Tag Archives: walk of life

Day 768 – attracting to trouble

attraction to complications / a autism perspective

walking with schizophrenia

 

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two old friends a party a long time ago

 

So it is clear to me that I have lived a life so far with quite some mental challenges. The word and diagnosis  of “schizophrenia” is not defined right by society/doctors/practice. Today people with this sort of complications are told wrong things. They are not told what schizophrenia really is. It is easy to see this error, and also that it is coming from the establishment/western medicine that is in practical terms,  completely in reverse. I have done many posts, videos and blogs on this (schizophrenia). So If you would like to hear my take on it – please contact me or investigate.

I have lived a life with this (schizophrenia) type of autism all my life. I have grown into attracting trouble. I have 3 or sometimes 4 minds to deal with; I am informed.  Sometimes I see this monster within, a tree/four headed beast/troll that is the core of my schizophrenia. So I have lived and nurtured with this beast for a long time. Again it is all what I make of it and how I create myself. My burden can be that – a burden or I can strengthen it and make it something of support. Made possible from walking with self forgiveness and desteni.org

So it is quite natural for me to attract to trouble. Being drugs, sex or any type of  systems sabotage or uproar. I have been through it. It is  in my past now most of it, I quit most of my energy addictions very close to exactly 5 years ago. Today I have very little bothers of this nature. I can be more myself, stable, calm and rooted, yet allow myself to be wild, free and honest. You see, through working on self forgiveness consistent for 5 years, everyday bringing shit to surface and dealing with it forgiving it, taking it into me,  deleting it within – brings a new perspective on life.

My dealing with what is in my mind. I don’t leave it up to “God”, or any separate entity to take responsibility for this. No, this is all about me, myself taking 100 % responsibility. Though, I am not guilty of any crime what so ever. It was all and it still is : all programming and design of mind. I am guilty of nothing, so I should not judge myself either. It is all how mind is rigged…. how we live our lives. Are you aware how much mind is in control of your living ? For real ? It is a deep, deep rabbit-hole of self.  All the systems “out there” is a system of self – projected outwards.  The ultimate ride. To forgive self, to embrace, liberate and become one and equal.

 

We at desteni have been saying for years how it is all programs. It is all a huge mind fuck. Time to deal with that picture. So I have been attracting to commotion and bothers, by indentifying with it. Again : it is what I make of it, do I want to live with the burden or do I want to live with the support – I have that level of freedom to make such a decision today. I am at that point of creation. Trouble have been me. It is what I have lived for quite some years. Again I take 100 % responsibility for it and bring it all back to self to embrace and forgive. To delete the metaphysics.  The forgiveness part is important to understand  self and life.

 

If you try it out and talk about self forgiveness to self, in spoken words. You will see this very soon…. the real hero here is you. The physical is key. Are you ready for the challenge ?

Schizophrenia is not real the way it is taught today. It has  different origins and a different recipe than what schools and doctors tell us. I mean what the fuck … if we are to trust the establishment, then we trust the outcome, right ? What is the outcome of the current establishment and mind system ? In this world today there is,  war, child rape, murder, torture, pollution, pain and abuse….This goes to question our trust in systems… like wikipedia ? Or Harvard Doctors ? Your parents (?) or “same old same old patterns” ? The establishment ? They are systems that keep us at status Q … right ? Our very own thoughts and mind, that keep us locked in the “same old same old”  idea and hamster wheel. Can you see this ? It all origins at self, it is all, every tiny piece of it originated in the human mind experience.   I mean bring it back to self for real…  What is in your head ? Who is in your head ? … Who are you ? What is your dreams ? What is your purpose ? Why are you here ? What is your potential ? That is the kind of questions that have always been lost… but no, no, look at the circus and the energetic play of mind. What the fuck. Are you real or are you a zombie of mind ?

Are you letting the zombie mind rule your world ? What do you say about consciousness ? These are things that govern our living to the very core. These are our systems of death. Mind and consciousness. Mistaken for God. It is all in reverse. You see ? Free self from mind slaving with self forgiveness, this is the only way to become real.

