– seeing myself as a police & control freak
I have some issues with perceived righteousness. Thinking I know what is “right”. Judging myself and others when I be – lie – ve, something wrong within a situation. Thinking of myself as this special person, giving my character a opinion – a opinionated character of a police, within my head and my mind.
It is like this: you have a personality/ polarity construct. This needle/battery is then given a opinion, a certain energy flows into this character to make it into me, playing out this character in life. I have this urge to feel that my way is “right way” and to feel superior to have my idea or “right” enforced on others, based on my be – lie – ves of who I am, and have grown into from programming.
It is not a fun thing to admit, lol, that I have this urge within to be a enforcer, a police man, within and as myself.
Let me give you some perspective.
When I was a young kid at 7 – 12 years old. I grew up with 3 sisters and lots of cousins. We would play a lot and be messy, and play, sometime rather violent play. I remember my mother calling me the “police man” of the house. I have later suppressed this of forgotten it, but my mother tells me that I would pick on or bully particular my younger sister if they, according to me, did something wrong.
I would be on top of them and put them in their designated places. This is mostly forgotten within me now today, but I see this personality polarity playing out and, “wops” comes this memory of me playing police with my sisters. This plays out today within reactions, friction within me as the archetype of a judge archetype, and then triggering into a police archetype, that works it’s was through facebook, news, shopping, making dinner, working out, writing, walking etc… It is like a tiny part of my consciousness that sparks this police in my head to life and to living, practice.
It could play out from; looking at facebook and judging a picture a article or a video, on facebook. Or I could judge and feel need to correct someone in talks/dialogue in my daily life, or just on sight at the supermarket, judging and feeling like I have to correct it. Appearance, clothes, comments, mannerism, act etc…
This metaphysical “police” is like the second demon, in line after the (demon) judge archetype makes its judging, just like in society. It is all programming and lies, running a spiral – eating itself – like cancer. I have to realize that there is no right and wrong. There is only what is best for all. Investigate all things and keep that which is good – best for all.
Self forgiveness and self corrections inn blogs to follow.