Tag Archives: real

Day 807 – talking at university – expanding in self trust

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A week ago I did a talk at a university. I was invited to talk from my background and history from schizophrenia and psychiatry. I enjoy such things very much. To explain how I experience schizophrenia and how I reason and manage my living in the system.

I did in total 4 talks to groups on 5-8 people. It was very pleasant and I was comfortable – doing my thing. The words to describe my schizophrenia, psychiatry along with a good dose of existentialism, made the students very content it would seem.
So this is simply a tale of me giving quality, back to society. I did remember to follow the advice of my friend who has experience doing similar things, to not go into the polarity high after doing such a talk. To avoid that high pitch – that is not real anyhow, it is just like a drug and there for suppressing of the real me. That was my big challenge and point right there, for me to remain grounded, and stable in my body was the big deal. It was not always easy, but all in all I managed very good. The day strolled along with me directing it. So you can say I just did my job – nothing less – without me going into that high, energetic, imaginative, energy ride. No I chose to remain grounded and in responsibility with myself. I chose to take direction my living both during and after the talk. I would remain calm and directed. Instead of high and “energized”.

There is lots of math to this equation, many things to learn about energies and the physical. I will not go into that here, but I will tell you that we have been living lies. It has been and it is a world in reverse – this we know both from within and without.

If you are interested in learning about energies – please leave a comment saying so.

 

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Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel tempted and addicted to go into a high, pitch feeling, like a sugar experience, from how I was happy and content with my talk at the university thinking I must go into this “high” – simply because that is what people do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I was wrong to feel simply grounded and here in my body and to stabilize myself in the physical (which is negative of math) and to think inn backchats that I was wrong to just feel that quality and comfort of being stable and directed within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others who do the same kind of talk like me and to think that I am better than them because of how I act – not in the energy high.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like to riddiclue people who have a drug and psychiatry background, like I have, and to judge them for taking on the polarity high – which is the same as taking a drug mathematically – it is possible to change this math – I am living proof.

When and as I see myself doing something where I feel a urge to go into a energy high – feeling. I stop myself, I take a breath and I slow myself down.

I realize that energy high is how so many entertainment stars (music etc) go into drugs and illness, to maintain that “look” of positivity that is simple a lie and a scam against life.

I commit myself to be real and stable in my body. I commit myself to that stable, directive, organized, structured and calm self that I know I can be – also at the same time daring to be a clown and a bit crazy and a colorful artist/myself.

 

These links are super – potent with the finest of support
– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

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Day 803 – communication

Opening up the word communication

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This word communication is rather interesting. First I would think to myself that it means  two different things. One is to talk or read and train ones cognitive ability as well as ones speaking and sounding. So one is the writing, reading, listening, sounding and speaking of text and words. Also It means to travel or move objects/people.  I can send a package from Oslo to Rome – and by that communicating between Oslo and Rome. A function operated by humans that are … agreeing to make so happen.

 

So it seem like there is this notion of  something to trade places. Object of substance that change location, either in physical (matter) reality or with information, energies and …words.

So two people that are talking, expressing with speaking and body language, are obviously communicating, but what is it that changes location/placement in such ? To  a very far degree I would say (today) that it is projections, energies, imaginations and pictures. To talk using metaphors. To use the mind and imagination. Which is in itself ok,  though it is not real. With real I mean physically, matter, here and solid. The usage of only metaphors often lead to much misunderstanding – within communication.

 

So this word is to me multiple in extent. By reading the time the buss arrives on a screen I am taking inn information and communication. With talking on the phone I communicate often through pictures and imagination, that is hidden or stored in the words that is used during the talk over the phone lines – from programming and energies within the being. Or talking to my neighbour while standing on the lawn, also using pictures more active using expression of my face and my hands and body to express, and then communicate. And if I ride with the buss between  location A and B, I communicate so.

 

So it is much to do with both expression, movement and transfer. When I during talk to my neighbor in the lawn, and I hold a hand at my hip, I am symbolizing something to my neighbor. If I start waving my arms I would maybe signalize that I am very stressed or angry. This is signals that my head/brain/mind sends to my arm (from unconscious or subconscious)  So then also there are signals and a program running in the back. I would place my hands on my hip, from having seen others do that before me, and learn that it means some sort of pride or firmness or stability. I would have known so from watching my parents, siblings, others, movies, etc. What is referred to as programming – which is massive. And the screen that lets me know of the information of the buss, is also a program, of a computer, like the human mind.

