Tag Archives: responsibility

Day 810 – in bloom

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Recognizing myself as life through… change and persistent work.

I have lived a rather turbulent life, after my teens I was stuck in much addictions, mental illness, in the extreme of options, and often sabotaging myself and life for everyone else.

Since January 2012, when really starting to walk my desteni i process, of forgiving myself and starting to literally save myself. To heal and recover. It has now been more than 5 years  of steady walking. And it is at the moment my job, now, to recognize in me, with me, the change that have taken place. To literally learn to know the new me.

 

You can say that now I have learned to live, learning to know my living organism, my body, the physical within self. Finding a reason to be able to (be) response – able. To learn to be self honest. This I have more or less incorporated into my living. Into making my life into support and to thrive as a living organism, as a being. This have taken me lots of work and dedication. Point now is to trust myself. To accept myself as all that I have been and all that makes me. To recognize what and how I already have managed to change as and with myself.

 

Today I live on my second year in a camphill village in south west norway. I have healthy food, clean water, roof over my head. Good friends, some real work, a network internationally of people who are dedicated to working within the same as me : to become whole and complete, physical, self honest, real, best for all, versions of the very self.

Life is now blooming for me…. in many of the words meaning. Life is complex and life is dear. It is the only on we get !

I greet you in oneness and equality – as life !

 

Investigate : http://desteni.org/

 

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Day 782 – expanding in the life process

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Looking at my current living, where I am, and my livelihood, and how I more or less creative and in consideration define myself to be, I would like to just elaborate on my current process and status. For many years I have defined myself as and within the stigmatizing ground of psychiatry, addictions, and mental illness. I have come to realize that we all, every single fart included of humankind are more or less mentally suffering, being of mind. Stating that I do not close myself into being only psychiatry or that ballpark anyway. How do I define myself today and within walking my process of total change into something more something better and supportive, something of real matter ? It is right there in front of me, like this impression of nature and of detail, and stability, because what am I doing ? I am expanding, including, uniting and cooperating. I discover, reveal and I heal. I learn and I grow. More than anything else. I discover myself, I close down my believes, my fears and my reactions and addictions, by uniting with its origin and life, structure of me is becoming one with the self, and with all that is me.

 

Within here is stored mega bytes of self forgiveness and persistent walking of my process, embracing self as life and uniting, and even creating more of me, what is discovering of my own expression – my living. I find myself more and more in equilibrium with not only nature as I see it, but me, self as life force, and will to live. I more than ever before,  would like to live till I am over 100 years old lol. There is so much I would like to participate with and further create.

 

Today more than ever before, I realize my standing and creative ability and life force. My will to go on with projects, chores, responsibility, daring to be a bit of a “clown” perhaps and taking on new challenges in common sense and self awareness. Many have said this before me that it is the nucleus cell and being of ordinary people, that will eventually change this world – because we change: ourselves, our ingrained patterns and behaviors,  first and become one and equal – physical, responsible as being and life force in where we are.

So for me at the moment it is about nurturing myself within slowing down and taking one breathe at the time, to really get this point of expanding and not falling into old destructive patterns of mind.

Today I notice such a simple thing as not daring to ask for a hug, and to embrace self completely, as another, would sort of bring me down, and I know that I could “take on a clown suit” and simply ask bluntly for a hug – and I would be granted so.

Time to embrace the clown from within huh ? To nurture and grow as a playful clown – myself. To rediscover play (and fun) in my daily life.

So in a way it is also about daring and taking that initiative. Being brave sort of. So that I can continue to walk and make progress and learn as I go. Grounding is perhaps a word I am seeking for.

Either way I am proud of who I am today, I have a level of integrity and self respect. I am someone new at the same time reborn as self in the physical. I live to suit the support of life and to expand myself on all areas of progressing and sustainable creation.

Realizing just now, sitting here typing in front of my screen, that, I have had a long history of being for instance dyslectic. I have still difficulties with writing  by hand – and reading it later. School was not my thing lol. But I will not blame the system – because the system is me. I created it. Together with for instance you. So it is a process of uniting, embracing and forgiving, bringing back to self all parts that I has separated myself from and made into mind fucks and loops, recycling the mind junk. Today I embrace it and bring it back to me- to oneness and equality.

