Day 829 – worst case scenario

 

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Photo by JR Korpa on Unsplash
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So I was inspired to write about this point of worst case scenario. Meaning what of my past, my history could I possibly see that could haunt me to this day ? What from my past could possibly if ever, have a effect, a consequence or a worst case scenario to play out in my life today or in the future ?

 

So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to have and see a certain consequence to play out, a worst case scenario to happen to me…… that would be very unpleasant to my experience and it would be uprooting to say the least, where I see that the chances for this playing out is lesser than tiny and still it lingers in my back, like a glow in the dark, where I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to really come to terms with;  if such “worst case scenario”  should go down, and occur to me, then I simply have to deal with that then. If shit should come down on me, then I simply have to stand and face that – in such relations, and make the best of my situation. Where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others and to run the worst case scenario over and over again in my mind, in fear and distrust that would simply drain me of energy and make me depressed.

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at other people’s lives – where billions of beings suffer today, and I fear to end up like them, suffering, starving, hurting, and in abuse.

Where in I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not being able to fully trust myself that my past is forgiven, it is done, it holds no more power over me, I can lower my shoulders and breathe, and fully and completely trust my own self forgiveness, my integrity, and realize that I am the maker and baker of my reality, through the words I live and express as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my past deeds, thoughts and actions could have been of such a alarming degree and level that consequences from that point is inevitable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to suffer badly from who I was in the past, where in this I realize that I am that suffering today as I have not yet completely forgiven myself there is still something that lingers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need that something to linger for me to motivate myself and “putt fire under my ass” – to move where I see that I have been living this believe that is how things are, and to think that is how my life is meant to play out and I have to settle with that – within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not being able to see and really consider in detail and self trust, how I need to settle myself – clear and clean without that fear of consequences, and fear of any scenario that is going to play itself out.

 

 

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