Tag Archives: backchats

Day 799 – at my backchating rock

When I am at my backchating rock

Listening to the interview from eqafe.com, who are you when challenged  : and realizing the common sense solution to work on ones bad/horrible backchats. We all have some spiteful, nasty and sometimes gruesome voices/thoughts backchats in our head. There is no denying this. It simply is a part of the humans experience.

My backchats are also quite nasty. And what I have found is that it is helping me to sound them. To speak them to self. Sound them with my mouth – the same way they sound in my head.

This have been helping me sorting them out, or organize them better – because no matter how gruesome they are – they are still a part of the experience of being me. They are a part of my creation. So, to be able to take responsibility for them, as myself, I must define them, to be able to organize them – to forgive them by sorting them out with writing and speaking. That is the way with everything today, we need to redefine everything and re design our reality. The nature of life makes this necessary.

We are programmed to suppress, deny and judge such backchats within self. It is mind in its essence. Running away from and judging backchats/voices is what mind does. But it does not heal or cure the backchats/nastiness, then it simply builds.

 

So, I have some backchats that are often returning to me. I will not write them here, but they are nasty and spiteful, sometimes hateful. I know how they are, and to me  there is no escaping the reality that I live with this. But when I get to know them, to sound them, to make them less scary/dangerous, I am making myself the master of them. So that I will not be scared by these voices in my head, and backchats, but rather to sound them, write them down and define them fro then to look at them and forgive them and their essence,  when I can see more of where they come from.

 

It could be like lyrics from a rock band (metal/rap song). Nasty and spiteful. So I define that when I am with my backchats, I am at my backchating rock. It is like visiting that hard, rough, heavy rock within. My backchatting rock. For me to be familiar with myself and to master myself. To be safe and sound within any situation. When I am in backchat’s/voices – I am at my backchatting rock. So I can be safe and sound within self and not fear self. To become comfortable with oneness backchats  sort of. To know  it. For me to then be able to work with it, and see it for what it is. To be able to see it and know it to stop reacting to it, and not suppress it, but know it to be able to forgive it and dissolve it in total. To know everything is to forgive everything

 

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

Day 776 – spite and backchats of mind

spite

Spite : thinking of the fizzy drink “sprite”, when you in your aunt’s wedding, had 3 glasses of coke, you could balance it out in your secret mind /polarity games with a glass of sprite. Making it even to self, inn childish mind games. lol.. I have been living with lots of such mind games.

Spite is, on the other hand, a thing far from the fizzy drink. The health and living damage – differences and similarities, of spite and sprite, is worthy of books and PHD’s  and education.

Spite is that “something is fucked up – so I spit at whatever”, spite is like a judgment and a anger act. Taking a piss at something in “spite” and anger.

The last couple of days I have been having backchats in my mind/head, like these what shall I say, judging and critical thoughts and projections about other beings. It is not nice and it just makes me sad and scared to experience the old backchat dimension of my mind. I had sort of parked that and  thought (!) to myself well no more backchats for me; huh ! So my nature strikes back with backchats in spite.  Judging and bullying words about my fellow man. Not a cool thing to experience at all.

It was happening today when I was talking to “Hans”.  And we were talking about a chore or something, and then suddenly, a voice/backchat appears in my head, saying “You fucking’s retard”  or something similar to that. It just came up in my head from nowhere. I mean it is like the words from “Trailer park boys” or “South – Park” or “Beavis and Butt-head” – kind of talking and you might say programming of mine. And it would play out just like a sneaking energy within my mind, creeping in on me like Loke, shapeshifting  in the mythology. And it would almost tip me of my chair, I was so disturbed. And the mechanics and design of it was old machinery and programs running deep in my mind on polarity and its energies. So a solution would be to avoid the mind dimension, and focus on the body/physical what is here. Mind/head is just imaginations and energies. Physical is here and living – breathing.

So I will work on self forgiveness, on this spiteful backchat episode. Enjoy :

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for failing to see the leak within my mind, that would spill like oil into the waters of my being,  polluting my insides with backchats like being mean and cold hearted to Hans, within backchats in my head/mind, and within this I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for taking part in this backchat in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face these programs of spite and “fuck all” character that would bloom within me, and that I should simply interrupt and delete the thought/character/backchat by focusing on my breathe and at the same time grounding myself, where I look back and I judge myself for not paying enough attention to myself and my leak or poison within mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to instead of brushing of the backchats and sort of neutralizing it, and removing it from myself with breathe, I was rather shocked and scared – and in that giving the energy/spite more power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless in facing spite and backchats.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own inside.

