Tag Archives: breathe

Day 776 – spite and backchats of mind

spite

Spite : thinking of the fizzy drink “sprite”, when you in your aunt’s wedding, had 3 glasses of coke, you could balance it out in your secret mind /polarity games with a glass of sprite. Making it even to self, inn childish mind games. lol.. I have been living with lots of such mind games.

Spite is, on the other hand, a thing far from the fizzy drink. The health and living damage – differences and similarities, of spite and sprite, is worthy of books and PHD’s  and education.

Spite is that “something is fucked up – so I spit at whatever”, spite is like a judgment and a anger act. Taking a piss at something in “spite” and anger.

The last couple of days I have been having backchats in my mind/head, like these what shall I say, judging and critical thoughts and projections about other beings. It is not nice and it just makes me sad and scared to experience the old backchat dimension of my mind. I had sort of parked that and  thought (!) to myself well no more backchats for me; huh ! So my nature strikes back with backchats in spite.  Judging and bullying words about my fellow man. Not a cool thing to experience at all.

It was happening today when I was talking to “Hans”.  And we were talking about a chore or something, and then suddenly, a voice/backchat appears in my head, saying “You fucking’s retard”  or something similar to that. It just came up in my head from nowhere. I mean it is like the words from “Trailer park boys” or “South – Park” or “Beavis and Butt-head” – kind of talking and you might say programming of mine. And it would play out just like a sneaking energy within my mind, creeping in on me like Loke, shapeshifting  in the mythology. And it would almost tip me of my chair, I was so disturbed. And the mechanics and design of it was old machinery and programs running deep in my mind on polarity and its energies. So a solution would be to avoid the mind dimension, and focus on the body/physical what is here. Mind/head is just imaginations and energies. Physical is here and living – breathing.

So I will work on self forgiveness, on this spiteful backchat episode. Enjoy :

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for failing to see the leak within my mind, that would spill like oil into the waters of my being,  polluting my insides with backchats like being mean and cold hearted to Hans, within backchats in my head/mind, and within this I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for taking part in this backchat in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face these programs of spite and “fuck all” character that would bloom within me, and that I should simply interrupt and delete the thought/character/backchat by focusing on my breathe and at the same time grounding myself, where I look back and I judge myself for not paying enough attention to myself and my leak or poison within mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to instead of brushing of the backchats and sort of neutralizing it, and removing it from myself with breathe, I was rather shocked and scared – and in that giving the energy/spite more power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless in facing spite and backchats.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own inside.

I realize one of the ways to not let spite and backchats win my attention is to not give it that – attention, by not being focused on my head/mind with the programs – but rather my body and physical else. Also to change myself and not be manipulative and to try to control the given situation. Be more flexible – that is what I am looking for within this.

Here (below) is a  life review, a review of the life, of someone who have walked a life with a spiteful mind, that has died and is sharing their story through the interdimensional portal. How does spiteful thoughts emerge, what are the programing that makes us go into spite ? How to stop going into spiteful and manipulative thinking ? The psychology of how spite is built up within mind.

It explains here the experience a being had walking with spite. The games we play with manipulation and spite, always wanting things my way, trying to control a situation. How do we change from spite ?

Check it out:

https://eqafe.com/p/stop-your-spiteful-thoughts-life-review

Here is another interview from eqafe about spite:

The core creation of spite within the human experience. What are the relationships  within the process of spite in the physical and the mind etc…

Really interesting and deep going stuff, about the detailed metaphysics of man and spite. This one really strikes the core of it:

https://eqafe.com/p/spite-introduction-atlanteans-part-174

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Thanks for reading – enjoy breathe !

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 770 – Cold water experience

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When I go to sauna which I love/live to do… I usually enjoy a cold shower in the breaking out of the heat from the sauna. To me public  baths are sacred lol … there is a very ordinary and very usable sauna and shower, with swimming hall to it, 30 minutes drive from here where I live. I use to go there on thursdays evenings, for swim – which is just me playing and fooling around in water 100 % embracing it and enjoying myself in the water.

Later I go out of the swimming hall, and I enter the showers, and the sauna. Now the sauna might be very warm, the way most like it. So I have grown into the habit of showering a very cold shower once or twice during my sauna – or breaking up my body heat experience with cold water.

