Tag Archives: desteni

Day 771 – the cereberus of schizophrenia – mind storage

 

Being schizophrenic I bear 3 or 4 minds. That is right. 3 or 4 minds (!) that always wants its own demand and piece of the cake; the physical &  the being. 3 minds that together have a core and design (that I currently see as self judgment/rebars/metal – from my programing of being) locked in their position and placement within my mind/total self experience (see drawing)   3 personalities, and one mind (4rth) who controls or governs the other 3. From my programming/schizophrenia I have learned that all these (4 minds) wants to be in control of the totality of me/minds/physical/being. And they fight for it. They have a war inside my head over being the supreme mind… a psychosis/possession. Like a Cerberus that we know from In Greek mythology (see picture)

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this is how schizophrenia is experienced to millions of people

 

Mind as they are, are  energy systems. They are energy and they depend on more energy. If I can delete my addiction to energies, I can free myself from my Cerberus/Schizophrenia/mind and the minds control. This is easier said than done. But;  It can be done if I work on the very finest of therapeutic and curative care: self forgiveness. Together with being aware of my physical, living words, there is a fuck-load of applications that have been developed and cultivated by desteni during the years. The finest of psychology, behaviorism, self awareness and self healing tools/applications.

 

You see I have schizophrenia and… schizophrenia is a particular design. Like a recipe. It have been placed onto me before I was born. Why ? Long story , but if you ask me private, I can share with you why I am schizophrenic.

Studying the core elements and foundations of being human, sound, life, energy, mind, consciousness, light, dark, colors, darkness, polarity, emotions, time, space, the physical, the being, earth, relations, empowerment, self forgiveness, responsibility, money, words, animals, the universe, quantum and so on… this is some of what I have been studying the last 5 years.

You see I ask question with my living, question everything, I realize that for the world to change : I need to change. There is no other way. I want there to be responsibility, forgiveness, purpose, empowerment, real care, prosperity, life support, equality, oneness, honesty, solutions, peace and freedom and so on… for all life on this earth and I will not stop what I am doing before I see this is taking place. It boils down to equality and oneness – what is best for all.

 

So what I question myself is how to make my schizophrenia livable and to something less of pain and burden to myself. Well there is a lot of therapeutic tools  and  things I can enjoy and savor to do. Like drawing. Expressing, vlogging, blogging, studying and reading. I very much like reading a good book  – so I do that. I read a good book or a good blog. Or I write a post to myself like this. It might sound simple, but to many it takes some to actually do it, and in boredom and mental despair they end up drinking and doing porn… etc, etc, etc.

It is about becoming physical, and to nurture from there the being and by that math to stand, eternal, equal and one to all and everything, without bias and without judgment  – because you/I have embraced it and forgiven it; as self and made it part of self. Just like neo in matrix – he becomes it all… he takes 100% responsibility and does not separate self from anything (!) else. Not the lady in read, not money, not imaginations,  quite simply no separation it is all one and self… do you see where I am at ? Because thinking and thoughts is per definition a separation. It is a sabotage of self. So bring everything back to self and forgive. You would be amazed of the power you have and the qualities you possess. Physical is always stronger than mind. It is you and me as physical awareness, self direction and self honesty that can ultimately become the drivers and creators of our own living.

 

Again to stand equal and one hand in hand with all human beings. Maybe that is not your cup of tea ?  So we all have quite some layers of programming to deal with. We all have things in our lives that possess us, again self forgiveness is key – to become physical.

So for me to walk with schizophrenia is quite challenging. Luckily I live in Norway where I have care and support from a welfare state – that nobody have ever seen before – it is that good.  It makes sure I can walk a healing process, and have a life in decency – no luxury but a decent living. So I can make and share such a picture of my schizophrenia – to make it less terrifying to me who lives with it.

