Tag Archives: physical

Day 776 – spite and backchats of mind

spite

Spite : thinking of the fizzy drink “sprite”, when you in your aunt’s wedding, had 3 glasses of coke, you could balance it out in your secret mind /polarity games with a glass of sprite. Making it even to self, inn childish mind games. lol.. I have been living with lots of such mind games.

Spite is, on the other hand, a thing far from the fizzy drink. The health and living damage – differences and similarities, of spite and sprite, is worthy of books and PHD’s  and education.

Spite is that “something is fucked up – so I spit at whatever”, spite is like a judgment and a anger act. Taking a piss at something in “spite” and anger.

The last couple of days I have been having backchats in my mind/head, like these what shall I say, judging and critical thoughts and projections about other beings. It is not nice and it just makes me sad and scared to experience the old backchat dimension of my mind. I had sort of parked that and  thought (!) to myself well no more backchats for me; huh ! So my nature strikes back with backchats in spite.  Judging and bullying words about my fellow man. Not a cool thing to experience at all.

It was happening today when I was talking to “Hans”.  And we were talking about a chore or something, and then suddenly, a voice/backchat appears in my head, saying “You fucking’s retard”  or something similar to that. It just came up in my head from nowhere. I mean it is like the words from “Trailer park boys” or “South – Park” or “Beavis and Butt-head” – kind of talking and you might say programming of mine. And it would play out just like a sneaking energy within my mind, creeping in on me like Loke, shapeshifting  in the mythology. And it would almost tip me of my chair, I was so disturbed. And the mechanics and design of it was old machinery and programs running deep in my mind on polarity and its energies. So a solution would be to avoid the mind dimension, and focus on the body/physical what is here. Mind/head is just imaginations and energies. Physical is here and living – breathing.

So I will work on self forgiveness, on this spiteful backchat episode. Enjoy :

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for failing to see the leak within my mind, that would spill like oil into the waters of my being,  polluting my insides with backchats like being mean and cold hearted to Hans, within backchats in my head/mind, and within this I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for taking part in this backchat in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face these programs of spite and “fuck all” character that would bloom within me, and that I should simply interrupt and delete the thought/character/backchat by focusing on my breathe and at the same time grounding myself, where I look back and I judge myself for not paying enough attention to myself and my leak or poison within mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to instead of brushing of the backchats and sort of neutralizing it, and removing it from myself with breathe, I was rather shocked and scared – and in that giving the energy/spite more power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless in facing spite and backchats.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own inside.

I realize one of the ways to not let spite and backchats win my attention is to not give it that – attention, by not being focused on my head/mind with the programs – but rather my body and physical else. Also to change myself and not be manipulative and to try to control the given situation. Be more flexible – that is what I am looking for within this.

Here (below) is a  life review, a review of the life, of someone who have walked a life with a spiteful mind, that has died and is sharing their story through the interdimensional portal. How does spiteful thoughts emerge, what are the programing that makes us go into spite ? How to stop going into spiteful and manipulative thinking ? The psychology of how spite is built up within mind.

It explains here the experience a being had walking with spite. The games we play with manipulation and spite, always wanting things my way, trying to control a situation. How do we change from spite ?

Check it out:

https://eqafe.com/p/stop-your-spiteful-thoughts-life-review

Here is another interview from eqafe about spite:

The core creation of spite within the human experience. What are the relationships  within the process of spite in the physical and the mind etc…

Really interesting and deep going stuff, about the detailed metaphysics of man and spite. This one really strikes the core of it:

https://eqafe.com/p/spite-introduction-atlanteans-part-174

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Thanks for reading – enjoy breathe !

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

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Day 769 – Camphill living

Perspective on living in a ecological farm

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cows out to grass

Camphill villages is ecologically driven villages and farms and communities that is suited and designed to people with disabilities and needs, who don’t usually fit into the larger hectic/capitalistic society/system. Personally I am diagnosed with schizophrenia.

My camphill life is structured so I can work my way through my schizophrenia with walking with the tools of desteni.org

I just realized that from me living on a ecological, camphill farm and village it gives me the opportunity to have structure. HUH ! We all need some sort of structure and organizing to function optionally. To me structure is like a pattern of organizing – it gives me a sense of control in my living. And after that freedom within the application/task !

I live in a camphil village in the south west of Norway. I have lived here since 01.07.2016. Let me tell you that life here is truly swell. Now there are so many different ways to be living life here on this earth and I would say I am truly grateful for living where I am and under these conditions that is present.

It gives me routines and structure. I provides me with cultural and spiritual/emotional insight. It serves me the best and healthiest of food. It grounds me with good work for the body. It gives me inspiring and touching and dear talks and interactions. It provides me with very dear friendship and colleges and hugs, and it is a international touch to it with people here from all corners of the world.

