Tag Archives: authority

Day 806 – Boys don’t cry



Today I experienced a breakdown, emotional energies would build up within me during morning hours, several complicated details/thoughts, and before I knew it I was simply fully possessed with anger, depression, fear and resentment in a breakdown within my mind experience. There was no danger involved though it was very uncomfortable to be me. This break down went on and it was becoming more and more painful. Until I stopped myself and sort of took a real step out of myself – to get a overview of the situation. To zoom out. And I realized that I had to accept the state I was inn. Once I got a overview of the situation I could tell myself ok.. I am having a breakdown, I accept the goddamn fact that I am having breaking down. I had to tell myself that It is ok to break down. I did that, once I made that clear to myself that:


“Tormod: it is ok for you to break down (and cry)” I did not need to cry – it was not that deep a possession, but It was pretty bad, it hurt me.


At that moment:  I accepted myself within the breakdown, that is where it all changed within me. It was like the code that ticked and clicked open the up the door to peace, ease, calm, tranquility and comfort.  I was now in charge of the actual breakdown and possession – instead of me being under its control. I could direct it and so I did. I directed lol… the energies down into the ground. From having had a energetic hell-game within my body from my mind – where I took charge and directed all the energies in my breaking down – into the soil. I was outside, mowing the lawn, so it all came to reason. It was like a puzzle that finally made sense. Through my body into the dirt. This was done after I had declared that acceptance of me.


The game changed when I took a step back and re-evaluated the situation, and accepted it. I embraced it by telling myself “hey ; it is ok to break down Tormod – don’t take it personal !” From that point I was in charge of the energies within, so could simply release the energies, by directing them  into the ground, under my feet.


This sort of self help I have developed over a period of about 5-6 years of practical walking, living and forgiving myself. Learning and understanding myself from walking with DESTENI I don’t think that is a lot of time once you consider the skills I now have developed. To simply be able to take charge, and direct ones emotions into the ground – is just so fucking comfortable ! It is simply beyond. So I needed that reminder of how to act/behave once a possession is active and I lose myself to energies – how to gain direction of myself within that situation.


So today the practice was a good reminder of how I can alter my reality and take charge. A good reminder of how far I have come in my process.

Here I talk on this experience :



Here is a cool video from Sunette Spies :

“What does it mean to be the captain of the crew and ship that is your life?”


These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof








Me on soundcloud:



Day 793 – Book of life – self authority

I just had the most amazing discovery last night !

75 tormod h g.jpg

Let me share with you, I was going to bed and doing so, going over some words that have been afloat in my awareness the last days. Some living words. The word “self authority” would peak out. And I would look at it. Close. To see what lies hidden within this word for me ??

First thing i would imagine is a police-man, being all authority and “hard”. Or a thought that “God” is the ultimate authority. Or an old teacher perhaps ? All such things I have now laid behind me and forgiven in detail.
After forgiving the energy addictions within so, I have come to open up this word to myself further – beyond actually – and what it would show me was absolutely amazing. Have you heard about term: “the book of life ” ? Well the saying goes that everyone has a book of life that is being read by self and in that manner – lived by self. It may seem complicated to understand but the basic is that we create our own reality. Abracadabra. So myself authority is me, and within me being the author of my book of life, I create and shape my words to go into my own book of life – that is my life and my reality that I create breath by breathe. Word by word.

Soooo that leads to the very bold but sane conclusion that I am my own self authority – by being the author of my own book of life. Creating my own book of life with my next breathe.

I know that there is no God that is ruling us like we are often led to believe. But now grounding it more back to self, back to reality, oneness and equality and what is best for all – and within all is also me. So I get what is best. By creating, in this second/breathe my own reality.

The book of life is my life – I will not leave it up to some projection of a bully, to rule me. No more !


