Day : 445 Eating to fast !

Eating too fast and realizing that I am sabotaging myself.



Here is a cool vlog by Sylvie Jacobs on the topic of eating to fast:




Eating to fast is self sabotage:






When I eat or i am about to eat ,I usually go into energy addiction from my desire and need to have tasty food every day.

I go into this energy addiction where I tell myself inn that “this looks tasty and nice and tasty “, or “lets eat it up as fast and possible and move one” – sort of thinking. Like I have to stimulate my energy to satisfy myself like a perversion.


I realize that this sort of thinking have been sabotaging my way of eating and it resulted in me eating too fast and It again results in stomach pain and heart issues and stress and other symptoms of sickness.


I will work on self forgiveness to release the energy addiction in relation to me having a meal.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into thinking “this looks tasty and nice and tasty “, or “lets eat it up as fast and possible and move one” and creating a sort of competition or challenge to myself on eating as fast as possible.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have not been able to realize or fully understands that I am the loser within this eating competition.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project the issue or problem of eating to fast over at other people and at chefs or at people working the food industry, and then again go into blaming and judging them because of what I have projected on to them in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the experience of being in a hurry and being in a rush when I am to eat and when I am to have a meal where I forget to slow down and enjoy my meal where I speed up and press as much as I can into my mouth and sabotaging my experience of eating.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my food for granted and think that of course I am going to have food, taking it for granted that I will have food to eat when there is people starving everywhere on this planet and there is people who do not get food at all.


I realize that it would be supportive for me to be more critical to what I eat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think: “I must learn to eat slower”,   “I eat to fast”, and for giving into backchats where I tell myself “I am going to die from eating wrong” and “I am going to be sick from eating wrong” and I go into panic and I hurry up and eat like I am in a hurry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within backchats within my mind where I tell myself “what the fuck have you been eating” and “do you want to be fat and have heart issues deliberately” within my mind and for projecting these backchats over to my mother or my father or other people that prepare my meals that I eat, or that I keep within myself if I have prepared the food.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted that I will have food every day because of my life situation and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider other peoples struggle to find and by food for themselves on a day to day basis.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shame or guilt from the fact that I live and participate within a society where we throw away tons of food every day, when people are starving and trying to make ends meet.


When and as I see myself standing or just expecting a meal and to have something to eat. I stop and I breathe. I realize that when I stop and take a breath, I must be clear within myself that I need to take it slow and be relaxed when I am to eat, and I realize that I have to slow myself down and take it easy and to really give it time, when I am to eat. I realize that if I hurry up and eat in a hurry I am sabotaging myself. I realize and want to remind myself that approximately 30 000 children die every day from starvation so I should really slow down and appreciate my meal. I commit myself to as I stop myself and I take that breath to realize that I have to slow down and I am to eat and to really take my time with eating the food that I am served. I commit myself to slow myself down and take my time, with both eating and preparing a meal for me to enjoy myself alone or at the company with others, I commit myself to take my time with eating and to learn to enjoy my own company. I commit myself to use this “rule” to learn to enjoy my own company much more.







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Letting go of internet – learning to love myself. Day 444

Letting go of internet – learning to love myself.


Internet have been running rather slow the last days here at where I live. The telephones to the internet provider have been many and the frustration have also been there.

What I realize is that in the middle of this, is to love myself again, and I can learn to enjoy myself all from scratch. To take responsibility for myself .


I realize that the occasions and the hours spend with children are more and are occurring more often within my life recently. Really genuine care for chickens and other animals and plants is also presenting itself.


I realize that time spend with caring for children and singing to chickens and by involving in the lives of both my chickens den the children and plants, is where I live I take responsibility. I give life to life. And I gain on my horizon of self confidences. I also realize that I have been quite addicted to being online and to having internet to serve me every day, 24/7.


It is clear to me that I have been living my life together with millions of others being totally dependant on internet and its services. Realizing that when internet fails me I have to prove that I can still find purpose and I can still find practical and fun things to do. And I can prove that to myself and so I give myself more self responsibility and more self trust and learn to love myself . My dependency of having to be online 24/7 have been a handicap and it have made me distance from life, common sense and practicality.


I realize that I bring balance to my life when I for instance sing to chickens, and play soccer with children. I commit myself to continue bring change to my life with pushing myself to play with children and to be active practically and to do sports and fun games.