I realize one of the ways to not let spite and backchats win my attention is to not give it that – attention, by not being focused on my head/mind with the programs – but rather my body and physical else. Also to change myself and not be manipulative and to try to control the given situation. Be more flexible – that is what I am looking for within this.

Here (below) is a  life review, a review of the life, of someone who have walked a life with a spiteful mind, that has died and is sharing their story through the interdimensional portal. How does spiteful thoughts emerge, what are the programing that makes us go into spite ? How to stop going into spiteful and manipulative thinking ? The psychology of how spite is built up within mind.

It explains here the experience a being had walking with spite. The games we play with manipulation and spite, always wanting things my way, trying to control a situation. How do we change from spite ?

Check it out:

https://eqafe.com/p/stop-your-spiteful-thoughts-life-review

Here is another interview from eqafe about spite:

The core creation of spite within the human experience. What are the relationships  within the process of spite in the physical and the mind etc…

Really interesting and deep going stuff, about the detailed metaphysics of man and spite. This one really strikes the core of it:

https://eqafe.com/p/spite-introduction-atlanteans-part-174

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Thanks for reading – enjoy breathe !

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 754 – Schizophrenia and Eczemas

Schizophrenia and Eczemas

I was recently in the Canary Islands on a vocation with my parents and two of their grand children. It was a outmost congenial experience, over all,  and I grew quite a lot within my walking process, particularly the last days on the Islands. On the way home from the Canaries to Norway,  I had a very fine concentration/living experience of self. I was like in the “zone” like I was “zen” and all transcended lol. I was living the word “discipline” and really seeing new stuff both within myself, of my mind, and also experiencing really nice movement within.

 

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sunshine photo from Bragdøy 2014

 

It was just as if it was too good to be true. And to my programming – it was.

 

– What you live today and tomorrow is determining the future you will have – eqafe.com

 

I have always had eczemas. I grew out of it in my teens and I grew (back) into it later in my early 20’s. if you would like a honest, view of eczemas please check out this link about why we have eczemas.

 

I was on the bus, with my family,  towards, the air port in Las Palmas. It was a 40 minutes drive. I was able to balance my skin with sun block, since my  pink/whatever skin had taken on lots of sunshine. I was starting to experience eczemas on my shoulders and upper arms, from sudden lots of sunshine. It itched. Sitting on a bus, and later for  5 hours on a plane, did not do things much better for my itch.

 

When we later arrived home at my parents place, to sleep that night, I decided to have shower. In the back of my head/mind a backchat started to present itself, when I made myself ready to shower: “burn yourself”, “you should burn yourself on your skin – to not itch”. I undressed and entered the shower with being somewhat (?) aware of my backchat telling me to burn myself with shower. I have chosen to burn myself with hot water a few times before, showering,  to be able to avoid scratching and itching. It was (really) one or the other evil. Either to scratch and itch myself, or to burn myself with water.  I was in the shower and the hot water would burn my itch away, leaving me in a sort of orgasmic/emotional-relief state of “wounded”. Like a personality of being battled and bruised. It was pretty warm water, and I was red like a lobster after the shower lol.

 

lobster

 

So I chose the burn over the scratch. What I SHOULD have done, that is easy to see now,  was to say neither of these two evils, STOP (!) right here:  I would like to add my doctor prescribed crème please!  That sentence of common sense should have made my day, but it did not make it; or … I was not aware and slowing down enough to see and block this desire to burn/scratch myself. I should have dealt with the nasty backchat in the moment before taking a  shower. But I was in a hurry. The program  was to hard wired within me.

 

The eczema programming nailed me !

 

Later I felt bad… oh so bad…. lots of self judgment…

Next day I  made a (new) testimony to not burn myself in the shower again.

Now my skin is healing, and I am getting back to my track of where I was before the burning. But this was definitely a step – back within and without.

 

I realize that I should be able to slow down more, before concluding with self to take a shower, to change my activity – that is truly my alert point. I should have marked it with a flag point, within mind programming, if  I see that my old mind  is driving  me to abuse and energies, from changing activity.

So I learn from this to take things sloooowwwer. To sort out nasty backchats and to see it come. I should have had that fine tuning, acumen, to see it coming from the back of my mind/head.  I need to be in charge of my own awareness; being, mind and body.  If I can have the directive principle of self as here, and slow the fuck down, when doing shit, I can really move faster in my process, in the metaphysics as well as in physical real time. I have seen this lots of times with self  – change is here.

