Tag Archives: system

Day 804 – selling my car – learning structure

DSC_0095

 

I sold my car – learning structure

 

Some weeks ago I sold my car.  Mostly out of practical reasons and simply of not needing it more. The process of selling it though was quite complex and rather difficult for me to experience. Let me share with you how that was.

Owning a car is a lot of responsibility. It cost quite a lot of money, and there are many things to consider, like to have winter tires and money for gas, all sorts of automated registration, insurance and so on. There is simply lots to remember when it comes  to owning a car. At least here in Norway.

So when I was to sell my car, I first talked to my dad, who had recently invested in a new car for himself.  Hidden here lies a deep fear within me, fear of being rejected by my dad if I should sell my car for too little money. I would fear to be rejected by dad if I should make a bad deal. So that was something for me to work through with self forgiveness and a deep rooted awareness.  I simply reasoned that  it would be safe to ask him on; how do I go about to sell my car ? What are the process of it ?

And there lies a clue to pick up on. Why are we not taught about such a detailed process in school ? Why ? We could save a lot of scams, conflicts and maybe also accidents by giving our children real valuable knowhow. And even more how to fix and maintain a car….Valuable information that everyone would need to know – whether they drive or not…

 

Anyways the selling of my car was not a simple solution to come to though I had been planning it and thinking of it for some time. I bought a add inn a online marked places and waited. There was someone contacting me, but they soon lost interest. Another guy was simply hard to communicate with, so I had to let him go.

After some 3 weeks I was contacted by a young man who was honest and real with me. He was very interested and we agreed to a sum of money and he came to see the car together with his dad. I was  alone and did not have anyone with me, to mentally back me up. So when the moments came where we signed the online contract, and printed it out in my apartment, and he handed me the money, I was deep in stress and close to collapsing. Simply in deep fear of making a mistake, to feel rejected, and the responsibility with the money, the car, the deal etc…

The deal itself was a deeply stressed situation – where I kept breathing through my stress and my fear. It was painful and not a nice experience.

But things ended well and I sold it and it is now settled some time ago. What I learned from this is to be more consistent when it comes to being structured, genuine and organized in my application. If I could have invited with me a friend to be my backup and buddy during the agreement- that would have been simply a great support for me.

 

So I learned to sell a car simply from this experience. If I am to sell a car later in my life there might be new rules and regulation to it so I will be care full to anyways know to be more gentle with self, to analyze more, to slow down, breathe, and to be more real in myself support. I would know to be more structurally organized from the start. I would prepare better and know how to take things in a gentle and considerate manner – considerate to myself. I learn to be structured and considerate from the start, to plan things and to organize myself better.

 

Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be rejected by my dad over fearing to make a bad deal of sales.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to deal with the system and to deal with agreements, papers and ultimately money  – where I see that I fear money – with how I fear to lose my money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see that I needed more backup and support other than just a phone call to dad and that I see today that it alone was not sufficient to calm me down and make me stable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subtle judge myself as a sabotager of systems, and for being against the structure of a system, when I really want and need to improve it and to build on it and see people and life thrive in cooperation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see myself as a structured human being.

 

Self corrections

When  and as I see myself about to do something that I know can stress me and potentially make me unstable, I stop myself, I slow myself down and I take a  breathe.

 

I realize that there are lots of system here for me to use and to support myself with. There are people, “do it yourself” videos and support for me on many levels and most important from myself and me slowing down and assessing the situation.

I realize that there is a lot of supportive structure out there and I can pick it up and build on it to create more stability and structure.

I commit myself to in situations involving money or documents, or similar, that can be particular stressful where I should be aware of it, support myself however I need, structure it,  make plans in my mind and direct my imagination and use my mind/projection to design and create the best possible outcome, as I plan it in my simulator : my mind.

 

I commit myself to build on what support that is already here and to use the system for what is best for all.

I hereby embrace the word structure !