I realize that it is by saying self forgiveness, by taking responsibility and by learning what self honesty is, I grant myself trust and self love and some balance within my life. Join us in desteni where we explore oneness and equality. The chance of self forgiveness is here let grab it.



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My girl from Philippines – Day 443

My girl from Philippines

This is the story of a girl and I. I will call the girl for Beatrice.


I met with Beatrice on a Norwegian dating service online. I feel horrible about this now, how I used time and money on this online dating site. But I was acting out of pre-programme and I was acting out of being horny and acting according to what I though was normal.

At this point of my life I was not looking into what I was actually doing. I was thinking with my penis. I thought that I want to meet with a girl and I want to have sex with her. That was it. I was not thinking consequences and I so I entered this dating service. With name and email address. I found Beatrice after a while. I had then written stuff about myself. I like to go for walks and I like to practice reading a good book and I like to work out and go on long vocations, shit like that, to make it sound like I was living in a heaven. Almost all lies, just to make girls like me and to make girls fall for my writing to bite the hook with this bate I had of lies on it for them. As I said I was thinking with my dick.


Beatrice bought my pack of lies. From the dating site. We started writing. We wrote on Skype and on email. We would send each other pictures and tell each other how much we would like to meet. So in the end I was so triggered by pictures and by my intentions of sex and my ideas a so that I booked a plane ride to Cebu Philippines. I came to Cebu in Easter 2013. I came to a country in poverty and in corruption, and in tropical heat. Poverty everywhere. I was cared for by her family and I was treated nicely. I stayed there for 3 weeks if I remember correctly. We shared some laughs and some dreams about the future and we did fun stuff together, like swimming and walking in nature. It was fun. But deep within me I knew that this was not going to function.

The foundation of a dating service as a construct to build our relationship on was wrong. It did not taste ok. So deep within me I knew that it would fail. I came home to Norway and I continued to write with Beatrice. But It was getting clearer to me that this relationship was wrong.


As I was living there In Cebu, Philippines I knew as the days moved on, within me that “shit this is not going to work out she is much too young for me and ” our cultural differences are to big” ” fuck this” etc.


I left the girl and Cebu in haste and made it in time to reach the airplane ride home. I told Beatrice that we cannot date no more. The system don’t want us to be together, our relationship will not succeed. I came safe home to Norway and as the days passed I started to think again with my penis. I thought I wanted to meet with Beatrice again, and I thought that I would like to be her boyfriend still. I started to have contact with here again, but very soon during the conversation I started to doubt that we could have a relationship. I realize that I during these writing on Skype sessions I was thinking both with my penis again so I though, should I go back to Philippines ? Is it still worth it to try to create a relationship with Beatrice?


Should I move to Philippines?

So I noticed after having talked to my desteni I process buddy that, hey I have had this thought before, I have been thinking like this before like to think with oneness penis. I am going in circles and not getting anywhere. Enough already, I had already though about this. I had enough with thinking that I could even become Beatrice boy friend again.









I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into desires and ideas from within my mind where I tell myself that I need a girl friend, and I continue on how she would look and what her hair is like and all sorts of idea and desires on how I would imagine I would need her for intimacy and sex and making food and doing stuff together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I would like to be Beatrice’s boyfriend because then I could visit Philippines often, and enjoy the heat and I thought that I could perhaps have a vocational resort there.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself from entering that dating site where we met and for doing so because of being horny and for thinking that this is like porn or prostitution, how I am going into a relationship with Beatrice and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself on relating porn and prostitution to the meeting with Beatrice and to realize that with energies it felt just the same as prostitution and porn habits.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that me and Beatrice could have a nice relationship at least to my satisfaction, failing to realize that we or I could experience bullying because of the huge age difference and that I could experience being harassed and bullied because of our age and also our cultural differences.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within emotions when I eventually have this though within my mind and I have gotten to this point of I really want a girl friend now more than before because I see what a fool I am making of myself when I am alone developing this kind of ideas and thoughts of moving to Philippines to be with Beatrice again.  







