secret” – seeking outside, failing to see that I in  the flesh/physical is the key. I as the physical is the very key here. To bring equality and oneness (heaven) to earth.  To balance a awareness with my physical with living words is a cool way to treat self. When I do that I live in physical energy, energy of the body, like solid, firm, not signals/lights  in mind/head. But a rather calm, comfortable, warm, yet chill kind of sense. Really cool to experience.

Today I started a yoga practice. I will do this for some time to see what are my effect. But I must say that it is very important to be able to let go of thoughts and thinking of the old mind. I will always carry my mind in this life, but I don’t want to slave to it for energies/eternity. It does not have to be prominent like with consciousness.

So I breathe and ground myself in breathe awareness, find grounding my physical and balance it all with living and redefining words and self honesty.

When I work out my physical it is the same, though a more prominent focus on self honesty. Like digging dirt, I stay focused on my body in full self honesty. And sort of break it off with living words as well as with breathe awareness.  Without pictures of boobs, buts, beers, cars, weed, whatever pictures or any particular energy that I would slave to mind with. But saying fuck of to energies/emotions sneaking inn on me. Telling my mind to fuck off: I am working with my body atm.  Don’t give mind space/energies. Not with anger/fear but in self direction. Be self in charge from the physical. Calm, directed and honest.

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sweaty from farm work

I can learn to use my mind if I need it but I will not give it free range: no more.

It is a cool job. It works, I am living proof.

Enjoy breathe

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picture of me and my friend Sunette,  desteni europa meeting, Brussel 2017

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 762 – I am GATVOL of fear

I decide today that : I am GATVOL of fear

“Gatvol” I learn is africaan and it means “no more”

I decide to not allow myself going into fear. Instead I become here with myself, looking within myself, sensing and being aware of myself, within of my body, in self honesty.

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Fear makes us angry – let’s NOT be angry !

Fear and anger is the opposite of solution.

 

Here is two awesome links to investigate:

https://eqafe.com/p/why-is-the-world-becoming-angrier-heart-of-matter

https://eqafe.com/p/self-forgiveness-on-the-experience-of-fear

 

Instead for feeding my mind with energies and reactions, “what if” – kind of thinking and paranoia.

I say till here no further. GATVOL with fear. Fear is a imagination – it is a lie.

I have been corrupting myself enough with “what if thoughts”, fear and imaginations of mind.

Instead I will be here with myself supporting myself and living self honest. And I will secure it with living words. Living words like; intimacy, support, genuine, honesty, guide, deep, gentle, stable, calm etc.

 

So… if I face situations that can seen stressful or reactive. I stop, and I breathe… perhaps I close my eyes for a second. I move within to self support. I embrace the situation and live and act in self honesty.

 

If everyone could do this and drop the fear… THAT is real change…

wooooow… what a potential !

Are you ready for this kind of world change ?

 

Let’s join teams !

 

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

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