Tag Archives: talk

Day 773 – Anger – why me

A few days ago I was facing some anger points at my doctors office. I was going to the doctor, for a appointment, to have my shot, and to talk about my medications. A regular thing.  I had made the mistake of creating expectations of how and what it was going to be like at the doctors.

 

At the doctor’s office the play outs where not what was established as expectations within me. First thing for me to react on was the radio in the waiting room. I was annoyed beyond, that it was on and it was broadcasting, playing, and I very much felt bothered by the radio there, that I would judge as not needed for at all. Like surface talk and cozy-talk and you know those talks on the radio that does not mean fuck all they just talk to try to give you a false sense of worth and moment. Man was that not right for me then. I was called in to my doctor, and I would shake his hand as customary.

 

Later I was also angry because I was not getting my point and my opinion through to my doctor or at least I felt like that, I felt misunderstood, beaten and battered. My expectations where crushed. Why do I keep making them ? On top of this my credit card did not work lol.. so I had to go to a ATM machine to withdraw and come back to pay after my appointment. It was a very upsetting experience all together. It was like little explosions and grim faces in my head, anger faces pictures and experiences in my head/mind.

 

Later when I was leaving the doctor’s office, and also looking back,  I would see more clearly how I was going into anger. I could like take a step back within, and look into myself being in anger, both in the moment and later, and I would ask myself why and am I so mad, this is not real, why, why…? Like the experience I had of being in anger was not real. Out of the body experience and witnessing myself inn reactions from without as it was playing out. Seeing how I hurt myself with anger, like a movie, a very strange experience, feeling helpless then in the moment but soon starting to forgive the experience as I left the office and headed home.  So my mind played me for a fool and I was upset up by my suppressed fear. It was not pleasant – and it was not real.

So my whole going to the doctor experience was very unpleasant and rather sad all summoned  together. I know that anger has its origin in fear, and I would have this particular fear of being left out of the cool crowd since I take my medications. Anger has its root in fear and it is really fear being energized and pushed and channeled. If you truly want to understand anger the links below are priceless.

Luckily I know that there is lots of support on eqafe.com for anger. There is a in particular a specific self forgiveness file with words to read to self or to be read for. I recommend that one. If you purchase this product there is two items for you to download, a written paper to read and a sound file to listen to. If you get this product I can recommend to read the self forgiveness sentences loud to self – to play with sounding the words. And also to just relax – lay down on a sofa and be with your body while listening to the self forgiveness spoken.

 

Also … just go to the search bar in eqafe.com and write in whatever thing that weigh  in on your heart.  It is worth to check out and it have assisted me greatly though the years.

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this is also one of the many products about anger on eqafe.com:

https://eqafe.com/p/why-does-anger-exist-atlanteans-support-part-72

 

Enjoy  eqafe.com and enjoy breathe

 

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 716 – hired to talk

elg there

 

Doing arranged talks is something I do more and more. I enjoy talking to crowds and I have lots on my heart.

Thursday 25th of august I was booked to talk at a senter, here in south Norway, for youth who had drug addiction issues. I was to tak about my experience and addictions in general.  I came that morning half a hour to early to be cool with time. I would shake hands with the different people. There was 7 youth and 2 sosial workers there. A rather relaxed crowd you might say. I was a bit scared and I did sense nervosity and some angst within but i kept breathing and grounding myself. I had prepared myself with a note to look at for topics and clues during my talk.

Before I started talking I was sharing my buisness cards with my audiance. I know from my own experience how good it is to have a «close» contant with people I find inspiering.

Here is what I talked about:

My upbringing and about my school life. My life as a teen and growing up into sabotage of life and later into drugg issues.

What is a emotion ? What is the difference between emotions and feelings ? How do we exprience emotions ?

What is polarity ?  How does polarity work ? How is emotions left as cinder in the dark ?

Does it help to surpress it ? How can we deal with our emotions ?

How is often emotions key to understand oneness adiction ?

I spoke of how belonging is the oposite of addiction, how and where to find belonging.

I spoke about not fearing to go own ways and to dare to live and change «path» – dare to take risk in life. I said that perhaps in 2 or 3 years they might be standing here like me and talking to crowds.

 

I spoke about embracing self and forgivng self. How to accept self and not take things personal.

I spoke about a mind construct of «weed addiction» and what words that build up this construct.

How to live the word «high» without taking a joint…

How to live the word «stone» without taking a joint…

How it is important to write  out oneself. How writing was my tool of rescue, speicficaly with self forgiveness. I talked about how workout is also important.

I spoke about how the world within is a  projection of the world without.

I spoke about two triangles. One with thoughts, feelings and emotions, and one that is mind, beeing and body.

 

I spoke about bringing onself back to self and accepting self and forgiving the past.

I spoke about how important it is to have a stabile breath awareness.

 

I spoke for one full hour and I will rescive a pay. It was a  very cool experience and I woud very much like to do it again.

I connected with one of the people there and we share some notes and words. It was a very nice experience over all.