Check out the links; they assisted me to come to this very awesome discovery:

These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof







living words & school of ultimate living: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuBohSdyFq2Dyr5CJikvhsA

Day 740 – we have already been programmed




does it not strike you that all humans almost 100 % equally have a mind consciousness system ?

do you dare to ask why we all have that …system and matrix on our shoulders ?

how where we programmed to carry it in the first place, because it definitely seam un natural and like a metaphysical/extra thing/box rather than physical like flesh, bone and blood of the natural body.

very, very many people call upon mind consciousness system (or parts of it) to be God/religion, and the authority they chose to obey. and fail me not to be atheist is just a polarity of this believe, so we are very much left in the dark to figure things out our self. lucky for us there are signs on our path. and the bible is just happen to be one of these signs.

thing is we almost exclusively chose this existence our self, we might have been convinced and corrupted by energies to take this authority and mind/god to our living and practice over millions and millions of years and multiple layers of existence. there have been far more advanced civilizations on this planet earth. lots of it hidden secrets, and mystery not taken into awareness (or schools). I stand to break that silence.

let’s look at a specific example. from the bible. cain killed his brother able. what does this mean ? (realize that the bible is full of equations and riddles and it like a puzzle to help us on our path to awareness and change)

cain killed able

consciousness killed awareness

so we need to restore and bring forth our awareness – again.


so we look at words cain:  cain, ein, one, en (one single)

en + able = enable

enable the awareness

and to be here as awareness is key. consciousness is just a trickery show and “smoke and mirrors” of mind. But don’t fear or despise/hate the mind/box, we must learn to live with it, to make it equal to us – so it can do some work for us instead. if you are into conspiracy and youtube videos, you will see that so many videos (01.01.2017) predict ww3 and catastrophe and mayhem. just like our own old con – sciousness making a con/scam out of us with mind trickery.

realize this, mind is held well and in control by us – serving it energies. positive and negative, like a fucking battery cell of matrix,  energies that further create thoughts, and if you are able to realize that thoughts and thinking is NOT the way to go, you have come quite far, because thoughts as it is, manifested in the physical body is a sabotage and a separation of the flesh/physical. thoughts and thinking is separation of life, and then it gets real easy to make it each and everyone’s task to take responsibility for one self and ones living since, hey, it all boils down to the individual, within mind and who we are as thoughts, words and deed. we know all the secrets and we know the human mind, we have all the solutions waiting for us….all the cool new technologies, just a breath away… but governments and big money is preventing it for all to use it. since they have lots of the tool of money they are corrupted by status q, and we allow it to go on.


picture this:


all the thoughts that you have or have had, that are nasty or cruel, bad thoughts about others, emotions, and perverse fantasy, imaginations, all the stories that  you suppress and deny for, are representing what ? suppression and denial, yes… and just like that all that data of emotions, are stored and stacked away like,  billions and billions and billions of dollars – kept at distance from your and my pocket, because, hey karma strikes. just like we store away all the bad thoughts and mind bothers, endless numbers of money is kept from our common sharing since the system is rigged like that – , so that only a very, very, very few have all the money – and we all have scraps. I am further one voice to break this also. but how ? just knowing it does not break it… I must clean up my mind, in totality. all the nitty – gritty details and stories that I would not share with anyone – it comes out and up and for studying and exposing, I don’t need to criminalize myself by posting my worst fantasy on youtube, but I can write it out, in common sense and self support,  to myself with pen and paper, in self trust and integrity, to my own awareness,  and share how I did it, and what  I used as  a tool to clean up my mind, which is self forgiveness.


“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself…..”


so to empty the mind its demons and energy constructs, and stop the psychology drama/looping and thinking, self forgiveness my friend.  there is nothing like it of this world. let’s change it all – by starting at home.

we are what we create – so within so without.



here I am doing self forgiveness on points that opened up during writing this blog:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself feel like all I do is pointing fingers at others and not sorting out my own shit, that makes my process like a burden like I judge myself, and ending up feeling bothered and sick from that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the world is not yet ready for self forgiveness, “they” need more wake up calls, more con – sciousness, more consequence –  in the face to wake up from the suppression.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fear to use the bible, thinking I am a christian or religious because of it, proving I have a emotional relationship to being religious or to believes in general.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge this blog as just one more wakeup doom and gloom  post that is lost in the maze.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it would relive me from stress and pain to have more money and to have more stuff, failing to realize that the amount of money does not matter, what matter is who I am in relationship to it.


– thank you for reading