Thanks for reading

 

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

 

Advertisements

Day 779 – consciousness and awareness

This is a review of a eqafe.com product, in the back to basics series.

full_consciousness-awareness-back-to-basics.jpg

Thoughts, thinking and mind with its consciousness, is the very core of system of self that is keeping this world in its locked down position. Thinking and consciousness is two of the very, very factors that maintain the very “same old, same old” system of this world, being inequality, consumerism, war and systems  so on.

How can we start to learn to change this ? Is it possible to change this ? To not be that much a slave of mind ? How to become more aware and self directive ?

 

In this interview you can learn how to work through mind and to master and take charge of these processes, and simply not allow it to go on. To become aware, and not lost in chaos of thinking and consciousness.

 

It gently assists a case studying and finding it bothersome to read and study text.

 

How is it possible to change from mind and thinking to nurturing ones beeingness and awareness? You would be amazed of what you find !

 

This interview will let you know how to take charge and change from these processes of min. And it taught me that ultimately it is me, myself who is responsible and also capable to change myself within such. I have the power to change, from bothersome thoughts, friction and noise of mind to life, breathe, beeingness, awareness and physicality.

I have the opportunity to change. Learn how to see this and how to work with self to change this !

 

Enjoy the interview: enjoy eqafe !

Interview here: https://eqafe.com/p/consciousness-awareness-back-to-basics

 

 

For more info on life challenges, solutions and issues:

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

 

Enjoy !

Day 759 – fearing suicide

306864_412349172150552_934923915_n

Disclaimer : we at desteni are not doctors or health care personel – we are ordinary people figuring out, practical, best for all solutions in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fearing not living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear committing suicide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame for fearing suicide, like I fail at life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame for having lost so many friends to suicide and/over mental issues.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  feel shame for not knowing myself good enough to see this pattern of fearing suicide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather than giving into this fear, this programming of accepting suicide, I should rather open up and communicate and talk to people, to have courage and to be brave and talk without bias.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live like a personality/polarity construct of wanting to honor life, and to give my best and in the other end fearing to not be able to live – to chose the death part, like with the extreme of suicide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame and discomfort for alarming and confusing others by saying/admitting that I have issues with suicide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to limit my world and opportunities by admitting and saying to the world that I have issues with suicide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel discomfort with talking even to myself, alone, about suicide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in energies and drive to something I don’t quite know what is.

 

 

I realize that I should rather be with myself comfort myself do things to support my body/self love.

I commit myself to be more open and communicative – to dare live.

I commit myself to express and share more my insides.

 

 

links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

Day 752 – self judgment

 

 

self goat

painting by me

 

 

Self judgment:

I notice today that I live in self judgment. This is noticeable by me mostly from seeing the core design of the self judgment.  I have been able to take a step back and see where does it come from ? And funny enough (this time) it comes from TV and movies, documentaries and fiction.

I have seen so many movies and series/drama about court rulings and layers life. I have made a very energetic picture/drama of the lawyers and the judges, and the happening within so.

I would think of a court as a game. A game to win or lose, and from history the game is rigged against me. Because the court is the rich – system – powers play ground. It is there together with for instance doctors to make the gap, wider between classes in society.

So I have been projecting this onto others, how I “dislike” lawyers (and doctors) and I have been living in that self judgment myself where I am the judge, lawyer, police man, victim and criminal. It is like a circus of role play to me. Very common to my schizophrenic mind. This all strikes back at me and causes pain and disturbance within me. I see now that I live this self judgment and I need to come to a acceptance and embracing of me. And let go of the energetic looping/judging of mind.

 

Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play on the polarity of positive pole, popular rich lawyer, and winning in court; and negative pole;  looser criminal and being sentenced in court.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my issues of law and the court/lawyer life onto others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I will not be a celebrity or a star simply a looser clown from the polarity of LA – LAW series I relate to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of myself as the loosing/sad clown and that I am lost as of present since courts still have a say in this world (today).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I suck at being a clown, but it is still a mask to hide behind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the voices of the sad clown in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mock myself with judgments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mock myself with law.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play on the polarity of taking law serious or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play myself in my clown – circus of court/law.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the TV series LA-LAW where I live and act like a playboy from California in the 80’s.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the phrases from TV drama and documentaries in my head over and over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so obsessed with judgments that I  have a energetic party within the room of court and judges.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I know enough about law to outsmart a judge, and to play the court for a fool.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cling on to different  theories about law and justice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deep down fear judges and lawyers and to think that they as a group don’t serve life, and they are abuse within the system and should not be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that deep down the court system is a scam and a mind trickery, and it just tricked me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel abused by the law system of this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play myself out like clown and a comedian about law trying to mock the court that is in my head/mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take myself serious when I say that courts and lawyers of today are by structure, definition and design not supporting life – they should not be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play myself out like clown and a comedian about law trying to mock the court that is in my head/mind – fooling myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attack the law/court system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play myself out like clown and a comedian about law trying to mock the court that is in my head/mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I can distance myself from self judgments, failing to realize that I then  distance myself from me/my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see nothing but judgments and to live in this sentence of “I sentence you to” or other similar words from TV/movies court rooms drama.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stuck and fucked by the design of self judgment and within this addicting to it and feeling like I can let it go it is on me like a magnet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my self – judgments with my eyes/seeing and my own moral of judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on the self judgment like my pair of glasses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I have to live with myself judgment failing to see the solution to accept myself and to embrace and value my self – instead of judging myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fucked by the law/court/lawyers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel raped by the law/court/lawyers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel deeply abused by law/court/lawyers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel corrupted by law/court/lawyers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like shit from law/court/lawyers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like puking and “giving up” from law/court/lawyers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that law is not me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the law that we see today (protecting greed/ego) is doomed.

 

 

Self corrections to be lived:

I commit myself to accept myself and to investigate myself and my mind and sort out all my shit.

I commit myself to expose the old system / self /mind /law and to remove it all breathe by breathe, step by step, and create a new system that is a system that is best for all.

I commit myself to embrace myself – no matter what.

 

Realizing / clarity:

  • I need acceptance of me to be able to see into me and this grants me access/accept into my mind/body/world/imaginations.
  • self judgement is not real it is fiction and imaginations.
  • courts and such law we see today is not going to last.
  • I have a response – ability to create new systems  to replace the old.
  • To me with my schizophrenia, self judgement is still very real/in my eyes.
  • There is no need to judge – we are all equals.

 

 

Link to another blog on self judgments:

http://activistsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2015/03/day-704-self-acceptance-vs-self.html

 

 

 

other links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

 

 

Day 748 – Jesus was a demon

Here is my video talk and perspective on Jesus and who he was. Also some deep realizations about myself and life; enjoy !

 

 

also check out Gian and Joe talking on desteni radio / and further links within so

also check out eqafe series on crucifixion of jesus

Thanks !

Day 686 – two pillar system

samson-pulls-pillars-down-tissot-82860-wallpaper.jpg

 

From old myth there was a very specific ruling class in the western world (Europe) It was a  two pillar system. Between the king and the priest.

The king rules the land and the priest rules the law. In very many ways and according to law and believe systems you can say this is still so. Laws like the “unum sanctum” from 1302, in its insanity proves the grotesques and real evil (be – lie – ve) of church. Mind you that later on laws and structures of this world is founded on these document like the unum sanctuym and beyond…

 

So we are dealing with amongst other things, a  two pillar system. Divided or split between a priest and a king. Like the wall of our conscious mind. This ends up as our very physicality with our bodies to this day. We have accepted  and allowed laws like unum sanctum to exist… if you don’t know the “unum sanctum” I suggest you research it.

 

So… me here alive breathing today holds …. matter from these laws and this system. That means I have to take responsibility for it – as I live it. it is a part of me.

I will release myself from these emotions and these element with self forgiveness.

