Tag Archives: anger

Day 786 – Feeling loss of mind (component) – going into fear

Feeling loss of mind (component) – going into fear

Just now I was listening to a eqafe interview  that very delicately describes the process that I now walk. Feeling empty and feeling loss: Just today and the last hours, I have been feeling like I Iost something within my mind and within such going into fear thinking I had lost something vital or important when it was “only” from within my mind.

 

 

I would feel angry as a direct link to a fear of loss, fear of loss of possessions, objective, things, money anything from seeing and witnessing a loss of  mind system or components and within that specific loss, feeling empty, silent, depressed, feeling loss, fear and anger lol.. quite a lot to clean up after a simple loss of a mind system component.

Quite specifically I lost a sort of blame component (to my awareness) a sort of deliberating or consequence, call it blame system component. It would simply not be “there” in my mind’s programming no more.

 

self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into automated anger and irritation with self from losing something within my mind that I, within my mind automation,  would consider important to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fear of loss from losing this detail within mind and its mechanics, that I would lose and for my mind going into fear of loss, and me feeling helpless, alone, scared within the change of a second, not seeing that it was only a part of minds programming that I would let go of, where mind feels naked or in fear, and I as a being go into fear, automated with my schizophrenia into anger and further fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not feel like diving into this mechanics and details, where I think it is only mind and it is only bad news, not seeing the whole picture of what went down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not until now see and realize some of the picture of how I can open up to myself and communicate, share and LEARN to me about such happenings and event in the life of me, here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate to not ask myself questions and talk to me about what is going on in my mind – in self honesty what is going on and  trust myself to know self and communicate to self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to know what the future holds, when that is literally impossible, I am here, as breathe, I have to work here with the tools that I have.

 

When and as I see myself feeling a sudden, unexpected drop, or fall, scare, fear or anger, seemingly out of nowhere. I stop I take a deep breath and I slow myself down. I realize that it is in such happenings and moment I can learn, evolve and grow to understand the situation, to understand my mind. I realize that such situations holds great potential for me to open up, and communicate to self and learn about me here.

I commit myself to in such moments, to open up, write, or talk in a considerate way to others about what is going on within. To open up first and for most for me to learn how to live my life.

 

I commit myself to communicate more to me – about me. I commit myself to make each moment matter – more.

 

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These links are super – potent with the finest of support

– I am living proof

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

 

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Day 776 – spite and backchats of mind

spite

Spite : thinking of the fizzy drink “sprite”, when you in your aunt’s wedding, had 3 glasses of coke, you could balance it out in your secret mind /polarity games with a glass of sprite. Making it even to self, inn childish mind games. lol.. I have been living with lots of such mind games.

Spite is, on the other hand, a thing far from the fizzy drink. The health and living damage – differences and similarities, of spite and sprite, is worthy of books and PHD’s  and education.

Spite is that “something is fucked up – so I spit at whatever”, spite is like a judgment and a anger act. Taking a piss at something in “spite” and anger.

The last couple of days I have been having backchats in my mind/head, like these what shall I say, judging and critical thoughts and projections about other beings. It is not nice and it just makes me sad and scared to experience the old backchat dimension of my mind. I had sort of parked that and  thought (!) to myself well no more backchats for me; huh ! So my nature strikes back with backchats in spite.  Judging and bullying words about my fellow man. Not a cool thing to experience at all.

It was happening today when I was talking to “Hans”.  And we were talking about a chore or something, and then suddenly, a voice/backchat appears in my head, saying “You fucking’s retard”  or something similar to that. It just came up in my head from nowhere. I mean it is like the words from “Trailer park boys” or “South – Park” or “Beavis and Butt-head” – kind of talking and you might say programming of mine. And it would play out just like a sneaking energy within my mind, creeping in on me like Loke, shapeshifting  in the mythology. And it would almost tip me of my chair, I was so disturbed. And the mechanics and design of it was old machinery and programs running deep in my mind on polarity and its energies. So a solution would be to avoid the mind dimension, and focus on the body/physical what is here. Mind/head is just imaginations and energies. Physical is here and living – breathing.

So I will work on self forgiveness, on this spiteful backchat episode. Enjoy :

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for failing to see the leak within my mind, that would spill like oil into the waters of my being,  polluting my insides with backchats like being mean and cold hearted to Hans, within backchats in my head/mind, and within this I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself for taking part in this backchat in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face these programs of spite and “fuck all” character that would bloom within me, and that I should simply interrupt and delete the thought/character/backchat by focusing on my breathe and at the same time grounding myself, where I look back and I judge myself for not paying enough attention to myself and my leak or poison within mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to instead of brushing of the backchats and sort of neutralizing it, and removing it from myself with breathe, I was rather shocked and scared – and in that giving the energy/spite more power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless in facing spite and backchats.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own inside.