Life here is season based. And there are things like Bible study groups and practice of Christian tradition. This is of course voluntary if ones chooses to participate or not. I find the Bible study group very interesting – I get to share my insights and perspective from this important historical script.

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me after a days work

Now in the spring I can walk outside and pick my food of herbs from the garden. I can go swim in the fjord or in a freshwater stream, and enjoy a talk, a flower, a goat  … on my way to do so.

There are currently goats, sheep, cows, chicken, birds, bees, and cats here. They provide me with honesty, insight , groundednes, stability,  and realness, awareness and strength – besides the meat, milk, honey and eggs that is also on my plate.

We are very sufficient with dairy products, meat, some herbs, some fruits, berries and also a lot of vegetables.  This awareness is awesome and it brings up gratefulness and humbleness within me.

Camphill living with interacting with animals is very therapeutic. A goat will “tell” you straight. The animals, are honest and real, they are not mind based like us humans.   They don’t have our obsessive thinking, so they are more stabile and here, firm, grounded, sound as physical and natural. Something I know that we humans must learn sooner or later…

Being able to go out and pet a cow or a sheep or talk to the chickens is just medicine ! Very rejuvenating and real! I am very grateful for that presence in my living. It makes me more honest, and alive, like colourful and expressive.

 

One can even go as far as to say that this planet should be for animals and nature only, and not for humans. If we look at how humans treat nature, other humans, animals and so on… it makes sense. Which means that we (humans) must change… or we are doomed. There is no other way.

 

I am grateful for my living in this camphill. Some of the traditions is maybe not of my liking, but there is room to discuss and debate most things. The antroposofic way is known to be a alternative way of living in Norway. Most of it is very cool and down to earth. Either way we can debate practice and reach common ground. The environment  and the ecological policy is very appealing to me and I would imagine to all people. The camphill way is by all means a way for the future.  I don’t agree to some of the Christian/religious traditions, but we can work through it and come to agreements.

The way of living is simple, and structured and rich. I recommend to find a camphill near you, and become friends with them, visit them and test it out. There are camphill villages mostly in Western Europe, North America, but also in Russia, South – Africa and India.

Enjoy your investigation of camphill !

http://camphill.net/

beesanddandillion

Day 767 – choice

If I can make that choice

Right now I have Michael Jackson in my head.. :

“I am looking at the man in the mirror…”

 

I am looking at me in the mirror, and In self honesty and integrity, I can see that there are things within myself that I can change. I am sure it is that way with you also. 100 % sure!

Thing is we all want a better world. We want a good life, peace and prosperity for all… right ? If that is not the case – then I would say that you are mentally ill, and many of us are, mentally ill without taking it into consideration. Such a shame.

 

That choice can be a turning point in self, like it is to me. We all have choices in our lives. We all have that something we can do for the greater good. We all can do more to assist self to a better living. We can listen to the common sense, what the body tells us – and to not listen to minds, energetic desires – that will always, always deceive us.

So if I can make that choice in my life maybe I can assist others on doing the same. My choice is about several things, but mostly it is me and my living where I am. It is about being more physical. It is also about writing more. I have been focusing on to do more physical work. Living on a farm there is always work to be done and my body very much enjoys the work. Though my mind will reject it from losing its grip on me and at the same time I also bring forth my being. And that is what this is about; to honor the physical and bring forth ones being and not give mind its space and attention. It is a big job and it may seem difficult, but consistent work and pushing self will carry through. To just do it and jump out of comfort zones and do the work, what needs to be done.

 

Because it s from honoring and caring for my physical and bringing forth my being, together with living words and self honesty that I can change, expand and evolve – be better myself.

Not giving mind attention and space.

And through writing I can understand, realize, forgive and direct myself.

 

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid physical work and to avoid taking part in it, making excuses that my body hurts and it is weary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses about my living to not have to go to work simply from fear of confronting my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see the reward in doing physical work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to jump out of my comfort zone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown.

 

I commit myself to be more consistent and also flexible with my physical like to do more yoga.

I commit myself to do more yoga.

I commit myself to write more and to expose and share more of my living.

 

 

 

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 763 – physical aware

How I am more physical aware than before

The basics of my physical awareness living

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I am more physical by focusing on my breathe. First point, 24/7 breathe awareness. Then bring everything together with that breathe, and be one and equal to everything. HAH ! That is a challenge of a life time lol.. so it is a purpose higher than myself – it is still good. I mean look, the way we treat each other and this mother earth, we need something that is greater than our self to reach for. Not like a believe, but practical for the body/physical,  so… equality and oneness is the perfect match. Codes of life.

So breathing in awareness. Inn and out. I breathe inn; I embrace what is here, I breathe out I express myself.