 

Please listen to this video:

 

 

enjoy breathe

 

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

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Day 757 – How I found desteni: Part 2

Part 2

continued from : part 1

 

I was first introduced to the demonology forum. This might sound scary, but we are serious about what energies and possession can do. Realize that “possessions” is what a hospital/doctor would call “psychosis”. Since I have been carrying schizophrenia and having lost of energy addictions, it was natural for me to start at demonology forum. It was logical for me, with my condition of illness. I was guided there and shown some basic structures of mind, thought, what therapy and resonance to apply. The origin and psychology. Common sense and responsibility. Thing is that I was so loooong gone corrupted of slaving to energies, I was simply very, very fucked after many years of drugs and addictions. I had to realize that I am the system, I am responsible, within my mind, my being, my body and myself breathing, something like a human. This would make up a system that is me. So within so without.  I had to take responsibility for me being me. For me accepting and allowing myself to participate, in a world of abuse.

 

 

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Two things in particular was crucial for me to grasp. One thing was to build up and write my own self forgiveness sentences. That was not as easy as it sounds lol and there were some newbie  strange attempts to do so in the beginning. So it was rather challenging to learn the writing and spelling of self forgiveness. I have been half way a dyslectic, and to be comfortable with writing have been challenging.

 

The second thing that I found challenging was to see the difference between feelings and emotions. I would think that feelings is the high and emotions is the low, of a wave of energies. Just like that. It took me some time to see  the clear difference of the two. To come to terms with that feelings is one thing and emotions is another thing. This was hard for me to grasp. My programming was so hard wired it would refuse this awareness.

 

 

Gradually I started to speak self forgiveness to myself, and this was the big innovation of me. Like going backwards, finding my own innocence. Becoming physical, forgiving the great mind enslavement.

 

And there was lots to study within this new me. Equality and oneness. Who are we really as humans ? What is our origin ? Why are we here ? Why is there abuse/war ? All these questions and many more is found within the language and writing of desteni.org

 

It is a waste database of knowledge and investigation to see and study. To listen to Bernard Poolman on YT. To hear his words and to see what he would see. To not believe the portal but take it all into consideration and just hear it and then apply it, within the system of self. The messages of desteni.org  is a very practical and common sensical message. It is sanity and what is best for all. It is what this world is literally screaming for.

 

For me with schizophrenia, desteni.org was through the portal able to show me what is schizophrenia, and how to best deal with it. Now be clear we are not doctors at desteni.org, we are ordinary people investigating life/dimensions. I have been able to reduce and marginalize my schizophrenia with the tools taught to me at desteni.org  In particular the self forgiveness have been of great support, and I have deleted lots of bother within me – physically/interdimmensjonally/of mind. I have gained lots in practical terms, of where I am and how I live. Also self honesty, self trust, self responsibility, self aware, consideration, regard, living words…. the list goes on and I am truly grateful and humble to be. With the tools of desteni.org I saved my life. I am still puzzling myself together.

 

So who every YOU are – desteni.org holds something truly unique to offer you and your living. From my experience I would not waste a second more – but get right on it and start the process to walk – to make it a good world for us all. We are the system(s). Lets walk into equality and oneness – for what is best for all.

 

Thank you for reading

 

links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

Day 756 – How I found desteni: Part 1

How I found desteni

Part  1

 

I have been skeptic to this world and its system(s) since I can remember.  This would very easy lead me into drugs and sabotage of society as it was presented before me, when I grew up. I would deeply oppose systems, what I saw of authorities, structures and organization of things in my surroundings, that would lead me to a very unstructured and unorganized, life and living. I was basically living in chaos, disturbance within and without, from very early on. I am today aware that I was born schizophrenic, so my life was sort of destined to be  a “bumpy” road.

In 2008 or 2009,  I was doing drugs, both doctors prescribed and hashish/weed, together with lots and lots  of alcohol. I was a somewhat a busy artist, painter, with lots of girl friends. I was multiple addicted and very restless. My anxious and troubled nature was becoming a serious problem. Lucky for me I was born in Norway, and was under the wings of the health care system.

