Tag Archives: slow down

Day 781 – Dragging along old mind junk – mind recycled

Dragging along old mind junk – mind recycled

Who am I as a creator ? What do I truly create ?

Something that I was recently made aware of, and that I in self honesty also knew of, is how I drag with me old mind junk, and mind data from the past that I would like to say that is gone and that I am done with – that is still here. Some of the old dominating systems of my mind. Things like “self judgment” and “fear” – systems. These two buggers in particular.  Some of the very dominant system that we as humans carry. These systems, have very deep seated roots on the humans experience. And people walk through life without properly dealing with it. This has effect on life as we know it on earth today  – as well as for the afterlife and infinite existence of humans. Now, I have tools to work through this, I know how to heal and how to work through this and … literally I know how to change. It is only myself who is responsible for not changing. I have self forgiveness, self honesty, living words, breathe, etc, and I should know how to balance this by now. There is no excuse for me to not change.


Still my mind programming is heavy. And in this interview of Annuaki he explains how this responsibility is mostly missed by humans, that we are not creating for real – we drag with us old systems, still.

So these two systems, self judgment and fear, are poking me like crazy. And they should – because I should not need to be mind slave within such a equation. Thing is that I see that my consciousness is recycling itself like it did before. Making old problems new again, “making suffering great again”…lol…within mind,  making fear into anger, and self judgment into blame and so on. So I must stop it and alter – create a better reality.





self forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drag on specifically fear and self judgment, where I think to myself that some of the things I have done is unforgivable to myself as a being, and that I would think in my mind that me in my afterlife/reflection would not be forgiven, by my beingness,  for some of my deeds/thoughts on this earth, missing the picture of how I let my conscious mind dictate me into thinking “I am not good enough” – “I am not forgiven enough”, “I can’t do this” and ending up in fear and in self judgment – mind systems recycled.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a moral obligation to drag with me fear and self judgment thinking everyone does this and so should I, not seeing or reflecting on how the word “moral” in this world,  protects the very abusers (religion, war, government etc), and within so I am not better than anyone else, for dragging with me fear and self-judgment like emotions that I am eager to give away, and look into my beingness/awareness, and how I need to dump & delete these emotions once and for all.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to undermine, the thought that  I can make a drawing and a picture or some arts about me leaving “my old emotions”, and systems behind and not fully seeing, how drawing and arts it could assist me in quantifying my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it fascinating and yet disturbing to see how I find it very hard to dump of me, these systems (fears, self judgments) and at the same time how eager mind is to pick it up and  recycle it into my living/suffering.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fascinated by my mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to give my mind direction, and a “occupation”.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I had not been able to see or fully realize and comprehend, that as long as I drag with me the constructs/concept of fear and self judgment, my mind will know so, detect so,  l and it will make a big thing/addiction/suffering/recycleling out of it – since both fear and self judgment  are mind based systems.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the desire to see into my fears and my self judgment, like  a desire to see it diminish and disappear,  like to kiss it good bye for good where I would indulge in memories and my mind would catch up with me and “boom”… the mind systems are recycled.


When and as I see myself going into re – inventing fear and self judgment, I stop myself, I take a deep breath, and I slow the fuck down.  I have come to realize that I must know my fears and my self judgments – and from there “weed them out” from a distance. To see them, within self, to alter within self and change as self so that awareness/focus/reality is something else, and not fear, and self judgment. I realize that I have all the tools I need to get through this, I must simply slow down and find myself stable and ready to create best for all/best for  me solutions.


I commit myself to be with my tools, and my support to give myself chores and creative tasks. I commit myself to stay busy, creative but slow and commonsensical.




These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof









Day 755 – Massaging my feet every night

Massaging my feet every night




I really want to make something out of my life. I want to do that extra “thing” every day or so often – to push myself to reach for a higher purpose. A purpose of : Equality and Oneness – what is best for all.

