Tag Archives: self forgiveness

Day 795 – Relationship patterns within me/self forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have second thoughts and to practically want to dump the relationship when it gets hard within facing some challenges and to have a plan B, a extra girl that I could go into a relationship with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I don’t really want a relationship, I want just the sex and good times the rest can just be, and within this fall back on old patterns of using girls in relationships as objects.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want the hard parts of a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not know what a relationship is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think a relationship is like “Friends” or “Sex in the city” or any typical TV show or magazine picture that is 100 % fake news – on what a relationship is about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust in TV and Hollywood/whatever lifestyle on what is reality and how things work, living in a bubble, that has no match, it is simply no-good for relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have not defined a relationship to myself, how I would realistic want it to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I can not value or appreciate a girl since I have schizophrenia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to commit to a girl, out of fear of what I might say or do that would expose me and leave me vulnerable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be honest and to fear to be me, open and vulnerable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am not mature enough to have a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad and sad for how I have handled relationships in my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as an abuser of relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not appreciate myself or the other being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value life as I would like to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not appreciate myself and give myself space.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect someone to love me when I don’t love myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect someone to like me when I don’t like myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect someone to want to be with me when I cant be with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to open up and communicate on all levels of me to a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that money solves all issues with a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that sex solves all issues with a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that imagining, nice fluffy words, imaginations and projections is any good for a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Netflix/HBO solves and saves a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to……….(you can fill in on your own terms; self forgiveness goes beyond relationships)

 

49423d23-72ab-40cb-bfa4-bd2f1e674f5f

 

self forgiveness has the best effect : when spoken out load – like self communication

enjoy:

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com/

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

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Day 790 – The reaction game

reaction.jpg

Reactions are one of the very core obstacles and points of human psychology and living. It is very much what keeps us in a dead lock position under control of mind. Reaction is that spark, that friction that goes off when we are presented something, we don’t like,  and then we are triggered inside. Reactions are like the effect from something externally that has a impact on us and our psyche. Reactions are, to me, like sparks and spikes that are making friction within my mind. Reactions will always try to validate itself. You would feel inside like the reaction is acceptable. It would let you know that it (the reaction) is right !!

 

examples:

He reacted in anger and slammed the door

There was a gentle reaction in my mind where I would blame my mom

 

 

self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a game of reactions just to prove to myself what reactions are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reactions over comparing myself and my efforts to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reactions over thinking this world is lost and crazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reactions over thinking this world is sick with its humans.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reactions over judging humans as bad and wrong no matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the design and instrument of my reaction as only that, like it can’t be anything else, than a reaction, and that is it.

 

I realize that my life would be best if there was no reactions and I could just live and breathe without going into any reactions what so ever – that would be nice, and that it is up to me to create this in my own living !

 

 

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 787 – Vivacious – for what is best for all

Vivacious – for what is best for all

 

vivascious tormod.png

 

I was made aware of this word, vivacious, starting within a numbness in my left thigh. Actually my thigh felt totally dead and “rotten”. And I contacted and asked for support from the Quantum Change Kinesiology, (QCK) team, and I was shortly after give details of matter – to what was metaphysically taking place in my thigh – and beyond – of my mind. Human memory is most often stored in the general body.

This word, vivacious, or crispness, lively, spirited, I have been living within a personality as a coping mechanism,  to suppress a negative point within.  I have been using this personality also without direction, noncommittal. This have been a balancing point within me to suppress a emotional point of sub-conscious character. So I have been living this vivacious and crispness/lively/spirited manner, to suppress a negative point within.

So I would like to dissolve the negative point through self forgiveness, and exposure,  and also to pick apart the positive vivacious, personality – and rather live that word vivacious for real, without the personality, suppression, and with a proper direction and commitment. To extract this word and “neutralize” it, delete the polarity and components,  from myself, and then use vivacious, as a redefined word to my everyday living.

 

So what I want to do is to take the ball in my own hands and score a 3 pointer, and end the game totally lol. So I have already forgiven and I am working on the negative point that I would like to suppress. The details from the QCK session are many and deep. Point is for me to see through this vivacious character because it is based on believes. I give myself permission to live this character of vivaciousness, from  some specific believes that I have been carrying with me. Positive believe structures of mind.   Like: I believe I can chose to be happy without any reason, or  I believe my inner child, or I believe I am loved etc. I have this personality of vivacious (crispness, lively, spirited) arranged from believes. So understand: I have been living this vivacious character to hide and suppress a negative point within myself. I need to deconstruct the polarized character, work on my suppression point,  and live the word: vivacious in itself as it is.

