Tag Archives: energies

Day 807 – talking at university – expanding in self trust

berseskokentormodhvidstengjedrem

 

A week ago I did a talk at a university. I was invited to talk from my background and history from schizophrenia and psychiatry. I enjoy such things very much. To explain how I experience schizophrenia and how I reason and manage my living in the system.

I did in total 4 talks to groups on 5-8 people. It was very pleasant and I was comfortable – doing my thing. The words to describe my schizophrenia, psychiatry along with a good dose of existentialism, made the students very content it would seem.
So this is simply a tale of me giving quality, back to society. I did remember to follow the advice of my friend who has experience doing similar things, to not go into the polarity high after doing such a talk. To avoid that high pitch – that is not real anyhow, it is just like a drug and there for suppressing of the real me. That was my big challenge and point right there, for me to remain grounded, and stable in my body was the big deal. It was not always easy, but all in all I managed very good. The day strolled along with me directing it. So you can say I just did my job – nothing less – without me going into that high, energetic, imaginative, energy ride. No I chose to remain grounded and in responsibility with myself. I chose to take direction my living both during and after the talk. I would remain calm and directed. Instead of high and “energized”.

There is lots of math to this equation, many things to learn about energies and the physical. I will not go into that here, but I will tell you that we have been living lies. It has been and it is a world in reverse – this we know both from within and without.

If you are interested in learning about energies – please leave a comment saying so.

 

litenblomtormod

Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel tempted and addicted to go into a high, pitch feeling, like a sugar experience, from how I was happy and content with my talk at the university thinking I must go into this “high” – simply because that is what people do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I was wrong to feel simply grounded and here in my body and to stabilize myself in the physical (which is negative of math) and to think inn backchats that I was wrong to just feel that quality and comfort of being stable and directed within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others who do the same kind of talk like me and to think that I am better than them because of how I act – not in the energy high.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like to riddiclue people who have a drug and psychiatry background, like I have, and to judge them for taking on the polarity high – which is the same as taking a drug mathematically – it is possible to change this math – I am living proof.

When and as I see myself doing something where I feel a urge to go into a energy high – feeling. I stop myself, I take a breath and I slow myself down.

I realize that energy high is how so many entertainment stars (music etc) go into drugs and illness, to maintain that “look” of positivity that is simple a lie and a scam against life.

I commit myself to be real and stable in my body. I commit myself to that stable, directive, organized, structured and calm self that I know I can be – also at the same time daring to be a clown and a bit crazy and a colorful artist/myself.

 

These links are super – potent with the finest of support
– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

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Day 806 – Boys don’t cry

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Today I experienced a breakdown, emotional energies would build up within me during morning hours, several complicated details/thoughts, and before I knew it I was simply fully possessed with anger, depression, fear and resentment in a breakdown within my mind experience. There was no danger involved though it was very uncomfortable to be me. This break down went on and it was becoming more and more painful. Until I stopped myself and sort of took a real step out of myself – to get a overview of the situation. To zoom out. And I realized that I had to accept the state I was inn. Once I got a overview of the situation I could tell myself ok.. I am having a breakdown, I accept the goddamn fact that I am having breaking down. I had to tell myself that It is ok to break down. I did that, once I made that clear to myself that:

 

“Tormod: it is ok for you to break down (and cry)” I did not need to cry – it was not that deep a possession, but It was pretty bad, it hurt me.

 

At that moment:  I accepted myself within the breakdown, that is where it all changed within me. It was like the code that ticked and clicked open the up the door to peace, ease, calm, tranquility and comfort.  I was now in charge of the actual breakdown and possession – instead of me being under its control. I could direct it and so I did. I directed lol… the energies down into the ground. From having had a energetic hell-game within my body from my mind – where I took charge and directed all the energies in my breaking down – into the soil. I was outside, mowing the lawn, so it all came to reason. It was like a puzzle that finally made sense. Through my body into the dirt. This was done after I had declared that acceptance of me.