I realize one of the ways to not let spite and backchats win my attention is to not give it that – attention, by not being focused on my head/mind with the programs – but rather my body and physical else. Also to change myself and not be manipulative and to try to control the given situation. Be more flexible – that is what I am looking for within this.

Here (below) is a  life review, a review of the life, of someone who have walked a life with a spiteful mind, that has died and is sharing their story through the interdimensional portal. How does spiteful thoughts emerge, what are the programing that makes us go into spite ? How to stop going into spiteful and manipulative thinking ? The psychology of how spite is built up within mind.

It explains here the experience a being had walking with spite. The games we play with manipulation and spite, always wanting things my way, trying to control a situation. How do we change from spite ?

Check it out:

https://eqafe.com/p/stop-your-spiteful-thoughts-life-review

Here is another interview from eqafe about spite:

The core creation of spite within the human experience. What are the relationships  within the process of spite in the physical and the mind etc…

Really interesting and deep going stuff, about the detailed metaphysics of man and spite. This one really strikes the core of it:

https://eqafe.com/p/spite-introduction-atlanteans-part-174

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Thanks for reading – enjoy breathe !

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 773 – Anger – why me

A few days ago I was facing some anger points at my doctors office. I was going to the doctor, for a appointment, to have my shot, and to talk about my medications. A regular thing.  I had made the mistake of creating expectations of how and what it was going to be like at the doctors.

 

At the doctor’s office the play outs where not what was established as expectations within me. First thing for me to react on was the radio in the waiting room. I was annoyed beyond, that it was on and it was broadcasting, playing, and I very much felt bothered by the radio there, that I would judge as not needed for at all. Like surface talk and cozy-talk and you know those talks on the radio that does not mean fuck all they just talk to try to give you a false sense of worth and moment. Man was that not right for me then. I was called in to my doctor, and I would shake his hand as customary.

 

Later I was also angry because I was not getting my point and my opinion through to my doctor or at least I felt like that, I felt misunderstood, beaten and battered. My expectations where crushed. Why do I keep making them ? On top of this my credit card did not work lol.. so I had to go to a ATM machine to withdraw and come back to pay after my appointment. It was a very upsetting experience all together. It was like little explosions and grim faces in my head, anger faces pictures and experiences in my head/mind.

 

Later when I was leaving the doctor’s office, and also looking back,  I would see more clearly how I was going into anger. I could like take a step back within, and look into myself being in anger, both in the moment and later, and I would ask myself why and am I so mad, this is not real, why, why…? Like the experience I had of being in anger was not real. Out of the body experience and witnessing myself inn reactions from without as it was playing out. Seeing how I hurt myself with anger, like a movie, a very strange experience, feeling helpless then in the moment but soon starting to forgive the experience as I left the office and headed home.  So my mind played me for a fool and I was upset up by my suppressed fear. It was not pleasant – and it was not real.

So my whole going to the doctor experience was very unpleasant and rather sad all summoned  together. I know that anger has its origin in fear, and I would have this particular fear of being left out of the cool crowd since I take my medications. Anger has its root in fear and it is really fear being energized and pushed and channeled. If you truly want to understand anger the links below are priceless.

Luckily I know that there is lots of support on eqafe.com for anger. There is a in particular a specific self forgiveness file with words to read to self or to be read for. I recommend that one. If you purchase this product there is two items for you to download, a written paper to read and a sound file to listen to. If you get this product I can recommend to read the self forgiveness sentences loud to self – to play with sounding the words. And also to just relax – lay down on a sofa and be with your body while listening to the self forgiveness spoken.

 

Also … just go to the search bar in eqafe.com and write in whatever thing that weigh  in on your heart.  It is worth to check out and it have assisted me greatly though the years.

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this is also one of the many products about anger on eqafe.com:

https://eqafe.com/p/why-does-anger-exist-atlanteans-support-part-72

 

Enjoy  eqafe.com and enjoy breathe

 

Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

Day 766 – Bringing myself down from sharing and exposing myself online

Bringing myself down from sharing and exposing myself online

Today a troll brought out a demon in me. I shared a video from you tube, on steemit,  where I do a talk. The troll was attacking me and not my words and it was totally not a cool thing to experience. It hurt me.

So I challenged myself, after talking to my DIP(desteni i process) – buddy – to see what else was behind this point. And It goes to show that I judge myself for sharing myself. I would express something within a video or a comment and later judge myself for it. Thinking I expose myself to much, I should not say this’n that. Bringing myself down from raising my voice.