 

To step under that cold water, from having spent some minutes totally hot in the sauna, is peculiar. I guess I can compare it to birthing myself – again. My breathe become fast and rapid, like intense,  almost like a obsession or possessing of mind and body. And that is mostly it, to mind myself to breathe, while under the cold water. I simply breathe and again – embrace the water and the experience.

 

I have learned that it is healthy, particular to the skin to have cold and hot changes, like with showers. It trains the skin at closing and opening the poors. It assists the skin at its service to the body. And the skin is a very important part of our body. Closing and opening of poors is a important thing to really train – with cold and hot water. It is a test to self and how much you know yourself, in the physical.

 

I can also have similar experience if I take a dip in the ocean, dipping in the cold water (if it is cold) and coming up again, and feeling reborn. Like totally fresh and “new”. I mind myself to embrace the experience and to sense it all as I breathe and ground myself. Awareness of self honesty is also important, that makes me more sane and aware of where my focus is.

Cold and warm showers changes is also recommended, after having cleared of all soap, to turn it really cold, and then after some seconds (30 + seconds…) turn it warm again – exercise for the skin. To open and close.

I truly recommend to experiment and investigate hot / cold water on skin, remember to breathe, don’t burn yourself and you will be fine !

 

 

Here is a cool video about cold and the body:

 

Enjoy embracing the water !

 

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

Day 763 – physical aware

How I am more physical aware than before

The basics of my physical awareness living

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I am more physical by focusing on my breathe. First point, 24/7 breathe awareness. Then bring everything together with that breathe, and be one and equal to everything. HAH ! That is a challenge of a life time lol.. so it is a purpose higher than myself – it is still good. I mean look, the way we treat each other and this mother earth, we need something that is greater than our self to reach for. Not like a believe, but practical for the body/physical,  so… equality and oneness is the perfect match. Codes of life.

So breathing in awareness. Inn and out. I breathe inn; I embrace what is here, I breathe out I express myself.

Then, from long time practicing self forgiveness/embracing self completely, once reaching that state of not being in separation, being here, not feeding the thought/paranoia/mind.

The thought and the mind is what keeps this old slavery system/matrix/mind together. You see, I have been searching high and low for “the secret” – seeking outside, failing to see that I in  the flesh/physical is the key. I as the physical is the very key here. To bring equality and oneness (heaven) to earth.  To balance a awareness with my physical with living words is a cool way to treat self. When I do that I live in physical energy, energy of the body, like solid, firm, not signals/lights  in mind/head. But a rather calm, comfortable, warm, yet chill kind of sense. Really cool to experience.

Today I started a yoga practice. I will do this for some time to see what are my effect. But I must say that it is very important to be able to let go of thoughts and thinking of the old mind. I will always carry my mind in this life, but I don’t want to slave to it for energies/eternity. It does not have to be prominent like with consciousness.

So I breathe and ground myself in breathe awareness, find grounding my physical and balance it all with living and redefining words and self honesty.

When I work out my physical it is the same, though a more prominent focus on self honesty. Like digging dirt, I stay focused on my body in full self honesty. And sort of break it off with living words as well as with breathe awareness.  Without pictures of boobs, buts, beers, cars, weed, whatever pictures or any particular energy that I would slave to mind with. But saying fuck of to energies/emotions sneaking inn on me. Telling my mind to fuck off: I am working with my body atm.  Don’t give mind space/energies. Not with anger/fear but in self direction. Be self in charge from the physical. Calm, directed and honest.

sweat

sweaty from farm work

I can learn to use my mind if I need it but I will not give it free range: no more.

It is a cool job. It works, I am living proof.

Enjoy breathe

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picture of me and my friend Sunette,  desteni europa meeting, Brussel 2017

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 756 – How I found desteni: Part 1

How I found desteni

Part  1

 

I have been skeptic to this world and its system(s) since I can remember.  This would very easy lead me into drugs and sabotage of society as it was presented before me, when I grew up. I would deeply oppose systems, what I saw of authorities, structures and organization of things in my surroundings, that would lead me to a very unstructured and unorganized, life and living. I was basically living in chaos, disturbance within and without, from very early on. I am today aware that I was born schizophrenic, so my life was sort of destined to be  a “bumpy” road.

