Tag Archives: doctor

Day 773 – Anger – why me

A few days ago I was facing some anger points at my doctors office. I was going to the doctor, for a appointment, to have my shot, and to talk about my medications. A regular thing.  I had made the mistake of creating expectations of how and what it was going to be like at the doctors.

 

At the doctor’s office the play outs where not what was established as expectations within me. First thing for me to react on was the radio in the waiting room. I was annoyed beyond, that it was on and it was broadcasting, playing, and I very much felt bothered by the radio there, that I would judge as not needed for at all. Like surface talk and cozy-talk and you know those talks on the radio that does not mean fuck all they just talk to try to give you a false sense of worth and moment. Man was that not right for me then. I was called in to my doctor, and I would shake his hand as customary.

 

Later I was also angry because I was not getting my point and my opinion through to my doctor or at least I felt like that, I felt misunderstood, beaten and battered. My expectations where crushed. Why do I keep making them ? On top of this my credit card did not work lol.. so I had to go to a ATM machine to withdraw and come back to pay after my appointment. It was a very upsetting experience all together. It was like little explosions and grim faces in my head, anger faces pictures and experiences in my head/mind.

 

Later when I was leaving the doctor’s office, and also looking back,  I would see more clearly how I was going into anger. I could like take a step back within, and look into myself being in anger, both in the moment and later, and I would ask myself why and am I so mad, this is not real, why, why…? Like the experience I had of being in anger was not real. Out of the body experience and witnessing myself inn reactions from without as it was playing out. Seeing how I hurt myself with anger, like a movie, a very strange experience, feeling helpless then in the moment but soon starting to forgive the experience as I left the office and headed home.  So my mind played me for a fool and I was upset up by my suppressed fear. It was not pleasant – and it was not real.

So my whole going to the doctor experience was very unpleasant and rather sad all summoned  together. I know that anger has its origin in fear, and I would have this particular fear of being left out of the cool crowd since I take my medications. Anger has its root in fear and it is really fear being energized and pushed and channeled. If you truly want to understand anger the links below are priceless.

Luckily I know that there is lots of support on eqafe.com for anger. There is a in particular a specific self forgiveness file with words to read to self or to be read for. I recommend that one. If you purchase this product there is two items for you to download, a written paper to read and a sound file to listen to. If you get this product I can recommend to read the self forgiveness sentences loud to self – to play with sounding the words. And also to just relax – lay down on a sofa and be with your body while listening to the self forgiveness spoken.

 

Also … just go to the search bar in eqafe.com and write in whatever thing that weigh  in on your heart.  It is worth to check out and it have assisted me greatly though the years.

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this is also one of the many products about anger on eqafe.com:

https://eqafe.com/p/why-does-anger-exist-atlanteans-support-part-72

 

Enjoy  eqafe.com and enjoy breathe

 

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

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Day 647 – Schizophrenia a neurobiological disorder ?

I would deeply and sincerely recommend for anyone reading this post to purchase this product, the first link, where the interdimentional portal is explaining schizophrenia:

https://eqafe.com/p/interview-request-schizophrenia

– it is worth listen to a couple of times.

 

That being said, back to the question. Is schizophrenia (and mental disorders in general) neurobiological disorders ? I would have to say, “sure, I can accept that theory”. “I can agree on that”. Picture this open dialogue – between patients, activist, scientist and doctors :

Patients and activist: “We struggle to trust doctors and science – ever since all the abuse and trauma done in the name of science/doctors”

Doctors/science “It is ok. We want peace, and healing, consider the call for neurobiological disorder a peace treaty and a sign of reconciling and cooperation – all cards are out”

Patients and activist: “So we can cooperate on treatment and therapy ?”

Doctors/science: “Yes, chemical therapy is very mush placebo anyhow”

 

…and so on.