Where are you ?

Interested in what I am doing – how I write/what I write about  ? Feel free to contact me

 

Enjoy breathe !

 

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links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

Day 750 – My personality of uncertainty and doubt

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painting by me

 

My personality of uncertainty and doubt.

 

Lately I have been facing, gradually more and more a certain personality of mine. It comes from back in time, where I was asked to investigate the word “uncertain”. Later I left this task and sort of “stacked it away” apparently nowhere.  Today some months later, the character appears again in my mind, it is returning to me from how I had projected it away from me. It is based on ego, and just a “feel good”, on the positive pole, – like don’t worry, but a rather deep sense of insecurity and doubt /paranoia  on the other, negative pole. I would have to feel certain and 110 % sure/secure about anything. I would need to double check everything to be soooo sure about appointments and agreements. It was like paranoia.

 

A full blown personality of polarity !

This personality would act out very hidden, or unseen. Like hiding from chores and tasks. I would avoid communication, and arrangements out of fear of feeling uncertain. Trying to hide from conflict, often by suppressing and making the polarity more potent in both poles equally (basic math)

 

I would notice this personality some time back, but looking at it / noticing it, I would not know what to call it. I would feel uncertain and in doubt about what to call it. lol I did not see until later that the uncertainty and doubt I felt in relations to what to make of it, was it!  It was staring me in the face.

It was so obvious, I could not see it – so I ended up projecting/blaming it on others.

 

I also notice a blame system within here, where I had this particular polarity/personality projected at another person. I could not recognize the personality/uncertainty  as mine, (I felt uncertain about it lol), or as something I had done, so I would judge it and project it elsewhere. I had for a long time projected this character of uncertain onto XX. This is where it is soooooo valuable to bring everything that we/I experience (like projections) back to self. Whatever I see and experience in my world and living, is my responsibility. Whatever thoughts, mind, projections, blame whatever I might bring up, is my responsibility to deal with.

 

Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on a personality of polarity and live by its design and programming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being stuck with a personality construct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live this uncertainty and this doubt within myself, over time and question everything that I do with suspicion and fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become suspicious at myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so filled with doubt and uncertainty that I would call it every-day paranoia.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so uncertain about any situation, big or small,  that I would literally be very paranoid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project this polarity/personality onto XX for no other reason than seeing him as weak and little and then placing this with him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and project fault at the “little man”/ weak person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses to myself on why I should be allowed to make that projection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny and suppress within the fact that I projected this at him (XX), and I after this, refuse to take responsibility for projecting it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry and sad for discovering  that I was projecting this polarity construct on to XX.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am not in control of myself since I was suppressing and denying so badly the fact that this personality of uncertain was mine and not one of XX.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and “thrive” in the positive energies/ego part of the pole, personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only sometime see that consequences would smack me out of negative pole, basic math of polarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the negative consequences and to try to project these also onto others.

 

 

 

Self corrections:

I commit myself to bring things back to myself, to a further and more deep going degree.

I commit myself to live self forgiveness in my breathing/body.

I commit myself to take responsibility for my shit.

I commit myself to use my breathe (and close my eyes) to find stability and calm (self honesty) within to be able to trust myself and to feel certain and stable of what I am doing.

 

Realizations/insight:

– This personality of uncertainty and doubt really started long time ago, and has its roots in paranoia.

– I would fear the paranoia part of it so bad that I would push it away / project it away from me onto XX, who was innocent within this.

– I would suppress and deny being the origin of the polarity, though I see now in clarity that this was my responsibility. I could not see it because it was so obvious.

– I take responsibility for this personality and the projection within so.

– I learn from this how badly I fear thoughts/paranoia.

–  Also I learn how easy it was for me to project this, like subtle blame.

–  I realize how important it is to bring all things back to self.

 

If you seek information and assistance on doubt/uncertainty/anything check out eqafe  – use the search bar for typing in what you seek.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog !

links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

 

Day 749 – Becoming more of me – expanding through living words

Tormod

my beingness signature drawing

 

 

Becoming more of me – expanding through living words.

Rediscover writing and redefining living words.

How to push through limiting believes about self, empower, learn and expand.