Here is a relevant article about addictions

 

Thanks for reading – enjoy breathe

Day 627 – Character of “talking about mental sickness”

 

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to take on the particular design of illness of being schizophrenic or bi polar or psychotic – type of energies or personality system/emotional system as of describing it/talking to a audience and doing so fearing taking on the components to myself sort of testing out as I speak the diagnosis and illness to myself – fearing to become what I speak of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid the type of talk and confronting within mentioning illnesses and diagnosis’s and fearing to end up with, the illness myself so I would leave out of the conversation or talk important awareness because I wanted to protect myself from the illness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project and to picture myself as a so far of an expert on psychiatry and illness of mind and being, that I would think of myself as a part of the sickness within these definition of these different types of sufferings like schizophrenia and bi – polar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can over come my schizophrenia by walking my process with self forgiveness until I am over my consciousness and into real life and being/living awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am living these diagnosis simply by knowing of then and spreading awareness of them, like they were contagious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am living the diagnosis of bi polarity simply from having knowledge of the diagnosis.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be, or carry anything contagious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for participating in the backchat going on in my head telling me “I can’t do it”, “I cant do anything” “I suck”, “I am terrible at this”, and I will no further participate in such sabotaging. Enough is enough.

 

When and as I see myself talking or about to talk on mental suffering and illnesses, and I go into fear of taking of these illnesses, I stop myself I slow myself down and I breathe. I realize that mental suffering is not contagious, it is rather opposite that not knowing anything about mental health could be sickening/dangerous. I realize that there should be no fear involved as fear is a illusion and does not really exist. I realize that I should talk in a way and out of self honesty as it provides me with awareness, clarity and also with being grounded. I realize I have the insight to talk on these matters and I realize I should be able to make a good talk to any crowd.

 

I commit myself to end the fear I have of talking in crowds and I commit myself to use common sense and slowing down when talking to people. I commit myself to slow down in general in my life. I commit myself to self honesty and to live to express myself in clarity to all people listening.

 

Please investigate the links:

2nd blog : theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Yo listen : eqafe.com/

The platform of all the fun: desteni.org/

Walk the talk: desteniiprocess.com/

Lets walk the easy first: lite.desteniiprocess.com/

The program: livingincome.me/

 

 

Day 624- Talking in front of crowds – telling ego of its course

So things are definitely changing with and as my being and living. 5 years ago I was waaay down in the addictions, and in constant trouble with police and psychiatry. That was then. Now, I am talking in front of crowds and doing my preparing for greater and greater events and talks. Talking of my past, and talking of my solutions. Talking of my life. I am really enjoying to talk in front of crowds. That is right; I placed a “like” to that personality or persona that is doing public talks. What happens when I place a “like” to my personality of doing talks ?

 

Do you want to know ? If I let it be there… If I simply let it be a like/energy/positivity to that idea/personality, of talking in crowds?? Egooooo takes over the show… Egos starts ruling my person of talking in front of crowds. Thoughts/separations becomes more frequent and I start to think what do I want and desire of goods etc. It is as simple as it is dangerous. Ego !

 

 
What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative – as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath.

– June Roca

http://desteni.org/

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the thought that I liked this experience of talking in crowds making my appearance into this guru idea of myself as a savior or a actor / performance actor simply acting in my mind as ego, making my life forward more difficult on a path of ego and self interest, by placing a “like” to my picture of myself as talker/guru.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think “This suits me”, “I am a born public speaker”, “This can be my living”, “I can do this all the time, any time a day”, kind of backchats within my mind “lirking” and “lurking” myself into ego and self interest with small chats in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am a better or more prominent or more classy well dressed, fancy, etc, speaker then A or B or anyone else for that matter, thinking that I have such a good connection with my audience, that I have charm or charisma so that I can simply be natural and it is my thing to talk in crowds thinking I am good at talking in crowds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I have to like or think positive about my job as a public speaker, that I should connect all sorts of energies to it, and connect all sorts of data to it, making my path as a public speaker more difficult and making my path within living “what is best for all” more difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel surprised by facing ego within this relations thinking I should know better than giving into ego and into self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of this whole story like a faceboook picture that is all tagged and drowned in data/psychology where I get “likes” to tune in my ego and same old abusing/selfish system that I am placing an end to.

 

 

When and as I see myself turning into liking or in any matter placing energies or feelings to my idea/picture of myself talking in front of crowds, I stop myself, I slow myself down and I breathe. I realize that in that single moment that I am placing a value or a feeling to my experience or persona of talking I am giving into ego. I realize that when I credit myself or tell myself in chit – chats and backchats that “I am a great speaker”, or “I am clever to express myself” and that “I am better than other people to speak” etc, telling myself over and over again in backchats and small talks in my head, I am giving ego/guru the power over myself. I realize that in that very moment when I opinionate my character and that I give my talking character a specific value, I am then corrupting my character in that very moment.

 

I commit myself to keep my path and my persona of talking free of energies and psycho drama, to be able to express/talk as free as possible. I commit myself to keep a as free and loose posture and character without limitations/energies and data/psychology other that what I am living of living words as I speak. I commit myself to evolve and change into a better speaker and to let go of ego/guru in all its matter. I commit myself to let ego be ego and focus on common sense and what is genuinely best for all at all times.

