Tag Archives: within

Day 782 – expanding in the life process



Looking at my current living, where I am, and my livelihood, and how I more or less creative and in consideration define myself to be, I would like to just elaborate on my current process and status. For many years I have defined myself as and within the stigmatizing ground of psychiatry, addictions, and mental illness. I have come to realize that we all, every single fart included of humankind are more or less mentally suffering, being of mind. Stating that I do not close myself into being only psychiatry or that ballpark anyway. How do I define myself today and within walking my process of total change into something more something better and supportive, something of real matter ? It is right there in front of me, like this impression of nature and of detail, and stability, because what am I doing ? I am expanding, including, uniting and cooperating. I discover, reveal and I heal. I learn and I grow. More than anything else. I discover myself, I close down my believes, my fears and my reactions and addictions, by uniting with its origin and life, structure of me is becoming one with the self, and with all that is me.


Within here is stored mega bytes of self forgiveness and persistent walking of my process, embracing self as life and uniting, and even creating more of me, what is discovering of my own expression – my living. I find myself more and more in equilibrium with not only nature as I see it, but me, self as life force, and will to live. I more than ever before,  would like to live till I am over 100 years old lol. There is so much I would like to participate with and further create.


Today more than ever before, I realize my standing and creative ability and life force. My will to go on with projects, chores, responsibility, daring to be a bit of a “clown” perhaps and taking on new challenges in common sense and self awareness. Many have said this before me that it is the nucleus cell and being of ordinary people, that will eventually change this world – because we change: ourselves, our ingrained patterns and behaviors,  first and become one and equal – physical, responsible as being and life force in where we are.

So for me at the moment it is about nurturing myself within slowing down and taking one breathe at the time, to really get this point of expanding and not falling into old destructive patterns of mind.

Today I notice such a simple thing as not daring to ask for a hug, and to embrace self completely, as another, would sort of bring me down, and I know that I could “take on a clown suit” and simply ask bluntly for a hug – and I would be granted so.

Time to embrace the clown from within huh ? To nurture and grow as a playful clown – myself. To rediscover play (and fun) in my daily life.

So in a way it is also about daring and taking that initiative. Being brave sort of. So that I can continue to walk and make progress and learn as I go. Grounding is perhaps a word I am seeking for.

Either way I am proud of who I am today, I have a level of integrity and self respect. I am someone new at the same time reborn as self in the physical. I live to suit the support of life and to expand myself on all areas of progressing and sustainable creation.

Realizing just now, sitting here typing in front of my screen, that, I have had a long history of being for instance dyslectic. I have still difficulties with writing  by hand – and reading it later. School was not my thing lol. But I will not blame the system – because the system is me. I created it. Together with for instance you. So it is a process of uniting, embracing and forgiving, bringing back to self all parts that I has separated myself from and made into mind fucks and loops, recycling the mind junk. Today I embrace it and bring it back to me- to oneness and equality.


Thanks for reading !


These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof








Day 738 – expansion

to me the word :





ex  – pan – yes –  I –  am  (former religious; now I am )


First I took on this word  like a very external point thinking now I get to reach out there and make people aware of shit, like I have superpowers lol


Then I saw that was more unrealistic, and  I stepped back for a bit reconsidered my standing. I took a breathe…. focus on my body, lungs, heart (deep into heart) intestine, and the different organs. And there it was…. I started to see like some have mentioned before, that I have the whole universe inside myself… I am full of magic and creation. I carry all the dimensions within me , here, in the physical. So I started to slow down, focus on my breathe as usual, and I could see into myself intimacy / into me I see,  that there is ….lol almost like seeing life in itself playing out with me directing it, on my inside, it is like the ultimate discovery, with how I treat my body.


so to me self expansion is about how I treat my body, my skin, my heart, my intestine, me feet, and everything within off me.


self expanding is a point of perfecting the within so  that … later when people are in their lives and process ready (all in its time) can see that – “oh, tormod did it … that means so can I”,  “he have walked this, now I can do it also”



It is nooooo good if I were to push myself and my process onto others… does  not work like that. Force is not the way to go.  I have to change myself to focus on me and not on other people. I have to come to terms with: that I can’t change other people they have to see this for them self.


There for it is important for me to … more or less perfect my inside and to treat my body with care, and consideration, and to listen to it and give it support. That is how I strive to live at the moment.


It is a inside job, like inspiration, creation, and remember; that your health is your wealth.



Self forgiveness:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to baldly and forceful would try to force people to see and experience reality/awareness/process and to try to wake people up from abusing this word expansion were my intention was good, but my way to get there was wrong and I had to face this suppressed force or authority within that I see is a point for me to deal with.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to for not until after having caused impact and consequences seeing that what I did was wrong and I should know from my own experience that coercion and force is no good it must come from within/ as one self.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not until now see the importance of a independent and expanding self within, to then be 100% sure of what one is doing is what is best for all –  and to confirm to oneself that oneness process and expanding is on the right track.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see how very important it is to honor my physical with food, exercise and massages etc, and to learn to listen to my body and hear it out for what it has to say, and how I can learn from it.

I commit myself to take my body serious, and to develop a safe and sound relationship with it.







Day 654 – insights

Writing about myself and interpret myself in words.

I have not so far been to keen on talking about myself and my understanding of myself, or at least that is how I see it. I would save that to mind constructs and personal notes.

It seems to me like I have avoided writing about myself and to interpret myself in words though. And this bothers me. I feel missing to expose myself. Very often when I read other blogs, I go into thinking “they are so skilled and so good at writing about them self” and “they understand them self so well”.

It would be a point of jealousy and envy that boils up inn me from thinking I can’t do the same.

I would go into thinking that I have a so good relationship with myself that I don’t need to write of myself – like I am done with it.

The thing is I interpret myself as emptiness. I am all poured out. Before I had lost of emotional baggage. I had tons of emotional baggage that I needed to sort out. And quite logically, I would think that there is a vacancy where those emotions used to be.

I try to search within to find out what is what, and to seek for what is really left on my inside?

I come to the conclusion that there is very often nothing there. And that is how it is supposed to be – for me to birth life from nothingness. I need to “carry” nothingness, like the stars that shine at night in the sky/universe – I need to carry nothingness – to birth life.

I come to realize that (when I dissolve the issue of envy and jealousy) to see that I am supposed to have nothing inside me. I come to the conclusion that I should not carry anything. Just be me in oneness and equality, in the mind, being and body relationship.

I come to the conclusion that I should stand naked and “clean” of data/past. Delete – forget. So let’s explore that.

I would imagine that there is lots of emptiness inside me like free space from all the data/psychology I have cleared out.

What further seams important is to not forget where one is coming from – because ego knows from where you come and what you have been through. Mind and ego knows my inside and history very well and stand to use it against myself any time – if given the chance.

So what I would like is to forget lots of crap from my past. There is lots of stories that I would like to simply forget.

How do I carry memories ? I carry memories like words and energies according to those specific memories. So when I practice my – self forgiveness, I end up removing the energies. And self correction to change myself in relation to the psychology and memory. Sort of like NLP (neuro linguistic programming), only deeper and more efficient.


I carry lots of emptiness and lots of nothingness – and that is good. Like the stars in heaven/sky/universe. Because I have been living, slaving to the energies from the memory from my past. I have been living in fear of no forgetting my bothersome past. But I fail to realize that it is when I give into mind and ego that my past is used against me. I must be disciplined and stand through the test of time. Then I can birth life from nothingness – like a sprout of water to heal. To create a better world. In oneness and equality.


These are my insights today. Thank you for reading.