 

I have come to believe that I am lazy and bored, slightly depressed, and that is how my schizophrenic life should be like. A believe. That have become the result of how I defined the words, organized,  structured, symmetrical, and also colorful. I have been pushing this notion or idea that I can’t write any longer. My writing skills are apparently gone, or that I have written it all out already. That I am done and my process is complete. Like I have now transcended into the skies and there is nothing more to write about lol.

 

This is a typical believe of limitations. My definition of the word organized (and the other words) was simply not the “right” definition. It was not what is best for all. It left me bored and dull… slightly depressed –  and that is something specific for me to learn from. What within my definition of these words was so wrong that it led me to boredom/lazy/depression ?

So my thinking and limiting believes have been; “I am done”, “It is complete”, “I don’t want to bother no more”, “I have done my share” – ending up within my definition of these words – as a lazy bum. Boredom and depression as backchats within my mind – creating the limiting believes.

 

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picture i did

 

So from here I must rise up and find a purpose for myself  – by redefining these words – again – and expand within so. And by exactly using these words (organized, structured, symmetrical, colorful) within this process of organizing/rising up. Taking in organized to my “within” taking it in to direct my emotions and my thoughts. How the fuck does one take in a word to direct one emotions and thoughts ? lolol

It is as simple as it is hard. First one must understand the basics of mind and energies and thinking. I would strongly recommend to  investigate to learn such in depth and understanding, through the platform of desteni.

My emotions usually rise from my solar plexus, and from there up into the system of me/mind/system. So I take in the word organized to live within, and to direct my thoughts and my emotions to something better than the usually programming/system. How can I adjust myself, to take direction of my emotions and my thinking ? I know a thing or two on how energies work in the body and in the mind. So if I can make my definition of these words a more specific one, so that these words could help me sort out my ; emotions and thinking.

 

A very specific thing here is to see that believes are so very limiting of our being. Believes that are created from backchats. ” I believe that my life must be dull and grey – from old habit” – and so on. I made a believe that my writing skills had vaporized or that I had changed so much there was  nothing more for me to write on. Like I was too good for it. I believed to had ameliorated myself to a new level. To cool for school lol. I realize that I have made my life difficult and hard by not writing. Writing is a such a gift to not be underestimated, I had suppressed my writing by thinking I was done.

 

So now I take on this living word, organized within, to give it a new definition and a clear direction.  I have limited myself enough from believing in different personalities, and constructs of mind. Now it is time to look at the word organized in depth and see how it can assist me in my life.

I now need to expand myself within these words. So what I need to look at is to see within these words to see what with my previous definition went wrong ? My previous definition was by organized; to have such a arrangement of details that all involved parts are comfortable.

 

So how do I redefine a word ? To redefine a word I must learn the word  to know,  and then after knowing it I can make a definition – based on what is best for all. For more living words check out SOUL  and destonian wiki.

 

Organized. New definition:

is to have the comfort and mobility to take action and do what is required to become empowered.

self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on limiting believes from backchats like “I am done”, “this is it for me”, “I am done with writing”, “till here no further with writing”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchats/voices of mind saying “you suck”, “you are not worthy”, “you are to lazy”, “you are a retard” – manifesting as believes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live this believe within myself as I would start to give more and more energies and thinking to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad for defining a word “wrong”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see myself the deceit within my process of refusing to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and blame myself for making a “wrong” within redefining words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad and judgmental from having all these playoffs  that I tell myself I should have noticed before they made my reality so filled with believes/personalities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the backchat, “I am too week for this”, “I suck at this”, “I am no good at this”, “I should not do this”, “I should just be elsewhere.”

 

Now that I see this and have pushed through there it is a clarity within.

Clarity/realizations  are:

– If I postpone my writing it easily piles up and becomes difficult the more I postpone it.

– Backchats/voices/thoughts makeup the believes that eventually limit me.

– I can take on these words again and redefine them as many times as I need to make it perfect.

– Writing is fun and creative, I learn lots from writing.

– I also learn from pushing through and seeing what makes up what of components and energy, so I can  avoid going into the same trap again.

 

I will now take on the word organized and see how I can live it within, and to direct my systems within.

 

 

self-forgiveness-only-option1

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/
https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

Thank you !