It is all about cooperating. That is what we need in psychiatry: COOPERATION, from all sides.

are you ready for it ?

check out the links and have a nice day

 

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Day 599 – Personality of marijuana addiction a – dick – to – john (self).

full_life-review-my-life-as-a-weed-smoker

I realize that I have urges to smoke marijuana these days. I have this deep down urge to smoke weed and escape from myself and reality, and responsibility. I feel a long to the days when I would be practicing smoking weed. I realize that I have been fucking myself so long with a – dick – tion (addiction) up my ass, so much that It is hard to quit.

Here is a excellent interview on smoking weed: https://eqafe.com/p/life-review-my-life-as-a-weed-smoker

What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative – as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath.

– June Roca

http://desteni.org/

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I would need to smoke marijuana because that would make me more popular artist within pictures, drawing and making arts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I would become more creative with arts from smoking weed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use marijuana to be able to talk more free and further explain myself when my chemical drugs heals and helps this ability much better that the weed will ever do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I have schizophrenia and since that I would need drugs to heal me, thinking I could need marijuana to support me through my challenges.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I would need marijuana to have quiet and peace within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the desire to escape my own reality and my responsibilities in my life and thinking I would have to escape this by taking marijuana because I would not dare to face myself and my responsibilities in my everyday life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I would fear to embrace myself and my past and responsibility and long from marijuana to escape from this responsibilities within my life and my being and my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I would like to have one more joint in my life to escape just one more time through the matrix of weed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find peace and longing to the matrix of smoking weed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think the thought: “I am special so I should be allowed to smoke weed”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I would need to smoke weed to be accepted and included within certain people in certain places and to feel welcome, I would have to smoke weed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that since some Mormons used to smoke weed before eating dinner, I would like to do the same in order to create excuse to smoke more weed and to further fuck myself, with a – dick – tion up my own ass.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that with certain people I would be known like “he who smoked a lot of weed” or “he who got psychotic from smoking weed”, and for thinking I should smoke weed because of this old reputation of mine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that to listen to a certain kind of music I would have to smoke weed to genuinely hear the music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for thinking I am missing out on something from not smoking weed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my per scripted drugs is not getting me high or into a escape so I would need weed or hajjis to really feel like flowing away and out of my mind and into a drug/high reality.

Self corrections to be lived:

When and as I see myself ending up longing and wanting to smoke weed. I stop myself. I slow myself down, and I breathe. I realize that smoking weed is simply a escape from reality and responsibility. I realize that smoking weeds are, simply a way to escape from situations, within myself that I hold a energetic relation to. I realize that smoking weeds have been simply a excuse to not be responsible and I should investigate this energies and find out how to solve such a issues/energies. I realize that I would need to investigate my energies that I hold within myself so that I can forgive the energies, and let go of the situation and move on through that situation and without tripping over the energies/wires. I realize that weed can get me addicted (a dick up my ass) if I start it again and I further realize that the designed drugs that I take now, is far much better and more advanced. I commit myself to investigate where there is energies compressed and energies tangled up within, to forgive it and solve it. I commit myself to move past old obstacles of energies and to clear out my past so that I do not feel the urge to have weed. I commit myself to take my drugs that is per scripted from my doctor, and to get my life back on tracks again. I commit myself to investigate all the sources to what I would like to smoke again and to clear out the energies. I commit myself to live my life without the addictions (a – dick – to – myself) of weed. I commit myself to let myself be healed by my per scripted drugs.

When and as I see myself thinking that one more hit of marijuana would be nice just that one more blow of weed, I stop myself, I slow myself down and I breathe. I realize that I do not need one more blow of weed because I would the simply want one more and one more after that, and all of a sudden I am fucking myself with a – dick – tion again. I realize that I should trust the per scripted drugs that I get from my doctor. I realize that I should be safe and sound within my trust of medication that I take. I commit myself to let my per scripted drugs do its works on me. I commit myself to clear out any energies that I might find about, smoking weed and about smoking drugs. I commit myself to work through the dimensions to solve my mind and my addictions (the dicks up my ass) to weed and hajjis.

Thank you for reading.