Basic simple math, hidden in front of our noses. The message from; Jesus, Lao Tzu, Bruce Lee, Alice Bailey, Osho, Nelson Mandela… now mine to live, are you ready to take on yours ?


To be able to live this purpose I have to really walk a deep going process to delete tons of energies and programs that have been, the one I was – before – growing up, my mind, taking on the parenting and schooling of life/society. I have dumped/deleted very, very much mind data, and energy enslavement  from within.


It is a reason why the new teacher or schooling method is called un – schooling and I myself work to de – program myself. I have been doing so the last 5 years.


By working with self forgiveness and self corrections, gaining self trust, and response – ability and self honesty, it is a humbling and rewarding process to walk.


I learn more than anything – about myself. My mind, being body relationship, from the tools and groundwork that is presented by desteni.org  – it is a one of a kind “tool – box” for you to use. Check it out…

Within walking my desteniiprocess I learn more and more about me and to find grounding in my physical (body). Then a cool thing for me to add on to this, to soothen my process is to massage my feet every night. I have now been massaging my feet every night for 3,5 years. I can count on ONE hand the number of days I have lapsed or skipped to massage them from tiredness/forgetfulness. If I was on a  journey or inn a awkward position, I would massage my feet perhaps more quicker and not so intense or deep going – not use so much time on it. I would guess I use 10 – 15 minutes every evening on massaging my feet before sleep.


By massaging my feet every evening –  I learn to know myself  – I learn to be with myself unconditionally. I massage my feet every night to be able to learn to be with myself and to see my signals. I learn to know my body. I know what points to push for ears, eyes, brain, liver  and so on. It is all a part of the holistic  practice that self forgiveness is a very fine key within to discover, reveal and explore.


I highly recommend to massage hands also. It is easy and it can be done by self – like with feet, it is good mental hygiene.


To learn about self and to give self that balance and a good night sleep – try to massage the feet every night. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain lol. Massaging my feet makes me move slower in physical, and at the same time faster; through mind (metaphysical)


A thing to KNOW to be really response – able, is that all the body has points on it from all sorts of programming and dimensions. Did you know that the under arm, (lower arm, from elbow to hand) is the place on the body (your & mine equally) for resistance ?


Check out this link to dive into some real explaining holistic practice, from desteni articles. All the pain/movement /discomfort you experience has a meaning and a practical explaining. It is all a purpose, and it has all be a programme running in reverse….













Day 754 – Schizophrenia and Eczemas

Schizophrenia and Eczemas

I was recently in the Canary Islands on a vocation with my parents and two of their grand children. It was a outmost congenial experience, over all,  and I grew quite a lot within my walking process, particularly the last days on the Islands. On the way home from the Canaries to Norway,  I had a very fine concentration/living experience of self. I was like in the “zone” like I was “zen” and all transcended lol. I was living the word “discipline” and really seeing new stuff both within myself, of my mind, and also experiencing really nice movement within.


Bilder fra iphone 479.JPG

sunshine photo from Bragdøy 2014


It was just as if it was too good to be true. And to my programming – it was.


– What you live today and tomorrow is determining the future you will have – eqafe.com


I have always had eczemas. I grew out of it in my teens and I grew (back) into it later in my early 20’s. if you would like a honest, view of eczemas please check out this link about why we have eczemas.


I was on the bus, with my family,  towards, the air port in Las Palmas. It was a 40 minutes drive. I was able to balance my skin with sun block, since my  pink/whatever skin had taken on lots of sunshine. I was starting to experience eczemas on my shoulders and upper arms, from sudden lots of sunshine. It itched. Sitting on a bus, and later for  5 hours on a plane, did not do things much better for my itch.


