Tag Archives: reactive

Day 773 – Anger – why me

A few days ago I was facing some anger points at my doctors office. I was going to the doctor, for a appointment, to have my shot, and to talk about my medications. A regular thing.  I had made the mistake of creating expectations of how and what it was going to be like at the doctors.

 

At the doctor’s office the play outs where not what was established as expectations within me. First thing for me to react on was the radio in the waiting room. I was annoyed beyond, that it was on and it was broadcasting, playing, and I very much felt bothered by the radio there, that I would judge as not needed for at all. Like surface talk and cozy-talk and you know those talks on the radio that does not mean fuck all they just talk to try to give you a false sense of worth and moment. Man was that not right for me then. I was called in to my doctor, and I would shake his hand as customary.

 

Later I was also angry because I was not getting my point and my opinion through to my doctor or at least I felt like that, I felt misunderstood, beaten and battered. My expectations where crushed. Why do I keep making them ? On top of this my credit card did not work lol.. so I had to go to a ATM machine to withdraw and come back to pay after my appointment. It was a very upsetting experience all together. It was like little explosions and grim faces in my head, anger faces pictures and experiences in my head/mind.

 

Later when I was leaving the doctor’s office, and also looking back,  I would see more clearly how I was going into anger. I could like take a step back within, and look into myself being in anger, both in the moment and later, and I would ask myself why and am I so mad, this is not real, why, why…? Like the experience I had of being in anger was not real. Out of the body experience and witnessing myself inn reactions from without as it was playing out. Seeing how I hurt myself with anger, like a movie, a very strange experience, feeling helpless then in the moment but soon starting to forgive the experience as I left the office and headed home.  So my mind played me for a fool and I was upset up by my suppressed fear. It was not pleasant – and it was not real.

So my whole going to the doctor experience was very unpleasant and rather sad all summoned  together. I know that anger has its origin in fear, and I would have this particular fear of being left out of the cool crowd since I take my medications. Anger has its root in fear and it is really fear being energized and pushed and channeled. If you truly want to understand anger the links below are priceless.

Luckily I know that there is lots of support on eqafe.com for anger. There is a in particular a specific self forgiveness file with words to read to self or to be read for. I recommend that one. If you purchase this product there is two items for you to download, a written paper to read and a sound file to listen to. If you get this product I can recommend to read the self forgiveness sentences loud to self – to play with sounding the words. And also to just relax – lay down on a sofa and be with your body while listening to the self forgiveness spoken.

 

Also … just go to the search bar in eqafe.com and write in whatever thing that weigh  in on your heart.  It is worth to check out and it have assisted me greatly though the years.

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this is also one of the many products about anger on eqafe.com:

https://eqafe.com/p/why-does-anger-exist-atlanteans-support-part-72

 

Enjoy  eqafe.com and enjoy breathe

 

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

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