Then, from long time practicing self forgiveness/embracing self completely, once reaching that state of not being in separation, being here, not feeding the thought/paranoia/mind.

The thought and the mind is what keeps this old slavery system/matrix/mind together. You see, I have been searching high and low for “the secret” – seeking outside, failing to see that I in  the flesh/physical is the key. I as the physical is the very key here. To bring equality and oneness (heaven) to earth.  To balance a awareness with my physical with living words is a cool way to treat self. When I do that I live in physical energy, energy of the body, like solid, firm, not signals/lights  in mind/head. But a rather calm, comfortable, warm, yet chill kind of sense. Really cool to experience.

Today I started a yoga practice. I will do this for some time to see what are my effect. But I must say that it is very important to be able to let go of thoughts and thinking of the old mind. I will always carry my mind in this life, but I don’t want to slave to it for energies/eternity. It does not have to be prominent like with consciousness.

So I breathe and ground myself in breathe awareness, find grounding my physical and balance it all with living and redefining words and self honesty.

When I work out my physical it is the same, though a more prominent focus on self honesty. Like digging dirt, I stay focused on my body in full self honesty. And sort of break it off with living words as well as with breathe awareness.  Without pictures of boobs, buts, beers, cars, weed, whatever pictures or any particular energy that I would slave to mind with. But saying fuck of to energies/emotions sneaking inn on me. Telling my mind to fuck off: I am working with my body atm.  Don’t give mind space/energies. Not with anger/fear but in self direction. Be self in charge from the physical. Calm, directed and honest.

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sweaty from farm work

I can learn to use my mind if I need it but I will not give it free range: no more.

It is a cool job. It works, I am living proof.

Enjoy breathe

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picture of me and my friend Sunette,  desteni europa meeting, Brussel 2017

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 738 – expansion

to me the word :

 

expansion/expanding

 

 

ex  – pan – yes –  I –  am  (former religious; now I am )

 

First I took on this word  like a very external point thinking now I get to reach out there and make people aware of shit, like I have superpowers lol

 

Then I saw that was more unrealistic, and  I stepped back for a bit reconsidered my standing. I took a breathe…. focus on my body, lungs, heart (deep into heart) intestine, and the different organs. And there it was…. I started to see like some have mentioned before, that I have the whole universe inside myself… I am full of magic and creation. I carry all the dimensions within me , here, in the physical. So I started to slow down, focus on my breathe as usual, and I could see into myself intimacy / into me I see,  that there is ….lol almost like seeing life in itself playing out with me directing it, on my inside, it is like the ultimate discovery, with how I treat my body.

 

so to me self expansion is about how I treat my body, my skin, my heart, my intestine, me feet, and everything within off me.

 

self expanding is a point of perfecting the within so  that … later when people are in their lives and process ready (all in its time) can see that – “oh, tormod did it … that means so can I”,  “he have walked this, now I can do it also”

 

 

It is nooooo good if I were to push myself and my process onto others… does  not work like that. Force is not the way to go.  I have to change myself to focus on me and not on other people. I have to come to terms with: that I can’t change other people they have to see this for them self.

 

There for it is important for me to … more or less perfect my inside and to treat my body with care, and consideration, and to listen to it and give it support. That is how I strive to live at the moment.

 

It is a inside job, like inspiration, creation, and remember; that your health is your wealth.

 

 

Self forgiveness:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to baldly and forceful would try to force people to see and experience reality/awareness/process and to try to wake people up from abusing this word expansion were my intention was good, but my way to get there was wrong and I had to face this suppressed force or authority within that I see is a point for me to deal with.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to for not until after having caused impact and consequences seeing that what I did was wrong and I should know from my own experience that coercion and force is no good it must come from within/ as one self.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not until now see the importance of a independent and expanding self within, to then be 100% sure of what one is doing is what is best for all –  and to confirm to oneself that oneness process and expanding is on the right track.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see how very important it is to honor my physical with food, exercise and massages etc, and to learn to listen to my body and hear it out for what it has to say, and how I can learn from it.

I commit myself to take my body serious, and to develop a safe and sound relationship with it.

 

 

 

http://wiki.destonians.com/Self-Forgiveness

 

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Day 701 : Day 8 : Freedom

Day 701 : Day 8 : Freedom

 

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Day 8 of 21 days of walking with self forgiveness

 

I will take on the challenge from my brother : Gian Robberts on walking a 21 day trial of (only/daily) self forgiveness on points. I will walk these points of self forgiveness for self/world change during 21 days.

 

Here is Gain’s Blog :

http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.no

21 days of self forgiveness on key points.

The points will be that kind of relevant points as of this world and our living.

Money, sex, politics, work, religion, mind  and so on.