When we later arrived home at my parents place, to sleep that night, I decided to have shower. In the back of my head/mind a backchat started to present itself, when I made myself ready to shower: “burn yourself”, “you should burn yourself on your skin – to not itch”. I undressed and entered the shower with being somewhat (?) aware of my backchat telling me to burn myself with shower. I have chosen to burn myself with hot water a few times before, showering,  to be able to avoid scratching and itching. It was (really) one or the other evil. Either to scratch and itch myself, or to burn myself with water.  I was in the shower and the hot water would burn my itch away, leaving me in a sort of orgasmic/emotional-relief state of “wounded”. Like a personality of being battled and bruised. It was pretty warm water, and I was red like a lobster after the shower lol.




So I chose the burn over the scratch. What I SHOULD have done, that is easy to see now,  was to say neither of these two evils, STOP (!) right here:  I would like to add my doctor prescribed crème please!  That sentence of common sense should have made my day, but it did not make it; or … I was not aware and slowing down enough to see and block this desire to burn/scratch myself. I should have dealt with the nasty backchat in the moment before taking a  shower. But I was in a hurry. The program  was to hard wired within me.


The eczema programming nailed me !


Later I felt bad… oh so bad…. lots of self judgment…

Next day I  made a (new) testimony to not burn myself in the shower again.

Now my skin is healing, and I am getting back to my track of where I was before the burning. But this was definitely a step – back within and without.


I realize that I should be able to slow down more, before concluding with self to take a shower, to change my activity – that is truly my alert point. I should have marked it with a flag point, within mind programming, if  I see that my old mind  is driving  me to abuse and energies, from changing activity.

So I learn from this to take things sloooowwwer. To sort out nasty backchats and to see it come. I should have had that fine tuning, acumen, to see it coming from the back of my mind/head.  I need to be in charge of my own awareness; being, mind and body.  If I can have the directive principle of self as here, and slow the fuck down, when doing shit, I can really move faster in my process, in the metaphysics as well as in physical real time. I have seen this lots of times with self  – change is here.

Where are you ?

Interested in what I am doing – how I write/what I write about  ? Feel free to contact me


Enjoy breathe !













Day 741 – where I just was… again


so this is a post about time. “time is a gift we give to our self”, a friend of me once said.

I appreciate that quote.


it is like consciousness uses time as a enemy, to postpone it and “do it later” and “why bother doing the chores now”, postponing kind of way.

while awareness uses time to support,  saying yes: “let’s get busy doing this (!)”,  “we have real time, “let’s get down to it”,  “let’s get to work” kind of approach.

so what does this mean. to make a long story short – we are moving from consciousness to awareness. from “power of now” till “power of here”.

very much of this can be found in slowing down and being honest about oneself. to stop for 5 seconds and take a breather, perhaps close the eyes, and catch a breathe, to focus ones awareness and to be “here” as in all that one is, with trust, honesty and integrity, instead of “now as a fragmented and scattered element of consciousness.

this is what life teaches us. to be able to stand in a place of here, as all one is and all one have been, and to not bend down and lose ground over anything, memories, fears etc… to have forgiven everything so one can stand, equal and one as self support. within oneness own flesh.


so it is a process of learning to know oneself, to slow down…. and really see the moment within and to see who self is in real time. because, like Bruce Lee can tell us that slowing down oneself, is really, really moving faster within ones process.  and if you add self forgiveness to that and walk a path into life you can achieve anything.

we are creators and we create our own path. I chose to be self honest to change myself as much as I can in this life, to see ripples of that self change into the world as a whole.

to slow down to such a extent that one does not bite ones own tail, that one does not repeat what one is doing – where one just was.


self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and fully realize that the words, I speak, will sound better and different if, I am at a slower movement, and if I am able to slow myself down enough I will be more sure on what I say, and what I speak, and my resonance and expression of words will be better and have more effect.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel emotional or bad about slowing down so much that I feel bothered or like a clown failing to realize that slowing down ones process is in metaphysical, moving faster through the layers and diving deeper into oneness mind and self.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have not seen the very value and essence of slowing down, where I see that I would need to practice slowing down further to be able to have more access to my physical and to change.





