Tag Archives: voices in the head

Day 799 – at my backchating rock

When I am at my backchating rock

Listening to the interview from eqafe.com, who are you when challenged  : and realizing the common sense solution to work on ones bad/horrible backchats. We all have some spiteful, nasty and sometimes gruesome voices/thoughts backchats in our head. There is no denying this. It simply is a part of the humans experience.

My backchats are also quite nasty. And what I have found is that it is helping me to sound them. To speak them to self. Sound them with my mouth – the same way they sound in my head.

This have been helping me sorting them out, or organize them better – because no matter how gruesome they are – they are still a part of the experience of being me. They are a part of my creation. So, to be able to take responsibility for them, as myself, I must define them, to be able to organize them – to forgive them by sorting them out with writing and speaking. That is the way with everything today, we need to redefine everything and re design our reality. The nature of life makes this necessary.

We are programmed to suppress, deny and judge such backchats within self. It is mind in its essence. Running away from and judging backchats/voices is what mind does. But it does not heal or cure the backchats/nastiness, then it simply builds.

 

So, I have some backchats that are often returning to me. I will not write them here, but they are nasty and spiteful, sometimes hateful. I know how they are, and to me  there is no escaping the reality that I live with this. But when I get to know them, to sound them, to make them less scary/dangerous, I am making myself the master of them. So that I will not be scared by these voices in my head, and backchats, but rather to sound them, write them down and define them fro then to look at them and forgive them and their essence,  when I can see more of where they come from.

 

It could be like lyrics from a rock band (metal/rap song). Nasty and spiteful. So I define that when I am with my backchats, I am at my backchating rock. It is like visiting that hard, rough, heavy rock within. My backchatting rock. For me to be familiar with myself and to master myself. To be safe and sound within any situation. When I am in backchat’s/voices – I am at my backchatting rock. So I can be safe and sound within self and not fear self. To become comfortable with oneness backchats  sort of. To know  it. For me to then be able to work with it, and see it for what it is. To be able to see it and know it to stop reacting to it, and not suppress it, but know it to be able to forgive it and dissolve it in total. To know everything is to forgive everything

 

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

Day 776 – spite and backchats of mind

spite

Spite : thinking of the fizzy drink “sprite”, when you in your aunt’s wedding, had 3 glasses of coke, you could balance it out in your secret mind /polarity games with a glass of sprite. Making it even to self, inn childish mind games. lol.. I have been living with lots of such mind games.

Spite is, on the other hand, a thing far from the fizzy drink. The health and living damage – differences and similarities, of spite and sprite, is worthy of books and PHD’s  and education.

Spite is that “something is fucked up – so I spit at whatever”, spite is like a judgment and a anger act. Taking a piss at something in “spite” and anger.

The last couple of days I have been having backchats in my mind/head, like these what shall I say, judging and critical thoughts and projections about other beings. It is not nice and it just makes me sad and scared to experience the old backchat dimension of my mind. I had sort of parked that and  thought (!) to myself well no more backchats for me; huh ! So my nature strikes back with backchats in spite.  Judging and bullying words about my fellow man. Not a cool thing to experience at all.

It was happening today when I was talking to “Hans”.  And we were talking about a chore or something, and then suddenly, a voice/backchat appears in my head, saying “You fucking’s retard”  or something similar to that. It just came up in my head from nowhere. I mean it is like the words from “Trailer park boys” or “South – Park” or “Beavis and Butt-head” – kind of talking and you might say programming of mine. And it would play out just like a sneaking energy within my mind, creeping in on me like Loke, shapeshifting  in the mythology. And it would almost tip me of my chair, I was so disturbed. And the mechanics and design of it was old machinery and programs running deep in my mind on polarity and its energies. So a solution would be to avoid the mind dimension, and focus on the body/physical what is here. Mind/head is just imaginations and energies. Physical is here and living – breathing.

So I will work on self forgiveness, on this spiteful backchat episode. Enjoy :

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for failing to see the leak within my mind, that would spill like oil into the waters of my being,  polluting my insides with backchats like being mean and cold hearted to Hans, within backchats in my head/mind, and within this I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for taking part in this backchat in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face these programs of spite and “fuck all” character that would bloom within me, and that I should simply interrupt and delete the thought/character/backchat by focusing on my breathe and at the same time grounding myself, where I look back and I judge myself for not paying enough attention to myself and my leak or poison within mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to instead of brushing of the backchats and sort of neutralizing it, and removing it from myself with breathe, I was rather shocked and scared – and in that giving the energy/spite more power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless in facing spite and backchats.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own inside.

