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Day 781 – Dragging along old mind junk – mind recycled

Dragging along old mind junk – mind recycled

Who am I as a creator ? What do I truly create ?

Something that I was recently made aware of, and that I in self honesty also knew of, is how I drag with me old mind junk, and mind data from the past that I would like to say that is gone and that I am done with – that is still here. Some of the old dominating systems of my mind. Things like “self judgment” and “fear” – systems. These two buggers in particular.  Some of the very dominant system that we as humans carry. These systems, have very deep seated roots on the humans experience. And people walk through life without properly dealing with it. This has effect on life as we know it on earth today  – as well as for the afterlife and infinite existence of humans. Now, I have tools to work through this, I know how to heal and how to work through this and … literally I know how to change. It is only myself who is responsible for not changing. I have self forgiveness, self honesty, living words, breathe, etc, and I should know how to balance this by now. There is no excuse for me to not change.


Still my mind programming is heavy. And in this interview of Annuaki he explains how this responsibility is mostly missed by humans, that we are not creating for real – we drag with us old systems, still.

So these two systems, self judgment and fear, are poking me like crazy. And they should – because I should not need to be mind slave within such a equation. Thing is that I see that my consciousness is recycling itself like it did before. Making old problems new again, “making suffering great again”…lol…within mind,  making fear into anger, and self judgment into blame and so on. So I must stop it and alter – create a better reality.





self forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drag on specifically fear and self judgment, where I think to myself that some of the things I have done is unforgivable to myself as a being, and that I would think in my mind that me in my afterlife/reflection would not be forgiven, by my beingness,  for some of my deeds/thoughts on this earth, missing the picture of how I let my conscious mind dictate me into thinking “I am not good enough” – “I am not forgiven enough”, “I can’t do this” and ending up in fear and in self judgment – mind systems recycled.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a moral obligation to drag with me fear and self judgment thinking everyone does this and so should I, not seeing or reflecting on how the word “moral” in this world,  protects the very abusers (religion, war, government etc), and within so I am not better than anyone else, for dragging with me fear and self-judgment like emotions that I am eager to give away, and look into my beingness/awareness, and how I need to dump & delete these emotions once and for all.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to undermine, the thought that  I can make a drawing and a picture or some arts about me leaving “my old emotions”, and systems behind and not fully seeing, how drawing and arts it could assist me in quantifying my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it fascinating and yet disturbing to see how I find it very hard to dump of me, these systems (fears, self judgments) and at the same time how eager mind is to pick it up and  recycle it into my living/suffering.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fascinated by my mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to give my mind direction, and a “occupation”.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I had not been able to see or fully realize and comprehend, that as long as I drag with me the constructs/concept of fear and self judgment, my mind will know so, detect so,  l and it will make a big thing/addiction/suffering/recycleling out of it – since both fear and self judgment  are mind based systems.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the desire to see into my fears and my self judgment, like  a desire to see it diminish and disappear,  like to kiss it good bye for good where I would indulge in memories and my mind would catch up with me and “boom”… the mind systems are recycled.


When and as I see myself going into re – inventing fear and self judgment, I stop myself, I take a deep breath, and I slow the fuck down.  I have come to realize that I must know my fears and my self judgments – and from there “weed them out” from a distance. To see them, within self, to alter within self and change as self so that awareness/focus/reality is something else, and not fear, and self judgment. I realize that I have all the tools I need to get through this, I must simply slow down and find myself stable and ready to create best for all/best for  me solutions.


I commit myself to be with my tools, and my support to give myself chores and creative tasks. I commit myself to stay busy, creative but slow and commonsensical.




These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof









Day 704 : Day 11 : Regret


Day 11 of 21 days of walking with self forgiveness

I will take on the challenge from my brother : Gian Robberts on walking a 21 day trial of (only/daily) self forgiveness on points. I will walk these points of self forgiveness for self/world change during 21 days.


Here is Gain’s Blog :


21 days of self forgiveness on key points.

The points will be that kind of relevant points as of this world and our living.

