Day 640 – Character of judging myself for not having a girlfriend

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the polarity of my character where I negatively judge myself and blame myself for not having a partner, and where I go into positive polarity with self – pity, thinking I need to buy things and sweets to give myself since I do not have a girl friend simply ending up within a bigger load of misery.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame myself because I do not have a girlfriend and within this to start thinking I am a looser and that there is something very wrong with me since I am not in a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am of lesser worth of love or any typical feeling and within this I would judge myself and blame myself since I am not in a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify myself going into feeling depressed or feeling lonely and thinking lesser and inferior about myself and within this thinking I am entitled to feel lonely and sad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide within my secret mind how I long for a girlfriend, pitying myself, instead of going active out there trying to find her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to people my age that are married and have settled relationships and that are parents and so on, where I would judge myself from being different failing to see the gift of myself as being, with my personal history and experience as being me – I am the expert of me, where I realize that I could learn more about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I do not really want a girl friend, and I would NOT like to be in a relationship, it is just the fact that I don’t have a girlfriend that makes me think I am inn separation of that I am different from others, and since that I differ, I am a looser.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think to myself I don’t know if I would like to have a girl friend or not, the question itself, of being with a partner, is driving me crazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I would need to sort of my shit out in relation to if I would like to walk a relationship with a girl – or not.

 

When and as I see myself going into depression or inferiority over not having a girl friend. I stop myself, I slow myself down, and I breathe. I realize that being in a relationship is about giving and receiving, and to be sure about who I should start a relationship with is who I can give something to. I realize that If I really want a partner to walk with, I should go out there to fine her and  I realize that I would like to talk to a girl about potentially walking a relationship together. I realize that I would like to communicate and talk with a girl about potentially starting up a relationship on terms that supports us both equally. I commit myself to talk to girls that I find interesting and that I think could be potential partners. I commit myself to take initiative to find that girl for me to first talk and perhaps later; walk with.

 

Day 636 -Victimization over stigmatizing

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself and to go into mind over reactions and pity myself and even blame myself, over the kind of stigmatizing I see in society where people with schizophrenia or over mental health issues/problems are stigmatize by society where we/ society are judging, fearing and blaming people with mental health problems because of how we are programmed and raised from society/school/media/parents to fear and blame and judge people within mental illnesses and then stigmatization is created, out of fear, blame and judgments and pre – programming in general – that we all take part in by accepting and allowing it to go on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think “poor me” that is experiencing stigmatization and for feeling hopeless, like there is nothing I can do to stop stigmatizing inn my world, failing to see that I take on this stigmatizing from perceiving and imagining what other people think, what I would project and think about them and mental issues in everyday situations and helping build stigmatizing by thinking and projecting what others think of me living with schizophrenia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself my specific memory of being bullied by X and when that happened I got really scared and confused, thinking this is how people behave around schizophrenic and people with mental health issues, for simply adding more fuel to the fire by giving into thoughts and internal conversations over how low I felt that day and how intimidated I was and how it affected my being creating more fear and self sabotage within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and give into paranoia over what I think others are thinking of me, creating a self sabotaging loop within me over what I think others think of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on the complete character of victimization over stigmatizing from experiencing the low and negative polarity of memories of bullying and the physical, personal intimidation, and how I see media talk of people with mental health issues, and how I experience depression and negative polarity from memories and from media, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the high, positive polarity of this character, when I receive my pity and when people give me kind words or when I feel like I deserve this and that and how I should have kindliness and comfort, lulling myself slowly into energies and ego over thinking what I should have and what I think I deserve, all from experiencing myself as a victim.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of myself as a victim and for judging and blaming newspapers or TV channels, and school etc things that are within society and that are components of the old programs, where I fail to see that It is my own responsibility to quit giving into these energies and that will only enslave me to mind and to the same old / same old programming, it is all rooted back at myself and my being and what I accept and allow.

 

When and as I see myself going into this character of victimization over mental stigmatization. I stop, I slow myself down, and I breathe. I realize that I should not go into this character as this mind set as it is damaging to my being and to everyone really. I realize that this character of victimization is really nurturing self sabotaging within me. I commit myself to live life without fear of what I think others are thinking of me and what I perceive to be real. I commit myself to work to break down stigmatization in society and to do what I can to get over stigmata over mental health issues. I commit myself to breathe awareness instead of perceiving anything at all as perceiving is simply a mind fuck. I commit myself to self honesty and to be that example of do onto others like you want to be done unto and to love my neighbor. I commit myself to stop taking onto myself what I think others think of me and direct myself in such moment into what is best for all.

 

When and as I see myself pitying myself over feeling like a victim. I stop myself, and I slow myself down and I breathe. I realize that I am as much of a victim that I make myself to me. I realize that this type of self pity is no good and will end up as mind slaving to energies and that feeling like a victim is not supporting anyone at all. I commit myself to snap out of the victim character. I commit myself to realize that I have a life that is far better than form the majority of the people on this earth. I commit myself to live my life and express myself as honest that I can without stepping on toes.