Tag Archives: express

Day 771 – the cereberus of schizophrenia – mind storage

 

Being schizophrenic I bear 3 or 4 minds. That is right. 3 or 4 minds (!) that always wants its own demand and piece of the cake; the physical &  the being. 3 minds that together have a core and design (that I currently see as self judgment/rebars/metal – from my programing of being) locked in their position and placement within my mind/total self experience (see drawing)   3 personalities, and one mind (4rth) who controls or governs the other 3. From my programming/schizophrenia I have learned that all these (4 minds) wants to be in control of the totality of me/minds/physical/being. And they fight for it. They have a war inside my head over being the supreme mind… a psychosis/possession. Like a Cerberus that we know from In Greek mythology (see picture)

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this is how schizophrenia is experienced to millions of people

 

Mind as they are, are  energy systems. They are energy and they depend on more energy. If I can delete my addiction to energies, I can free myself from my Cerberus/Schizophrenia/mind and the minds control. This is easier said than done. But;  It can be done if I work on the very finest of therapeutic and curative care: self forgiveness. Together with being aware of my physical, living words, there is a fuck-load of applications that have been developed and cultivated by desteni during the years. The finest of psychology, behaviorism, self awareness and self healing tools/applications.

 

You see I have schizophrenia and… schizophrenia is a particular design. Like a recipe. It have been placed onto me before I was born. Why ? Long story , but if you ask me private, I can share with you why I am schizophrenic.

Studying the core elements and foundations of being human, sound, life, energy, mind, consciousness, light, dark, colors, darkness, polarity, emotions, time, space, the physical, the being, earth, relations, empowerment, self forgiveness, responsibility, money, words, animals, the universe, quantum and so on… this is some of what I have been studying the last 5 years.

You see I ask question with my living, question everything, I realize that for the world to change : I need to change. There is no other way. I want there to be responsibility, forgiveness, purpose, empowerment, real care, prosperity, life support, equality, oneness, honesty, solutions, peace and freedom and so on… for all life on this earth and I will not stop what I am doing before I see this is taking place. It boils down to equality and oneness – what is best for all.

 

So what I question myself is how to make my schizophrenia livable and to something less of pain and burden to myself. Well there is a lot of therapeutic tools  and  things I can enjoy and savor to do. Like drawing. Expressing, vlogging, blogging, studying and reading. I very much like reading a good book  – so I do that. I read a good book or a good blog. Or I write a post to myself like this. It might sound simple, but to many it takes some to actually do it, and in boredom and mental despair they end up drinking and doing porn… etc, etc, etc.

It is about becoming physical, and to nurture from there the being and by that math to stand, eternal, equal and one to all and everything, without bias and without judgment  – because you/I have embraced it and forgiven it; as self and made it part of self. Just like neo in matrix – he becomes it all… he takes 100% responsibility and does not separate self from anything (!) else. Not the lady in read, not money, not imaginations,  quite simply no separation it is all one and self… do you see where I am at ? Because thinking and thoughts is per definition a separation. It is a sabotage of self. So bring everything back to self and forgive. You would be amazed of the power you have and the qualities you possess. Physical is always stronger than mind. It is you and me as physical awareness, self direction and self honesty that can ultimately become the drivers and creators of our own living.

 

Again to stand equal and one hand in hand with all human beings. Maybe that is not your cup of tea ?  So we all have quite some layers of programming to deal with. We all have things in our lives that possess us, again self forgiveness is key – to become physical.

So for me to walk with schizophrenia is quite challenging. Luckily I live in Norway where I have care and support from a welfare state – that nobody have ever seen before – it is that good.  It makes sure I can walk a healing process, and have a life in decency – no luxury but a decent living. So I can make and share such a picture of my schizophrenia – to make it less terrifying to me who lives with it.

 

4rth mind.jpeg

drawing of my minds

 

If you are wondering and have questions please drop me a line

 

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 742 – Living the word organized

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From having lived for about 3 decades very un – organized, in system uproar and sabotage, I realize with assistance from eqafe.com and from walking my desteni i process, that this word < organized > holds great potential to me.

From changing oneself from “reverse” of life… into “drive” of life –  one have to bring with the whole words/world’s that makes one…. up for recovery and change.

Why, or how is it  that this word holds potential to me ? Well since my life was very chaotic and disturbed with addictions and all sorts of mind concepts and conscious complications, I was living very much in opposition to this word organized. unconsciously I would despite this word, and down grade it, or more precisely down grade myself from looking at it. You see, words are almost like life, or at least they are very connected !  And I have gone through some huge changes that last 5 years of my life. I now appreciate being organized and I find the process of organizing, my life, to be quite fun, enjoyable, and supportive.

I have also defined this word to myself. So that it suits me. I can recommend working on words and to define them too suit your being. Play with words, express, live words, and redefine words. Check out SOUL

This is how I have redefined organized: to have such a arrangement of details so that all involved parts are comfortable.

Thanks for reading

Day 670 – the word is : uncertain

 

@ desteni we are living words : to live words is to pick a word or a phrase and really, investigate the word. Study it, sound it, write it and work on it. Words are sacred, even though this is not that much lived today in our normal day to day life – but they are – sacred. How we live our lives today is based on what words we stand on/carry with us.

 

I have quite a hard time to making decisions. Decisions,  make me uncertain and filled with doubt  and indecisiveness. It is quite a troubling experience with me to make a description at all. – So I was asked by my dear buddy within desteni, to investigate this word “uncertain”.

 

first I would fear to live this world thinking “oh no bad stuff will happen to me”, “bad karma” etc… or I will make bad decisions in my life because I live this word. feeling direct fear from my experience of this word.

Then I realized that I am actually dealing with myself and my inner world as I live this word since that – hey  this word is my issue.  “uncertainty” – working on it, living it  makes senses of it, because this word of many words,  makes me go into fear and reactions.

 

So… I am currently walking uncertain, and oh -boy has it have it been  door opener so far. Let me tell you… first I went into thinking “I need control” and feeling this urge to have “control” or to gain control within my life over uncertainty. So that was one thing that opened up like a polarity. I have earlier worked with this word “control”, trying to get even with myself on the terms of control, what control  is, so that was a wakening up call. Later now, I feel like I am more lost in resonance of uncertainty. I feel like uncertainty is like this bubble within me of air, a air bubble within my head.

So the word is

uncertain

un – satan

under – stand

Working on this word makes me humble to life. Working on this word makes me realize what gifts is stored with working on words. This word uncertain hold many a gift to me. what words are you living (?)  – and most important of all: are you investigating them ?

I started to work on this word because I have such a hard time to make a particular decision within  my life. So my buddy told me to investigate it. uncertain. I am glad I did. I am living uncertain.

There is no right or wrong – there is only denial of what is here.

If you could imagine start living and investigating words check out S.O.U.L – school of ultimate living – and  have a  nice day.

 

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a wall painting i did in 2011