Tag Archives: self forgiveness

Day 804 – selling my car – learning structure

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I sold my car – learning structure

 

Some weeks ago I sold my car.  Mostly out of practical reasons and simply of not needing it more. The process of selling it though was quite complex and rather difficult for me to experience. Let me share with you how that was.

Owning a car is a lot of responsibility. It cost quite a lot of money, and there are many things to consider, like to have winter tires and money for gas, all sorts of automated registration, insurance and so on. There is simply lots to remember when it comes  to owning a car. At least here in Norway.

So when I was to sell my car, I first talked to my dad, who had recently invested in a new car for himself.  Hidden here lies a deep fear within me, fear of being rejected by my dad if I should sell my car for too little money. I would fear to be rejected by dad if I should make a bad deal. So that was something for me to work through with self forgiveness and a deep rooted awareness.  I simply reasoned that  it would be safe to ask him on; how do I go about to sell my car ? What are the process of it ?

And there lies a clue to pick up on. Why are we not taught about such a detailed process in school ? Why ? We could save a lot of scams, conflicts and maybe also accidents by giving our children real valuable knowhow. And even more how to fix and maintain a car….Valuable information that everyone would need to know – whether they drive or not…

 

Anyways the selling of my car was not a simple solution to come to though I had been planning it and thinking of it for some time. I bought a add inn a online marked places and waited. There was someone contacting me, but they soon lost interest. Another guy was simply hard to communicate with, so I had to let him go.

After some 3 weeks I was contacted by a young man who was honest and real with me. He was very interested and we agreed to a sum of money and he came to see the car together with his dad. I was  alone and did not have anyone with me, to mentally back me up. So when the moments came where we signed the online contract, and printed it out in my apartment, and he handed me the money, I was deep in stress and close to collapsing. Simply in deep fear of making a mistake, to feel rejected, and the responsibility with the money, the car, the deal etc…

The deal itself was a deeply stressed situation – where I kept breathing through my stress and my fear. It was painful and not a nice experience.

But things ended well and I sold it and it is now settled some time ago. What I learned from this is to be more consistent when it comes to being structured, genuine and organized in my application. If I could have invited with me a friend to be my backup and buddy during the agreement- that would have been simply a great support for me.

 

So I learned to sell a car simply from this experience. If I am to sell a car later in my life there might be new rules and regulation to it so I will be care full to anyways know to be more gentle with self, to analyze more, to slow down, breathe, and to be more real in myself support. I would know to be more structurally organized from the start. I would prepare better and know how to take things in a gentle and considerate manner – considerate to myself. I learn to be structured and considerate from the start, to plan things and to organize myself better.

 

Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be rejected by my dad over fearing to make a bad deal of sales.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to deal with the system and to deal with agreements, papers and ultimately money  – where I see that I fear money – with how I fear to lose my money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see that I needed more backup and support other than just a phone call to dad and that I see today that it alone was not sufficient to calm me down and make me stable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subtle judge myself as a sabotager of systems, and for being against the structure of a system, when I really want and need to improve it and to build on it and see people and life thrive in cooperation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see myself as a structured human being.

 

Self corrections

When  and as I see myself about to do something that I know can stress me and potentially make me unstable, I stop myself, I slow myself down and I take a  breathe.

 

I realize that there are lots of system here for me to use and to support myself with. There are people, “do it yourself” videos and support for me on many levels and most important from myself and me slowing down and assessing the situation.

I realize that there is a lot of supportive structure out there and I can pick it up and build on it to create more stability and structure.

I commit myself to in situations involving money or documents, or similar, that can be particular stressful where I should be aware of it, support myself however I need, structure it,  make plans in my mind and direct my imagination and use my mind/projection to design and create the best possible outcome, as I plan it in my simulator : my mind.

 

I commit myself to build on what support that is already here and to use the system for what is best for all.

I hereby embrace the word structure !

Thanks for reading

 

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

 

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Day 799 – at my backchating rock

When I am at my backchating rock

Listening to the interview from eqafe.com, who are you when challenged  : and realizing the common sense solution to work on ones bad/horrible backchats. We all have some spiteful, nasty and sometimes gruesome voices/thoughts backchats in our head. There is no denying this. It simply is a part of the humans experience.