 

The game changed when I took a step back and re-evaluated the situation, and accepted it. I embraced it by telling myself “hey ; it is ok to break down Tormod – don’t take it personal !” From that point I was in charge of the energies within, so could simply release the energies, by directing them  into the ground, under my feet.

 

This sort of self help I have developed over a period of about 5-6 years of practical walking, living and forgiving myself. Learning and understanding myself from walking with DESTENI I don’t think that is a lot of time once you consider the skills I now have developed. To simply be able to take charge, and direct ones emotions into the ground – is just so fucking comfortable ! It is simply beyond. So I needed that reminder of how to act/behave once a possession is active and I lose myself to energies – how to gain direction of myself within that situation.

 

So today the practice was a good reminder of how I can alter my reality and take charge. A good reminder of how far I have come in my process.

Here I talk on this experience :

 

 

Here is a cool video from Sunette Spies :

“What does it mean to be the captain of the crew and ship that is your life?”

 

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

 

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

 

Me on soundcloud:

 

Day 785 – The Quantum Mechanics of Paranormal Events

full_the-quantum-mechanics-of-paranormal-events-part-1.jpg

 

 

Get this product here:

https://eqafe.com/p/the-quantum-mechanics-of-paranormal-events-part-1

 

Introducing paranormal series. The existence of quantum physical. Quantum physical is where: consciousness as energy and physicality as manifested solidity – meets and merges.

 

A relationship between physical solidity and quantum energy – create voices, the materialization of ghosts as well as physical reality.

This interview of the paranormal comes to question what our standing and existence as physicality within our awareness.

What is our living existence based on ? What is it we are NOT seeing ?

 

How is also imaginations also like ghosts ? Or thoughts ? Are they not paranormal ?

Be ready with this interview to dive into the matrix of self. To really see into what reality or normality that might exist. How there could be ghosts, poltergeist, demons or similar, to occupy a physical reality.

How do we exits in both quantum energy and also physicality ?

Going into this series you will get listen to debating some veeeery fine existential questions – and you will defiantly have some eye openers to what reality or existence really is about !

 

Enjoy !

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 752 – self judgment

 

 

self goat

painting by me

 

 

Self judgment:

I notice today that I live in self judgment. This is noticeable by me mostly from seeing the core design of the self judgment.  I have been able to take a step back and see where does it come from ? And funny enough (this time) it comes from TV and movies, documentaries and fiction.

I have seen so many movies and series/drama about court rulings and layers life. I have made a very energetic picture/drama of the lawyers and the judges, and the happening within so.

I would think of a court as a game. A game to win or lose, and from history the game is rigged against me. Because the court is the rich – system – powers play ground. It is there together with for instance doctors to make the gap, wider between classes in society.

So I have been projecting this onto others, how I “dislike” lawyers (and doctors) and I have been living in that self judgment myself where I am the judge, lawyer, police man, victim and criminal. It is like a circus of role play to me. Very common to my schizophrenic mind. This all strikes back at me and causes pain and disturbance within me. I see now that I live this self judgment and I need to come to a acceptance and embracing of me. And let go of the energetic looping/judging of mind.

 

Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play on the polarity of positive pole, popular rich lawyer, and winning in court; and negative pole;  looser criminal and being sentenced in court.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my issues of law and the court/lawyer life onto others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I will not be a celebrity or a star simply a looser clown from the polarity of LA – LAW series I relate to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of myself as the loosing/sad clown and that I am lost as of present since courts still have a say in this world (today).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I suck at being a clown, but it is still a mask to hide behind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the voices of the sad clown in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mock myself with judgments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mock myself with law.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play on the polarity of taking law serious or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play myself in my clown – circus of court/law.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the TV series LA-LAW where I live and act like a playboy from California in the 80’s.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the phrases from TV drama and documentaries in my head over and over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so obsessed with judgments that I  have a energetic party within the room of court and judges.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I know enough about law to outsmart a judge, and to play the court for a fool.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cling on to different  theories about law and justice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deep down fear judges and lawyers and to think that they as a group don’t serve life, and they are abuse within the system and should not be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that deep down the court system is a scam and a mind trickery, and it just tricked me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel abused by the law system of this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play myself out like clown and a comedian about law trying to mock the court that is in my head/mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take myself serious when I say that courts and lawyers of today are by structure, definition and design not supporting life – they should not be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play myself out like clown and a comedian about law trying to mock the court that is in my head/mind – fooling myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attack the law/court system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play myself out like clown and a comedian about law trying to mock the court that is in my head/mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I can distance myself from self judgments, failing to realize that I then  distance myself from me/my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see nothing but judgments and to live in this sentence of “I sentence you to” or other similar words from TV/movies court rooms drama.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stuck and fucked by the design of self judgment and within this addicting to it and feeling like I can let it go it is on me like a magnet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my self – judgments with my eyes/seeing and my own moral of judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on the self judgment like my pair of glasses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I have to live with myself judgment failing to see the solution to accept myself and to embrace and value my self – instead of judging myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fucked by the law/court/lawyers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel raped by the law/court/lawyers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel deeply abused by law/court/lawyers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel corrupted by law/court/lawyers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like shit from law/court/lawyers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like puking and “giving up” from law/court/lawyers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that law is not me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the law that we see today (protecting greed/ego) is doomed.

 

 

Self corrections to be lived:

I commit myself to accept myself and to investigate myself and my mind and sort out all my shit.

I commit myself to expose the old system / self /mind /law and to remove it all breathe by breathe, step by step, and create a new system that is a system that is best for all.

I commit myself to embrace myself – no matter what.

 

Realizing / clarity:

  • I need acceptance of me to be able to see into me and this grants me access/accept into my mind/body/world/imaginations.
  • self judgement is not real it is fiction and imaginations.
  • courts and such law we see today is not going to last.
  • I have a response – ability to create new systems  to replace the old.
  • To me with my schizophrenia, self judgement is still very real/in my eyes.
  • There is no need to judge – we are all equals.

 

 

Link to another blog on self judgments:

http://activistsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/03/day-704-self-acceptance-vs-self.html

 

 

 

other links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

 

 

Day 750 – My personality of uncertainty and doubt

dsc_0381

painting by me

 

My personality of uncertainty and doubt.

 

Lately I have been facing, gradually more and more a certain personality of mine. It comes from back in time, where I was asked to investigate the word “uncertain”. Later I left this task and sort of “stacked it away” apparently nowhere.  Today some months later, the character appears again in my mind, it is returning to me from how I had projected it away from me. It is based on ego, and just a “feel good”, on the positive pole, – like don’t worry, but a rather deep sense of insecurity and doubt /paranoia  on the other, negative pole. I would have to feel certain and 110 % sure/secure about anything. I would need to double check everything to be soooo sure about appointments and agreements. It was like paranoia.

 

A full blown personality of polarity !

This personality would act out very hidden, or unseen. Like hiding from chores and tasks. I would avoid communication, and arrangements out of fear of feeling uncertain. Trying to hide from conflict, often by suppressing and making the polarity more potent in both poles equally (basic math)

 

I would notice this personality some time back, but looking at it / noticing it, I would not know what to call it. I would feel uncertain and in doubt about what to call it. lol I did not see until later that the uncertainty and doubt I felt in relations to what to make of it, was it!  It was staring me in the face.

It was so obvious, I could not see it – so I ended up projecting/blaming it on others.

 

I also notice a blame system within here, where I had this particular polarity/personality projected at another person. I could not recognize the personality/uncertainty  as mine, (I felt uncertain about it lol), or as something I had done, so I would judge it and project it elsewhere. I had for a long time projected this character of uncertain onto XX. This is where it is soooooo valuable to bring everything that we/I experience (like projections) back to self. Whatever I see and experience in my world and living, is my responsibility. Whatever thoughts, mind, projections, blame whatever I might bring up, is my responsibility to deal with.