Day 635 – Self judgement was my struggle

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it has no effect to say to myself “I will not judge myself” because of what happened when I was 6 years old playing nude games with neighbors and within this I forgive myself for taking it so hard a impact for being caught by a adult and with this I tell myself to stop judging myself for that episode,  I was a child and it was all programs and energies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for judging myself for everything that is ever bad within my life and for taking everything very personal and blaming myself always pointing back at that one point of being caught by that adult when I was 6 years old.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project guilt and fear and self judgement onto others, ending up inferior and depressed, when I see how emotional dimensions within me shape according to that one memory of being caught by a adult at that time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my fight through growing up have been guilt and self judging for all so many years.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I would seek church, alcohol, drugs, psychiatry and so on, trying to cure myself from this guilt and judgment that I have to face, I was doing to myself.

When and as I see myself feeling like going into guilt or self judging, I stop and I slow myself down, and I breathe. I realize that this fight was that nobody would win and like any war there was only losers participating. I realize that I can through focusing, directing, breathing and slowing down, I can end my self-judging. I can end the war and find peace with myself. I realize that self judgment only has losers and that one is me. I commit myself to slow down my tempo, and to focus on what is supportive, like living words, breathing and directing myself, slowing down, and to finally be done with the fight and have peace. I commit myself to give myself access to life and to live my life in every breathe. I commit myself to live my life for what is best for all and inn that is also, best for me.



Day 596 – Personality out of eating the right food.

Personality out of eating the right food.


I am quite taken by the idea to eat the right food. There are many people to claim to have the recipe of the best food to eat. It have become such a obsession to me, that I have created a own personality out of it. Sometimes I think I eat too much meat. I then go into self blame and judge myself making myself feel inferior for eating meat at all. Other times I make a nice dinner to myself perhaps using lots of spices and vegetable within it, making me feel confident and smart. And after I have eaten it I would feel really nice with myself thinking “I can cook” and “I can select the best groceries” and so on. Sometimes even going into comparing and competing mode.

I often think of all the poison that is sprayed into the food that I eat and I think that I am lucky to live in Norway where we have strict rules for how much chemicals that is allowed in our food. But there are levels of chemicals, also here, it is being increased every year it seems. So I would prefer to eat only ecological food all the time, since it is the best, without a doubt.

I realize that I “fall into” the choice or questions, of eating meat and I make a decision within myself. To me there is not many enough substitutes or replacements in the normal supermarket, here in Norway, to replace meat, that I do not feel I can choose other vice and no meat. There are not many enough choices or replacement to meat the way I see it. So for now, yes, I eat meat and I enjoy meat. I am aware of what sort of meat I eat and I try to create, a awareness that there are so many, many billions of animals suffering each day living in hell and ending up as dinner and it is not acceptable at all. But we need to create a alternative and it is our job collectively, job to support the often ecological and best alternative and I do so as far as my money and my shopping can take.

Back to my personality. A personality is built out of positive and negative poles. Neutral is not common and it is almost like negative because neutral is no change – no solution. It is positive when I by lots of good quality ecological vegetables or if I feel like I have done something correct and improved myself in the kitchen. Taking on new challenges and make new and existing dishes. Or it is positive when I make a lovely dish to myself, or if I go to a restaurant and enjoy a nice meal or when I bake a bread or cook at home enjoying myself. Empowering myself. That is mostly a positive personality. Slowing down.

It gets negative when I become in doubt if it is right to eat meat at all, or if I go into self judging because of eating to fast is going into self abuse.. Or if I eat, to fast a meal. It is like I abuse myself with eating too much too fast.

So in my very inferior or negative polarity I abuse myself with eating too much too fast, so yes, you can say that sometimes I have a eating disorder or suffer from self abuse. Eating too much too fast.

My personality of eating right would like to state that we all equally, need the best (ecological) and a abundance of healthy and nutritious food every day. It is not a acceptable situation, of today, where half of us are fed and hand half of us starve. We produce food for 14 billion or more and throw away tons of well eatable food every day. Every day we waste so many million tons of food it is a very, very disturbing situation.