My backchats are also quite nasty. And what I have found is that it is helping me to sound them. To speak them to self. Sound them with my mouth – the same way they sound in my head.

This have been helping me sorting them out, or organize them better – because no matter how gruesome they are – they are still a part of the experience of being me. They are a part of my creation. So, to be able to take responsibility for them, as myself, I must define them, to be able to organize them – to forgive them by sorting them out with writing and speaking. That is the way with everything today, we need to redefine everything and re design our reality. The nature of life makes this necessary.

We are programmed to suppress, deny and judge such backchats within self. It is mind in its essence. Running away from and judging backchats/voices is what mind does. But it does not heal or cure the backchats/nastiness, then it simply builds.

 

So, I have some backchats that are often returning to me. I will not write them here, but they are nasty and spiteful, sometimes hateful. I know how they are, and to me  there is no escaping the reality that I live with this. But when I get to know them, to sound them, to make them less scary/dangerous, I am making myself the master of them. So that I will not be scared by these voices in my head, and backchats, but rather to sound them, write them down and define them fro then to look at them and forgive them and their essence,  when I can see more of where they come from.

 

It could be like lyrics from a rock band (metal/rap song). Nasty and spiteful. So I define that when I am with my backchats, I am at my backchating rock. It is like visiting that hard, rough, heavy rock within. My backchatting rock. For me to be familiar with myself and to master myself. To be safe and sound within any situation. When I am in backchat’s/voices – I am at my backchatting rock. So I can be safe and sound within self and not fear self. To become comfortable with oneness backchats  sort of. To know  it. For me to then be able to work with it, and see it for what it is. To be able to see it and know it to stop reacting to it, and not suppress it, but know it to be able to forgive it and dissolve it in total. To know everything is to forgive everything

 

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

Day 797 – Learning to know myself as the physical

 

These days I am more and more opening up the level of physicality within me – as my body. This means a awareness, stability and groundedness within my physical body. A intimacy, into-me-I-see. My body is advanced and is processing and changing itself – just like the components of the beeingness and the mind of man, is also complex and are components of who I am with everything what that means.

For a deeper context please investigate these interviews where Jesus talks about redefining the physical :

https://eqafe.com/p/redefining-physical-the-crucifixion-of-jesus-part-109

https://eqafe.com/p/redefining-physical-part-2-the-crucifixion-of-jesus-part-110

https://eqafe.com/p/redefining-physical-part-3-the-crucifixion-of-jesus-part-111

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Because what have the physical been ? All my life I have been living in projections and thoughts, imaginations and mind loops, energetic rides, and not the physical reality. Can you see this? Living as the mind box ?  What I  have been experiencing and living for most of my life,  is the metaphysical, mind, personalities, energies and thoughts. And such have been my reason for defining reality. It has been a long lie. That I have be lie ved inn.

So discovering my body, being with my body, my different parts of me, my intestine,  liver, my heart, being aware of my blood, my cells as one and many, and seeing it all in  a holistic perspective and realization. Slowing down and being with myself  in self support. Enjoying the moment, the plant on my table, the good boot on my feet, the taste of dinner, the coffee, the walk, petting the dog – enjoying life and myself within it. Literally communicating with my body on a totally new way. My body is storage of such a waste load of information, and it will communicate with me. A flue is for instance a way that the body communicates, or a rash, or back pain, all the things that are physical, also sensations and the more “liberating” experiences from for instance yoga or self forgiveness are ways to open up to the body and to communicate with it.

 

For me it is the slowing down and breathing, finding comfort in myself making a self forgiveness statement within myself, or spoken out load. To look into and learn to know my body, to live and act as my body, that is a real challenge. Because the body is my matter of life, and life, is one, equal and one. So for me to live equal and one is the big deal here.  To step by step become real, common sensical and self honest.

You could say that my body is my teacher. Or my master within the trinity of mind, being and body. Learning, expanding and growing with my physical as grounding point.

