Tag Archives: learning

Day 782 – expanding in the life process

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Looking at my current living, where I am, and my livelihood, and how I more or less creative and in consideration define myself to be, I would like to just elaborate on my current process and status. For many years I have defined myself as and within the stigmatizing ground of psychiatry, addictions, and mental illness. I have come to realize that we all, every single fart included of humankind are more or less mentally suffering, being of mind. Stating that I do not close myself into being only psychiatry or that ballpark anyway. How do I define myself today and within walking my process of total change into something more something better and supportive, something of real matter ? It is right there in front of me, like this impression of nature and of detail, and stability, because what am I doing ? I am expanding, including, uniting and cooperating. I discover, reveal and I heal. I learn and I grow. More than anything else. I discover myself, I close down my believes, my fears and my reactions and addictions, by uniting with its origin and life, structure of me is becoming one with the self, and with all that is me.

 

Within here is stored mega bytes of self forgiveness and persistent walking of my process, embracing self as life and uniting, and even creating more of me, what is discovering of my own expression – my living. I find myself more and more in equilibrium with not only nature as I see it, but me, self as life force, and will to live. I more than ever before,  would like to live till I am over 100 years old lol. There is so much I would like to participate with and further create.

 

Today more than ever before, I realize my standing and creative ability and life force. My will to go on with projects, chores, responsibility, daring to be a bit of a “clown” perhaps and taking on new challenges in common sense and self awareness. Many have said this before me that it is the nucleus cell and being of ordinary people, that will eventually change this world – because we change: ourselves, our ingrained patterns and behaviors,  first and become one and equal – physical, responsible as being and life force in where we are.

So for me at the moment it is about nurturing myself within slowing down and taking one breathe at the time, to really get this point of expanding and not falling into old destructive patterns of mind.

Today I notice such a simple thing as not daring to ask for a hug, and to embrace self completely, as another, would sort of bring me down, and I know that I could “take on a clown suit” and simply ask bluntly for a hug – and I would be granted so.

Time to embrace the clown from within huh ? To nurture and grow as a playful clown – myself. To rediscover play (and fun) in my daily life.

So in a way it is also about daring and taking that initiative. Being brave sort of. So that I can continue to walk and make progress and learn as I go. Grounding is perhaps a word I am seeking for.

Either way I am proud of who I am today, I have a level of integrity and self respect. I am someone new at the same time reborn as self in the physical. I live to suit the support of life and to expand myself on all areas of progressing and sustainable creation.

Realizing just now, sitting here typing in front of my screen, that, I have had a long history of being for instance dyslectic. I have still difficulties with writing  by hand – and reading it later. School was not my thing lol. But I will not blame the system – because the system is me. I created it. Together with for instance you. So it is a process of uniting, embracing and forgiving, bringing back to self all parts that I has separated myself from and made into mind fucks and loops, recycling the mind junk. Today I embrace it and bring it back to me- to oneness and equality.

 

Thanks for reading !

 

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 751 – learning to let it be

Conflict  – learn to let it be

conflict

 

 

 

I just experienced  a deep rooted conflict with another villager here where I live. This person is often acting out in possessions (psychosis) over small thing and has a hard time with facing new things and new routines. There was just now a big commotion in the kitchen, where I was pushing her buttons and trying to force through what was common sense, but what was not cool, with this other villager.

She went into possession and I went numb, scared and confused. But I kept of pushing  for common sense while I should have just let it be, and found something else to do. This is a returning pattern with me how I keep pushing common sense/my solutions on to XX – who does not like new things.

I am reminded by how I acted with my younger sisters (20 – 30 years ago) where I would  bully them and tease then until they reacted, and then I would give them a beating.  It makes me cry how hard I seam, and how I simply can’t find it within me to let things be.

My solutions are obviously too much for this person to handle so I should just let it be. But I don’t like to isolate her or me from anything, so it is a delicate task. I get so dragged into her energies/psychosis  that I lose control of myself within it.

The funny thing is that it escalated from nothing at all, all of a sudden there is a volcano in the kitchen. And I can’t help myself by being dragged into it and reacting with it.

If I can learn and practice to let things be and not bother with more to the fire, then I am taking a step to stabilize my world and my living, it all has an effect. It is a start to me to learn and evolve within a more peaceful living.

 

 

Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push the buttons of XX so that she would burst into a full possession.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to being dragged into the energies/psychosis/personalities of XX and how I could not avoid trying to push common sense  and my solution onto XX.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my way is the right way when that is obviously is not so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel suspicious and uncertain about XX, fearing that one day she will snap, and stab me with a knife.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel totally handicapped and lost when It comes to dealing with XX.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior to XX.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless to XX.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose myself in backchats about XX.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what XX could do to me if I was unaware.

