Tag Archives: believe

Day 750 – My personality of uncertainty and doubt

dsc_0381

painting by me

 

My personality of uncertainty and doubt.

 

Lately I have been facing, gradually more and more a certain personality of mine. It comes from back in time, where I was asked to investigate the word “uncertain”. Later I left this task and sort of “stacked it away” apparently nowhere.  Today some months later, the character appears again in my mind, it is returning to me from how I had projected it away from me. It is based on ego, and just a “feel good”, on the positive pole, – like don’t worry, but a rather deep sense of insecurity and doubt /paranoia  on the other, negative pole. I would have to feel certain and 110 % sure/secure about anything. I would need to double check everything to be soooo sure about appointments and agreements. It was like paranoia.

 

A full blown personality of polarity !

This personality would act out very hidden, or unseen. Like hiding from chores and tasks. I would avoid communication, and arrangements out of fear of feeling uncertain. Trying to hide from conflict, often by suppressing and making the polarity more potent in both poles equally (basic math)

 

I would notice this personality some time back, but looking at it / noticing it, I would not know what to call it. I would feel uncertain and in doubt about what to call it. lol I did not see until later that the uncertainty and doubt I felt in relations to what to make of it, was it!  It was staring me in the face.

It was so obvious, I could not see it – so I ended up projecting/blaming it on others.

 

I also notice a blame system within here, where I had this particular polarity/personality projected at another person. I could not recognize the personality/uncertainty  as mine, (I felt uncertain about it lol), or as something I had done, so I would judge it and project it elsewhere. I had for a long time projected this character of uncertain onto XX. This is where it is soooooo valuable to bring everything that we/I experience (like projections) back to self. Whatever I see and experience in my world and living, is my responsibility. Whatever thoughts, mind, projections, blame whatever I might bring up, is my responsibility to deal with.

 

Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on a personality of polarity and live by its design and programming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being stuck with a personality construct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live this uncertainty and this doubt within myself, over time and question everything that I do with suspicion and fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become suspicious at myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so filled with doubt and uncertainty that I would call it every-day paranoia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so uncertain about any situation, big or small,  that I would literally be very paranoid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project this polarity/personality onto XX for no other reason than seeing him as weak and little and then placing this with him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and project fault at the “little man”/ weak person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses to myself on why I should be allowed to make that projection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny and suppress within the fact that I projected this at him (XX), and I after this, refuse to take responsibility for projecting it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry and sad for discovering  that I was projecting this polarity construct on to XX.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am not in control of myself since I was suppressing and denying so badly the fact that this personality of uncertain was mine and not one of XX.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and “thrive” in the positive energies/ego part of the pole, personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only sometime see that consequences would smack me out of negative pole, basic math of polarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the negative consequences and to try to project these also onto others.

 

 

 

Self corrections:

I commit myself to bring things back to myself, to a further and more deep going degree.

I commit myself to live self forgiveness in my breathing/body.

I commit myself to take responsibility for my shit.

I commit myself to use my breathe (and close my eyes) to find stability and calm (self honesty) within to be able to trust myself and to feel certain and stable of what I am doing.

 

Realizations/insight:

– This personality of uncertainty and doubt really started long time ago, and has its roots in paranoia.

– I would fear the paranoia part of it so bad that I would push it away / project it away from me onto XX, who was innocent within this.

– I would suppress and deny being the origin of the polarity, though I see now in clarity that this was my responsibility. I could not see it because it was so obvious.

– I take responsibility for this personality and the projection within so.

– I learn from this how badly I fear thoughts/paranoia.

–  Also I learn how easy it was for me to project this, like subtle blame.

–  I realize how important it is to bring all things back to self.

 

If you seek information and assistance on doubt/uncertainty/anything check out eqafe  – use the search bar for typing in what you seek.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog !

links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

 

Advertisements

Day 693 – Black & White

Black & White

 

bwbike

Black and white. Good and bad, right and wrong, red and blue… dividing us, separating us with lies… (be – lie – ves) from programming.

There is very many subliminal and direct messages served to us on a daily basis. The shifting between black and white and chessboard design where patterns and trickery that we see, playing on our programming, especially on the (TV) screen is massive.

We are tough to be-lie-ve that light (white) is something to cherish and to follow. We are singing songs about to follow the light.