Me finding the integrity and self honesty to look into my body, to learn to know myself as the flesh, is a big discovery, and it takes time and patience to learn this, and to develop trust within  communication and to live what the physical is teaching me.

 

Basically it is from moment to moment to live self forgiveness in practical terms. To not allow myself to go into reacting and judging/emotions for anything at all. Let me give you some examples of how deep this goes. For instance if I dislike the color of a house, or the way a person is walking or is dressed. Or I judge a tattoo, or I judge  and dislike a picture in the news. It covers anything and all. Literally becoming one with life.

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These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

 

Day 796 – separation of life

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we are all extensions of each other

 

Separation is a highly interesting point. Because as life we are all one. That is a pill to swallow. One. Not two (in separation) – not them or others and ego. Life itself is one. Equal and one. So separation exist. Because of the human experience. This is me balancing myself – bringing me back to me.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give my “will” into the sneaky or calling (somehow) of desire or need or habit/addiction, from the back of my mind, to bring myself to go into separation of myself (physical) as life, from where ever in my body, directed from my mind and patterns, where within this I know that we are all one, the other life form (human, animal, plant, beyond ) is a extension of me, they are from the same origin, like the same as me, we are all equals.

Where, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear or dread that it is a human “thing” to go into separation of the self, the physical, by those terms I mean to go into thoughts, thinking, gossip of mind, projections, doubt, angst, blame, etc where, I know that i do not in fact need to go into separation as the separation in itself is self abuse, abuse of life, and self sabotage.

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare to  open up, to expand, learn and evolve as sound, as life without going into the stress, angst, fear for having to prove myself to be of some result that I would imagine is expected of me and then just end up looping myself in my mind/mind fucking myself.

Where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to crawl back to my starting point of why would I need to (again) go into separating myself from life (?) where I see and realize and understand that I need to define my starting point and correct myself so.

Within this lies pieces, blueprints and direction of myself stabilizing my schizophrenic mind, me learning self authority and self honesty, me learning to live.

Life is oneness and equality in equilibrium/balance – where are we  ? How are we living ?

 

vivascious tormod

 

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

Day 795 – Relationship patterns within me/self forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have second thoughts and to practically want to dump the relationship when it gets hard within facing some challenges and to have a plan B, a extra girl that I could go into a relationship with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I don’t really want a relationship, I want just the sex and good times the rest can just be, and within this fall back on old patterns of using girls in relationships as objects.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want the hard parts of a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not know what a relationship is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think a relationship is like “Friends” or “Sex in the city” or any typical TV show or magazine picture that is 100 % fake news – on what a relationship is about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust in TV and Hollywood/whatever lifestyle on what is reality and how things work, living in a bubble, that has no match, it is simply no-good for relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have not defined a relationship to myself, how I would realistic want it to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I can not value or appreciate a girl since I have schizophrenia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to commit to a girl, out of fear of what I might say or do that would expose me and leave me vulnerable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be honest and to fear to be me, open and vulnerable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am not mature enough to have a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad and sad for how I have handled relationships in my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as an abuser of relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not appreciate myself or the other being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value life as I would like to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not appreciate myself and give myself space.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect someone to love me when I don’t love myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect someone to like me when I don’t like myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect someone to want to be with me when I cant be with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to open up and communicate on all levels of me to a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that money solves all issues with a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that sex solves all issues with a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that imagining, nice fluffy words, imaginations and projections is any good for a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Netflix/HBO solves and saves a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to……….(you can fill in on your own terms; self forgiveness goes beyond relationships)

 

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self forgiveness has the best effect : when spoken out load – like self communication

enjoy:

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

Day 790 – The reaction game

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Reactions are one of the very core obstacles and points of human psychology and living. It is very much what keeps us in a dead lock position under control of mind. Reaction is that spark, that friction that goes off when we are presented something, we don’t like,  and then we are triggered inside. Reactions are like the effect from something externally that has a impact on us and our psyche. Reactions are, to me, like sparks and spikes that are making friction within my mind. Reactions will always try to validate itself. You would feel inside like the reaction is acceptable. It would let you know that it (the reaction) is right !!