 

Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on a personality of polarity and live by its design and programming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being stuck with a personality construct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live this uncertainty and this doubt within myself, over time and question everything that I do with suspicion and fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become suspicious at myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so filled with doubt and uncertainty that I would call it every-day paranoia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so uncertain about any situation, big or small,  that I would literally be very paranoid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project this polarity/personality onto XX for no other reason than seeing him as weak and little and then placing this with him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and project fault at the “little man”/ weak person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses to myself on why I should be allowed to make that projection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny and suppress within the fact that I projected this at him (XX), and I after this, refuse to take responsibility for projecting it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry and sad for discovering  that I was projecting this polarity construct on to XX.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am not in control of myself since I was suppressing and denying so badly the fact that this personality of uncertain was mine and not one of XX.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and “thrive” in the positive energies/ego part of the pole, personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only sometime see that consequences would smack me out of negative pole, basic math of polarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the negative consequences and to try to project these also onto others.

 

 

 

Self corrections:

I commit myself to bring things back to myself, to a further and more deep going degree.

I commit myself to live self forgiveness in my breathing/body.

I commit myself to take responsibility for my shit.

I commit myself to use my breathe (and close my eyes) to find stability and calm (self honesty) within to be able to trust myself and to feel certain and stable of what I am doing.

 

Realizations/insight:

– This personality of uncertainty and doubt really started long time ago, and has its roots in paranoia.

– I would fear the paranoia part of it so bad that I would push it away / project it away from me onto XX, who was innocent within this.

– I would suppress and deny being the origin of the polarity, though I see now in clarity that this was my responsibility. I could not see it because it was so obvious.

– I take responsibility for this personality and the projection within so.

– I learn from this how badly I fear thoughts/paranoia.

–  Also I learn how easy it was for me to project this, like subtle blame.

–  I realize how important it is to bring all things back to self.

 

If you seek information and assistance on doubt/uncertainty/anything check out eqafe  – use the search bar for typing in what you seek.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog !

links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

 

Day 737- relying on likes

relying on likes

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I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to rely on likes on facebook, instagram and other services to see that  “thumb up” and to give into that brief and simple appreciation of seeing that other people like or appear to like something i have created.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel down and sad and isolated if there are few likes or “thumbs up” on my page and on my creation, that would lead me into thinking why am i not popular and why don’t no one like what i do; ect feeling down and low/isolated.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be excluded from the norm.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be excluded ultimately by myself and my living since i have learned to love/live/accept myself without relying on energies/thumbs and mind/polarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to fish for likes by posting things I would assume is cool.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the now of consciousness when I make myself addicted to likes, instead of living/producing matereal free, honest, here in awareness and “raw” from my inside to the outside/facebook.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine or think that i am in need in any way to have likes and followers to be “right”

 

 

surprising to me, i had a cry last night :

 

 

 

http://wiki.destonians.com/Self-Forgiveness

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

http://desteni.org/

 

Day 736 – emotional target

carrying the blueprint of schizophrenia – more easy emotional target of mind

 

karlsoy

photo from Karlsøya, Troms, 2008 (?)

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as weak and fragile, and for more easy take on energies such as anxiety from my daily living application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not get over anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a victim in some strange game of life where I fail to see that I make these choices myself from within and how I chose to live my life breath by breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I could delete my schizophrenia in total by forgiving all its components something i am doing, and untill i have done this i will easy be a target for emotions to knock me out in my daily life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself into a easy pray for emotions/mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see how i make a choice in choosing to take on energies and emotions or components within and how i am the one making these choices – i must take responsibility for it, move forgive and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it is a very firm and “made” fact that since i have schizophrenia i more easy sway into emotions, failing to realize that anything is possible and i am a creator of this world to crate my own destiny.

 

 

Here I talk about schizophrenia and my insights

enjoy:

 

 

http://wiki.destonians.com/Self-Forgiveness

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

http://desteni.org/