 

So this communication of mine, on programming, mind and computers lets us know that the essence of communication is centered and stored within the human. It has lots to do with expression and voicing of self, and how we are taught. And a very great deal about relationships. Who we are and how we express our selves to others.

 

So communication is quite a huge topic.  It seem that communication is mostly signals and electricity being passed from A to B, my brain/mind/programming telling myself to move my hands to my hip, or the driver of the buss physically moves the buss by operating the buss, systems, or the operator of the screen that holds the information of the buss is programming and typing in the info that the traveler needs. Or how I my fingers are told by signals to type in this very text.

 

So this is my initial awareness of the word communication.

Let’s look at it more creative and try to open up with the word itself.

 

common / – what is usual – what is normal practice,  I /- me the I person,  cation /- creation

/common creation (?)

Common also opens the door to the word communism

So let’s open that further

/come you what is on

/come on can I say some

/open mouth and say some

It is like something within us that needs to express, like something within us tells us to TALK lol… there is this cup, or water, pool, flowing over with info, and we need to talk and express. This overflow or need is often suppressed and denied within the human, this we know, and this suppression and denial of self needing to express, causes, misunderstandings and also conflict/illness that we see all around us. Again:  The usage of only metaphors/pictures of mind, often lead to much misunderstanding. It can be very subtle.

So we flow over with some energy /emotion, angst, fear, judging, blame, depression etc etc … we have a overload within us. And this is very problematic, this we know from our own experience and from watching the news.

So communication is much a human thing – or should I say lack of real communication is a human thing. Animals and plants live in expression, though you might say that a dog will communicate with you for sure. You might very well also say that your house plant communicate with you – though it is not the same as communicating with pictures and imaginations with your human friend/foe.

 

So what is real communication? Communication between humans are currently driven by metaphors, energies, emotion and pictures. It have been like this for some time. The more honest and genuine talk with words and expressions of matter is still not very common. To be physical, to be honest and real, not lost in imaginations, fantasy and mind drama. In other words, today mind is still governing much of the communication. Though this also ruins the communication because it is out of balance. To be able to talk from matter and life substance is not common today, though that is where we need to gain stability.  So to talk in pictures that means angst or depression or addictions, is  still communication – yes indeed.

I would however classify and arrange the figurative/picture (emotional) speaking, in a separate category of communication. A sort of sub-division. Of metaphoric, emotional, energetic/imaginative/channeling  speech.

 

So if we consider the design and appearance, of angst, depression, anger, desire, believes and fear (emotions) we see that the fact that this is prominent with our experience, and inn our communication it clutters up the message to a very far degree. It makes it rather chaotic and not very practical or comfortable at all, to give or receive information and sharing experiences/expressions.

Still my definition of communication is : Life in expression

 

Here is a interesting video on communication:

 

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

 

Thanks !

 

Day 791 – The personality game

What is the personality game ?

It is a game of learning self to know. To spot self as personalities and to notice the polarity within a personality.

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For instance….

I would have one personality with talking to my dad at home in the living room. In this situation I am playing a part in a known personality. There might be many, many points with this personality all based on how my relationship is with my father and how I experience such a communication, in mind, and being a physical.

This is a example of a first personality. Talking to dad in the living room.
Another example is the personality of talking to the cashier lady at the supermarket. Then in that situation I have another, different personality, than who I was talking to my dad. This personality would be based on my relationship to shopping perhaps, or that particular store, or according to other factors.

A third example is when I talk to a little girl in the kinder garden. Then I have yet another personality – that plays out according to my relation to the girl to where I am at in that moment etc.

From situation to situation I am not the same self ! …it is like I am not honest ! Can you see this ?

It would help to see the polarity within. Comparing self in the different environment could be assisting. Meaning the positive relations and the negative relations to the persona that is playing out. Meaning there are positive (feelings) that play out and there is also negative (emotions) also present. Here it is to be trained in being self honest. To call it for what it is. To say that this is such and such… to trust self to know what is positive polarity and what is negative. Remember to be honest – you are dealing with self. It is a deep going quest to learn about self. The ultimate ride… You learning to know you – through mind.