We are programmed (!!) in school and by parents to believe in the light. To favor the white light. We are told stories about God/Jesus/ etc and The Devil/bad and so on. We are thought that white light is good and darkness is bad and evil. We are tough to suppress and hide/deny darkness, and to cherish and praise the light.

 

From mainstream media we can see how news from Afghanistan, Kenya, Sudan, Nepal etc…. are not equally important to us… or that is how we are raised to be-lie-ve. This turns into the egoism of racism.

There is very, very much deceive with the white light. Consciousness is white light energy that wants to live eternally. We force yourself to live by the light and we are thought by school and system to serve consciousness and to serve the old systems of abuse. The old lies from yesterday.

 

We are told to praise and follow the light, a light who makes us blind and then we are robbed and murdered because we are walking blind. Blinded by light, robbed and killed by greed and egoism again: because we are weakened and blind.

I suggest this is something to investigate for everyone.

Do you want to live and slave by consciousness (thoughts, reactions, personalities, imaginations, backchats, fears) or not ? Do you know what consciousness is ? Do you know what it does? Do you have consciousness defined to yourself ? I suggest to have  a clear understanding of what consciousness is… and how you have been living it.

One thing is certain:

If you are to work on psychology on self and to walk off some data and mind, unschooling of self and face some internal demons, you most likely have to work through some darkness. You will find yourself as you have to embrace that darkness within and forgive it and live the change.

When it comes down to it, light is just light and darkness is just darkness. No need to complicate it. But truth is that we are complicated it is a difficult puzzle – but anyone can walk it. And sooner or later we all must walk it and become free of all our programming.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat something different or to act different if i see or experience black or white and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach positivity to light and negativity to darkness and to separate the two, from my be – lie – ves that I as they must be in separation as of thoughts and “how it is suppose to be”.

 

 

 

http://wiki.destonians.com/The_White_Light/Soul_Construct

774179_10152093772828076_2046244991_o

 

Day 673 – Perceived Righteousness

254467_10150210330166275_5936230_n

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sugar coat my opinion,  within giving into my perceived righteousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself excused to modify reality or to change and manipulate reality out of desire to be perceived by others as superior and great.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I forget to accept things as they are when I sugar coat reality to further bring on my verdict of perceived righteousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the act of perceiving something about a situation and then within the flick of a second, make a judgment based on my believe of being superior and feeling blessed, where my judgment is there for valid within my perceived righteousness and from within my mind – making myself the big looser eventually since this has consequences – to myself – like a boomerang.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and deny from having a  blessed/believe of perceived righteousness and failing to see the boomerang effect striking back at me – knocking me out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see with real – eyes how myself granted perceived righteousness strikes back at me with full effect and making me loose and making me face consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that issues of living with perceived righteousness is not my type of problems and ignore it and there for not something I would bother to look into investigate – having a  point of resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe of myself as blessed and within this feeling/believe of being blessed I grant myself the archetype of being a judge and a ruler based of believing myself to be blessed and therefore in a position to judge and to moralize others from superiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to open up the point of being blessed out of fear of being called out/bullied for being a spiritual or Christian or a Buddhist and feeling fear that others would judge me out of religious or other types of bashing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and deny for feeling “blessed” and for  feelings “spiritual” or living “a believe” within my life and from my actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to find myself within this concept  that I have a “be – lie – ve” and for the feeling of resistance so, and feeling like I want to reject and dump the “be – lie – ve”  from myself and within this dumping of believe I am serving my imagination and fantasy/movie in my mind and simply slaving to mind with energies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in perceived righteousness and in a believe that I am blessed and I know best – acting out like I am superior to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of myself as blessed for the country where I live and the life that I have, failing and rejecting the parts of myself that is based on be – lie – ve and being righteousness, failing to see that I have not yet lived  but living a lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to se with real – eyes that my perceived righteousness is something I step into from this role when I am about to act – do something/communicate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my perceived righteousness is mostly active when I act out and specifically when I write on facebook.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to think of facebook as my territory to play and mess with making judgments and to moralize over what I find there, acting like a judging robot, and communicate there with my perceived righteousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of facebook as the place to be if you are blessed of carry believes and to make myself the supreme judge and moralizer from my feeling of blessed and feeling righteousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how we end up correcting each other and bashing each other on facebook, not living the meaning/purpose of life as in equality and oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in doubt and fear out of thinking If I don’t have my be – lie – ve, I must then live in fear/doubt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I don’t live blessed or inn righteousness I will lose and live in poverty and in inferiority, failing to realize that poverty and inferiority is a consequence of actually living in being blessed and within righteousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see within myself how deep this lie of blessed or righteousness goes within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a need to “lift” myself up, that is based on ego and on playing the polarity game and making an ass of others and  to boost myself on energies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into ego and failing to see each and everyone as one and equal, with giving into stress and anxiety within my mind and within my body.