I realize one of the ways to not let spite and backchats win my attention is to not give it that – attention, by not being focused on my head/mind with the programs – but rather my body and physical else. Also to change myself and not be manipulative and to try to control the given situation. Be more flexible – that is what I am looking for within this.

Here (below) is a  life review, a review of the life, of someone who have walked a life with a spiteful mind, that has died and is sharing their story through the interdimensional portal. How does spiteful thoughts emerge, what are the programing that makes us go into spite ? How to stop going into spiteful and manipulative thinking ? The psychology of how spite is built up within mind.

It explains here the experience a being had walking with spite. The games we play with manipulation and spite, always wanting things my way, trying to control a situation. How do we change from spite ?

Check it out:

https://eqafe.com/p/stop-your-spiteful-thoughts-life-review

Here is another interview from eqafe about spite:

The core creation of spite within the human experience. What are the relationships  within the process of spite in the physical and the mind etc…

Really interesting and deep going stuff, about the detailed metaphysics of man and spite. This one really strikes the core of it:

https://eqafe.com/p/spite-introduction-atlanteans-part-174

full_spite-introduction-atlanteans-part-174.jpg

Thanks for reading – enjoy breathe !

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 760 – My voices in my head

A relationship between me and my voices

 

girl face

drawing by:  Tormod Hvidsten Gjedrem

 

This is very clinical about my voices*

 

I realize that I have been living a pattern. A particular pattern concerning my thoughts/backchats/voices. Many times I have experienced voices and “loud” thoughts. Sometimes I experience these as very scary messages. They come from within myself and is a direct result of my schizophrenia/programming. They are my responsibility to handle, heal and/or live with.

It can be tough sometimes. Here; it is my relationship to the word “tough” that I need to look at, to not fuel the mind and the voices further. I hope you get the picture. Feel free to contact me if you don’t.

 

A peculiar thing is that have characterized my voices like saying that this particular voice is “scary”, or it is “bad” or “evil”. I would give energies/characterization and fuel/power to the voices/thoughts, by sorting them out to myself. I would give this voice the characterization of horror or hell, wicked, spiteful  or evil …. and so on.

 

What I have not seen and realized before now is that,  by characterizing and giving the voices energy/verdict, I give them fuel. I grant them access in my mind and in my head through energies. Voices in  my head – granted to be there – acting out because I gave them the specific energy to burn with, like fuel on a engine. Running crazy in my head with voices – because I give the voices a certain energy, by characterizing it.

This buck stops right here !

I will stop feeding my voices/thoughts with energies. I don’t need to characterize my voices, rather deal with them in self honesty, self responsibility and what is best for all. I will expose my schizophrenia and share what I find. I will support myself through this process as best I can.

 

self forgiveness on the point :

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give voices and thoughts in my head and in my mind certain energies and characterizations, like a value or fuel for the thought/voice to be and function in my head, of how I experience it out of my pre programming, and then giving it a purpose with how I place value on it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize why I have voices in my head, I had forgiven them, failing to see and realize that I judged and characterized the voice that was in my head and by that fueling it more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need to characterize my voices out of how I am programmed to value, judge and criticize everything around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to appreciate me here, and Instead give into energies and voices in my head/mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be-lie-ve that I have to attach value to my voices and to characterize them, from old habit,  when this only fuels them with more power.

 

 

self commitment:

I commit myself to not give judging or characterization to my voices, as it will only fuel more voices in my head.

I commit myself to appreciate me here as life and to not “feed” my thoughts/voices with energies.

my video on this point:

 

Thanks for reading !

 

Please give time to the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 727 – voices in the head

what are voices in the head ?

where do they come from ?

allow me to share with you some links to information and knowledge about this troublesome phenomena.

please investigate the links & enjoy the videos below:

When People With Schizophrenia Hear Voices, They’re Really Hearing Their Own Subvocal Speech

160229_HEA_ electromyography.jpg.CROP.promo-xlarge2.jpg

 

here is some very core and on point talk on voices in the mind:

 

https://eqafe.com/p/voices-in-my-mind-death-research-part-1

 

 

a interview done on request by the portal on schizophrenia:

https://eqafe.com/p/interview-request-schizophrenia

 

YT video & soundcloud :

thanks : enjoy your day !

 

 

 

this text below was written one day later

So during my day today I was struck by some thoughts about my latest blog ( day 727) about voices and schizophrenia. I was not happy about the outcome.  It was a point of self judging and anxiety of doing too much, and to exposing myself to much with doing such blogs and sharing my insight on schizophrenia.