In 2008 or 2009,  I was doing drugs, both doctors prescribed and hashish/weed, together with lots and lots  of alcohol. I was a somewhat a busy artist, painter, with lots of girl friends. I was multiple addicted and very restless. My anxious and troubled nature was becoming a serious problem. Lucky for me I was born in Norway, and was under the wings of the health care system.

 

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I was at this very evening, visiting a friend, we were drinking and “partying”.  The party’s entertainment,  came from the more and more popular youtube (YT), that would play in the many homes during drinking and partying to it’s different music and tunes. Lots of beer and sigaret’s and lots of YT.

Then my friend, whom I was visiting, asked  me: “Would you like to see a portal ?” I can’t remember my reply, but anyhow he found a video, on YT, with the portal, doing a portaling/giving a message. I remember my jaw sort of fell to the floor. I was … quite shocked. This was now real. I remember feeling like, PJUH finally a solution to humanity’s misery and problems. After this very brief introduction, I was still possessed with energies/mind and addictions/enslavement  and substance as such. But a certain spark within me was moving, I was aware,  and I thought to myself there is no going back after this. I would in my schizophrenic mind see/experience the math or the metaphysical reality/imagination that was shifting, within so without. I could see or experience, thoughts like, there is no turning back now, this is it; I best get with it, and join in.

This will change the whole thing (world system).

That was my conclusion after seeing the videos of the portal on YT. I did not know what it would ask or … demand of me to do or investigate for my own sake. In 2010 I was still very, very lost in energy addictions. But at this time I started to write in demonology forum. I would write in that forum and I would have guiding from there to find my path or to learn myself to work on self forgiveness.

 

I was at this point 2008 – 2012 obsessed with schizophrenia.  I worshipped it (in my own sabotaging way) with drugs, escapism and the extreme of culture. Addicting to conspiracy. It was the winter between 2011 – 2012 I had just driven myself to rock bottom traveling around in Europe. I was totally fucked, and long lost. And I came home to my parents, just like the prodigal son. I stayed with my parents, for  about 2 years. During this time, I ended (may 2012) most of my substance/energy addictions. I also began to learn to make my own self forgiveness, to speak it to myself , moving myself from demonology forum, to (the common) desteni forum.

 

I was here given guidance and support with the things in my mind/my past. How to work through it. And I was from this point (may 2012) more and more committed to walk my process, in this life, here on earth. I connected with other destonians and started to study the message that was presented. To make it a  world of equality and oneness – for what is best for all.

 

To be continued….

 

 

links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

 

 

 

 

Day 754 – Schizophrenia and Eczemas

Schizophrenia and Eczemas

I was recently in the Canary Islands on a vocation with my parents and two of their grand children. It was a outmost congenial experience, over all,  and I grew quite a lot within my walking process, particularly the last days on the Islands. On the way home from the Canaries to Norway,  I had a very fine concentration/living experience of self. I was like in the “zone” like I was “zen” and all transcended lol. I was living the word “discipline” and really seeing new stuff both within myself, of my mind, and also experiencing really nice movement within.

 

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sunshine photo from Bragdøy 2014

 

It was just as if it was too good to be true. And to my programming – it was.

 

– What you live today and tomorrow is determining the future you will have – eqafe.com

 

I have always had eczemas. I grew out of it in my teens and I grew (back) into it later in my early 20’s. if you would like a honest, view of eczemas please check out this link about why we have eczemas.

 

I was on the bus, with my family,  towards, the air port in Las Palmas. It was a 40 minutes drive. I was able to balance my skin with sun block, since my  pink/whatever skin had taken on lots of sunshine. I was starting to experience eczemas on my shoulders and upper arms, from sudden lots of sunshine. It itched. Sitting on a bus, and later for  5 hours on a plane, did not do things much better for my itch.