 

Check out the links:

Yo listen : https://eqafe.com/

The platform of all the fun: http://desteni.org/

Walk the talk: http://desteniiprocess.com/

Lets walk the easy first: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

The program: livingincome.me/

Day 622 – 21 Days trial of ending blabbering. Day 8

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picture source:  https://eqafe.com/p/parenting-perfecting-the-human-race-part-1

 

So I have been walking now on my day number 8 of stopping blabbering. I will not speak nonsense or words that need not to be spoken. We humans create with words, the words we use is creating our world around us. We use words to shape our reality.

 

During my 8 days so far I have discovered something cool though. I have learned to further appreciate my; self communication. Self communication is a precious thing. Ask any expert you want, self communication is gold. My first two or three days of walking, was more strict, not with limiting, but failing to see what new things I can say to myself. How to expand within self communication. Still I saw that there was things that I could ask myself to have myself answer some question from self to self.

More on “ask oneself” here: https://eqafe.com/p/being-over-mind-reptilians-part-449

 

Like “who I am according to…” something. Like the Paris terror. I would ask myself : who am I according to the Paris terror ? And I would answer in loud words to myself- clearing my point.

 

Or I would ask myself who I am according to the word “corruption”, or to the word “society” or “to drive my car”, “chocolate” etc… the list is long of what we can ask our self and by doing so clear our starting point. We humans are both our worst judges but we can also be our very best friends. From asking our self some investigating questions and answering them after, is real creative. So I dare you to start to develop self communication. Most of us would feel like there is something stopping us. There is like a wall between. It is not like we learned it in school…I would recommend a writing course and to learn self forgiveness. To forgive the past and correct self – which is also self communication.

 

So this far I have learned what value I find within self communication. And still what to say and what is not supportive or meaningful to say.

 

investigate :       desteni.org

Day 621– 21 days trial of ending blabbering – Day 3

Day 3 of not talking nonsense / not needed to be talked, words. Everything we do has a consequence. Everything we say contribute to shaping us/the world.

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I have been going into anger points recently over not talking calmly to myself like telling myself like “so so”, ” it will be ok”, lulling myself into a idea that things will be ok later on and there is hope etc.

I have been ending the comfy almost lies of better days and tomorrows when tomorrows may still be another day with pain and suffering, inn many ways to many people.

I have been going straight into anger reactions over this lack of cozy lulling in of calming myself with words. And do you know something… words are sacred. Not holly but: sacret, and innocent. So the anger points that I have been facing have been severe and brutal and honest like to be mad at religions in this world etc, how I realize religion is simple lies and corruption of psychology, how we allow authorities like police to bully us etc… anger! And I see that I must direct it all back to myself, and my own responsibility. I must be able to forgive my anger and let go of reactions and end the friction.

The last days I have ended, I have stopped talking calmly and gentle to myself like supporting myself or creating this layer of “lies” or “hope” within me, telling myself that there will be better times. When it is still a tough next day, and the abuse goes on 24/7 – this is part of my contribution to world/self change.

I remain steady on my course to not talk gibberish or nonsense/lies to myself for 21 days. I will only speak when I need to.

Like now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am too hard on myself on what words I should allow myself and what not, realizing in that moment that I am awakening pain points on my body that I can work with, within this I realize that I must let self honesty be the ruler of what I say and what I don’t say, and remain within this self honesty and the directive it holds, and stand my ground of self honesty and correct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anger over how my mind is proving, shaping and expanding, in front of me trying to make me impressed with its acrobatics and mind fuckings, and I realize that my mind does this as a result of me realizing how self manipulating I have been talking blabbering to myself for ages.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see within my mind and myself that I faced resistance and points of conflict and anger not being dealt with as my mind/myself reacting to the changes due to my 21 day trial.

investigate : http://desteni.org/

have a nice day

Day 620 – 21 days trial of ending blabbering – Day 2

21 days trial of ending blabbering

– Day 2

There is some mathematical coolness with numbers. Humans take 7 years to change all and every cell in the body. 3 times 7 is 21 – so a 21 day trial can be worthy of investigating either you are quitting porn, cigarettes or sugar. Stop a habit for 21 days and see what changes with you.

Starting 9th of November. I am doing a non blabbering walk for 21 days.

I am starting to walk a 21 day trial of not blabbering, not talking on things I do not practically need to talk about. I will not talk about things that are not needed to be talked. I started Monday the 9th of November to only open my mouth and talk if I needed to.

We humans talk lot and, a lot of it is simply blabbering. Non sense. But that also has consequences. Mind you that. A lot of what we talk is simply not supportive or needed for. So I am going to walk for 21 days to limit what I say to a minimum, of what is needed for, and not talk more than what I need.

If I need to talk I will talk it – it is just that I will not talk when it is not needed for. Seams simple ? I dare you to try. Change yourself. Because we seem to fail to see that point of creation that we create consequence with everything that we do. All that I do have consequences. All of it. So that means I should mind what I say. Right ? We are creators. Let’s walk.

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