 

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drawing of my minds

 

If you are wondering and have questions please drop me a line

 

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 768 – attracting to trouble

attraction to complications / a autism perspective

walking with schizophrenia

 

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two old friends a party a long time ago

 

So it is clear to me that I have lived a life so far with quite some mental challenges. The word and diagnosis  of “schizophrenia” is not defined right by society/doctors/practice. Today people with this sort of complications are told wrong things. They are not told what schizophrenia really is. It is easy to see this error, and also that it is coming from the establishment/western medicine that is in practical terms,  completely in reverse. I have done many posts, videos and blogs on this (schizophrenia). So If you would like to hear my take on it – please contact me or investigate.

I have lived a life with this (schizophrenia) type of autism all my life. I have grown into attracting trouble. I have 3 or sometimes 4 minds to deal with; I am informed.  Sometimes I see this monster within, a tree/four headed beast/troll that is the core of my schizophrenia. So I have lived and nurtured with this beast for a long time. Again it is all what I make of it and how I create myself. My burden can be that – a burden or I can strengthen it and make it something of support. Made possible from walking with self forgiveness and desteni.org

So it is quite natural for me to attract to trouble. Being drugs, sex or any type of  systems sabotage or uproar. I have been through it. It is  in my past now most of it, I quit most of my energy addictions very close to exactly 5 years ago. Today I have very little bothers of this nature. I can be more myself, stable, calm and rooted, yet allow myself to be wild, free and honest. You see, through working on self forgiveness consistent for 5 years, everyday bringing shit to surface and dealing with it forgiving it, taking it into me,  deleting it within – brings a new perspective on life.

My dealing with what is in my mind. I don’t leave it up to “God”, or any separate entity to take responsibility for this. No, this is all about me, myself taking 100 % responsibility. Though, I am not guilty of any crime what so ever. It was all and it still is : all programming and design of mind. I am guilty of nothing, so I should not judge myself either. It is all how mind is rigged…. how we live our lives. Are you aware how much mind is in control of your living ? For real ? It is a deep, deep rabbit-hole of self.  All the systems “out there” is a system of self – projected outwards.  The ultimate ride. To forgive self, to embrace, liberate and become one and equal.

 

We at desteni have been saying for years how it is all programs. It is all a huge mind fuck. Time to deal with that picture. So I have been attracting to commotion and bothers, by indentifying with it. Again : it is what I make of it, do I want to live with the burden or do I want to live with the support – I have that level of freedom to make such a decision today. I am at that point of creation. Trouble have been me. It is what I have lived for quite some years. Again I take 100 % responsibility for it and bring it all back to self to embrace and forgive. To delete the metaphysics.  The forgiveness part is important to understand  self and life.

 

If you try it out and talk about self forgiveness to self, in spoken words. You will see this very soon…. the real hero here is you. The physical is key. Are you ready for the challenge ?

Schizophrenia is not real the way it is taught today. It has  different origins and a different recipe than what schools and doctors tell us. I mean what the fuck … if we are to trust the establishment, then we trust the outcome, right ? What is the outcome of the current establishment and mind system ? In this world today there is,  war, child rape, murder, torture, pollution, pain and abuse….This goes to question our trust in systems… like wikipedia ? Or Harvard Doctors ? Your parents (?) or “same old same old patterns” ? The establishment ? They are systems that keep us at status Q … right ? Our very own thoughts and mind, that keep us locked in the “same old same old”  idea and hamster wheel. Can you see this ? It all origins at self, it is all, every tiny piece of it originated in the human mind experience.   I mean bring it back to self for real…  What is in your head ? Who is in your head ? … Who are you ? What is your dreams ? What is your purpose ? Why are you here ? What is your potential ? That is the kind of questions that have always been lost… but no, no, look at the circus and the energetic play of mind. What the fuck. Are you real or are you a zombie of mind ?

Are you letting the zombie mind rule your world ? What do you say about consciousness ? These are things that govern our living to the very core. These are our systems of death. Mind and consciousness. Mistaken for God. It is all in reverse. You see ? Free self from mind slaving with self forgiveness, this is the only way to become real.

 

Please listen to this video:

 

 

enjoy breathe

 

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

Day 765 – To much help ?