So what does it mean for me to be vivacious without the personality/polarity ? It means to be a bit silly, clownish and lively. And it would mean to take direction to a common good, to dare to break the ingrained pattern, to see best for all solutions taking place in the moment. To express. To be that catalyst of change to bring solution to the matter. Like if I standing with my dishes together with the people who I share house with, and the situation is a bit low or out of touch,  I can suddenly start to sing or make a joke, to actively share some of my solutions being vivacious, and silly/lively/creative. So that is what I can do In such a moment. To dare to be a bit silly.

 

We all could need to be more silly in a creative, and supportive way, we all enjoy being silly ! In times like today we could all enjoy to be more silly or like a clown. So this is my point that I would like to evoke within me, to express and live this word: vivacious – for what is best for all in any situation.

Rebeccas son

art by William Karlen

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build up believes and ideas within to access a positive, vivacious personality, making it difficult/impossible to access this word without taking on the believes and the personality in itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it is difficult or impossible to live this word, vivacious, without adding some believes to it, like making it a recipe of programming that I have to follow – a programming without direction, commitment or standing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in such moments of creativity and daring to be silly/clown, I would let the small things, the doubt or nervousness win me over – and limit me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build up this personality to cover over and hide/suppress a emotional/negative point within and to use this vivacious/crispy personality to cover for my negative point within my sub-conscious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a personality based on believes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the need to suppress anything emotional within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to look into my subconscious.

 

 

When and as I see myself wanting to live this word vivacious, I stop myself I slow myself down and I breathe. I realize that I must dare to be brave and have courage to express myself and to dare to be silly, in such moments. I realize that it is my responsibility to create the best solution in any given moment.

 

I commit myself to live vivacious and “spirited” – clownish, more often, by slowing down, breathing, being self honest, and just do it !

 

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

 

Day 781 – Dragging along old mind junk – mind recycled

Dragging along old mind junk – mind recycled

Who am I as a creator ? What do I truly create ?

Something that I was recently made aware of, and that I in self honesty also knew of, is how I drag with me old mind junk, and mind data from the past that I would like to say that is gone and that I am done with – that is still here. Some of the old dominating systems of my mind. Things like “self judgment” and “fear” – systems. These two buggers in particular.  Some of the very dominant system that we as humans carry. These systems, have very deep seated roots on the humans experience. And people walk through life without properly dealing with it. This has effect on life as we know it on earth today  – as well as for the afterlife and infinite existence of humans. Now, I have tools to work through this, I know how to heal and how to work through this and … literally I know how to change. It is only myself who is responsible for not changing. I have self forgiveness, self honesty, living words, breathe, etc, and I should know how to balance this by now. There is no excuse for me to not change.

 

Still my mind programming is heavy. And in this interview of Annuaki he explains how this responsibility is mostly missed by humans, that we are not creating for real – we drag with us old systems, still.

So these two systems, self judgment and fear, are poking me like crazy. And they should – because I should not need to be mind slave within such a equation. Thing is that I see that my consciousness is recycling itself like it did before. Making old problems new again, “making suffering great again”…lol…within mind,  making fear into anger, and self judgment into blame and so on. So I must stop it and alter – create a better reality.

 

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self forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drag on specifically fear and self judgment, where I think to myself that some of the things I have done is unforgivable to myself as a being, and that I would think in my mind that me in my afterlife/reflection would not be forgiven, by my beingness,  for some of my deeds/thoughts on this earth, missing the picture of how I let my conscious mind dictate me into thinking “I am not good enough” – “I am not forgiven enough”, “I can’t do this” and ending up in fear and in self judgment – mind systems recycled.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a moral obligation to drag with me fear and self judgment thinking everyone does this and so should I, not seeing or reflecting on how the word “moral” in this world,  protects the very abusers (religion, war, government etc), and within so I am not better than anyone else, for dragging with me fear and self-judgment like emotions that I am eager to give away, and look into my beingness/awareness, and how I need to dump & delete these emotions once and for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to undermine, the thought that  I can make a drawing and a picture or some arts about me leaving “my old emotions”, and systems behind and not fully seeing, how drawing and arts it could assist me in quantifying my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it fascinating and yet disturbing to see how I find it very hard to dump of me, these systems (fears, self judgments) and at the same time how eager mind is to pick it up and  recycle it into my living/suffering.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fascinated by my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to give my mind direction, and a “occupation”.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I had not been able to see or fully realize and comprehend, that as long as I drag with me the constructs/concept of fear and self judgment, my mind will know so, detect so,  l and it will make a big thing/addiction/suffering/recycleling out of it – since both fear and self judgment  are mind based systems.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the desire to see into my fears and my self judgment, like  a desire to see it diminish and disappear,  like to kiss it good bye for good where I would indulge in memories and my mind would catch up with me and “boom”… the mind systems are recycled.