 

So on the point of doing too much I will do self forgiveness to release the self judgment and the  energies involved so:

 

self forgiveness has best effect when read out loud:   

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within backchats, from investigating my latest blog;  such as “you are not good enough” and “you can’t pull your own weight” and “you are simply not doing your job” and such a thoughts and thinking mannerism within.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to moralize and judge my effort and blog  as to weak, little and inferior within doing the work, and the appearance and the outcome of the blog.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and feel shame from the content of voices in the head within the blog and that is just what I had to deal with also in real-time later on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write and expose and display voices in the head and also later on have my mind fire back at me with just that voices and backchats.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to investigate my backchats and my voices out of fear of what I might find.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel little and intimidated by my mind and to fear my mind’s power failing to realize that mind only have the power over me that I give to it.

 

I realize that the intimidation and voices/backchats that I experienced today was my mind firing back at me.

I commit myself to embrace myself for daring to stand up against mind authority and voices/backchats and to be brave and not give into ego/abuse/separation.

 I commit myself to keep exposing the mind and its dimensions and my schizophrenia, as long as I have to.

I commit myself to deconstruct my schizophrenia, as best as I can,  until it is no more.

 

Day 708 : Day 15 : Fucked up !!

Day 15 of 21 days of walking with self forgiveness

I will take on the challenge from my brother : Gian Robberts on walking a 21 day trial of (only/daily) self forgiveness on points. I will walk these points of self forgiveness for self/world change during 21 days.

 

Here is Gain’s Blog :

http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.no

21 days of self forgiveness on key points.

The points will be that kind of relevant points as of this world and our living.

Money, sex, politics, work, religion, mind  and so on

 

change.jpg

 

Day 15: Fucked up !!

 

Schizophrenia is essentially when personalities of your mind / consciousness starts embodying itself into behaviour all at the same time, so you have for example 2 / 3 different personalities trying to ‘live themselves out’ in the body at the same time causing much inner conflict. Whereas with most people in this world, the personality systems of their mind / consciousness are more ‘controlled’ in the sense that one personality at a time will activate that they will then embody and then live out dependent on where they are / with who they are – Sunette Spies

 

 

Please read loud for best effect

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a  level of stress and panic, where voices was triggered within me that made me go into a moment of voices possession within my mind and my head this morning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the voices in my head saying this “xxxxxx” and that “xxxxx” and for taking it personal what they were saying and to become depressed and sad from having these voices and to let these thoughts/voices mess with my head the way they did and for feeling bad emotional after, instead of investigating it and checking out what I could learn from the event.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my medication/drugs for the episode, after the voices/possession and for blaming Mr. XX and for judging the world around me as bad and wrong thinking I don’t deserve this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I have lost something within this episode because of how I go into depression and sadness/emotions for having this voice and for  feeling  like I lost something which was myself (!) within going into emotions after the experience of the episode/voices.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience those type of voices/demons/trauma within my head that was constructed just like a thought but that was only much more loud and much more intense and out of my control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like “yes, this is like having schizophrenia”,  “it is just my life” , etc failing to see how I could learn from it.

 

I learn now to have that basic “calm, comfortable and stabile” – basis within myself and to avoid going into psychosis/voices from knowing myself  and my physical limits. I also very important, learn from this to not take these things personally (!!) Because if I take it personal I lose myself within  it, and that losing is like fear/emotional  that becomes me and fear/emotion is not an option. Fear is a illusion – and  a bad state of mind.

I repeat to myself: to investigate these things in self honesty, to learn from it and to NOT take it personal when it happens – and to forgive it and learn how to change from it. I also see now how I had that (brief) option of change from words/direction. I could have changed my living word and avoided going into loss (of myself ) and fear of such.

“Voices in the head” are like x-tra loud/intense thoughts:

What are voices in the head : VIDEO

 

Thanks

Day 595 – Personality of hidden desire

Personality of hidden desire

wings-of-desire-2

I see that the last week or maybe somewhat longer, I have sort of slipped into this desire of looking at girls on the streets. I would be looking at girls bodies, starting from a positive polarity point, and I would be getting into desire within myself flowing with the positive energy, careless. I would be taking in the picture to my mind and suppress it and store it, within my body. Later on this hidden and often suppressed pictures/desires creates backchats that go way down to negative polarity within me, and is brought up to surface and into life from thoughts in my head. When I take on the slightest or negative of personality, stress within my living with this experience of looking and girls and going into mind, I go into my secret mind/ self sabotage and I go into dirty talk and dirty words of sex and body/pictures from my starting point of looking at girls on the streets that have such and such bodies. Making the slightest judgment of the girls as they walk or I see theme any way and I go into, thinking that she is like this or like that and if I am unable to bring this up within myself in self honesty, it is suppressed and it turns naughty/negative on me later. This is my personality of dirty talk and naughtiness within my, self sabotage and from suppressed thoughts and pictures starting with sight of the body of girls on the streets.