 

Thanks for reading !

 

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 750 – My personality of uncertainty and doubt

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painting by me

 

My personality of uncertainty and doubt.

 

Lately I have been facing, gradually more and more a certain personality of mine. It comes from back in time, where I was asked to investigate the word “uncertain”. Later I left this task and sort of “stacked it away” apparently nowhere.  Today some months later, the character appears again in my mind, it is returning to me from how I had projected it away from me. It is based on ego, and just a “feel good”, on the positive pole, – like don’t worry, but a rather deep sense of insecurity and doubt /paranoia  on the other, negative pole. I would have to feel certain and 110 % sure/secure about anything. I would need to double check everything to be soooo sure about appointments and agreements. It was like paranoia.

 

A full blown personality of polarity !

This personality would act out very hidden, or unseen. Like hiding from chores and tasks. I would avoid communication, and arrangements out of fear of feeling uncertain. Trying to hide from conflict, often by suppressing and making the polarity more potent in both poles equally (basic math)

 

I would notice this personality some time back, but looking at it / noticing it, I would not know what to call it. I would feel uncertain and in doubt about what to call it. lol I did not see until later that the uncertainty and doubt I felt in relations to what to make of it, was it!  It was staring me in the face.

It was so obvious, I could not see it – so I ended up projecting/blaming it on others.

 

I also notice a blame system within here, where I had this particular polarity/personality projected at another person. I could not recognize the personality/uncertainty  as mine, (I felt uncertain about it lol), or as something I had done, so I would judge it and project it elsewhere. I had for a long time projected this character of uncertain onto XX. This is where it is soooooo valuable to bring everything that we/I experience (like projections) back to self. Whatever I see and experience in my world and living, is my responsibility. Whatever thoughts, mind, projections, blame whatever I might bring up, is my responsibility to deal with.

 

Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on a personality of polarity and live by its design and programming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being stuck with a personality construct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live this uncertainty and this doubt within myself, over time and question everything that I do with suspicion and fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become suspicious at myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so filled with doubt and uncertainty that I would call it every-day paranoia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so uncertain about any situation, big or small,  that I would literally be very paranoid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project this polarity/personality onto XX for no other reason than seeing him as weak and little and then placing this with him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and project fault at the “little man”/ weak person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses to myself on why I should be allowed to make that projection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny and suppress within the fact that I projected this at him (XX), and I after this, refuse to take responsibility for projecting it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry and sad for discovering  that I was projecting this polarity construct on to XX.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am not in control of myself since I was suppressing and denying so badly the fact that this personality of uncertain was mine and not one of XX.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and “thrive” in the positive energies/ego part of the pole, personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only sometime see that consequences would smack me out of negative pole, basic math of polarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the negative consequences and to try to project these also onto others.

 

 

 

Self corrections:

I commit myself to bring things back to myself, to a further and more deep going degree.

I commit myself to live self forgiveness in my breathing/body.

I commit myself to take responsibility for my shit.

I commit myself to use my breathe (and close my eyes) to find stability and calm (self honesty) within to be able to trust myself and to feel certain and stable of what I am doing.

 

Realizations/insight:

– This personality of uncertainty and doubt really started long time ago, and has its roots in paranoia.

– I would fear the paranoia part of it so bad that I would push it away / project it away from me onto XX, who was innocent within this.

– I would suppress and deny being the origin of the polarity, though I see now in clarity that this was my responsibility. I could not see it because it was so obvious.

– I take responsibility for this personality and the projection within so.

– I learn from this how badly I fear thoughts/paranoia.

–  Also I learn how easy it was for me to project this, like subtle blame.

–  I realize how important it is to bring all things back to self.

 

If you seek information and assistance on doubt/uncertainty/anything check out eqafe  – use the search bar for typing in what you seek.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog !

links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

 

Day 746 – desteni.org and schizophrenia

 

 

what is schizophrenia ?