With walking my desteni I process, being a living breathe on this earth with applying the tools that is offered generously by the desteni – group… I have come to realize a sneaking pattern within my mind and living experience. So I already mention that desteni offers allot of solutions. Assistance for self to apply. Like self forgiveness, breathe awareness, self honesty, self trust, self responsibility, physical awareness, living words and so on. These are some of the main pillars and tools/applications that is offered by desteni. Like you can see they are many.

 

And this point of the assisting tools being many my mind have used against me. Like my mind would project out a picture and “feeling” like all these components like a rack, stacked on top of each other… unorganized and very chaotic. Like a big mess. Make a big deal of a small point – which of mind is a expert lol…

 

One more time: my mind would try to use the multitude of assisting tools to tell me and convince me to discard and sort of give up my assisting applications, by telling me they are chaotic and unorganized. Like a mess of help lol.

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So… ” Mind is a beautiful servant but a dangerous master” – Osho

 

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Mind will work (if allowed) against life. Against me. So I must find ways to not give mind place/room/space within me – by using my applications – by being physical. I must not fear or hate my mind, simply take charge of it. It is not done over night.

 

So this is a point for me to look into. The word “organized” also the multitude of things and applications that I have. Question is if take them for granted ? Do I take my assisting tools for granted ? What do I take for granted in my living ?  Important questions to ask self.

Thanks for reading

 

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

Day 764 – meeting the portal

dem 7

 

My first meeting with the interdimentional portal

 

I was just this last week in Brussels, Belgium, for a destonian gathering. We had been planning to meet there since new year’s 16/17. We all chipped in for a ticket so that Sunette (the portal) could travel to Belgium to see us. We where about 30 people at the most when we would gather in central Brussels.

 

I was first greeted by my fellow destonian Talamon (Tala), at the airport. After that we would travel into the city to see Leila, Gian, Cesar and Sunette. Before meeting I have been going through some projections and expectations of the whole thing. I would forgive and release these expectations when they occurred. The moment I would hug Sunette I sort of went into a reaction. Both from being tired of traveling, and also from the surprise of seeing how normal and ordinary people really are. You might say not what I expected lol.

 

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So in that station hall, we would then first meet and hug. It was a sort of breaking point to me, and I was quite shaking right then and a few minutes later. But to my pleasant surprise I managed quite fine. I was able to release the energy and move within/without.

 

I was considered and my mental health, and I was asked if I was not tired. I was asked if I was ok. I was going though some reactions, like I said,  but I managed very good. I was surprised by myself how well it all went.

Later in the park, we got to see first-hand portaling. Beings like Anuaki, Lilly and Mykey, presented them self to us. And we had a chat then in the Brussels park. A very cool experience indeed.

Also I had a portaling done, to only me, to hear from my mind, body and being. With the intent to bring my being forth within. To give me some strengthening advice and hear what my being /body / mind could tell me that I could not see/hear or had missed. I was told among other things that “You are stronger than what you think you are” and “Start with yoga” – such a advice. I was very thrilled to hear this and today is my third day of yoga, doing a new beginners course from youtube.

 

So meeting the portal and all the other destonians walking life process, was a  deep honor and a deep sense of gratitude. It was over all fun and I learned lots about myself.

 

Thank you each one of you that I was able to hug and greet !

Together we walk, equal and one  !

dem 1

 

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

 

Day 756 – How I found desteni: Part 1

How I found desteni

Part  1

 

I have been skeptic to this world and its system(s) since I can remember.  This would very easy lead me into drugs and sabotage of society as it was presented before me, when I grew up. I would deeply oppose systems, what I saw of authorities, structures and organization of things in my surroundings, that would lead me to a very unstructured and unorganized, life and living. I was basically living in chaos, disturbance within and without, from very early on. I am today aware that I was born schizophrenic, so my life was sort of destined to be  a “bumpy” road.

In 2008 or 2009,  I was doing drugs, both doctors prescribed and hashish/weed, together with lots and lots  of alcohol. I was a somewhat a busy artist, painter, with lots of girl friends. I was multiple addicted and very restless. My anxious and troubled nature was becoming a serious problem. Lucky for me I was born in Norway, and was under the wings of the health care system.