The positive polarity of this personality would think like, “oh what a nice body”, “you look nice” and “you look gorgeous” and so on, “go on with your charm”, within chit chat on my positive polarity. My negative polarity would on the other hand go into these naughty and dirty thoughts, from the same construct, of polarity, simply from how I am programmed to look at everything from online pictures of Paris Hilton or Beyonce or H& M commercial or other emotionally triggering posters and pictures in my world. Shit around us that trigger abuse and crime.. Very, very, very obvious, and deliberate. Crime. But we accept this in society and much, much worse than I am mentioning here. So I am there for writing this to say that we can live within this world without thinking dirty only because you see a girl in short pants, or a lady with big breasts. It is possible to live together without going into lowdown dirty porn and abuse. So the porn and H & M – lie full and deceptive pictures and emotionally triggering data, have to go bye – bye. Within this negative or inferior programming and construct I would also go into self judging. I would judge myself for looking at girls and seeing pictures of sexual suggestive materials in society and online.

I also realize that within my body there is this area of myself where I hide old sex stories of former girls friends, and memories of them. I realize that I go into this area of my body, and dream myself away with the specific girl, acting carless and irresponsible with myself, simply living and indulging within a memory.

What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative – as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath.

– June Roca

http://desteni.org/

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge within my memory of old girlfriends and create this alternative reality out of living within the memories of having sex with girls from my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into self judging over this relationship within my physical and these energies that is stored within my body that I need to let go of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into chit chat and small talks in my head on seeing girls on the street and going into desire and going into positive energies and dreaming away in erotic thoughts thinking I could be with the girls, dreaming away, careless, in fluffy feelings of positivity, totally riding the positive energy train.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act irresponsible with myself and for acting careless with simply riding the positive energy train without consideration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the negative polarity at the same time that I give into the positive, with how I create naughtiness words and dirty talk within my secret mind and my negative polarity later on making my life hell with certain voices in my head, and dirty talk within my secret mind and my being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed having personalities fighting to be in charge and creating voice and backchats within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad from going into desire and chit chats and backchats over this desire that is hidden within me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to judge myself and further suppress the pictures and ideas of sex and sexuality creating a endless pit of sorrow and negativity within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if girls are dressed in a sexual explicit way they fail to be responsible for themselves, because according to peoples (mostly men) programming of sex and culture, meaning that if you wear a miniskirt and bikini in town, you are deliberately tempting sex offenders, that are more and more often programmed in this world from especially porn, programmed into sex monsters and offenders. People must be aware of this and be responsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look back at my former sex addiction and think that now I can spell out it clear words to myself, slow myself down, and direct myself, what this is like, because I have gone past that life and living in addiction and into reality, and commons sense and responsibility.

When and as I see myself noticing a girl’s body on the street. I stop myself, I slow myself down and I breathe. I realize that if I suddenly notice something about a girl I must direct myself slowly and safely move within and stop that thought and that train in my head. I realize that I must say within myself self forgiveness for the thought and the emotion that comes up. I realize that a good way to prevent this is to slow down and take it very, very easy, so I am not surprised by a girl’s body at all. I realize that I can still dance and sing and have fun even though I take it more slowly. I realize that some girls dress in ways to trigger such reaction with men and that is dangerous. Perhaps without knowing without awareness and perhaps under influence of alcohol. It is still their own responsibility and there are more and more men that end up like sex offenders. I commit myself to slow down when I am in public places. I commit myself to take life more easy and to forgive within if react into girls in public. I commit myself to work through self forgiveness on removing such personality that would allow to flow and go with such translated energies as of sex/dirty talk/voices in the head. I commit myself to leave behind, calm and in slowing down, this personality of hidden desire. I commit myself to live real life and express instead of going into separation of desire.

When and as I see myself going into this particular place within my body, and I feel like this urge for energies or desires. I stop myself, I slow myself down, and I breathe. I realize that this part of my body is where I would find my secret desires and my hidden lust sort’o speak. I realize that this part of me lets me know through numbness, that It would like attention or it would need to be looked at matters within my desires or be sorted out and forgiven. I realize that I can heal myself with self forgiveness and it is important to so that with all elements and all of my past. I realize that I should sort out all elements of my past and clear out all energies that might be causing numbness within my body. I commit myself to go through all elements of my body to clear out all the energies. I commit myself to move though my history of girlfriends to detect any friction or energetic hold ups or sort of emotionally tripping wires and forgive it, and free the energies.

To learn what parts of the body contains what sort of data please investigate : http://desteni.org/

I would also recommend this blog on porn: https://pornaddictsjourneytolife.wordpress.com/

And this program from eqafe: https://eqafe.com/p/kim-amourette-romance-and-porn-the-truth-about-relationships