 

Day 731 – thoughts, words and deeds

some guidance of voices/thoughts/backchats/words here today:

I have lived with voices/backchats for along time. It have been hell for may years. Today I am marginalizing my schizophrenia and my pre-programing, everyday with the tools that we share at desteni.org

And TIME HAS COME to get real, responsible and to become self honest

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“all thought is paranoia” – Bernard Poolman

I would like to look at a certain dimension, and perhaps a few different ones also. Let’s start with the scary bad/evil voices, backchats and thoughts:  And what they mean. We all have such bad nasty, backchats and they have consequences to us all. But they are in the head/mind. What do they mean ? What does it mean practically to have evil/nasty voices ?

If you have voices or tiny tiny voices/backchats in your head telling you to kill, or murder or to commit suicide. Do you know what it indicates?  We have all experienced this…

– you don’t have to be schizophrenic to hear voices

Voices or thoughts/backchats about ending a life, are indicating that you have to: change.  It means that you cannot live (this particular pattern)  no longer. It means that living a certain way, within your life, and existence that is not best for all. You hear the voices, backchats saying these words: because you need to change from a certain pattern in your life. Can you grasp this ? It is telling you to quit living a particular way.

Also one more dimension I would like to expose is thoughts, voices and backchat about sex. If you have thoughts, voices and backchat about sex, than that means that you have to look at your: self expression and/or your self – intimacy.

These two points/thoughts/voices/words peak out in humans existence. These two points are prominent and they might be alarming. But now you know (!) what they mean. So how to change ? Investigate the best place/platform to change:

desteni.org

check out our : principles

let’s walk !

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Day 665 – understanding god – self forgiveness

This is a continuation from my previous post “Understanding god”

 

What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative – as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath.

– June Roca

http://desteni.org/

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the backchat within my head saying “I am stupid”, “I am dumb”, “I am weird”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having others read my thought out of fear of being bullied.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to ask questions in my childhood, about “god”, existence of so, and religions out of fear because I felt it as a great taboo.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to ask my parents about god and religions and believes, as I was thought that It was a “off the record” – subject and not to be talked about in normal settings and I did not have the vocabulary to even start talking about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame myself from deep, deep within of this judgment of backchats, and for suppressing it away below within my physical and my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel low like not alive from this backchat of “I am stupid” and “I am dumb”, “I am a idiot” or “I am weird” that I  was participating with in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel helpless and hurt like a “road kill” animal hit by a truck, left crawling in its pity and blood from seeing myself back then being 7, 8 or 9-ish of age living this pattern of backchats/fearing to ask about god, living the pattern today/living the error.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face myself from this programming and fearing to judge or moralize over my parents and my upbringing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let in the thought “where do you want to go, with your life Tormod” ?, “What are your goals”, that I would feel deep within of emotional burden and blame, and I would along with this thought experience this horrible backchat of “I am dumb” and “I am stupid”, “I am a idiot”, “I am weird”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like waking from the dead from picking up this emotional backchat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuel my emotions by living this word, “stupid”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to open up the word stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face my consequences and my responsible self living this programming of “stupid” and “dumb”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it hard , damn hard, to even vaguely understand the brainwashing of people simply living the past programming/sins of the fathers and brainwashing/programming of others/children/passing it on, like I was done to in my upbringing and my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bash out and moralize over how people have been living in programming and brainwashing over and over like a fuckings whirlpool – washer machine, going over and over, serving the very same crap/lies over and over again non – stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a “freak” or to feel different and weird, from seeing how I was programmed to fear, hate and disgrace what was seen as “dumb”, “not smart” or “stupid”, like how we are thought to dislike people with down syndrome, add, schizophrenia or any other “things” that occurs within our lives and in society.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to take responsibility for myself as having lived these words, deep, deep within my past and my physical having suppressed it and lied to myself created believe systems around myself and lying to myself and people around me through these lies of god, not getting it and ending up judging myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge of moralize of how I was brought up as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this believe system based on how I was fearing to talk of god, and creating a huge emotional pit within myself and living in complete dishonesty and in pain from a very young age.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see what is backchats within this as I was living it so very, very compromised and rooted deep within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act shocked and scared over seeing how bad rooted this backchat was and failing to see it before the other day, during a kinesiology session.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to “understand” or firmly be-lie-ve in a God, and for always opposing such issue with my being and physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to call out in the debt of my being and body, that “God is dead”, “God have never exited”, “Kill God”, “Kill the Ego”etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see how “God” is just a huuuge scam (!) and lie – bases on ego and irresponsible and brainwashed people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I speak with a split – tongue, as I can call out religions as bullshit and at the same time participate in Christian traditions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I would think that calling out the abuse/brainwashing of religious traditions would do more harm than good.

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