 

desteni-org-bennedicte

 

I was at this very evening, visiting a friend, we were drinking and “partying”.  The party’s entertainment,  came from the more and more popular youtube (YT), that would play in the many homes during drinking and partying to it’s different music and tunes. Lots of beer and sigaret’s and lots of YT.

Then my friend, whom I was visiting, asked  me: “Would you like to see a portal ?” I can’t remember my reply, but anyhow he found a video, on YT, with the portal, doing a portaling/giving a message. I remember my jaw sort of fell to the floor. I was … quite shocked. This was now real. I remember feeling like, PJUH finally a solution to humanity’s misery and problems. After this very brief introduction, I was still possessed with energies/mind and addictions/enslavement  and substance as such. But a certain spark within me was moving, I was aware,  and I thought to myself there is no going back after this. I would in my schizophrenic mind see/experience the math or the metaphysical reality/imagination that was shifting, within so without. I could see or experience, thoughts like, there is no turning back now, this is it; I best get with it, and join in.

This will change the whole thing (world system).

That was my conclusion after seeing the videos of the portal on YT. I did not know what it would ask or … demand of me to do or investigate for my own sake. In 2010 I was still very, very lost in energy addictions. But at this time I started to write in demonology forum. I would write in that forum and I would have guiding from there to find my path or to learn myself to work on self forgiveness.

 

I was at this point 2008 – 2012 obsessed with schizophrenia.  I worshipped it (in my own sabotaging way) with drugs, escapism and the extreme of culture. Addicting to conspiracy. It was the winter between 2011 – 2012 I had just driven myself to rock bottom traveling around in Europe. I was totally fucked, and long lost. And I came home to my parents, just like the prodigal son. I stayed with my parents, for  about 2 years. During this time, I ended (may 2012) most of my substance/energy addictions. I also began to learn to make my own self forgiveness, to speak it to myself , moving myself from demonology forum, to (the common) desteni forum.

 

I was here given guidance and support with the things in my mind/my past. How to work through it. And I was from this point (may 2012) more and more committed to walk my process, in this life, here on earth. I connected with other destonians and started to study the message that was presented. To make it a  world of equality and oneness – for what is best for all.

 

To be continued….

 

 

links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

 

 

 

 

Day 748 – Jesus was a demon

Here is my video talk and perspective on Jesus and who he was. Also some deep realizations about myself and life; enjoy !

 

 

also check out Gian and Joe talking on desteni radio / and further links within so

also check out eqafe series on crucifixion of jesus

Thanks !

Day 731 – thoughts, words and deeds

some guidance of voices/thoughts/backchats/words here today:

I have lived with voices/backchats for along time. It have been hell for may years. Today I am marginalizing my schizophrenia and my pre-programing, everyday with the tools that we share at desteni.org

And TIME HAS COME to get real, responsible and to become self honest

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“all thought is paranoia” – Bernard Poolman

I would like to look at a certain dimension, and perhaps a few different ones also. Let’s start with the scary bad/evil voices, backchats and thoughts:  And what they mean. We all have such bad nasty, backchats and they have consequences to us all. But they are in the head/mind. What do they mean ? What does it mean practically to have evil/nasty voices ?

If you have voices or tiny tiny voices/backchats in your head telling you to kill, or murder or to commit suicide. Do you know what it indicates?  We have all experienced this…

– you don’t have to be schizophrenic to hear voices

Voices or thoughts/backchats about ending a life, are indicating that you have to: change.  It means that you cannot live (this particular pattern)  no longer. It means that living a certain way, within your life, and existence that is not best for all. You hear the voices, backchats saying these words: because you need to change from a certain pattern in your life. Can you grasp this ? It is telling you to quit living a particular way.

Also one more dimension I would like to expose is thoughts, voices and backchat about sex. If you have thoughts, voices and backchat about sex, than that means that you have to look at your: self expression and/or your self – intimacy.

These two points/thoughts/voices/words peak out in humans existence. These two points are prominent and they might be alarming. But now you know (!) what they mean. So how to change ? Investigate the best place/platform to change:

desteni.org

check out our : principles

let’s walk !

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