 

When and as I see myself ending up going into a state of feeling blessed or having a perceived righteousness. I stop myself, I slow myself down, and I breathe. I realize that if I go into acting within feeling blessed or righteousness I am living a lie, and I am clearly not self honest or fully responsible within myself. I real – eyes that in order to end  my perceived righteousness, I have to change how I act around certain activities. I realize that for me to have less consequences facing myself or others I have to become self honest and responsible with myself – as a starting point.

I commit myself to consider ONE more time before writing on facebok.

 

I commit myself to check myself ONE more time to be certain I am not acting in a be – lie – ve or in righteousness.

I commit myself to take my time and dump my be – lie – ves and to dump my blessing and my perceived righteousness.

I commit myself to be modest and commonsensical with leaving/dumping believes and not give into imaginations when doing so.

I commit myself to change in my communication and in my way to talk to people, particular on facebook.

I commit myself to listen.

I commit myself to consider and to be real, self honest and responsible.

I commit myself to stop sugar coating reality, accept things as they, are and rather work with that in responsibility.

 

 

have a nice day !

Day 660 – Schizophrenia and the bible

I started to read the bible some days ago. This world and its rules and design of matrix, psychology and components are very much based on the bible and the christian teachings. I guess that is why we have corruption, separation, fear, rape, murder, poverty, war, and all sorts of crime and abuse. That is not the only reason – but you get the picture… I started to read the first books of genesis. It is quite stunning to read. How it is designed from ones directive principle, to entwine oneness consciousness into the text and feed oneself with the words and concept of the bible and the books of genesis literally brainwashing while reading it. These books are filed with insanity, manipulation, psychology and crime. To put it short.

 

Some hours later I started to hear thoughts or a voices in my head. Like demanding voices and orders within my mind and thinking. It was not a cool experience. I was quite scared and also triggered by it. And I realize that I started to have these authoritarian voices in my head because of having read 2-3 first chapters of genesis inn the bible. This book, is so interwoven in society and in our lives from be – LIE – ves that we don’t see the crime. It is right in front of our noses.

 

I did not read a lot, but I understood that I was quite taken by what I was reading. And like I said I started to have these authoritarian voices after having read it. No wonder there is war in this world, from how we are directed by this book (amongst others) to live our lives.

 

I will work through self forgiveness to release myself from this construct of authoritarian conscious voices. And I will gently put the bible aside for now.

 

What this all means to me is that, I am quite sensitive. Apart from that, I see how the old system tries to play itself in the new system, but the old system is failing and falling apart. Collapsing. Still religious programming and brainwashing,  is huge and deep, deep within humanity.

 

maxresdefault

 

What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative – as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath.

– June Roca

http://desteni.org/

 

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into consciousness with my energies of fear from reading about the violence and crimes in the books of genesis, where I later started to hear voices and having thoughts in my head from this experience of reading about this “god” that said this and that and literally make life hell on earth from genesis.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my voices as they were demanding and ordering, like they were from my dad, or a teacher or a master or of the Lord, major of the crown city of London, because he is the only true lord of this earth of the old rules and system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to open up my ideas and thoughts about this voices and from where it came from out of fear to open up, like a can of worms.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to related to the word “god” as my father as my own father that is my dad, that in fact is not him but the “papa”, by the old system the pope and the leaders of the Vatican, that have been rulers of heaven (the Vatican ) and its laws like “umnun sanctum”, preaching, and so on.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to break loose from the kings and the priests of this world and to fear consequences of what would happen to me as of consequences of ending my own matrix, ending my game by stopping participating in the game and rather honor life and live my life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my voices in my head where autotarian like from the millgram’s experiment and how we are all programmed to follow voices and concepts of authority like teachers or police or royalties etc, that is all together completely brainwash and lies all from constructs like the bible and the books of genesis and you might say, day to day life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I that since all these people from the bible, could “hear”; “god” in sound, they where all schizophrenic, voice hearers, and not sane.