When and as I see myself going into thinking and dreaming about Beatrice again, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the system do not want us to be together so it is not worth defying it since that could mean trouble and difficulties. I realize that I should not move to Philippines only out of desire from this young girl and I should rather work things out here back home with myself and to live that idea so above so below and to be that change within my life that I would like to see and live my life and stand in equality and oneness to any subject or obstacle that I may meet. I commit myself change the system from what it is today where girls have to prostitute to get money and to change it into something better for all.


When and as I see myself going into my mind reacting from desires or ideas that I should have a girl friend and how I need to find a girlfriend I stop and I breathe. I realize that I cannot go about creating imaginations and dreams about girls that I would like from a self sabotaging desire perspective because desire will always tempt me with what I do not have. I realize that I will slow myself down and take my time with finding a girl friend. I realize that I am in no hurry with finding here. I realize that I have plenty full of time to try to find that special one and I will give it time and work on myself first. I commit myself to stop all mind bullshit about how she should look like and how I picture here to be like etc. I commit myself to deal with myself and my relationship to myself which is self honesty and self forgiveness.


When and as I see myself creating desires and ideas of wanting a girl friend I stop and I breathe. I realize that from within my mind I create desires and ideas about how she looks and all sorts, I realize that If I give into the mind on how I would like a girl friend it is to complete something that I am missing within myself, and to fulfill what I am not. I realize that I do not need to have a girl friend to complete my empty pockets. I realize that is how very many relationships go on today. I realize that I do not need to have girl friend because I must for fill my desires and needs. That is wrong. I realize that I need a better foundation within myself and to establish self trust and to learn to love myself first.



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Day 442 – Relationship to words – Inevitable

Relationship to words: Inevitable : in·ev·i·ta·ble

[in-ev-i-tuh-buhl] Show IPA


1. unable to be avoided, evaded, or escaped; certain; necessary: an inevitable conclusion.

2. sure to occur, happen, or come; unalterable: The inevitable end of human life is death.


3. that which is unavoidable.


So, it is words again. Words 🙂



We will move from having a male dominate world (which it is today) into a more peaceful world (in – eve – like Adam and Eve )based on equality, of eve (women) on this earth – it is without doubt that women are superior to men when it come s to lead and being a leader. And together to sit and cooperate at table (- I – table). We need to stop fighting and start cooperating. And we want to change into what is best for all.

Inevitable. It was inevitable that I would write about Inevitable.

What are the thoughts that come up in my mind when I hear this word ? Word come up words like understanding, harmony, peace, and dignity, unity, change and equality. But also death and pre – program. Death is also inevitable. And we have all be programmed, which have been inevitable.


What does that mean ?

Well I am no specialist in predicting the future but I know that great personalities like Dr. Martin Luther King, and Mahatma Gandhi, or Che Guevara, Jesus, and many others with them, have said that to create the best world possible for everyone, for all people to live and share this earth, in is in itself, something that will drive humans until they make it, again, and again , and again until we succeed. To stop all wars and end the abuse, people will go through their lives on this planet trying to make that. Until it is complete. It is inevitable. And because we have the opportunity to change the world into a place for all to live in dignity: we will. So we will create heaven on this earth because we can. Sooner or later. It is really simple math.





When I think of myself and my life I often end up thinking that there are no coincident, everything happens for a reason. We have all been programmed like in the Matrix. And I realize the dangerous life that I lived before with drugs and alcohol. And I cannot pretend not to see that my life would perhaps be different then if I would not do drugs or alcohol. So it is really simple it just takes allot of work and allot of change to make it. But a world of equality cannot be missed. It is inevitable.


Self forgiveness in relation to this word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the feeling of pride because I think I have the key within self forgiveness and that gives me the power to change the future through practically and physically doing the work that is necessary where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on this feeling of inferiority or superiority from thinking I am some Jesus or some savior that will save us all.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can predict the future because I know the secret of self forgiveness and that I know how to use it and how to maneuver with it, and that it gives me some sort of power or position within my life where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I see that I am very easily taking this into my thoughts of egoism and selfishness to serve some desire or some selfishness within myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into feeling inferior and superior when I think of the future and I imagine that it will be so cool and so awesome in the future where I forget that it will be allot of work to do all these changes and I forget that these changes must be practically manifested within my physical body appearance through work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself my relation to how I picture the future where I think that the sooner the better the change to come where I forget or ignore that I have to be ready and responsible within myself first to deconstruct my ego and my relationship to energies and the mind before I can say that I am totally relying on awareness and on honesty. Which is where I am heading.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the backchat going on in my head saying “The future looks so cool and peaceful” or “In the future I will be in charge” or “I will have power in the future” and” In the future I will be the man ” where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare A, B, C, D and others to this backchat where I create pre – judgment of these person and when I crate these impression of this people within my mind and sort of stick the backchats to my conscious that I would later use as a measurement to value and compare them to measure information and knowledge about people, where I judge them, until I become totally nuts with this game of competing and comparing, completely sabotage myself .


