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Day 781 – Dragging along old mind junk – mind recycled

Dragging along old mind junk – mind recycled

Who am I as a creator ? What do I truly create ?

Something that I was recently made aware of, and that I in self honesty also knew of, is how I drag with me old mind junk, and mind data from the past that I would like to say that is gone and that I am done with – that is still here. Some of the old dominating systems of my mind. Things like “self judgment” and “fear” – systems. These two buggers in particular.  Some of the very dominant system that we as humans carry. These systems, have very deep seated roots on the humans experience. And people walk through life without properly dealing with it. This has effect on life as we know it on earth today  – as well as for the afterlife and infinite existence of humans. Now, I have tools to work through this, I know how to heal and how to work through this and … literally I know how to change. It is only myself who is responsible for not changing. I have self forgiveness, self honesty, living words, breathe, etc, and I should know how to balance this by now. There is no excuse for me to not change.


Still my mind programming is heavy. And in this interview of Annuaki he explains how this responsibility is mostly missed by humans, that we are not creating for real – we drag with us old systems, still.

So these two systems, self judgment and fear, are poking me like crazy. And they should – because I should not need to be mind slave within such a equation. Thing is that I see that my consciousness is recycling itself like it did before. Making old problems new again, “making suffering great again”…lol…within mind,  making fear into anger, and self judgment into blame and so on. So I must stop it and alter – create a better reality.





self forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drag on specifically fear and self judgment, where I think to myself that some of the things I have done is unforgivable to myself as a being, and that I would think in my mind that me in my afterlife/reflection would not be forgiven, by my beingness,  for some of my deeds/thoughts on this earth, missing the picture of how I let my conscious mind dictate me into thinking “I am not good enough” – “I am not forgiven enough”, “I can’t do this” and ending up in fear and in self judgment – mind systems recycled.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a moral obligation to drag with me fear and self judgment thinking everyone does this and so should I, not seeing or reflecting on how the word “moral” in this world,  protects the very abusers (religion, war, government etc), and within so I am not better than anyone else, for dragging with me fear and self-judgment like emotions that I am eager to give away, and look into my beingness/awareness, and how I need to dump & delete these emotions once and for all.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to undermine, the thought that  I can make a drawing and a picture or some arts about me leaving “my old emotions”, and systems behind and not fully seeing, how drawing and arts it could assist me in quantifying my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it fascinating and yet disturbing to see how I find it very hard to dump of me, these systems (fears, self judgments) and at the same time how eager mind is to pick it up and  recycle it into my living/suffering.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fascinated by my mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to give my mind direction, and a “occupation”.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I had not been able to see or fully realize and comprehend, that as long as I drag with me the constructs/concept of fear and self judgment, my mind will know so, detect so,  l and it will make a big thing/addiction/suffering/recycleling out of it – since both fear and self judgment  are mind based systems.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the desire to see into my fears and my self judgment, like  a desire to see it diminish and disappear,  like to kiss it good bye for good where I would indulge in memories and my mind would catch up with me and “boom”… the mind systems are recycled.


When and as I see myself going into re – inventing fear and self judgment, I stop myself, I take a deep breath, and I slow the fuck down.  I have come to realize that I must know my fears and my self judgments – and from there “weed them out” from a distance. To see them, within self, to alter within self and change as self so that awareness/focus/reality is something else, and not fear, and self judgment. I realize that I have all the tools I need to get through this, I must simply slow down and find myself stable and ready to create best for all/best for  me solutions.


I commit myself to be with my tools, and my support to give myself chores and creative tasks. I commit myself to stay busy, creative but slow and commonsensical.




These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof









Day 654 – insights

Writing about myself and interpret myself in words.

I have not so far been to keen on talking about myself and my understanding of myself, or at least that is how I see it. I would save that to mind constructs and personal notes.

It seems to me like I have avoided writing about myself and to interpret myself in words though. And this bothers me. I feel missing to expose myself. Very often when I read other blogs, I go into thinking “they are so skilled and so good at writing about them self” and “they understand them self so well”.

It would be a point of jealousy and envy that boils up inn me from thinking I can’t do the same.

I would go into thinking that I have a so good relationship with myself that I don’t need to write of myself – like I am done with it.

The thing is I interpret myself as emptiness. I am all poured out. Before I had lost of emotional baggage. I had tons of emotional baggage that I needed to sort out. And quite logically, I would think that there is a vacancy where those emotions used to be.

I try to search within to find out what is what, and to seek for what is really left on my inside?

I come to the conclusion that there is very often nothing there. And that is how it is supposed to be – for me to birth life from nothingness. I need to “carry” nothingness, like the stars that shine at night in the sky/universe – I need to carry nothingness – to birth life.

I come to realize that (when I dissolve the issue of envy and jealousy) to see that I am supposed to have nothing inside me. I come to the conclusion that I should not carry anything. Just be me in oneness and equality, in the mind, being and body relationship.

I come to the conclusion that I should stand naked and “clean” of data/past. Delete – forget. So let’s explore that.

I would imagine that there is lots of emptiness inside me like free space from all the data/psychology I have cleared out.

What further seams important is to not forget where one is coming from – because ego knows from where you come and what you have been through. Mind and ego knows my inside and history very well and stand to use it against myself any time – if given the chance.

So what I would like is to forget lots of crap from my past. There is lots of stories that I would like to simply forget.

How do I carry memories ? I carry memories like words and energies according to those specific memories. So when I practice my – self forgiveness, I end up removing the energies. And self correction to change myself in relation to the psychology and memory. Sort of like NLP (neuro linguistic programming), only deeper and more efficient.


I carry lots of emptiness and lots of nothingness – and that is good. Like the stars in heaven/sky/universe. Because I have been living, slaving to the energies from the memory from my past. I have been living in fear of no forgetting my bothersome past. But I fail to realize that it is when I give into mind and ego that my past is used against me. I must be disciplined and stand through the test of time. Then I can birth life from nothingness – like a sprout of water to heal. To create a better world. In oneness and equality.


These are my insights today. Thank you for reading.