If things are not clear or you juts want to send me a picture of a flower, my facebook url :

https://www.facebook.com/tormod.hvidstengjedrem

 

Thank you for reading; enjoy your computing and breathing.

 

 

tulip-tour-57

Day 552 – Living words : Expectations

I want to investigate a word. The word is expectations. Lest first see what the online dictionary says of this word :

expectation

– a strong belief that something will happen or be the case

– a belief that someone will or should achieve something.

seoexpectations1

So this is interesting in both cases the expectations are based on be – LIE -f. A lie. So that many times you do not get what you expect, and you calculate this because you know that the be – LIE – f is just a lie, within your unconscious you are aware of this. It is like to spell the word God (or believe in God) that is in fact only dog spelled backwards. This is something else. So this word is giving me ideas like exclusive and .. sort of egoistic. I would expect something from habit or addiction. From pre – program. I would expect something to happen perhaps from my intuition. My intuition tells me so and so… Like math. Maybe I am right – and I get what I expect. The problem is that I have already sorted out the be – lie f- because it is bullshit or… a lie. And from there it is a rollercoaster of energies and happenings what the actual experience and “something” is to be played out .

Ex – pec – ta – tions, is based on a lie. Of coerce you can expect money from a employee, or you could expect your children to lose their teeth at a certain age, and you can expect your car to run out of gas if you do not fill it up, and so on, but these are more like plans. This is all designed and planned to happen. It is not unexpected – like expectations. It’s fundament of a lie. So… fuck expectations, right ? Right! And live life instead. I think this is what many people, especially within the love and light or “Namaste”, category, do not want to have plans. They do not like plans. But plans are cool, if you simply calculate OUT (minus) the expectations and rather go full inn to make it the best for all solution. Which is always present. Live like breathe. Inn full awareness. Right and wrong, good and bad a simply pre – program, what is best for all is the reality, and is always a choice. Listen to the body.

Do not get me wrong there is nothing wrong with the world expectations. I do not want to judge words. Word in themselves are innocent and they cannot be judged. It is my relations to the word that need clearing out.

I will remove my programmed energies within relation to this word, with self forgiveness:

What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative – as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath.

– June Roca

http://desteni.org/

Enjoy!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into a believe character that is simply giving to me lies of my pre program and my past, and imaginations, that I realize is simply re – runs off the same old programs over and over again into infinity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have believes from my childhood years of the character Jesus and thinking that I should be expected to live like he did in my every day, and how I was thought that that was the way I should live and I would expect people to tell me of Jesus and to live like he did.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into ego over the word expect because I would like there to be benefits and coolness for me within my world and my environment that I take for granted, that should happen to me like with a programmed ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that this world is not ready to be confronted with what expectations really is, and that many people have unrealistic expectations, from program and from past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I would compare expectations to each other, from different situations, and I would be sort of bubbling the values from this comparing, thinking only selfish and that I should have this and that, on top, while others have nothing and less so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect there to be food in my kitchen for me to eat every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect there to be a believe within expectations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I should not expect anything any time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I would think that I out smarted the love and light – character, by calculating out expectations instead of gambling/living the “lie”, “god”, “Namaste”, that is common with people that are considered to be followers of love and light.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations to the word expectations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I would expect there to be money income to my bank account every so and so often.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I should have expectations and that it is normal to expect things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people that expect things and that are living in be lie – ve of something to come to them out of the blue like a habit or addiction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I have no expectations at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I expect thing to be a certain way with certain people, and in certain facilities, smells, or sounds, experiences, of house and that there are expectations to events like traditions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectation at a event on my birthday or during Christmas, like with gifts, and I would expect there to be a carting focus on me and a certain attention to me if I talk in a crowd or in a gathering/meeting/party.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that there is something wrong with my expectations.

When and as I see myself going to some event or to some happening, and I start to build up this sort of expectations to what is going to take place. I stop and I breathe. I realize that expectations are creating a falseness and lie with the happening and that things rarely live up to their expectations, and that expectations there for is very much based on ego to me. I realize that I would benefit from NOT having expectations. I realize that I would like to live my life without expecting the outcome and that would be what is best for all. I commit myself to plan my life and not live in expectations. I commit myself to live what is best for all and have pleasant surprises.

Desteni I process

desteniiprocess.com

Desteni Stands for Oneness & Equality

http://desteni.org/

Free online writing course:

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Destonians

http://destonians.com/