Tag Archives: path

Day 748 – Jesus was a demon

Here is my video talk and perspective on Jesus and who he was. Also some deep realizations about myself and life; enjoy !



also check out Gian and Joe talking on desteni radio / and further links within so

also check out eqafe series on crucifixion of jesus

Thanks !


Day 668 – reaction

For a long time I have wanted to write out about reactions. Here goes:

Current allocation:

I would think of muscle reactions, like to pull my arm to myself from fear within petting a animal. Like to reach out one hand and the pulling it back out of fear. Or a psychological reaction within my mind. A thought, or a backchat within my head/mind. It could be a chemical reaction, or a movement.

How do you spot mental reactions ? It is friction, movement, fear, sparkles going off within you. Like warning signs.


reaction (dictionary definition)

  1. a reverse movement or tendency; an action in a reverse direction or manner.
  2. movement in the direction of political conservatism or extreme rightism.
  3. action in response to some influence, event, etc.:

the nation’s reaction to the president’s speech.

  1. Physiology. action in response to a stimulus, as of the system or of a nerve, muscle, etc.
  2. Medicine/Medical.
  1. the action caused by the resistance to another action.
  2. a return to the opposite physical condition, as after shock, exhaustion, or chill.
  1. Bacteriology, Immunology. the specific cellular response to foreign matter, as in testing for allergies.
  2. Chemistry. the reciprocal action of chemical agents upon each other; chemical change.



“action in resistance or response to another action or power,” 1610s, from re- “again, anew” + action (q.v.). Modeled on French réaction, older Italian reattione, from Medieval Latin reactionem (nominative reactio), noun of action formed in Late Latin from past participle stem of Latin reagere “react,” from re- “back” + agere “to do, act” (see act (v.))



What are reactions ? What does reactions do to us ? How can we prevent reactions ? The reactions I mention here, is mostly psychological and related to the human psyche.

A reaction is like to experience of friction, and noise within when someone says something that triggers you. You are inn “reaction”. Reaction leads to further friction, noise, pain of the physical.

Reactions can be fear or anger or spite, blame, guilt, backchats of mind and so on. Reactions is like the start of a train of thoughts, or metaphysical reactions in the head/mind. Reactions is the first sign of a road to psychosis/possession.

Let’s say I am sitting at cafe with friends, and we are talking about things that interest us, and we are enjoying our self. All of a sudden one person tells me ” You are a idiot”. Just like that. I would most likely go into reaction and frictions within. Within my mind and my physical/metaphysical. I would probably go into anger and stress, feeling all insulted, and I would be angry or annoyed at this person. I would feel intimidated. That is a typical reaction. Someone stepping on your toes. Where you are taking things personal. It is not a cool thing to go into reaction, it is confusing and filed with thoughts/noise and it is in general a painful experience. Reacting is not a cool experience.

Looking at the word it is are occurring action. Something that one does on repeat, or over again or in reverse. Something is being done over again or on repeat, it is being done in spite of plan/best for all.


I live with schizophrenia, and I experience reactions quite often. I can feel like someone is stepping on my toes even though they do not mean to. I can experience feeling insulted and hurt, from taking things personal, from the design of my schizophrenia, where I see that I am more sensitive than others.


Carrying my schizophrenia makes me more sensitive to reactions, and my path from reaction to psychosis/possession can be waaaay shorter and quicker in escalating than other peoples psychology and mental experiences. Reactions within mind is simply sickness. Early signs of separation from path/plan.


Reaction is like a start of metaphysical pain and noise. Psychology, emotions anger and literally: sickness and possessions. What we all want is to have a balanced, nice, good, gentle life and living. Without too many “surprises”. We want to be able to predict, plan, be flexible, to empower from peace, balance within, and to have comfort. We want safety, peace and harmony within our self and our lives.

How do we avoid reactions ? Well that question have a lot of different answers. It is all about finding something that suits you. To avoid reaction I would say one have to investigate oneness past and to embrace/forgive ones old memories so one does not step in the same old patterns or reactions again and again. Embracing self is key, self forgiveness is key. Finding balance in physical is key. Yoga and meditation, eating right, can get you quite far. Still I would say you need to be free from “the hook of the past”. Those hooks can drag you down misery train when you least expect it. And this is definitely the era of consequences where such “hooks” can grab you, if you do not have standing in all your past and present. To avoid reactions is to have a go at the patterns that lead to reactions.


Sounding of the word:

read cash in

pay one more time

redeem and putt in

redeem and place in

no action

new axe inn

ax – en (the axe)

dagsrevyen (Norwegian news hour on TV)

the taxing

read taxi

read tax sin


tuxedo in

tuck me inn

ride the dachs




Polarity of word

negative: this is a word with overall negative polarity to me. I don’t like reactions and I want to avoid reactions.