This buck stops right here! I will express and expose myself, my mind and my solutions and my living to everyone interested.

Check out self forgiveness at desteni.org – it can really change ones living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as “to much” and as a clown and silly or a looser for posting lots on facebook/else and for making myself a name, out there and sort of saying to the world “here I am” – and for thinking that I do this to much and that I over do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry with myself for seeing that I judge myself within not living my desires and my ideal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create expectations of myself how I should be sharing and not – online

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loos myself in depression from judging myself for not living this ieal and dream

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have unreal ideal and dreams about myself and life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like since my dream and expectations are not lived I fail and feel angry with myself for failing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I fail to live my desires and dreams and within thinking this – I start to judge my expression and experience online as wrong and bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I fail at expressing my core, depth or any taboo within where I judge myself thinking that I should do things differently and that I am not ok

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry with myself and within this anger I would bash out with my mind and loose myself into despair and isolation/depression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry and lost in despair within self

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face my own judgment – when I really just have to drop the whole judging thing and live !

It seam I judge myself for not living a perfect life. Like I have dreams or desires that are perfect (?) There is no need to judge. What so ever. There is however need to heal. So – dropping the judging and becoming life through self forgiveness.

Thanks !

Enjoy breathe !

 

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Check out the links:

http://desteni.org/

http://desteniiprocess.com/

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

https://eqafe.com/

https://warnomore.wordpress.com/

https://theendofpsychiatry.wordpress.com/

 

Day 733 – How eqafe.com helped me solve my anger issue

How eqafe.com helped me solve my anger issue

I was going through a anger issue the other day – and it was not a cool experience.  I was stuck in anger and spinning around in my own shit. I could not figure out how to solve the anger. Where did it come from ? What was the real reason behind it ? No one likes angry people. No one likes it when people get angry. The whole situation is like possessed and uncomfortable.

 

So how did I solve it ? I went to eqafe.com – because I know that eqafe has lots of help for psychological, existential and dimensional issues.

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So I found the search engine and I typed in “anger” and wisp, I had  57 different interviews about anger. Some about the nature of anger, some about being in love with the anger, some on why anger exist. It was covered from all angels – like only the portal knows how to do.

So the interview helped me look behind the issues, it helped me to understand the nature and the design of the anger and then to clear out the anger once I knew how – using self forgiveness.

 

 

So if you are going through something in your world/mind – please use eqafe.com to help self out.

If you have questions there is usually live support on the page also.

 

enjoy breathe!

Day 728 – Learning to hate from school work

 

This is the story about how I learned to hate and going into sabotage,  from attending school and having massive conflict within/without of school work and doing assignments at home.

 

It boils down to the memory of me struggling typically with math assignments at home. I could not get my head around the math. If you take into consideration the sickening game of money in this world,  I am sure you can picture a child’s pain and trouble facing such issues as, mathematics do you not agree ?

Math was not making any sense to me. Simply because I did not see the equation lived in this world.

 

It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

 

– Jiddu Krishnamurti
 

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painting by me

 

 

The outside world was reflecting war, and corruption abuse and suffering. The outside world was not living the math equation of 1 + 1 + 1… of oneness and equality. The math books taught me simple  math that I was supposed to learn. But the outside world and the bankers (in particular) was stealing from everyone else, in their quest for war and profit. Like it was 30 years ago when I went to school, like it was 70 years ago and how it still is today, in most of the world. How for instance we allow pisa tests to corrupt our children to this very day. The private institution of pisa that shapes our children’s everyday – it is simply beyond.

I remember this picture of me sitting at a table, trying to do assignments, with my face filled with snot and tears. Struggling and fighting within to control my anger from not bursting out, and how I was waaay out of balance. Again the assignment I was shown in the text books, did not comply with reality/outside world. I was so hurt by this… my insides was twisting and turning like a  propel within my body. My insides was devastated and totally a  mess of emotions and anger. I was having anger/psychosis/breakdown at age 7, 8 – ish. The worst part is that I did not know what went on inside of me. I had no words to describe my inside movements other than my tears and my anger. I did not understand school and even less did I understand myself and my reactions / tears from my frustration. I was stuck with hate! (And I had no way to express it !!)

So from the many hours or struggling within this I learned to hate. School was pure torture only extended for many years as such. And this assignment and school work taught me one thing more than anything else: to hate.

 

I will release the hate from myself and the energies/components attached so. I will use self forgiveness to release the energies, and to free myself from this memory of hatred/anger.