 

I commit to bring all this back to myself and within so face my own creation.

I commit myself to more let XX be and not bother her at all.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog !

links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

 

Day 749 – Becoming more of me – expanding through living words

Tormod

my beingness signature drawing

 

 

Becoming more of me – expanding through living words.

Rediscover writing and redefining living words.

How to push through limiting believes about self, empower, learn and expand.

 

I have come to believe that I am lazy and bored, slightly depressed, and that is how my schizophrenic life should be like. A believe. That have become the result of how I defined the words, organized,  structured, symmetrical, and also colorful. I have been pushing this notion or idea that I can’t write any longer. My writing skills are apparently gone, or that I have written it all out already. That I am done and my process is complete. Like I have now transcended into the skies and there is nothing more to write about lol.

 

This is a typical believe of limitations. My definition of the word organized (and the other words) was simply not the “right” definition. It was not what is best for all. It left me bored and dull… slightly depressed –  and that is something specific for me to learn from. What within my definition of these words was so wrong that it led me to boredom/lazy/depression ?

So my thinking and limiting believes have been; “I am done”, “It is complete”, “I don’t want to bother no more”, “I have done my share” – ending up within my definition of these words – as a lazy bum. Boredom and depression as backchats within my mind – creating the limiting believes.

 

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picture i did

 

So from here I must rise up and find a purpose for myself  – by redefining these words – again – and expand within so. And by exactly using these words (organized, structured, symmetrical, colorful) within this process of organizing/rising up. Taking in organized to my “within” taking it in to direct my emotions and my thoughts. How the fuck does one take in a word to direct one emotions and thoughts ? lolol

It is as simple as it is hard. First one must understand the basics of mind and energies and thinking. I would strongly recommend to  investigate to learn such in depth and understanding, through the platform of desteni.

My emotions usually rise from my solar plexus, and from there up into the system of me/mind/system. So I take in the word organized to live within, and to direct my thoughts and my emotions to something better than the usually programming/system. How can I adjust myself, to take direction of my emotions and my thinking ? I know a thing or two on how energies work in the body and in the mind. So if I can make my definition of these words a more specific one, so that these words could help me sort out my ; emotions and thinking.

 

A very specific thing here is to see that believes are so very limiting of our being. Believes that are created from backchats. ” I believe that my life must be dull and grey – from old habit” – and so on. I made a believe that my writing skills had vaporized or that I had changed so much there was  nothing more for me to write on. Like I was too good for it. I believed to had ameliorated myself to a new level. To cool for school lol. I realize that I have made my life difficult and hard by not writing. Writing is a such a gift to not be underestimated, I had suppressed my writing by thinking I was done.

 

So now I take on this living word, organized within, to give it a new definition and a clear direction.  I have limited myself enough from believing in different personalities, and constructs of mind. Now it is time to look at the word organized in depth and see how it can assist me in my life.

I now need to expand myself within these words. So what I need to look at is to see within these words to see what with my previous definition went wrong ? My previous definition was by organized; to have such a arrangement of details that all involved parts are comfortable.

 

So how do I redefine a word ? To redefine a word I must learn the word  to know,  and then after knowing it I can make a definition – based on what is best for all. For more living words check out SOUL  and destonian wiki.

 

Organized. New definition:

is to have the comfort and mobility to take action and do what is required to become empowered.

self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on limiting believes from backchats like “I am done”, “this is it for me”, “I am done with writing”, “till here no further with writing”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchats/voices of mind saying “you suck”, “you are not worthy”, “you are to lazy”, “you are a retard” – manifesting as believes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live this believe within myself as I would start to give more and more energies and thinking to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad for defining a word “wrong”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see myself the deceit within my process of refusing to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and blame myself for making a “wrong” within redefining words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad and judgmental from having all these playoffs  that I tell myself I should have noticed before they made my reality so filled with believes/personalities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the backchat, “I am too week for this”, “I suck at this”, “I am no good at this”, “I should not do this”, “I should just be elsewhere.”

 

Now that I see this and have pushed through there it is a clarity within.

Clarity/realizations  are:

– If I postpone my writing it easily piles up and becomes difficult the more I postpone it.

– Backchats/voices/thoughts makeup the believes that eventually limit me.

– I can take on these words again and redefine them as many times as I need to make it perfect.

– Writing is fun and creative, I learn lots from writing.

– I also learn from pushing through and seeing what makes up what of components and energy, so I can  avoid going into the same trap again.