 

When and as I see myself going into re – inventing fear and self judgment, I stop myself, I take a deep breath, and I slow the fuck down.  I have come to realize that I must know my fears and my self judgments – and from there “weed them out” from a distance. To see them, within self, to alter within self and change as self so that awareness/focus/reality is something else, and not fear, and self judgment. I realize that I have all the tools I need to get through this, I must simply slow down and find myself stable and ready to create best for all/best for  me solutions.

 

I commit myself to be with my tools, and my support to give myself chores and creative tasks. I commit myself to stay busy, creative but slow and commonsensical.

 

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These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

Day 776 – spite and backchats of mind

spite

Spite : thinking of the fizzy drink “sprite”, when you in your aunt’s wedding, had 3 glasses of coke, you could balance it out in your secret mind /polarity games with a glass of sprite. Making it even to self, inn childish mind games. lol.. I have been living with lots of such mind games.

Spite is, on the other hand, a thing far from the fizzy drink. The health and living damage – differences and similarities, of spite and sprite, is worthy of books and PHD’s  and education.

Spite is that “something is fucked up – so I spit at whatever”, spite is like a judgment and a anger act. Taking a piss at something in “spite” and anger.

The last couple of days I have been having backchats in my mind/head, like these what shall I say, judging and critical thoughts and projections about other beings. It is not nice and it just makes me sad and scared to experience the old backchat dimension of my mind. I had sort of parked that and  thought (!) to myself well no more backchats for me; huh ! So my nature strikes back with backchats in spite.  Judging and bullying words about my fellow man. Not a cool thing to experience at all.

It was happening today when I was talking to “Hans”.  And we were talking about a chore or something, and then suddenly, a voice/backchat appears in my head, saying “You fucking’s retard”  or something similar to that. It just came up in my head from nowhere. I mean it is like the words from “Trailer park boys” or “South – Park” or “Beavis and Butt-head” – kind of talking and you might say programming of mine. And it would play out just like a sneaking energy within my mind, creeping in on me like Loke, shapeshifting  in the mythology. And it would almost tip me of my chair, I was so disturbed. And the mechanics and design of it was old machinery and programs running deep in my mind on polarity and its energies. So a solution would be to avoid the mind dimension, and focus on the body/physical what is here. Mind/head is just imaginations and energies. Physical is here and living – breathing.

So I will work on self forgiveness, on this spiteful backchat episode. Enjoy :

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for failing to see the leak within my mind, that would spill like oil into the waters of my being,  polluting my insides with backchats like being mean and cold hearted to Hans, within backchats in my head/mind, and within this I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for taking part in this backchat in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face these programs of spite and “fuck all” character that would bloom within me, and that I should simply interrupt and delete the thought/character/backchat by focusing on my breathe and at the same time grounding myself, where I look back and I judge myself for not paying enough attention to myself and my leak or poison within mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to instead of brushing of the backchats and sort of neutralizing it, and removing it from myself with breathe, I was rather shocked and scared – and in that giving the energy/spite more power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless in facing spite and backchats.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own inside.

I realize one of the ways to not let spite and backchats win my attention is to not give it that – attention, by not being focused on my head/mind with the programs – but rather my body and physical else. Also to change myself and not be manipulative and to try to control the given situation. Be more flexible – that is what I am looking for within this.

Here (below) is a  life review, a review of the life, of someone who have walked a life with a spiteful mind, that has died and is sharing their story through the interdimensional portal. How does spiteful thoughts emerge, what are the programing that makes us go into spite ? How to stop going into spiteful and manipulative thinking ? The psychology of how spite is built up within mind.

It explains here the experience a being had walking with spite. The games we play with manipulation and spite, always wanting things my way, trying to control a situation. How do we change from spite ?

Check it out:

https://eqafe.com/p/stop-your-spiteful-thoughts-life-review

Here is another interview from eqafe about spite:

The core creation of spite within the human experience. What are the relationships  within the process of spite in the physical and the mind etc…

Really interesting and deep going stuff, about the detailed metaphysics of man and spite. This one really strikes the core of it:

https://eqafe.com/p/spite-introduction-atlanteans-part-174

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Thanks for reading – enjoy breathe !

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 775 – the living word

Hard-wired-for-struggle

 

 

What words will I use here in this text ? Who knows.. I will use words that I know of, to make my point understandable and digestible by you, the reader, about my certain topic.  I will use words to describe a example, and to connect and relate different expressions, statements, styles, and parts of my text together. From what I already know. I will also challenge myself with trying more new and/or advanced vocabulary and constructs, to further reach out there, with my words.