 

desteni-org-bennedicte

 

I was at this very evening, visiting a friend, we were drinking and “partying”.  The party’s entertainment,  came from the more and more popular youtube (YT), that would play in the many homes during drinking and partying to it’s different music and tunes. Lots of beer and sigaret’s and lots of YT.

Then my friend, whom I was visiting, asked  me: “Would you like to see a portal ?” I can’t remember my reply, but anyhow he found a video, on YT, with the portal, doing a portaling/giving a message. I remember my jaw sort of fell to the floor. I was … quite shocked. This was now real. I remember feeling like, PJUH finally a solution to humanity’s misery and problems. After this very brief introduction, I was still possessed with energies/mind and addictions/enslavement  and substance as such. But a certain spark within me was moving, I was aware,  and I thought to myself there is no going back after this. I would in my schizophrenic mind see/experience the math or the metaphysical reality/imagination that was shifting, within so without. I could see or experience, thoughts like, there is no turning back now, this is it; I best get with it, and join in.

This will change the whole thing (world system).

That was my conclusion after seeing the videos of the portal on YT. I did not know what it would ask or … demand of me to do or investigate for my own sake. In 2010 I was still very, very lost in energy addictions. But at this time I started to write in demonology forum. I would write in that forum and I would have guiding from there to find my path or to learn myself to work on self forgiveness.

 

I was at this point 2008 – 2012 obsessed with schizophrenia.  I worshipped it (in my own sabotaging way) with drugs, escapism and the extreme of culture. Addicting to conspiracy. It was the winter between 2011 – 2012 I had just driven myself to rock bottom traveling around in Europe. I was totally fucked, and long lost. And I came home to my parents, just like the prodigal son. I stayed with my parents, for  about 2 years. During this time, I ended (may 2012) most of my substance/energy addictions. I also began to learn to make my own self forgiveness, to speak it to myself , moving myself from demonology forum, to (the common) desteni forum.

 

I was here given guidance and support with the things in my mind/my past. How to work through it. And I was from this point (may 2012) more and more committed to walk my process, in this life, here on earth. I connected with other destonians and started to study the message that was presented. To make it a  world of equality and oneness – for what is best for all.

 

To be continued….

 

 

links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

 

 

 

 

Day 754 – Schizophrenia and Eczemas

Schizophrenia and Eczemas

I was recently in the Canary Islands on a vocation with my parents and two of their grand children. It was a outmost congenial experience, over all,  and I grew quite a lot within my walking process, particularly the last days on the Islands. On the way home from the Canaries to Norway,  I had a very fine concentration/living experience of self. I was like in the “zone” like I was “zen” and all transcended lol. I was living the word “discipline” and really seeing new stuff both within myself, of my mind, and also experiencing really nice movement within.

 

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sunshine photo from Bragdøy 2014

 

It was just as if it was too good to be true. And to my programming – it was.

 

– What you live today and tomorrow is determining the future you will have – eqafe.com

 

I have always had eczemas. I grew out of it in my teens and I grew (back) into it later in my early 20’s. if you would like a honest, view of eczemas please check out this link about why we have eczemas.

 

I was on the bus, with my family,  towards, the air port in Las Palmas. It was a 40 minutes drive. I was able to balance my skin with sun block, since my  pink/whatever skin had taken on lots of sunshine. I was starting to experience eczemas on my shoulders and upper arms, from sudden lots of sunshine. It itched. Sitting on a bus, and later for  5 hours on a plane, did not do things much better for my itch.

 

When we later arrived home at my parents place, to sleep that night, I decided to have shower. In the back of my head/mind a backchat started to present itself, when I made myself ready to shower: “burn yourself”, “you should burn yourself on your skin – to not itch”. I undressed and entered the shower with being somewhat (?) aware of my backchat telling me to burn myself with shower. I have chosen to burn myself with hot water a few times before, showering,  to be able to avoid scratching and itching. It was (really) one or the other evil. Either to scratch and itch myself, or to burn myself with water.  I was in the shower and the hot water would burn my itch away, leaving me in a sort of orgasmic/emotional-relief state of “wounded”. Like a personality of being battled and bruised. It was pretty warm water, and I was red like a lobster after the shower lol.