So we are seldom quite honest you could say, we are seldom the same, like one, or genuine, with how we live our lives. It is more like we live in a “prison/person/personality” – imprisoned in our mind by our own “sentences” and living. It is like we trick our self to live personalities that suit the mind. And most of the time not the physical or what is most practical or what is needed.

We all strive to be more honest, genuine and real. From the heart/physical you might say. So see for yourself if you can identify your personalities that play out during a day. See how many different you can spot within self. Write them out, it would help to forgive the energy addiction/polarity within, using self forgiveness. It is quite remarkable to be able to see ones personalities within oneness mind and to take charge of oneness living as such.

Enjoy learning about self and discover personalities of mind

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If you are curious about self-forgiveness – the best self help tool in town – please ask me !

 

Here is a awesome (!)  interview on polarity: https://eqafe.com/p/the-design-of-polarity

 

Day 768 – attracting to trouble

attraction to complications / a autism perspective

walking with schizophrenia

 

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two old friends a party a long time ago

 

So it is clear to me that I have lived a life so far with quite some mental challenges. The word and diagnosis  of “schizophrenia” is not defined right by society/doctors/practice. Today people with this sort of complications are told wrong things. They are not told what schizophrenia really is. It is easy to see this error, and also that it is coming from the establishment/western medicine that is in practical terms,  completely in reverse. I have done many posts, videos and blogs on this (schizophrenia). So If you would like to hear my take on it – please contact me or investigate.

I have lived a life with this (schizophrenia) type of autism all my life. I have grown into attracting trouble. I have 3 or sometimes 4 minds to deal with; I am informed.  Sometimes I see this monster within, a tree/four headed beast/troll that is the core of my schizophrenia. So I have lived and nurtured with this beast for a long time. Again it is all what I make of it and how I create myself. My burden can be that – a burden or I can strengthen it and make it something of support. Made possible from walking with self forgiveness and desteni.org

So it is quite natural for me to attract to trouble. Being drugs, sex or any type of  systems sabotage or uproar. I have been through it. It is  in my past now most of it, I quit most of my energy addictions very close to exactly 5 years ago. Today I have very little bothers of this nature. I can be more myself, stable, calm and rooted, yet allow myself to be wild, free and honest. You see, through working on self forgiveness consistent for 5 years, everyday bringing shit to surface and dealing with it forgiving it, taking it into me,  deleting it within – brings a new perspective on life.

My dealing with what is in my mind. I don’t leave it up to “God”, or any separate entity to take responsibility for this. No, this is all about me, myself taking 100 % responsibility. Though, I am not guilty of any crime what so ever. It was all and it still is : all programming and design of mind. I am guilty of nothing, so I should not judge myself either. It is all how mind is rigged…. how we live our lives. Are you aware how much mind is in control of your living ? For real ? It is a deep, deep rabbit-hole of self.  All the systems “out there” is a system of self – projected outwards.  The ultimate ride. To forgive self, to embrace, liberate and become one and equal.

 

We at desteni have been saying for years how it is all programs. It is all a huge mind fuck. Time to deal with that picture. So I have been attracting to commotion and bothers, by indentifying with it. Again : it is what I make of it, do I want to live with the burden or do I want to live with the support – I have that level of freedom to make such a decision today. I am at that point of creation. Trouble have been me. It is what I have lived for quite some years. Again I take 100 % responsibility for it and bring it all back to self to embrace and forgive. To delete the metaphysics.  The forgiveness part is important to understand  self and life.

 

If you try it out and talk about self forgiveness to self, in spoken words. You will see this very soon…. the real hero here is you. The physical is key. Are you ready for the challenge ?

Schizophrenia is not real the way it is taught today. It has  different origins and a different recipe than what schools and doctors tell us. I mean what the fuck … if we are to trust the establishment, then we trust the outcome, right ? What is the outcome of the current establishment and mind system ? In this world today there is,  war, child rape, murder, torture, pollution, pain and abuse….This goes to question our trust in systems… like wikipedia ? Or Harvard Doctors ? Your parents (?) or “same old same old patterns” ? The establishment ? They are systems that keep us at status Q … right ? Our very own thoughts and mind, that keep us locked in the “same old same old”  idea and hamster wheel. Can you see this ? It all origins at self, it is all, every tiny piece of it originated in the human mind experience.   I mean bring it back to self for real…  What is in your head ? Who is in your head ? … Who are you ? What is your dreams ? What is your purpose ? Why are you here ? What is your potential ? That is the kind of questions that have always been lost… but no, no, look at the circus and the energetic play of mind. What the fuck. Are you real or are you a zombie of mind ?