Money, sex, politics, work, religion, mind  and so on.


Day 11: Regret


Please read loud for best effect

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry with the pigs when I am about to clean for them in their pen, and they just wants to play and I become angry at them and I regret myself  later on but then it is too late and my harm had already hurt them and I feel regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for not slowing down enough and being in the moment and to see the solutions and to be calm and focused on what is best for all in the  moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I fear to regret, when it is still a point to learn and correct from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in mind programming and to, be that participant of  mind and ego and not seeing the solution which is communication, and how I should have talked to the pigs and done other things so they would not go in my way and avoid anger and then regret later on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel regret from having done small things and say a  wrong word at the wrong time realizing what is programming and mind and what is commons sense only later – suggesting I should slow down and find clarity,  calamity  and correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into ego and internal conversations just to end up disappointed and sad, in regret from what then plays out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a failure within regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize how I should be slowing down and breathing more often to be stabile and to consider I have this mental disorder of schizophrenia to deal with also.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I should be aware of the possibility of regret and to mind myself all the time, to be aware and breathe, and avoid the horrors of regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I think I need to create a scare crow or a flag point of regret, so I will mind it better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to draw a picture and a face of regret to post and to expose to others to see and to avoid to end up in regret and to choose life, slowing down and breathe instead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the idea that regret is a demon.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speculate and wonder about how to avoid regret when it is simple as fuck, it is just to choose life and substance, not mind and form…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I need to despise regret, thinking I need to hate it in order to avoid it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find regret  to hard to deal with like it is overwhelming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret to regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel weak and powerless to regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like there is lack of solution within me regarding regret



I realize it is all about spotting those potential stressful or tensions moments and to be aware and stop, breathe,  and figure out what to do in that moment and to avoid damage and to live that solution in practicality and in detail – and avoid regret.

If I am with someone : I can tell them : just let me breathe for a sec, take a deep breath and map the situation and find a solution. If I need more than one breathe;  please have more… just let others know you (I) need more time to breathe/stabilize/have overview.

Regret is a bugger but that bugger has to go (!!) … so I am playing hardball with it, by spotting the potential of it, taking my time, grounding, breathing stabilizing, letting others know, and correcting myself to a change that is best for all. Changing /  moving in real time inside as also outside.


More on regret:




Day 680 – coop in psychiatry


cooperative in mental health





Mental health services in the western world, is mostly run by government and public spending. Some few are private. What triggers this idea of mine/mind to have a cooperative of mental health is the more and more psychiatry – survivors that are out there that have lots of valuable experience with psychiatry and drugs, psychology, emotions, recovery, self investigation, metaphysics, addictions, hospital and…. life.


People who have been in psychiatry for many years. Girls and boys who know what psychiatry and mental suffering/psychosis is all about. People who know them self, that have capacity, capacity to help others after recovering; self first. People who know what has a effect. People who know what and how to heal.


People with experience. I would like to start a cooperative and a unit of people within a coop and a unit, a company that is owned by the workers/survivors.  A service based on communication, learning writing, self communication, self forgiveness and all good (!!) and non abusive therapy methods like music, painting, swimming, climbing, knitting and all sorts of expressions.

This coop would offer the best treatment that us imaginable to its users. I am talking about all the progressive and over all good (!!) and supportive treatments, like open dialogue by dr: Seikkula, The Extented Therapy Room Foundation‘s methode and  approach from, Soteria – house thinking,  nutrition, exercise, arts, theatre, and all sorts of supportive  treatments of self therapy and self healing. Hearing voices circles and the 12 step program from the addiction anonymous movement. I am talking writing therapy, and team work. We humans can be our own worst judge and bullies –  we can then be our own best helper and friend.

I would like to start this coop and training and working ground. It may at a early stage be international and crossing borders. It may very well include both survivors and peers, scholars, addicted and others. To change psychiatry into something that supports life and creativity instead of drugging it down. To leave the old behind and go full for a new and supportive and healing psychiatry that suits the one.