 

lobster

 

So I chose the burn over the scratch. What I SHOULD have done, that is easy to see now,  was to say neither of these two evils, STOP (!) right here:  I would like to add my doctor prescribed crème please!  That sentence of common sense should have made my day, but it did not make it; or … I was not aware and slowing down enough to see and block this desire to burn/scratch myself. I should have dealt with the nasty backchat in the moment before taking a  shower. But I was in a hurry. The program  was to hard wired within me.

 

The eczema programming nailed me !

 

Later I felt bad… oh so bad…. lots of self judgment…

Next day I  made a (new) testimony to not burn myself in the shower again.

Now my skin is healing, and I am getting back to my track of where I was before the burning. But this was definitely a step – back within and without.

 

I realize that I should be able to slow down more, before concluding with self to take a shower, to change my activity – that is truly my alert point. I should have marked it with a flag point, within mind programming, if  I see that my old mind  is driving  me to abuse and energies, from changing activity.

So I learn from this to take things sloooowwwer. To sort out nasty backchats and to see it come. I should have had that fine tuning, acumen, to see it coming from the back of my mind/head.  I need to be in charge of my own awareness; being, mind and body.  If I can have the directive principle of self as here, and slow the fuck down, when doing shit, I can really move faster in my process, in the metaphysics as well as in physical real time. I have seen this lots of times with self  – change is here.

Where are you ?

Interested in what I am doing – how I write/what I write about  ? Feel free to contact me

 

Enjoy breathe !

 

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links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

Day 746 – desteni.org and schizophrenia

 

 

what is schizophrenia ?

 

https://eqafe.com/p/interview-request-schizophrenia

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yO3fF…

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org

http://desteniiprocess.com

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

https://eqafe.com

https://warnomore.wordpress.com

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com

 

Day 738 – expansion

to me the word :

 

expansion/expanding

 

 

ex  – pan – yes –  I –  am  (former religious; now I am )

 

First I took on this word  like a very external point thinking now I get to reach out there and make people aware of shit, like I have superpowers lol

 

Then I saw that was more unrealistic, and  I stepped back for a bit reconsidered my standing. I took a breathe…. focus on my body, lungs, heart (deep into heart) intestine, and the different organs. And there it was…. I started to see like some have mentioned before, that I have the whole universe inside myself… I am full of magic and creation. I carry all the dimensions within me , here, in the physical. So I started to slow down, focus on my breathe as usual, and I could see into myself intimacy / into me I see,  that there is ….lol almost like seeing life in itself playing out with me directing it, on my inside, it is like the ultimate discovery, with how I treat my body.

 

so to me self expansion is about how I treat my body, my skin, my heart, my intestine, me feet, and everything within off me.

 

self expanding is a point of perfecting the within so  that … later when people are in their lives and process ready (all in its time) can see that – “oh, tormod did it … that means so can I”,  “he have walked this, now I can do it also”

 

 

It is nooooo good if I were to push myself and my process onto others… does  not work like that. Force is not the way to go.  I have to change myself to focus on me and not on other people. I have to come to terms with: that I can’t change other people they have to see this for them self.

 

There for it is important for me to … more or less perfect my inside and to treat my body with care, and consideration, and to listen to it and give it support. That is how I strive to live at the moment.

 

It is a inside job, like inspiration, creation, and remember; that your health is your wealth.

 

 

Self forgiveness:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to baldly and forceful would try to force people to see and experience reality/awareness/process and to try to wake people up from abusing this word expansion were my intention was good, but my way to get there was wrong and I had to face this suppressed force or authority within that I see is a point for me to deal with.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to for not until after having caused impact and consequences seeing that what I did was wrong and I should know from my own experience that coercion and force is no good it must come from within/ as one self.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not until now see the importance of a independent and expanding self within, to then be 100% sure of what one is doing is what is best for all –  and to confirm to oneself that oneness process and expanding is on the right track.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see how very important it is to honor my physical with food, exercise and massages etc, and to learn to listen to my body and hear it out for what it has to say, and how I can learn from it.

I commit myself to take my body serious, and to develop a safe and sound relationship with it.

 

 

 

http://wiki.destonians.com/Self-Forgiveness

 

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/