Self corrections to be lived.

When and as I see myself going into this role or this state of feeling inferior or superior because of my conviction of a better future. I stop and I breathe. I realize that to make a better future a lot of hard work is required. And I realize that I must prepare myself to do lots of new work, and to work on my physical appearance, when I work. I realize that I have to prepare myself to be a leader and to make it totally clear that I have to prepare myself and to be a good role model to give people the best world imaginable. I commit myself to be realistic about how I view a future and to be realistic about the work that is involved. I commit myself to work steady and steadfast to create a world for all humans to live in dignity and a world where life is protected. I commit myself to create a better world to the next and the coming generations. I commit myself to blog and vlog and share about topics and points within my life and within the world until it is all complete and done, from conscious to awareness.


When and as I see myself attending meetings or group gatherings where I am speaking before a crowd and I become nervous and filled with fear or anxiety. I stop and I breathe. I realize that fear and anxiety comes to me when I am not breathing properly and I must then again bring myself back to breathing and being aware myself and my breathe. I realize that when I am speaking before a crowd I must make sure that I have self confidence. I realize that I must be certain about what I do. And I commit myself to slow myself down with breathing through my center chest and through breathing slowly and stabilizing myself here with my breathe and becoming confident within myself so that I can speak and be heard and to continue speaking and making appearances and not avoid it because I need the training and the talking skills. I commit myself to stabilize myself here and breath since that is the most important part about speaking in front of several people in a group or a crowd is to breathe stabile and avoid reactions.


When and as I see myself staring into the future and making predictions of this and that. I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am very easy giving into egoism and selfish desires if I stop and just stare into the word future. I realize that I must rather do physical work and to bring the change into my body so I can live the change within myself and in my appearance. I commit myself to be that change that Jesus, or Gandhi talked about and I commit myself to follow the role models of A, B, C, D, and other peoples that I walk with, and to make sure that my appearance is equal within so without. I commit myself to let the future be the future and rather live here as my physical and as awareness and honesty in present.





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Day 441 – Making choices within my life – looking at my teens (self forgiveness)

Making choices within my life – looking at my teens

Part 2


This is a continuation to the blog post where I look into my relations to making choices. Blog link:

I will work on self forgiveness to release the energy attached to me making decisions and making choices within my life and to free myself and to again be able to make decisions on my walk towards awareness.

Enjoy !

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have not been able to realize or fully understand how ruined my teens really where and that I was so full of hate and fear that I feel lucky today for being alive and I realize that I would not be here unless it was for allot of support from parents and system around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at my relations to making choices as this a piece of paper that is black on one half and white on the other. And I realize that during my teens I grew a lot of demons and fear systems that is covering the black parts and I realize that I have been living my life within the black parts of the paper very much and not giving myself freedom to see that there is a white side to and by doing that gaining self trust and self confidence, but minding the polarity involved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go back to my teens and finding nothing else than piles of emotions and collected pieces of fear and hate and anxiety where I would normally expect there to be fun and loving and care, realizing that my life as 13 and 14 year where full of emotions and fear systems affecting life and creating consequence around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a dream picture of polarity of how I would imagine my teen have been, and for going back to this memory and those pictures and indulging in them creating a lies and polarities, where I give the picture value and energies, where I fail to realize that the polarity would further create problems within my life by hiding and covering myself from reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that my teens in total where filled with fear and distrust and that my life and my memory of being at teenager where mostly filled with anxiety and trouble, fear and confusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself my memory of positive experience of going to church and taking part in meetings and gatherings within tensing, but also creating polarities from images of these religious gatherings where I would discover very fast that it was all brainwashing and lies realizing my need to hide and suppress this from not being displayed to my parents or to people in my environment out of fear of being bullied or discriminated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a black and white picture of my teenage years where I would imagine finding myself always within the blackness and the darkens and for realizing that I do that because I would have problems making decisions and taking choices within my life, where I would imagine and think that no matter what I chose it is still bad or wrong and totally occupying the black side of the imaginative paper.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having so great trouble making decisions that it had great consequences further inn life, for my choices inn schooling and in education and my life within drugs and escape from responsibility and reality so that I would have to do it over again like this here, with again claiming responsibility and cleaning up my past in my present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to during my teens feel like I am choosing between two evils and I feel like no matter what I would do I would fail or loose, and I would not realize the full consequences of my choices until today where I can through self forgiveness and inn responseibety look back at my life and study the details.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I to this day feel like choices are hard to make because I do not trust myself because of my many wrongs and bad choices in my teens and I made some decisions within my life that where simply wrong and bad, where I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to drag these thoughts and these patterns of failing into my present and into my everyday life when I am expected to make decisions today within my life and I judge myself as a mistake before I made a choice, because of bad decision making when I was 15.