 

https://eqafe.com/p/interview-request-schizophrenia

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yO3fF…

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org

http://desteniiprocess.com

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

https://eqafe.com

https://warnomore.wordpress.com

https://tormodhvgj.wordpress.com

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com

 

Day 735 – trace.it.back.to.self

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we are born equals. we all have a mind consciousness system to deal with. we are all equally responsible for everything that takes place on this earth of ours. all of it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give the world some slack, meaning I would think and assume that the words human population has had enough, of suffering and consequences and that I would be (the) one to bring hope or a sense or saying “relax” and “don’t worry it will be fine”, when it will obviously take quite some more self investigation and introspection of mind and living to be able to relax and not worry, because as long as people are not really pointing all things (everything) back to self and becoming equalized with it/matters – things will not become good or pleasant – it will only worsen, with the suppression of responsibility and honesty, life and circumstances – when will we  really wake up ?

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have not been able to realize and fully understand the importance of the words so within so without – meaning what i carry within will be reflected without, and I should clear my insides and my within before i can expect any sort of change without – the math is easy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to take on points in real time like taking on (sudden) anxiety – with self forgiveness, and if i push it away, instead of forgiving it  it will have consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  feel a urge to give the world ease, hidden here is the secret mind, or me being in power and in control, to then like a king – grant this ease to people, and tell them to don’t worry, when there is all reason to worry, and to rather than suppressing even more in the cultural glam and to judge system, external,  we must each and everyone or us become responsible – trace it back to self – for everything that takes place on this earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like screaming into the ear of all people on earth – trace it back to self – since that is what we need, to forgive our self for all the layers and energies within to be clear stable and not depending on feelings and emotions and then no longer locked in polarity/mind.

 

I commit myself to be the pioneer in my living with tracing everything back to myself, to cover all parts  with and to forgive myself in detail for everything, and guide others in doing the same.

 

Here I am reading from Marlen life’s blog

about bringing it back to self

enjoy!

 

 

Day 673 – Perceived Righteousness

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sugar coat my opinion,  within giving into my perceived righteousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself excused to modify reality or to change and manipulate reality out of desire to be perceived by others as superior and great.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I forget to accept things as they are when I sugar coat reality to further bring on my verdict of perceived righteousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the act of perceiving something about a situation and then within the flick of a second, make a judgment based on my believe of being superior and feeling blessed, where my judgment is there for valid within my perceived righteousness and from within my mind – making myself the big looser eventually since this has consequences – to myself – like a boomerang.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and deny from having a  blessed/believe of perceived righteousness and failing to see the boomerang effect striking back at me – knocking me out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see with real – eyes how myself granted perceived righteousness strikes back at me with full effect and making me loose and making me face consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that issues of living with perceived righteousness is not my type of problems and ignore it and there for not something I would bother to look into investigate – having a  point of resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe of myself as blessed and within this feeling/believe of being blessed I grant myself the archetype of being a judge and a ruler based of believing myself to be blessed and therefore in a position to judge and to moralize others from superiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to open up the point of being blessed out of fear of being called out/bullied for being a spiritual or Christian or a Buddhist and feeling fear that others would judge me out of religious or other types of bashing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and deny for feeling “blessed” and for  feelings “spiritual” or living “a believe” within my life and from my actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to find myself within this concept  that I have a “be – lie – ve” and for the feeling of resistance so, and feeling like I want to reject and dump the “be – lie – ve”  from myself and within this dumping of believe I am serving my imagination and fantasy/movie in my mind and simply slaving to mind with energies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in perceived righteousness and in a believe that I am blessed and I know best – acting out like I am superior to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of myself as blessed for the country where I live and the life that I have, failing and rejecting the parts of myself that is based on be – lie – ve and being righteousness, failing to see that I have not yet lived  but living a lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to se with real – eyes that my perceived righteousness is something I step into from this role when I am about to act – do something/communicate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my perceived righteousness is mostly active when I act out and specifically when I write on facebook.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to think of facebook as my territory to play and mess with making judgments and to moralize over what I find there, acting like a judging robot, and communicate there with my perceived righteousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of facebook as the place to be if you are blessed of carry believes and to make myself the supreme judge and moralizer from my feeling of blessed and feeling righteousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how we end up correcting each other and bashing each other on facebook, not living the meaning/purpose of life as in equality and oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in doubt and fear out of thinking If I don’t have my be – lie – ve, I must then live in fear/doubt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I don’t live blessed or inn righteousness I will lose and live in poverty and in inferiority, failing to realize that poverty and inferiority is a consequence of actually living in being blessed and within righteousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see within myself how deep this lie of blessed or righteousness goes within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a need to “lift” myself up, that is based on ego and on playing the polarity game and making an ass of others and  to boost myself on energies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into ego and failing to see each and everyone as one and equal, with giving into stress and anxiety within my mind and within my body.

