Tag Archives: write

Day 774 – Establishing a consistent daily routine

There is some routines and some patterns that I would like to add to my day to day living. I have been practicing living this for a while, but I need to establish it further and more sound, so I write about it.

 

In the mornings when I wake up: first thing I do, maybe before going out of bed, is to drink water. It is very healthy for the body to start with water – first thing in the morning. Then standing up and after  getting dressed, I embrace myself (!) and tell myself that; I embrace myself within this day in totality with all its content, and then I find one or two words to live, during my day.

I go about my day with all that there is and use the application of self forgiveness and self correction, breathe awareness, and so on… to assist me through the day. Writing out my thoughts and issues as the day goes, and practicing self forgiveness as the key to change. Writing and living the change is key to understand self, grow and expand.

In the evening after massaging my feet, I lay down and I make up status for my day. What happened this day ? How did it affect me ? Did I face challenges ? What are my thoughts during the day ?

Answering this as I lay down and talk to myself, finding the outcome and solutions to my issues, this completes my day.

 

 

This eqafe recording concerns lots of what I mention here in my writing:

https://eqafe.com/p/when-memories-run-deep

 

For more info on life challenges, solutions and issues:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

 

Day 771 – the cereberus of schizophrenia – mind storage

 

Being schizophrenic I bear 3 or 4 minds. That is right. 3 or 4 minds (!) that always wants its own demand and piece of the cake; the physical &  the being. 3 minds that together have a core and design (that I currently see as self judgment/rebars/metal – from my programing of being) locked in their position and placement within my mind/total self experience (see drawing)   3 personalities, and one mind (4rth) who controls or governs the other 3. From my programming/schizophrenia I have learned that all these (4 minds) wants to be in control of the totality of me/minds/physical/being. And they fight for it. They have a war inside my head over being the supreme mind… a psychosis/possession. Like a Cerberus that we know from In Greek mythology (see picture)

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this is how schizophrenia is experienced to millions of people

 

Mind as they are, are  energy systems. They are energy and they depend on more energy. If I can delete my addiction to energies, I can free myself from my Cerberus/Schizophrenia/mind and the minds control. This is easier said than done. But;  It can be done if I work on the very finest of therapeutic and curative care: self forgiveness. Together with being aware of my physical, living words, there is a fuck-load of applications that have been developed and cultivated by desteni during the years. The finest of psychology, behaviorism, self awareness and self healing tools/applications.

 

You see I have schizophrenia and… schizophrenia is a particular design. Like a recipe. It have been placed onto me before I was born. Why ? Long story , but if you ask me private, I can share with you why I am schizophrenic.

Studying the core elements and foundations of being human, sound, life, energy, mind, consciousness, light, dark, colors, darkness, polarity, emotions, time, space, the physical, the being, earth, relations, empowerment, self forgiveness, responsibility, money, words, animals, the universe, quantum and so on… this is some of what I have been studying the last 5 years.

You see I ask question with my living, question everything, I realize that for the world to change : I need to change. There is no other way. I want there to be responsibility, forgiveness, purpose, empowerment, real care, prosperity, life support, equality, oneness, honesty, solutions, peace and freedom and so on… for all life on this earth and I will not stop what I am doing before I see this is taking place. It boils down to equality and oneness – what is best for all.

 

So what I question myself is how to make my schizophrenia livable and to something less of pain and burden to myself. Well there is a lot of therapeutic tools  and  things I can enjoy and savor to do. Like drawing. Expressing, vlogging, blogging, studying and reading. I very much like reading a good book  – so I do that. I read a good book or a good blog. Or I write a post to myself like this. It might sound simple, but to many it takes some to actually do it, and in boredom and mental despair they end up drinking and doing porn… etc, etc, etc.

It is about becoming physical, and to nurture from there the being and by that math to stand, eternal, equal and one to all and everything, without bias and without judgment  – because you/I have embraced it and forgiven it; as self and made it part of self. Just like neo in matrix – he becomes it all… he takes 100% responsibility and does not separate self from anything (!) else. Not the lady in read, not money, not imaginations,  quite simply no separation it is all one and self… do you see where I am at ? Because thinking and thoughts is per definition a separation. It is a sabotage of self. So bring everything back to self and forgive. You would be amazed of the power you have and the qualities you possess. Physical is always stronger than mind. It is you and me as physical awareness, self direction and self honesty that can ultimately become the drivers and creators of our own living.

 

Again to stand equal and one hand in hand with all human beings. Maybe that is not your cup of tea ?  So we all have quite some layers of programming to deal with. We all have things in our lives that possess us, again self forgiveness is key – to become physical.

So for me to walk with schizophrenia is quite challenging. Luckily I live in Norway where I have care and support from a welfare state – that nobody have ever seen before – it is that good.  It makes sure I can walk a healing process, and have a life in decency – no luxury but a decent living. So I can make and share such a picture of my schizophrenia – to make it less terrifying to me who lives with it.