 

examples:

He reacted in anger and slammed the door

There was a gentle reaction in my mind where I would blame my mom

 

 

self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a game of reactions just to prove to myself what reactions are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reactions over comparing myself and my efforts to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reactions over thinking this world is lost and crazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reactions over thinking this world is sick with its humans.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reactions over judging humans as bad and wrong no matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the design and instrument of my reaction as only that, like it can’t be anything else, than a reaction, and that is it.

 

I realize that my life would be best if there was no reactions and I could just live and breathe without going into any reactions what so ever – that would be nice, and that it is up to me to create this in my own living !

 

 

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 787 – Vivacious – for what is best for all

Vivacious – for what is best for all

 

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I was made aware of this word, vivacious, starting within a numbness in my left thigh. Actually my thigh felt totally dead and “rotten”. And I contacted and asked for support from the Quantum Change Kinesiology, (QCK) team, and I was shortly after give details of matter – to what was metaphysically taking place in my thigh – and beyond – of my mind. Human memory is most often stored in the general body.

This word, vivacious, or crispness, lively, spirited, I have been living within a personality as a coping mechanism,  to suppress a negative point within.  I have been using this personality also without direction, noncommittal. This have been a balancing point within me to suppress a emotional point of sub-conscious character. So I have been living this vivacious and crispness/lively/spirited manner, to suppress a negative point within.

So I would like to dissolve the negative point through self forgiveness, and exposure,  and also to pick apart the positive vivacious, personality – and rather live that word vivacious for real, without the personality, suppression, and with a proper direction and commitment. To extract this word and “neutralize” it, delete the polarity and components,  from myself, and then use vivacious, as a redefined word to my everyday living.

 

So what I want to do is to take the ball in my own hands and score a 3 pointer, and end the game totally lol. So I have already forgiven and I am working on the negative point that I would like to suppress. The details from the QCK session are many and deep. Point is for me to see through this vivacious character because it is based on believes. I give myself permission to live this character of vivaciousness, from  some specific believes that I have been carrying with me. Positive believe structures of mind.   Like: I believe I can chose to be happy without any reason, or  I believe my inner child, or I believe I am loved etc. I have this personality of vivacious (crispness, lively, spirited) arranged from believes. So understand: I have been living this vivacious character to hide and suppress a negative point within myself. I need to deconstruct the polarized character, work on my suppression point,  and live the word: vivacious in itself as it is.

So what does it mean for me to be vivacious without the personality/polarity ? It means to be a bit silly, clownish and lively. And it would mean to take direction to a common good, to dare to break the ingrained pattern, to see best for all solutions taking place in the moment. To express. To be that catalyst of change to bring solution to the matter. Like if I standing with my dishes together with the people who I share house with, and the situation is a bit low or out of touch,  I can suddenly start to sing or make a joke, to actively share some of my solutions being vivacious, and silly/lively/creative. So that is what I can do In such a moment. To dare to be a bit silly.

 

We all could need to be more silly in a creative, and supportive way, we all enjoy being silly ! In times like today we could all enjoy to be more silly or like a clown. So this is my point that I would like to evoke within me, to express and live this word: vivacious – for what is best for all in any situation.

Rebeccas son

art by William Karlen

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build up believes and ideas within to access a positive, vivacious personality, making it difficult/impossible to access this word without taking on the believes and the personality in itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it is difficult or impossible to live this word, vivacious, without adding some believes to it, like making it a recipe of programming that I have to follow – a programming without direction, commitment or standing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in such moments of creativity and daring to be silly/clown, I would let the small things, the doubt or nervousness win me over – and limit me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build up this personality to cover over and hide/suppress a emotional/negative point within and to use this vivacious/crispy personality to cover for my negative point within my sub-conscious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a personality based on believes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the need to suppress anything emotional within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to look into my subconscious.

 

 

When and as I see myself wanting to live this word vivacious, I stop myself I slow myself down and I breathe. I realize that I must dare to be brave and have courage to express myself and to dare to be silly, in such moments. I realize that it is my responsibility to create the best solution in any given moment.

 

I commit myself to live vivacious and “spirited” – clownish, more often, by slowing down, breathing, being self honest, and just do it !

 

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/