 

When and as I see myself ending up going into a state of feeling blessed or having a perceived righteousness. I stop myself, I slow myself down, and I breathe. I realize that if I go into acting within feeling blessed or righteousness I am living a lie, and I am clearly not self honest or fully responsible within myself. I real – eyes that in order to end  my perceived righteousness, I have to change how I act around certain activities. I realize that for me to have less consequences facing myself or others I have to become self honest and responsible with myself – as a starting point.

I commit myself to consider ONE more time before writing on facebok.

 

I commit myself to check myself ONE more time to be certain I am not acting in a be – lie – ve or in righteousness.

I commit myself to take my time and dump my be – lie – ves and to dump my blessing and my perceived righteousness.

I commit myself to be modest and commonsensical with leaving/dumping believes and not give into imaginations when doing so.

I commit myself to change in my communication and in my way to talk to people, particular on facebook.

I commit myself to listen.

I commit myself to consider and to be real, self honest and responsible.

I commit myself to stop sugar coating reality, accept things as they, are and rather work with that in responsibility.

 

 

have a nice day !

Day 528 – Safety of income = edification of myself.

I joined desteni 3 years ago. It was in January 2012.  At this point in my life I was very much a wreck. My process kicked off in may 2012. I first walked some months with demonology as I was having some possessions that I had to clear out. Desteni can help with such measures: http://demons.desteni.org/ I have walked Desteni I process lite: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ – it is cool, and it is free, and now I am busy constructing mind constructs, with the Desteni I process pro (professional). I joined to become free of voices. And to clear my mind. To straighten up in life. And to my pleasant surprise, Desteni, is so much more than that. Much more. I work through mind. Perfecting me. I feel like I am in the middle of my process and I am making progress quite extensively. And that have very, very much to do with the fact that I can do this. I can afford the cost, to participate with this program. Welfare inn Norway makes it affordable to walk a Desteni I process pro, with my back ground. The lite course is for free, and so is participating on Desteni forum. The professional course cost, and so does eqafe products. I can afford to walk with Desteni and to learn mind. And I don’t not have to work to be able to participate. It is a really cool experience, with being secure of income. I receive 16000 kroners (2100 USD) each month. From disability. From rock bottom.  Anyone should be granted this kind opportunity to have a automated safe income, to be able to walk this so genuine and very cool experience that Desteni, offers. And for that I feel grateful and glad. I am included in the online community of Desteni. Anyone could be included there, as long as one is ready to take responsibility and to be honest. To learn self forgiveness. It is the coolest group. Being here, In the now/moment. Realizing, exploring, walking through, focus on and breathing inn and out, as our very presence.

I am a destonian. I am becoming a leader in my own world . Taking responsibility for myself with everything that I do. 100 %. Through purifying my thoughts, words and my deeds. How am I becoming a world leader ? Like the world/word – word – I am taking responsibility of the words that are within and so without of me. I am active participating with what is best for all. Because what is best for all is also best for me. Through learning the mind, learning self, and learning world systems and then being able to say and bring conclusions and most important solutions, to the world/humanity. I chose what words that are to be the factors/floating out there, within the world that I live. With Desteni I learn critical thinking. I have straightened up from bottom low, to be a more and more responsible person, I am becoming equal and in one with my mind. And then stopping the mind and becoming one with my surroundings. Using self forgiveness, find solutions, equality and oneness. That what is best for all, to build a fundament on further in life. So I step out and I become a world leader – will you join me ?

http://desteni.org/

Thank you

.desteni.org bennedicte