Self corrections to be lived:

When and as I see myself within a question where I am expected to make a choice. I stop and I breathe. I realize that within my world and my time I am going to have to make decisions. I realize that I have to rely on myself for making these dictions and that the decisions can lead to a physical changes within my life. I realize that my choice might have consequential outcome within my life and I have to be responsible for this. I commit myself to the fact that I am responsible for my own choices. I commit myself to write pro and cons if I need to sort out which choice is the best choice. I commit myself to write and discuss with others what choice can be the best for me. I commit myself to common sense mannerism within choice making and to be aware that I am responsible for my choices.

When and as I see myself going back to my memories of making bad decisions in my teens and judging myself for that I stop and I breathe. I realize that It is no good judging myself for that today, because I did some mistake when I was 13 and 14 does not give me the right to judge and blame myself for that later in life or at all. I realize that I have been judging and sentencing myself to sever punishment for many years through suppression like with drugs and alcohol and I realize that I have to stand and correct all this today with responsibility and common sense mannerism. I commit myself to be investigate my child hood as also with my teens and to figure out what exactly was going on within my mind and my world of thoughts and backchats and mind games at all. I commit myself to set myself free from the energies of judgment and of blame. I commit myself to walk everyday from conscious to awareness.

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Day 440 – Making choices within my life – looking at my teens

Making choices within my life – looking at my teens

Part 1


I realize through the last couple of days I have been working on self forgiveness, opening up points and layers within my youth. I have been living my life through my teenage years with great suppression. I realize that my thinking from my age of 11 and 12, and 13, was very seriously and sickening negative thoughts. I was thinking like I do not fit into here, I do not belong here, this is not my place. Help me get out and leave. But there was no escape or help, to see. I had to figure it out myself. I could not find my place on earth. And I would further commit myself to elements and thoughts like “I am a freak of nature” and “I am a gangster” and “I am a rebel” and sticking to the aggressive side of the psyche charter sort of. I would be in opposition no matter the discussion. And eventually all my choices would involve pain or suffering. I would find myself within the realms of depression , anger frustration with a strong and determined manner. I was determined to stay like a freak and a misfit. This lasted all through my teenage years until I eventually where caught by psychiatry when I was 24.

I would find some trust like a polarity within the church that where engaging teenagers when I grew up. I would be engaged with teen sing choir and gatherings but it was more a cover up for and also a place to socialize with others. I was total not really buying the “god ” package that where served through church and mental brainwashing at the gatherings and religious meetings.


I would go through my ages of 12, and 13, and 14 and find myself as a complete zombie. I find myself committed through denial of my emotions while living them, and my feeling as freak and looser and, and I would attach to that. I was living in despair of balance through outbursts at my parents, when it came to that. I where determined through my teenage years to stay a rebel and a rather spiteful character. I was in a lot of trouble or close to trouble that I dragged with me further in into adulthood. I was seeking adrenaline rush and later I suppressed all this with alcohol and drugs.


I realize today that my life through my teens where so incredible fragile. I was so fragile that I find word hard to use. I where a entity of emotions and aggression sorrow and spite. A terrible combination. I was a wreck at 12. This was not noticed by people in school or other relations This was not taken into consideration when I where to choose further and higher education. I had less than zero experience or at all knowledge to make a decision on. Taking the decision of choosing a higher education where totally random to me. And it to this day still is very, very difficult for me to take decisions. Decisions making is a huge problem with me. Small or big decisions. I go completely paranoid with fear of choosing wrong.