Based on the very fundaments of nature; oneness and equality, and of what is best for all. If you would like to contribute to this creation of a new care and therapy system, I suggest you drop me a line: my email is: tormodhg@gmail.com


Let me hear from you





Day 671 – Personality of “a policeman”

– seeing myself as a police & control freak

I have some issues with perceived righteousness. Thinking I know what is “right”. Judging myself and others when I be – lie – ve,  something wrong within a situation. Thinking of myself as this special person, giving my character a opinion – a opinionated character of a police, within my head and my mind.

It is like this: you have a personality/ polarity construct. This needle/battery is then given a opinion,  a certain energy flows into this character to make it into me, playing out this character in life. I have this urge to feel that my way is “right way” and to feel superior to have my idea or “right” enforced on others, based on my be – lie – ves of who I am, and have grown into from programming.


It is not a fun thing to admit, lol, that I have this urge within to be a enforcer,  a police man, within and as myself.

Let me give you some perspective.


When I was a young kid at 7 – 12 years old. I grew up with 3 sisters and lots of cousins. We would play a lot and be messy, and play, sometime rather violent play. I remember my mother calling me the “police man” of the house. I have later suppressed this of forgotten it, but my mother tells me that I would pick on or bully particular my younger sister if they, according to me, did something wrong.

I would be on top of them and put them in their designated places. This is mostly forgotten within me now today,  but I see this personality polarity playing out and,  “wops” comes this memory of me playing police with my sisters. This plays out today within reactions, friction within me as the archetype of a judge archetype, and then triggering into a police archetype, that works it’s was through facebook, news, shopping, making dinner, working out, writing, walking etc… It is like a tiny part of my consciousness that sparks this police in my head to life and to living, practice.


It could play out from; looking at facebook and judging a picture a article or a video, on facebook. Or I could judge and feel need to correct someone in talks/dialogue in my daily life, or just on sight at the supermarket, judging and feeling like I have to correct it. Appearance, clothes, comments, mannerism, act etc…


This metaphysical “police” is like the second demon, in line after the (demon) judge archetype makes its judging, just like in society. It is all programming and lies, running a spiral – eating itself – like cancer. I have to realize that there is no right and wrong. There is only what is best for all. Investigate all things and keep that which is good – best for all.


Self forgiveness and self corrections inn blogs to follow.


desteni.org bennedicte

Day 617 – What makes a personality ?

Within my register or should I say collection of personalities, that I have played out in my time, the personality individually differ from each other from what sort of platform/context they are placed within. The single personalities differ from each other taken into consideration what context and physical reality they are manifested within and who I am talking and acting together with.
It is like I have one personality while talking to my dad, another when talking to a child, a third personality talking to the supermarket cashier lady, and so on… Compounded matter created over time from communicating and acting.
I have different messages, different truths considering what people I am talking to. So having more personalities is in fact really dishonest. I can’t inn honesty (!) have one truth when I talk to my dad and a different truth when I talk to a child or a old school chum and so on…
There is in fact no truth, there is only denial of what is here.
So having different things to say to through different personalities is in fact dishonest and that is also a layer of how this word/world is stitched together, creating war and conflict from lies and corruption.
Change starts with self. The more you change self from acting and applications the more your reality will shape and be created.
If you do what is easy like it is hard, then what is hard will inn its turn, become easyBernard Poolman
Goal must to be come clean of personalities and be genuine and self honest in everything. Not having to really on personalities to tell one how to act/talk. It should come naturally here, as genuine expression.
It is like the mother or the father speaking with child-like-take-on-cartoon-voice to his or her child/toddler. Taking on fake voice is simply deceiving and lying, eventually hurtful to the child. Self honesty is needed at all times.
Different personalities is creating different effects. And what sort of effect do we want? Non – abusive effect that is best for all life. And self honesty does not abuse.
I recommend checking out this interview series on raising children:
Thanks for reading
v2-smog Living income
Have a self honest day!
(video on what is self honesty):

Day 608 – Personality of being reliant on social – ism.