 

Day 8: Freedom

 

Please read loud for best effect

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I know what freedom is and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that I don’t know what freedom is since I have not experienced it yet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I lack to define “freedom” to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that freedom is to not have schizophrenia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that extreme sport is a point of freedom in anyway, or that to push oneself over limits can be liberating, but still one is surrounded by mind and psychology non the less.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that freedom can be a bad or painful experience as in breaking a leg during play / seeking freedom and hurting self emotionally within exploring social life or challenges and aiming for freedom.

 

more on the dare – devil topic  here

 

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  think that freedom belongs to one specific political idea/side/wing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to long for freedom within liberating myself from mind, thoughts and energies, and that here lies the greatest challenge to humans as of yet, to conquer self as of being directive principle – self and not be directed and driven by mind/separation and ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider self honesty as a  principle of freedom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider money as a point of where freedom can be applied equality to all humans.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider some American or else .. politicians to be leaders of freedom – when they are almost all simply actors and projected abusers of self, and that this self is the ultimate key to freedom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear freedom as of fearing the pain within change into more freedom, that is very often a physical painful experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach to words to the word: freedom like to worship “the American freedom” – which is a illusion – or “religious freedom” which is a lie – and so on it is yet to discover…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider freedom as a undiscovered beauty to all human beings discovered with the tool of self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that freedom is to be nude.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other peoples idea of freedom like freedom to carry a gun or to bash and troll/bully others in thoughts, words and deeds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that the ultimate bully is self onto self and so the ultimate secret/yet to discover is freedom from mind/thoughts/energies – to have a sense of being free within ones physical/temple.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad and sorry when I see soldiers or so called rainbow warriors who are fighting “the good cause”, and that are “freedom fighters” – all wrapped in the life of money/control/ego/etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that some people have very, very specific/possessive ideas of freedom and liberty – pointing at the constitution or a law system or a religion, that was put in place with rivers of blood – and so  we see it going on also today creating consequences from what foundation it was established.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to talk of freedom as I fear to not predict what will be said.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel despise of the idea of having lots of money and 5 cars and 3 houses etc… as a image or direction of “having freedom”, when it is all ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine I know something about freedom from looking at the birds or a the bees or the trees.. and thinking that sort of awareness and life style(?) is how life should be for us equally.

Freedom is a incredible and deeply individual issue on many levels. To me it is about gaining freedom/space from psychology and daily drama of mind – and to breathe – free and be physical and not in meta – physical.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge some thinkers and some of the people who is main stream culture and media is more “respected” and “appreciated” than others, where their voice is heard, in the main stream media, and I keep reminding myself that painful truth of how it all is hidden in plain sight and that either Socrates, Jesus or Bernard Poolman was popular with the establishment/system/mainstream, and I sense a gentle relief from not giving in not compromising and simply standing my ground because the “rules of the game” or the metaphysical existence have been changed and altered in favor of life on earth. I life.

 

oneness and equality is freedom & peace for all*

 

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painting by me

 

Thanks !

 

 

 

 

 

Day 697 – Day 4 : Angst/anxiety

Day 697 : Day 4 : Angst/anxiety

 

index

 

Day 4 of 21 days of walking with self forgiveness

 

I will take on the challenge from my brother : Gian Robberts on walking a 21 day trial of (only/daily) self forgiveness on points. I will walk these points of self forgiveness for self/world change during 21 days.

 

Here is Gain’s Blog :

http://gianjourneytolife.blogspot.no

21 days of self forgiveness on key points.

The points will be that kind of relevant points as of this world and our living.

Money, sex, politics, work, religion, mind  and so on.

 

Day 4: Angst/anxiety

 

Please read loud for best effect

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the angst of feeling in sufficient and small/little, thinking I will fail in whatever I do, giving into the backchats within my head that is telling me that I am a failure and I am weak I am not cool, etc making  my days harder and compromising myself from my backchats into believes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I give into angst simply from not moving and using my body enough and having these energy buildups in my body that I see is angst and how I then see that angst is real and also very physical.

 

Angst/anxiety is very physical and physical work out/gym and massages is a very good medicine.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build existential angst from fearing to lose myself, fearing to not see myself and to not live myself as I should or I like to see intended.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for spotting angst in others and at the same time taking it on as my own – thinking I am curing other peoples angst but simply overcoming some symptoms.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to fear to end up in angst.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to fear other peoples angst as it becomes my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to think that angst is just a bundle of pain and nothing else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to think I am done with angst.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to judge people with angst as less structured and organized, since angst is a symptom that builds over time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to develop angst in certain activities and in certain groupings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to develop angst when it is expected of me to perform.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop angst in certain situations and with certain conditions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to  ……(please go on with your experience)

 

Thanks