You see through my teenage years the faith I had in myself where so low and dirty and fragile that I am surprised that I am still alive today. From looking back at when I was 12, and 13, and what went on inside my mind and my brain then. It is quite and supriced to me and I am glad that I am still alive. I was not understanding knowledge of life that I was as expected to and I would choose my future like people bet on lottery. Totally go with the flow kind of action. And it is not until toddy that I see that I am not able or in any further matter prepared still to take choices. It would seem to me as I grew up that choices where always between two evils and it would paralyze me to make decisions. It would be like I would freeze in moment and give into mind and mind fucking and tricking and screwing around with drugs and alcohol, and living without responsibilities within my life at all. And avoiding choices.


When I come to think of it is that specific reason that is making people accept being poor and having little money. To remain poor. I have some friends that say “I am poor, but it suits me ok”. or “I am happy with being poor”. Like they do not mind. My guess is that it makes them less exposed to choices and to decision making. A easier life and fewer options. That is how I see it. Accepting to be poor is to not be responsible with self and realizing that one is supposed to make decisions and make choices within oneness life. Just like me when I was starting gymnasium. I was making wrong choices based on “go with the flow” – kind of thinking. I was not acting responsible. It is today that I fully realize how damaged I was of being in opposition from 12, and 13 and from that fearing to make dedications. It certainly made great impression on me. Making choices in a part of life of human beings. Young and adult, and I want to restore my faith in mine.


Self forgiveness in next blog.


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Day 439 – The mind is a tool not a toy – a psychiatry survivals perspective.

The mind is a tool not a toy – a psychiatry survivals perspective.


I know the psychiatry of today. No better than I would like to listen to anyone’s and I do mean anyone’s, testimony about their story or their view on the topic and to learn their perspective on it. I want to share what is fact and what is common sense with psychiatry and life. But let’s look at the source of trouble here. The mind . The mind is invented when man meets man. The mind is not invented to the person living on a island alone. The mind is not invented to a baby child. A baby child knows not mind.


Schizophrenia only occurs when there is more than one person to awareness. (At all) – it is one of the fundaments of knowledge of schizophrenia. Or self. So mind is invented and thought upon and within. So what does mind do in psychiatry today ? Talk , gestalt therapy. It still exists. It does not show to good, but it still exist. Talking to a person with a degree in psychology, or other common interest still takes place. Just talking and listening, sharing. It still exists. On certain levels of trust, never the less the very best therapy above all, is the one you give to yourself, through resonance and practically psychically writing and reading and working with your body. Working could be lots but physical challenges are very much needed and should be per scripted to patient, much more. Training and gym should be granted to people who take medication to improve their lives.


At the hospital in this county where I live and grew up, where I have spend many months of despair and months of, psychosis and suffering , I have been visiting the old art and craftsmanship classrooms. They used to be of great importance. But no more. Chemical thinking ate them up and austerity finished them totally. I have spend hours sitting there and drawing or painting, knitting, and working shit out from within myself. It have had enormous importance for me, and my will to live on. It seems shameful that today one should have iPod and not knitting, or one should have Smartphone and not painting. That is not a cool sign of mannerism or behavior. At the same time I see that proposals of legalizing weed is going on in USA and other countries. That is not to cool by me. I mean weed should not be illegal, it should just not be used or taken. Simple as that. But people will still take it because they know nothing else. People are desperate for methods and paths, of escape of responsibility. Now that we see weed as a industry in Colorado, for instance it is just one more wheel on the imperial ride machine of USA to bring people to their knees in shame and despair over being what they are within the matrix of existence. The personal crisis is still going on. Read the news. Serial killers take Prozac and anti depressants. It sometime can be said a simple and barbaric as that. But it proves to be true.



We must again face the fact that humans can change. We seem to forget that every day. A adult to can change. We can still learn lost and we can still do lots and because we can create heaven on this mother earth, we will. Because we can. And the possibility is there. We have to stop the abuse. No more suffering. Welcome oneness and equality.