My personality of eating and relating to food is diverse, meaning it is very much related to the level of stress that I place onto myself, that gives the outcome of my eating experience. How much stress I give myself is related to how much I am able to appreciate or enjoy my meal. Stress is a sickness, and It have ruined many a meal to me. Stress is a horrible diseased to me, and it create very much misery amongst humans on earth. Leading to abuse and crime.

Stress is making me compromise my food and my living. Stress is a disease.

So my personality of eating right have ups and downs. I find that it is best to eat ecological food and to take my time, to really slow it down with eating. When I slow down and take my time the result is sooo much better. I would like to say to you that though a living income guaranteed we can all have sufficient food and sufficient money to live in dignity. We all deserve enough food on the table each day. We need to end the stress and the crime of throwing away food. The whole system needs change. Check out: http://livingincome.me/ for real change.

Thank you.

Day 557 – My voice tonality


My voice. I use my voice every day, almost all the time. I have developed a degree of self communication. I heal myself with my voice. I tell myself love, forgiveness. I realize that I would like to further develop my voice to further heal myself within my words and my tonality. And by that I mean how I speak to myself. Not so much what I say, It will be honest, but more focus on how I say it. I will weigh how I speak my words, and not so much what I speak. I will not lie to myself, I will do what I can to not deceive myself or others, but tell myself some honest truth. And to have a clear focus on how I say – what I say. I realize that I would like to bring a more serious type of … investigating like a professional tone to my voice.

Like reporters reporting from Syria, or Tokyo, New York or Brazil, I will report with being serious from within or without of emotions, personalities, fears or enjoyment and often from pre – program, all to heal and cure myself from being a slave of mind and of existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I have not been serious enough when I talk to myself and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am not honest enough with myself thinking that I should bring up more serious thoughts and more serious topics and often emotional type of talks and more in depth type of self communication to further heal myself where I judge myself for not pushing through and ending up with old grudges and old emotional patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am only a joker and that I am not serious enough with myself to be that professional reporter, of my mind and of psychology that I would like to be , where I end up judging myself for not speaking in a serious enough tone to myself that I would like to have, to heal myself and to do what is best for all and so for me as I am one of all – as all is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into fear and thinking that I do not have what it takes to be that serious with myself and I would go on thinking and judging myself with old grudges and old faults from my past, that I would like to experience as water under the bridge, and to move on a to handle self as who I am here in physical and as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into energies and thought telling me to enjoy myself and to live life as it is presented as simply energies and not real life, where I see that life today is being abused and it is not being even considered serious enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the precarious of this world is not being taken serious enough, and that there is limited time left to actually save this world and this existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that energies is not real life and I would think that if I let energies control me I am simply living ego and greed, to save up my money/energies, so that it owns me, like water/blood running through the body/earth, where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let energies posses & own me and I go into reactions and fear out of letting energies possess me and building up energies so they go into reactions or fear out of how I am pre programmed, or I am telling myself to possess/own money/energies, out of not being trained enough to handle energies/money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am not serious, within my voice tonality that I would like to have, where I realize that it is mostly to be able to slow down that seems to be the matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lock at reporters and at people working with news broadcasting where I envy their sincerity and how they are precise that I would also like to gain with myself, with how I speak to myself and with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I do not talk enough to myself about the things that matter and about things that I really truly care for , and that are I precarious within my life.

When and as I see myself starting to talk to myself on subject that I care for, or that I find important, I stop myself and I slow myself down and I breathe. I realize that the most important I can do in such relation is to slow myself down, really take my time with communicating with myself and to slow myself down. I realize that I must slow myself down and to really take things more easy. I realize that I must be able to speak in a moderate tone with easy to myself. I commit myself to talk in honesty to myself on thing that I find important and to talk in common sense to myself on all sorts of subjects and issues. I commit myself to open op on topics that are hidden in plain sight that is the real gold mine/minds of my being as investigation and experience have proven.

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