 

4rth mind.jpeg

drawing of my minds

 

If you are wondering and have questions please drop me a line

 

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 767 – choice

If I can make that choice

Right now I have Michael Jackson in my head.. :

“I am looking at the man in the mirror…”

 

I am looking at me in the mirror, and In self honesty and integrity, I can see that there are things within myself that I can change. I am sure it is that way with you also. 100 % sure!

Thing is we all want a better world. We want a good life, peace and prosperity for all… right ? If that is not the case – then I would say that you are mentally ill, and many of us are, mentally ill without taking it into consideration. Such a shame.

 

That choice can be a turning point in self, like it is to me. We all have choices in our lives. We all have that something we can do for the greater good. We all can do more to assist self to a better living. We can listen to the common sense, what the body tells us – and to not listen to minds, energetic desires – that will always, always deceive us.

So if I can make that choice in my life maybe I can assist others on doing the same. My choice is about several things, but mostly it is me and my living where I am. It is about being more physical. It is also about writing more. I have been focusing on to do more physical work. Living on a farm there is always work to be done and my body very much enjoys the work. Though my mind will reject it from losing its grip on me and at the same time I also bring forth my being. And that is what this is about; to honor the physical and bring forth ones being and not give mind its space and attention. It is a big job and it may seem difficult, but consistent work and pushing self will carry through. To just do it and jump out of comfort zones and do the work, what needs to be done.

 

Because it s from honoring and caring for my physical and bringing forth my being, together with living words and self honesty that I can change, expand and evolve – be better myself.

Not giving mind attention and space.

And through writing I can understand, realize, forgive and direct myself.

 

Bilder fra iphone 270

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid physical work and to avoid taking part in it, making excuses that my body hurts and it is weary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses about my living to not have to go to work simply from fear of confronting my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see the reward in doing physical work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to jump out of my comfort zone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown.

 

I commit myself to be more consistent and also flexible with my physical like to do more yoga.

I commit myself to do more yoga.

I commit myself to write more and to expose and share more of my living.

 

 

 

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 737- relying on likes

relying on likes

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I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to rely on likes on facebook, instagram and other services to see that  “thumb up” and to give into that brief and simple appreciation of seeing that other people like or appear to like something i have created.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel down and sad and isolated if there are few likes or “thumbs up” on my page and on my creation, that would lead me into thinking why am i not popular and why don’t no one like what i do; ect feeling down and low/isolated.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be excluded from the norm.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be excluded ultimately by myself and my living since i have learned to love/live/accept myself without relying on energies/thumbs and mind/polarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to fish for likes by posting things I would assume is cool.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the now of consciousness when I make myself addicted to likes, instead of living/producing matereal free, honest, here in awareness and “raw” from my inside to the outside/facebook.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine or think that i am in need in any way to have likes and followers to be “right”

 

 

surprising to me, i had a cry last night :

 

 

 

http://wiki.destonians.com/Self-Forgiveness

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

http://desteni.org/

 

Day 670 – the word is : uncertain

 

@ desteni we are living words : to live words is to pick a word or a phrase and really, investigate the word. Study it, sound it, write it and work on it. Words are sacred, even though this is not that much lived today in our normal day to day life – but they are – sacred. How we live our lives today is based on what words we stand on/carry with us.

 

I have quite a hard time to making decisions. Decisions,  make me uncertain and filled with doubt  and indecisiveness. It is quite a troubling experience with me to make a description at all. – So I was asked by my dear buddy within desteni, to investigate this word “uncertain”.

 

first I would fear to live this world thinking “oh no bad stuff will happen to me”, “bad karma” etc… or I will make bad decisions in my life because I live this word. feeling direct fear from my experience of this word.

Then I realized that I am actually dealing with myself and my inner world as I live this word since that – hey  this word is my issue.  “uncertainty” – working on it, living it  makes senses of it, because this word of many words,  makes me go into fear and reactions.

 

So… I am currently walking uncertain, and oh -boy has it have it been  door opener so far. Let me tell you… first I went into thinking “I need control” and feeling this urge to have “control” or to gain control within my life over uncertainty. So that was one thing that opened up like a polarity. I have earlier worked with this word “control”, trying to get even with myself on the terms of control, what control  is, so that was a wakening up call. Later now, I feel like I am more lost in resonance of uncertainty. I feel like uncertainty is like this bubble within me of air, a air bubble within my head.

So the word is

uncertain

un – satan

under – stand

Working on this word makes me humble to life. Working on this word makes me realize what gifts is stored with working on words. This word uncertain hold many a gift to me. what words are you living (?)  – and most important of all: are you investigating them ?

I started to work on this word because I have such a hard time to make a particular decision within  my life. So my buddy told me to investigate it. uncertain. I am glad I did. I am living uncertain.

There is no right or wrong – there is only denial of what is here.

If you could imagine start living and investigating words check out S.O.U.L – school of ultimate living – and  have a  nice day.

 

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a wall painting i did in 2011