I have been there and I have shared some honesty with other patients. And I have seen the doors to the art rooms close and shut down. I have been trying it on my own and I have created lots of what shall I say facilities to work and promote arts and work and to heal and share awareness on everyone’s psychiatric health. But I have also been weak. Weak to drugs and narcotics. And also alcohol. That is a part of my burden , but I forgive myself and move on from there and face other perspectives and new ground in oneness and equality.

So what is the answer to today’s psychiatry of the world ? In China or India there is hardly such a thing as psychiatry. People in China who suffer from psychosis are stuffed away and kept in prisons and in small cages and in ropes, and cared for by their family.


But what about the rest? USA, Italy, Scandinavia, Britain., etc…

There is no easy way to say this but psychiatry is a huge industry, controlled by few people and their demonic energy that they share in desperation after profit, and money, power and above all control. It is beyond sickness. It is demonic. The sickness is total and it is from the Imperia of USA. And our other governments tagging along. But enough is enough. We are walking process to end suffering and abuse. There have been enough corruption and greed enough mind control. Enough lies. They are not going to walk away with it. Till here no further. We are going to stop it. For good and totally. Eventually. The boards in USA of psychiatry and chemical therapy Incorporated, is controlling the remains of the world through the so called free marked. The USA controlled free marked. Let’s bring it back to self, to my responsibility on earth.


I can name 5 or 6 or maybe even 10 known diagnosis’s that I know what is, and that has its symptoms. Like Schizophrenia and hearing voices and like manic depressive with being depressed and Anorexia related to eating disorders, and PST which rephears to early trauma like abuse or violence in childhood. But what about the mind ? How is mind used as a tool when it is only give chemical therapy. You cannot claime that one is dealing with the mind if you are solely given chemical therapy. That would be lies, abuse and not trustworthy. The mind is above all best dealt with through resonance and self forgiveness. Words. Talking writing, playing piano, drawing and forgiving self, physically working with self. Caring for self. Forgiving oneness emotions and the thoughts and ones desires, polarities, fears, etc. Self forgiveness in the great key here. I cannot say this clear enough. It is the so called “hidden secret” the detail Michelangelo touching god, or Oscar touching Leon. Jessica touching a dog, or Adam cosign a cat, or whatever. It is people sharing being together in decency and in respect. Oneness. Base on the simplest holistic principles. To put it in understandable terms, the principle of Jesus and common sense. That would be nice. And that is what is coming. We need you to join in on the walking and writing team. Join us in

In the boards in USA that control the diagnosis systems claims there are over 400 known diagnosis “out there”. 400. So that no one escaped the diagnosis system. There is one for everything and everyone. I could narrow it down to 5 , or 6 or maybe 10 with great success. I could solve lots, from my point of perspective and my point of view. With my solutions. Delete poverty and you come very, very far with it. But I am just one more Jesus. And I still have lengths to go with myself in my process with desteniiprocess. But still I am a person who have had ideas of sharing, love, openness, caring, commonsense and therefore locked away in hospital for years. Just like Jesus Christ was crucifies for sins that he did no commit. People would fear my mind. And then I would fear it to, and I would there for need self forgiveness. I will not be silenced. Even though there might be energies, not full people, but energies that would like me to be gone because I threaten their empire of money, power, control, and drugs.Image

Down to earth awareness. There are not 400 mental diagnosis, to believe so is Donald Duck language to claime so is madness. There is neither need for 10, 12, or 15 or more different kind of drugs per patient per day. It is simply abuse. And far from common “doctor sense”. It is crime what is going on, a huge fuckins genocide that is taking place before our very eyes. It is the emotional negative demonic energy that floats through the people and doctors and politicians and they minds, in channels heads and hands, writing out prescriptions so they them self can collect a bigger salary. It is greed of man.


What about mind, mind still exists. We are depending on it. Mind can be helpful as it is. And it is a tool to be used to paint, play piano, or play hockey, or to run and swim, work on fields, care for children, say self forgiveness, read a book, drive a car, bye groceries, etc. The mind is to be used as that tool to understand self and to reflect on one self so that one can see what is maters where one is in this locked system of mind, and so that one can, learn to deal with self. Through the best therapy available which is to write out and say self forgiveness. To self. The sound of self through self forgiveness. Join us in Start today with your course, and lets walk and breathe, write and share until it is done completely and until everyone needs are met in oneness and equality.





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