Positive: I first end up in reactions I would like to empower from that reaction, into a more solid and grounded being. I would like to learn from my reaction and better myself and correct myself.


Self forgiveness:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am excused to have more reactions from how my mind is designed, and for thinking I can allow myself further reactions simply because of how I have schizophrenia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am excused to have reactions because of my diagnosis, of schizophrenia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to confront myself in reactions out of fear what I might find.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to take responsibility for my life out of fear of what I might find that I don’t like and there for go into reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face people that might cause a reaction within me.


New definition:

Reaction is that sparkle of energies, friction/firecrackers going of trying to create series of events within separation, like progressive happening/change. Reaction is the start of separation. Reaction is opposing plan/path/virtue.



Day 625 – Self honesty and process


Know this: everything has a particular design. All words have particular design. Figuring out what is self honesty can be both complicated and stressful.


Figuring out the details of what particular design self honesty is carrying can be quite complicated. To my awareness self honesty is helping me stay sharp, on point and it make my being also less noisy. What does this mean ? It means that self honesty per design is a type of tool that can be both frightening and sharp. It means that when I carry self honesty my time is more with ease. There is less noise in my head. Self honesty is one of the most perfected designs and medications, there is because self honesty does not allow any abuse. When you are 100 % honest you would not abuse. This is one of the very most important corner stone’s of holism and rules, like the golden rule.


When you hold a self honest perspective you will not do abuse. What is this world coming to ? Where are we going ? I can say for sure, that we are all going to stop. Inevitable we are going to become self responsible and self honest with our self. Eventually. This world need to stop. Stop the separation of thoughts and mind. Thoughts are separation of self. Thoughts and thinking is self sabotage. On a micro scale. So within so without. What I carry within myself is also reflects without of myself.

I realizes something important within writing this and that is to be consistent. Consistent within my process. Consistency of path and directive principle. Directive principle is interesting. It is like self communication. Talk to self. We humans talk a lot. And lots of it is simply blabbering, nonsense and worse…. hurtful, gossip etc.. I commit myself to only speak when I have something valid to say. When there is commonsense to what I am saying. What is supportive. I commit myself to not speak when there is nothing supportive or common sensible to talk about.

Self honesty is the perfect drug. Learn it by heart. Seek and you will find.

check out this video:


I commit myself to live in self honesty and in responsibility within all that I am.

Day 604 – Self righteous personality

Please check out these interviews for a better understanding of self righteousness:




I realize I have been living a self righteous personality. It plays out positive, like I serve myself thoughts of: “I am glad or proud to be on the right political path” and “I feel god for having a stand that is best and superior”, and “nothing else matters really”. It is like my way or the highway. It plays out positive with how I see myself indulging in these thoughts of being right of being correct to my own opinion. Boosting myself on ego/superiority.

Negatively, the personality plays of like what if thought, what if the skies fall down, what if my politics fail ? What if I am wrong ? What if I am robed or get seriously sick ? It plays out like “What if” something negative should happen that I would not predict or want. Like “What if thoughts” within my head. Like I am walking on broken glass. Broken self trust.

Check out this cool interview on “what if” thoughts:



What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative – as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath.

– June Roca


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think within my personality of self righteousness that I am “on a right path”, or “this path or method I a walking and witnessing, is right and the best” and “it feels god to know I am on the right/correct path”, where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the ego and selfish desires, of thinking I am superior and right and that others would be on a wrong path/idea.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate and divide, like divided and conquer, method, into different isms and political ideas – that is simply separating and not what is genuine best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to serve myself thoughts such as : I am glad I am on a right path thinking I have a ism or a politic thought that is supposedly more correct than other – isms and solutions/politics and that one direction is supposedly better than the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel this need to bash out and to claim I am right and others are wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that libertarian, conservatism,   socialism, communism or anarchism is better than other isms or typical stands and solutions, where I fail to see that it is the actual politic and action, deeds that maters it is the actual deed that is done that matters not the ism, not at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to defend my position of being on a right path to others that I would find challenging where I would feel threatened from my stand and I would feel like I had to fight to defend my path and my opinion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I fail to realize that I have been living that ancient game of putting the one ism in combating the other ism and so war is born within me out of the polarity game.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I can rise above the polarity game because I am on the right path being a specific ism and direction that is supposedly better or more genuine superior to other isms and political thoughts and directions/ideas.

When and as I see myself falling for the thought of being on the right path or having the right idea, or in any way act righteous within my life and living, I stop myself, I slow myself down and I breathe. I realize that when I am self righteous I am excluding other possibilities and other political ideas that might be the better solution. I realize that being self righteous is closing lots of other solutions to a issue. I commit myself to keep a open mind and to not block out ideas and thoughts that might be a solution. I commit myself to investigate all solutions and all perspectives. I commit myself to be open to new ideas. I commit myself to search for solutions and to promote the best solutions.

Thank you