The words I choose are based on my past programming me, first being a child and youngster growing up until today. What makes me to precisely me at this moment. To understand this dimension it is important to understand how humans are programmable, and within that how mind works. It is a study of a life time, and you would be totally amazed of what you could find realize and discover about just you!

 

Humans are programmable.  Just imagine how much money is spent on advertisement. It goes beyond imagination. There are some very, very accurate documentaries about this topic. The century of self by Adam Curtis is one of the very finest. It lets us know how the first spin doctors of commercials and consuming culture was operating within or from  the field of psychology and what made the human mind of programming. The social experiment of “milgram test” is another proof of how easily swayed the human mind is, to obey to for instance authority or given rules. To understand the world we live in with its rather chaotic news and happenings it is important to know how the human mind is programmable, hardwired, complex and very, very much like the PC, computer and inn detail constructed. There exist not such a understanding of the world politicians today. So we have leaders that are really not our true leaders. A true leader would know what the human mind consist of. How consciousness operates, that we are programmable, and so on.

The fact that the human being is programmable  should be something for a jaw-drop. We have let us sway by ego and thinking into this state of war and greed, pollution, harm and abuse. The words that describe our daily reality is not nice words. We are all often tormented and haunted by evil thoughts, and conspiracy,  imagination, fears, anger, ego, sadness, blame, nervousness, depression, believes, perceptions, projections, opinions …. and the list goes on. These emotional fucked up states is one of the very core things that keep mind in its power position of governing the self within mind authority. Though you can’t see it (the mind) you can see its outflow and effect in the daily life and our patterns of addiction, behaviors and/or abuse. This state makes us go angry and spiteful against another. It is everyone’s great loss. And it is rooted in human slaving to mind, slaving to ego, slaving to thinking and slaving to polarity/energies. This here is what we all should be taught at school. This is basic mind functions. That makes this world into the chaos it is. With the projected evil thoughts, imagination, fears, anger, ego, sadness, blame, nervousness, spite that is all mirrored into the rest of existence. Into addictions, war, rape, murder, child abuse, poverty, pollution, crimes, hunger, sickness, abuse of animals and inequality. The projecting/thinking loop is doing its thing; and it is sabotaging  life. The one reflects the other and we have to start with our self. When I change, the world changes. If I want to see a specific change, I must then live that specific change. For real. And that is how we can alter it all, one by one, breathe by breathe,  starting with our self, locally and be that change. To for-give the spite, fear, anger, depression, superiority, angst, blame, and all that and then change from it. I am not saying it is easy, but  it has to be done. The change involved is inevitable. Life is aware and we are rolling and moving. Then if we all can pick up doing this, for – giving our self (it is the greatest gift to self)  – then the world changes. It is a awesome trick.

 

Consider this; it is easier to brainwash a person that it is to convince that person that it has been  brainwashed.  That is simply fucked up beyond – and it goes to explain the chaos we are inn. Fact is we are systems, walking mind – zombies, very much like the computer.

 

Here I find living words a very cool support to me and my day to day living. This moment I focus of the word “benevolent”.  It is a very interesting word to me, and there are things with my relationship to this word, that is emotional and somewhat reactive – those emotions and reactions I can forgive,  I can for-give within myself, learn, grow, understand and  change myself within and as this living this word benevolent….

 

benevolent.PNG

 

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 774 – Establishing a consistent daily routine

There is some routines and some patterns that I would like to add to my day to day living. I have been practicing living this for a while, but I need to establish it further and more sound, so I write about it.

 

In the mornings when I wake up: first thing I do, maybe before going out of bed, is to drink water. It is very healthy for the body to start with water – first thing in the morning. Then standing up and after  getting dressed, I embrace myself (!) and tell myself that; I embrace myself within this day in totality with all its content, and then I find one or two words to live, during my day.

I go about my day with all that there is and use the application of self forgiveness and self correction, breathe awareness, and so on… to assist me through the day. Writing out my thoughts and issues as the day goes, and practicing self forgiveness as the key to change. Writing and living the change is key to understand self, grow and expand.

In the evening after massaging my feet, I lay down and I make up status for my day. What happened this day ? How did it affect me ? Did I face challenges ? What are my thoughts during the day ?

Answering this as I lay down and talk to myself, finding the outcome and solutions to my issues, this completes my day.

 

 

This eqafe recording concerns lots of what I mention here in my writing:

https://eqafe.com/p/when-memories-run-deep

 

For more info on life challenges, solutions and issues:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/