Human-Brain-viewed-from-below-a-Anterior-lobe-of-cerebrum

enjoy:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be divided between the rule of a king and/or the rule of a priest as if that was the only option I had, forgetting to be me here in physical and directing myself,  mastering myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chose the one pillar over the other ignoring the fact that I am inn separating myself between the two and bringing pain onto myself in this programmed quest of a decision/choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that this is how the world is run from separating and dividing people between the priest and the king, red and blue, left and right etc..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have been programmed from mind and that all my life been living like a ping-pong ball within this play or balance between these two pillars and divisions, playing myself into infinity/loss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project hate or anger and spite at the  image of the priest of the king and giving them power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see this two pillar system as a ultimate mind-fuck as it is life, and very physical in my everyday life, like with consumerism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the two pillar system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to fear to enter the domain of a king or  a priest in fear of feeling less and  weakened by it failing to realize that this domain is here with and as my being everywhere of this world to this day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am pulled between the one or the other pillar like I can’t agree with what I see, programming myself to fail to make decisions and fearing to take risk in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see that the two pillar system is like a mirror of mind and my conscious “walls” of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that kings or priest are more evil and spiteful than other people when they are mostly programmed into character, like organic robots with be – lie – ves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to talk to priest out of fear of what they might say to me that I have to confess to in any way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that all royals are bad and abusive and not supportive as long as not each and every one of us is not included in that royalty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think like I have had more to do with priests over the years, several uncles in my family are priests and there for that pillar is closer to me and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that a king is further away from me, and more operating in the distance and that the two then over lap each other like a mind game / loop /mind fuck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having not known about the two pillar system before and within that having followed its codes and its premise like the program it is, simply tagging along with everyone else in the brain washing games/activities.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I would favorite the one over the other out of escapism and fear of being responsible, for my thoughts, projections and my imaginations  literally fearing my mind and the pillars.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose this one guy who is my uncle and a priest, to think that the thought over and over again “the priest on the mountain”, making him into a projected figure and sorts of icon within my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for feeling like throwing a fist and to demand to crush down all banks and priest-hoods, and for getting really provoked when the people it depends on does not see what they do in their occupations failing to realize that this is what they would like us to react and how we are programmed to go into anger.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for calling myself a king and for making claims that I have royal blood etc, and for simply claiming that we all could live like royalties, there is abundance and there is more than enough for all to have plenty, we are simply being told lies from media, governments, churches etc until we be – lie – ve it our self.

 

When and as I see myself going into anger or reactions over the  lies and the atrocities of this old western world system: I stop myself, I slow myself down and I breathe. I realize that these very same institutions and operators wants me to go into anger and despair it is what they like us to. I realize that I participate with this old system with paying my bills by signing on papers etc.. I realize that I am a part of this system as much as anyone else, I am equally responsible for accepting and allowing it to go on.

 

I commit myself to tell anyone (!) who I meet about this old system of enslavement and control. I commit myself to expose it and to take responsibility for myself as for anyone else.

I commit myself to stand to support, to myself and to anyone who might need assistance to see in clarity this old system.

 

For further education on world systems, money and law

 

check out: http://www.gemstoneuniversity.org/

 

to learn self forgiveness, check out: http://desteni.org/

Day 642 – Judging myself for not having ordinary work

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into self judgment and self blame and total victimization over not having ordinary work, and within this living the polarity of negative with judging myself for not having work and then pitying myself in next second over feeling like I don’t “suit in society” and like I can’t pull my own weight.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to moralize and judge myself and other people that are receiving benefits and that are receiving welfare money from disabilities where I judge and moralize over these people including myself with thinking they (we) are a menace to society and that they (we) should not be.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of myself as “a fraud” and “a thief” from receiving other people’s money from the tax system and from living on welfare/benefits and for receiving money that I have not worked for by myself.

 

When and as I see myself judging myself over receiving disabilities and welfare money. I stop myself, I slow myself down, and I breathe. I realize that I find it very difficult to have ordinary work. I realize that I like anyone else must have money to live. I realize that the system is not fair or build on equality, but on a principle and starting point of fraud and corruption from beginning of bank ownership, and there for it is expected to simply continue with that fraud and that corruption into the system. I commit myself to receive my welfare check and to be on disabilities for as long as I have to. I commit myself to stop judging myself or blaming myself over this and rather try to find other ways to earn my money. I commit myself quit moralizing over welfare clients and rather look at the root system of fraud and scam from major banking and finances.