 

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Self forgiveness is best read out loud

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate school and to hate to do school assignments at home, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to grow more and more into sabotage and hate of system from struggling and going into sorrow, spite and anger from school work when I was 7, 8, 9 and older.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see any other way out than to go into anger and sabotage from not understanding home work/school work that would not comply with the outside world/reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for not seeing this particular pattern with me, and for blaming them for not considering my well being within this memory and pattern of learning to hate from school work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I realize that the pisa school – testing people must be really insane and/or evil because of how they design children to compete and to fight each other, so there could  be more wars and murder/crime in this world and then more money in the rich man’s pocket.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project this hate I experience today from being a child onto the pisa people and institution and for judging them as sick and wrong in their ways and business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I have learned my lesson to hate and now I want to break free and dump that hate and not touch it again but rather expose it and bring on a solution for school and for children/the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the school memories as one big black happening like a nightmare of pain and lasting torture and suffering, and that this is the truth about my school experience that I see clearer everyday – from looking back at being a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilt and shame from exposing this personal truth about my childhood, thinking I am making myself into a martyr, also considering what is best for all and what potential I see, and  being totally honest about my experience and telling it like it is.

 

 

 

 

Ultimately we need new systems and a new way of doing govern – mind/ment, banking, school, health,  and everything. They way we do things today with left / right, red / blue in politics; (as an example) is simply not doing any good at all. It is hurting us all and it is causing war/separation/abuse/etc.

 

 

 

Our children deserves a better tomorrow.

Let’s to absolutely (!!)  all we can to provide just that !

 

Here is what I think of public school:

https://soundcloud.com/tormod-hvidsten-gjedrem/public-schooling

 

 

So, what solutions are there to give children a better school/everyday ?

Well I think it is time to start investigating just that and; you could start with this blog right here:

http://teachersjourneytolife.com/

 

 

thank you !!

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painting by me

Day 662- Bible reading (re) action

The other day I started to read the Bible. I wrote about this on a mailing list on internet, asking others to join me. One of the first mail I had in return was negative, about me going to read the Bible. The person was telling me to not read it. I was instantly triggered, very deep. I was seeing all the Christian teachings and gatherings with l the old aunties and old fashioned people, conservatives, and so on, that I would call as Christians inn my upbringing. I would see the images from back then, live in my mind. I would then bring these images and energies, to blame and judge this person that was negative to me. Victimizing myself and blaming that person.

 

I would see all this in flashed and pictures and go into victimization and blame over this. I went into victimization and blame only over this one single mail. And I forgot to consider the other people that was commenting on my mail in support of me. I was having lots of support. There was several people posting on my tread that supported me and wanted me to go on and that wanted to participate in the project of reading the Bible. But I was blind in reactions.

 

So I was triggered into hate, victimization and blame over one mail when there was so many others mails that where supportive to me.

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What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative – as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath.

– June Roca

http://desteni.org/

 

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring the hatred from my upbringing over at this person answering my mail, and for going into anger over this persons reply.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go be triggered and go completely into hate and fear like a caged wild animal over being told to not do something I was looking forwards to do and to study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spin around in this hate and not daring to touch in on my old memories, denying it, and ignoring the spots of locations, of church groups etc where I participated when I was a young child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to open up those memories because there was so much suppressed hate and fear within those memories that I felt sick to my stomach.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for placing hatred on church groups and religions groups and at the same time want to read the Bible, which is sort of a contradiction in itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see the several other of people, that wrote to support me and that wrote in favor of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see all the cool support that I was given and just blindly following my reactions and victimization, simply following the energy rides within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge a, b and c and others from how they where rising me back in the days, when I was growing up.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to realize that the very reason I want to read the Bible is to understand why my up-bring is that way it is, and why this world functions the way it does and so on, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face the conservative people from my childhood in fear of what I might say to them if I should meet them today.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to curse those buildings and those places where I was going to church education etc, where I then start to wonder what happened when I curse something and from that seeing that I could perhaps find answers in the Bible.

 

When and as I see myself going into reactions and going totally blind over one thing, not seeing common sense. I stop myself, I bring myself back to breathe and I slow myself down. I realize that reactions makes me blind and at those time it is difficult to see what is right to do. I realize that I should always avoid reactions, I can detect if I am in a reaction, I should avoid reactions always. I realize that I should, ground myself in breathe and loosen up the energies with self forgiveness if I end up in a reaction.

 

I commit myself to step down and out of reactions.

I commit myself to self authority on this point.

I commit myself to be my own guide and directive principle and avoid all reactions.

I commit myself to realize that reactions are like a disease, conflict, and pain.

 

  • thank you for reading – enjoy your day !