I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself for wanting to fight to have a relationship to fight for my desires, like I want to fight for my “right” to have desires, and believing that such ideas in itself can give me a relationship, like some law of attraction bullshit, instead I realize that being in a relationship in itself is not going to solve anything rather complicate everything in particular because of my starting point of minds desires and ego.
I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to give up my desire for a relationship believing that I need to have that sexual desire in order to secure the relationship – to control the partner and the relationship into my ego/desires wants instead I will practice on letting go of A and the relationship idea about sex and desires – to focus on me and not go possessed over dreaming of sex/desires.
I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to let go of A because I fear that I am letting go of a potential relationship instead of realizing that as I let go of that I can start something new with myself to open up new doors into me and ground myself more within self and learn better to know me intimately and in general: to practice letting go of things.
I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have control over energies and physicality, over A to control the relationship into a agreement of being a couple – trying to satisfy my desire, instead of realizing that minds desires will lead to catastrophy like we see with all our dysfunctional relationships and families build on mind experiences and not on common sense – best for all physical reality.
I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that to have desires is part of the solution, that I will defend my right to look at boobs and buts and bodies and to secretly fantasize about sex, and I tell myself in my secret mind that I do this in order to secure that I will one day actually have a relationship, which is based on lies, ego, fear and deception – so instead I take it to myself to bring that desire back to myself to cherish me to love me and care for me.
I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to fight for my right to look at boobs and butts- to think that I must allow myself to look at it and to allow myself to stare at bodies and secretly believe that I need to do that in order to secure myself a relationship/desires, instead I take it to myself that I will tend myself and care for myself and give myself that love and care, comfort and intimacy and let go of the superficial desires and be myself – unapologetically – give myself back to me and love me.
I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself for having misunderstood sex, desires and relationships, to the point that it has become all ego driven, all sexual desires driven and all fear driven (fear of not having) that would build this idea of how I need to fight for my right to have a relationship and a girlfriend and that I need that in order to satisfy my ego and my mind desires.
For now, I end this with a quote from a friend:
“At the end of the day it’s about just living that decision to not go into the programming/desires”
A schizophrenic's journey from consciousness to awareness. In Oneness & Equality! 