Personality of being reliant on social – ism.

Conference of the Big Three at Yalta makes final plans for the defeat of Germany. Here the

Personalities. Plus and minus. Positive and negative. This chase for the positive have lead me, for many years to value socialism over any other political – ism. I have thought that socialism is simply only cool and to be social and to be friendly and that is mostly it. And I see that I have a full personality out of being reliant to socialism and to that left side manner of thinking we should share amongst us selves. Today I see that in the socialist states or almost communist states of Venezuela, North – Korea and Cuba. They have lots of issues and problems. Poverty is one of the largest.

There is nothing wrong with socialism. It is simply that point of not getting stuck in the – ism. And rather find the best for all solution that are out there. Because they are.

You can say I have walked a path of understanding this world system – to be able to change it. I have learned some of the creation behind capitalism and its finer thoughts and political idea of Milton Freeman and Ayan Rand. I see that within this thinking and ideas, that anarchism suits into the most perfected idea of self as to have no state/government at all. The liberal dream of no government. With anarchism it will become a reality. Meaning voluntarism and mutualism.


I realize that a personality have ups and downs and that I have been living with the ups or positive thinking socialism is a fair share and it is all being together and being a part of the team. And then realizing the negative. That it relies of a huge state and lots of taxing of income etc. Lots of bureaucracy. Then, like eureka playing out, I tell myself that we can have a good life without a government. There are ways to live without a government. Without a suppressive military/police etc. Living income guaranteed and equal money system are tools, to get to such a place. Because a better world is possible. By far.

I realize I have been living within a preprogrammed personality thinking that I can rely on socialism to solve my issues. And the world issues for that matter. I have thought about the word “left”, thinking : is there anything “left” for us taking over this earth ? I have though that on my left side is where I have my heart. My parents also thought me that socialism is to be prefer, and that right side is to fear. But most of all it was my own finding, being young. All along I failed to realize that we all have to look beyond programmed – ism and look beyond it to see the best solution that is possible to bring into life. It is hopeless to sit on one edge and claim all ownership of ones corner or -ism. That is simply not a cool solution and will end up in abuse. One have to be liberated from the – ism to see the best solutions. Such as direct democracy.

So here I am hereby liberating myself from the -ism(s) that I have held tightest in my life. Socialism. A smart man once said investigate all things – and keep only what is good. That is what I will live.

From my personality of feeling reliant to socialism this have been quite a process. To realize that we actually can live with a society based on voluntarism and mutualism. It is possible. It all boils down to how we parent our children. Teach non violence where ever you go. It is of outmost importance. In this world we have seen so much abuse and sickening crimes. It is time to heal the hurt and to cooperate with each other. I have held on to socialism as preferred – ism or many years. I think we all need to shake of some dust and old ideas, such as to once and for all: end the war on drugs. The war on drugs – we have all lost. Mexico have lost almost half a million people to the US led war on drugs. Enough is enough. This is one example. And I say one more time. Living income and equal money are tools to bring forth such a world of mutualism and voluntarism. I will not carry any crown of libertinism or anarchism or communism, unless it is the best for all solution to do so. And at this point it is not. I doubt that time will ever come when I need to wear a crown lol. “Crony capitalism” is by the way, the result of a world where one fear each other. (But fear is a illusion and does not really exist) Crony capitalism meaning regulating of trade. Regulating of trade such as : OECD, TTIP, TISA, NAFTA, OPEC etc…

The very opposite for what Milton and Ayan told us to do. These agreements are cannibalism. Pure and simple. And they are opposite of “freetrade”.

Please understand that it is all politics.


The golden rule. Do unto others like you would like to be done unto. Give like you want to receive and love thy neighbor. Teach non – violence and non – aggression to your child. Because they deserve a better world to grow up inn.

To learn about the different – ism I suggest to check out this blog: https://commonsense4worldequality.wordpress.com/

Investigate living income to bring a world that is best for all


Investigate desteni for self discovery:


To educate on documentaries:


v2-smog Living income

Thanks for reading.

Have a nice day.