Are you letting the zombie mind rule your world ? What do you say about consciousness ? These are things that govern our living to the very core. These are our systems of death. Mind and consciousness. Mistaken for God. It is all in reverse. You see ? Free self from mind slaving with self forgiveness, this is the only way to become real.

 

Please listen to this video:

 

 

enjoy breathe

 

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

Day 767 – choice

If I can make that choice

Right now I have Michael Jackson in my head.. :

“I am looking at the man in the mirror…”

 

I am looking at me in the mirror, and In self honesty and integrity, I can see that there are things within myself that I can change. I am sure it is that way with you also. 100 % sure!

Thing is we all want a better world. We want a good life, peace and prosperity for all… right ? If that is not the case – then I would say that you are mentally ill, and many of us are, mentally ill without taking it into consideration. Such a shame.

 

That choice can be a turning point in self, like it is to me. We all have choices in our lives. We all have that something we can do for the greater good. We all can do more to assist self to a better living. We can listen to the common sense, what the body tells us – and to not listen to minds, energetic desires – that will always, always deceive us.

So if I can make that choice in my life maybe I can assist others on doing the same. My choice is about several things, but mostly it is me and my living where I am. It is about being more physical. It is also about writing more. I have been focusing on to do more physical work. Living on a farm there is always work to be done and my body very much enjoys the work. Though my mind will reject it from losing its grip on me and at the same time I also bring forth my being. And that is what this is about; to honor the physical and bring forth ones being and not give mind its space and attention. It is a big job and it may seem difficult, but consistent work and pushing self will carry through. To just do it and jump out of comfort zones and do the work, what needs to be done.

 

Because it s from honoring and caring for my physical and bringing forth my being, together with living words and self honesty that I can change, expand and evolve – be better myself.

Not giving mind attention and space.

And through writing I can understand, realize, forgive and direct myself.

 

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid physical work and to avoid taking part in it, making excuses that my body hurts and it is weary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses about my living to not have to go to work simply from fear of confronting my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see the reward in doing physical work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to jump out of my comfort zone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown.

 

I commit myself to be more consistent and also flexible with my physical like to do more yoga.

I commit myself to do more yoga.

I commit myself to write more and to expose and share more of my living.

 

 

 

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 617 – What makes a personality ?

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Within my register or should I say collection of personalities, that I have played out in my time, the personality individually differ from each other from what sort of platform/context they are placed within. The single personalities differ from each other taken into consideration what context and physical reality they are manifested within and who I am talking and acting together with.
 
It is like I have one personality while talking to my dad, another when talking to a child, a third personality talking to the supermarket cashier lady, and so on… Compounded matter created over time from communicating and acting.
 
I have different messages, different truths considering what people I am talking to. So having more personalities is in fact really dishonest. I can’t inn honesty (!) have one truth when I talk to my dad and a different truth when I talk to a child or a old school chum and so on…
 
There is in fact no truth, there is only denial of what is here.
 
So having different things to say to through different personalities is in fact dishonest and that is also a layer of how this word/world is stitched together, creating war and conflict from lies and corruption.
 
Change starts with self. The more you change self from acting and applications the more your reality will shape and be created.
 
If you do what is easy like it is hard, then what is hard will inn its turn, become easyBernard Poolman
Goal must to be come clean of personalities and be genuine and self honest in everything. Not having to really on personalities to tell one how to act/talk. It should come naturally here, as genuine expression.
 
It is like the mother or the father speaking with child-like-take-on-cartoon-voice to his or her child/toddler. Taking on fake voice is simply deceiving and lying, eventually hurtful to the child. Self honesty is needed at all times.
 
Different personalities is creating different effects. And what sort of effect do we want? Non – abusive effect that is best for all life. And self honesty does not abuse.
 
I recommend checking out this interview series on raising children:
 
 
Thanks for reading
v2-smog Living income
 
 
Have a self honest day!
 
(video on what is self honesty):