 

I will now take on the word organized and see how I can live it within, and to direct my systems within.

 

 

self-forgiveness-only-option1

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/
https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

Thank you !

 

Day 691 – out with boredom and inn with INTERESTING

 

Out with boredom and inn with INTERESTING

 

index

 

It is a changing process, that I start by writing out with self forgiveness:

 

Enjoy:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it is ok for me to be bored, and to include in my living words this word “bored” as a part of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link to this word “bored” my early days of schooling and learning new words by learning to write letters instead of full words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to take on this word bored as it looks to massive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I was bored with school work and home work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I see that boredom is a physical possession within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see how I was living the word boredom from a very young age and thinking that school was one big boredom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see how school was making my life hell and boring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge or blame my parents or the teachers in school for my boring school time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like school was one big drag and very very boring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest boredom in my body like this heavy, heavy thing in my physical and in my feet, where my feet feels heavy and hurts from living and practicing this word “boredom”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I soon discover this word “boredom” within my work if the work is boring per my definition like with lots of repeating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel “heavy” and how my feet hurts if the job I am doing is boring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to relate the bad breath/smell of teachers to the word “boring” so it become more physical and manifested more within me as of this smelling of breathe experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think my schooling and upbringing in school was particular bad and particular boring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face this word boring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think all of my schooling was wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel heavy and burdened with the word boring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel physical pain and hurt from living this word “boring”.

 

I commit myself to work on and to become skilled in using words as support. I commit myself to go through myself and my body and my past and clear out words that are not supportive to me.

I commit myself to live the word interesting and to make it my task to heal and recover from this word boring to live and embrace this new word: INTERESTING !

 

How to live words: schoolofultimateliving

How to learn self forgiveness: http://desteni.org/

 

thanks !

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 662- Bible reading (re) action

The other day I started to read the Bible. I wrote about this on a mailing list on internet, asking others to join me. One of the first mail I had in return was negative, about me going to read the Bible. The person was telling me to not read it. I was instantly triggered, very deep. I was seeing all the Christian teachings and gatherings with l the old aunties and old fashioned people, conservatives, and so on, that I would call as Christians inn my upbringing. I would see the images from back then, live in my mind. I would then bring these images and energies, to blame and judge this person that was negative to me. Victimizing myself and blaming that person.

 

I would see all this in flashed and pictures and go into victimization and blame over this. I went into victimization and blame only over this one single mail. And I forgot to consider the other people that was commenting on my mail in support of me. I was having lots of support. There was several people posting on my tread that supported me and wanted me to go on and that wanted to participate in the project of reading the Bible. But I was blind in reactions.

 

So I was triggered into hate, victimization and blame over one mail when there was so many others mails that where supportive to me.

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What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative – as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath.

– June Roca

http://desteni.org/

 

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring the hatred from my upbringing over at this person answering my mail, and for going into anger over this persons reply.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go be triggered and go completely into hate and fear like a caged wild animal over being told to not do something I was looking forwards to do and to study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spin around in this hate and not daring to touch in on my old memories, denying it, and ignoring the spots of locations, of church groups etc where I participated when I was a young child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to open up those memories because there was so much suppressed hate and fear within those memories that I felt sick to my stomach.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for placing hatred on church groups and religions groups and at the same time want to read the Bible, which is sort of a contradiction in itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see the several other of people, that wrote to support me and that wrote in favor of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see all the cool support that I was given and just blindly following my reactions and victimization, simply following the energy rides within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge a, b and c and others from how they where rising me back in the days, when I was growing up.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to realize that the very reason I want to read the Bible is to understand why my up-bring is that way it is, and why this world functions the way it does and so on, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face the conservative people from my childhood in fear of what I might say to them if I should meet them today.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to curse those buildings and those places where I was going to church education etc, where I then start to wonder what happened when I curse something and from that seeing that I could perhaps find answers in the Bible.

 

When and as I see myself going into reactions and going totally blind over one thing, not seeing common sense. I stop myself, I bring myself back to breathe and I slow myself down. I realize that reactions makes me blind and at those time it is difficult to see what is right to do. I realize that I should always avoid reactions, I can detect if I am in a reaction, I should avoid reactions always. I realize that I should, ground myself in breathe and loosen up the energies with self forgiveness if I end up in a reaction.

 

I commit myself to step down and out of reactions.

I commit myself to self authority on this point.

I commit myself to be my own guide and directive principle and avoid all reactions.

I commit myself to realize that reactions are like a disease, conflict, and pain.

 

  • thank you for reading – enjoy your day !