 

When we later arrived home at my parents place, to sleep that night, I decided to have shower. In the back of my head/mind a backchat started to present itself, when I made myself ready to shower: “burn yourself”, “you should burn yourself on your skin – to not itch”. I undressed and entered the shower with being somewhat (?) aware of my backchat telling me to burn myself with shower. I have chosen to burn myself with hot water a few times before, showering,  to be able to avoid scratching and itching. It was (really) one or the other evil. Either to scratch and itch myself, or to burn myself with water.  I was in the shower and the hot water would burn my itch away, leaving me in a sort of orgasmic/emotional-relief state of “wounded”. Like a personality of being battled and bruised. It was pretty warm water, and I was red like a lobster after the shower lol.

 

lobster

 

So I chose the burn over the scratch. What I SHOULD have done, that is easy to see now,  was to say neither of these two evils, STOP (!) right here:  I would like to add my doctor prescribed crème please!  That sentence of common sense should have made my day, but it did not make it; or … I was not aware and slowing down enough to see and block this desire to burn/scratch myself. I should have dealt with the nasty backchat in the moment before taking a  shower. But I was in a hurry. The program  was to hard wired within me.

 

The eczema programming nailed me !

 

Later I felt bad… oh so bad…. lots of self judgment…

Next day I  made a (new) testimony to not burn myself in the shower again.

Now my skin is healing, and I am getting back to my track of where I was before the burning. But this was definitely a step – back within and without.

 

I realize that I should be able to slow down more, before concluding with self to take a shower, to change my activity – that is truly my alert point. I should have marked it with a flag point, within mind programming, if  I see that my old mind  is driving  me to abuse and energies, from changing activity.

So I learn from this to take things sloooowwwer. To sort out nasty backchats and to see it come. I should have had that fine tuning, acumen, to see it coming from the back of my mind/head.  I need to be in charge of my own awareness; being, mind and body.  If I can have the directive principle of self as here, and slow the fuck down, when doing shit, I can really move faster in my process, in the metaphysics as well as in physical real time. I have seen this lots of times with self  – change is here.

Where are you ?

Interested in what I am doing – how I write/what I write about  ? Feel free to contact me

 

Enjoy breathe !

 

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links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

Day 748 – Jesus was a demon

Here is my video talk and perspective on Jesus and who he was. Also some deep realizations about myself and life; enjoy !

 

 

also check out Gian and Joe talking on desteni radio / and further links within so

also check out eqafe series on crucifixion of jesus

Thanks !

Day 741 – where I just was… again

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so this is a post about time. “time is a gift we give to our self”, a friend of me once said.

I appreciate that quote.

 

it is like consciousness uses time as a enemy, to postpone it and “do it later” and “why bother doing the chores now”, postponing kind of way.

while awareness uses time to support,  saying yes: “let’s get busy doing this (!)”,  “we have real time, “let’s get down to it”,  “let’s get to work” kind of approach.

so what does this mean. to make a long story short – we are moving from consciousness to awareness. from “power of now” till “power of here”.

very much of this can be found in slowing down and being honest about oneself. to stop for 5 seconds and take a breather, perhaps close the eyes, and catch a breathe, to focus ones awareness and to be “here” as in all that one is, with trust, honesty and integrity, instead of “now as a fragmented and scattered element of consciousness.

this is what life teaches us. to be able to stand in a place of here, as all one is and all one have been, and to not bend down and lose ground over anything, memories, fears etc… to have forgiven everything so one can stand, equal and one as self support. within oneness own flesh.

 

so it is a process of learning to know oneself, to slow down…. and really see the moment within and to see who self is in real time. because, like Bruce Lee can tell us that slowing down oneself, is really, really moving faster within ones process.  and if you add self forgiveness to that and walk a path into life you can achieve anything.

we are creators and we create our own path. I chose to be self honest to change myself as much as I can in this life, to see ripples of that self change into the world as a whole.

to slow down to such a extent that one does not bite ones own tail, that one does not repeat what one is doing – where one just was.

 

self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and fully realize that the words, I speak, will sound better and different if, I am at a slower movement, and if I am able to slow myself down enough I will be more sure on what I say, and what I speak, and my resonance and expression of words will be better and have more effect.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel emotional or bad about slowing down so much that I feel bothered or like a clown failing to realize that slowing down ones process is in metaphysical, moving faster through the layers and diving deeper into oneness mind and self.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have not seen the very value and essence of slowing down, where I see that I would need to practice slowing down further to be able to have more access to my physical and to change.

 

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http://desteni.org/