Day 859 – pyramid game of self

IMG_1641.HEIC

 

A snippet of how I work my way through my schizophrenic mind and conscious chaos – into life, physical stability and awareness as self :

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to be at war against myself to always find points about me – traces of personalities within me – the puzzle pieces of me that has been shattered and broken, that are not in tune and not perfectly aligned, that I would go into feeling inferior and in lack to and I would engage in anger and judgement personalities to go attacking myself for being out of tune and being imperfect.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to be at war against people that I see as “pyramid people”, people who represent a superiority / inferiority to me and my living, where I judge and go into attacking them for what I see as the ruling elite / superiority, and I would eventually feel bad, depressed and angry at myself because it is me who is then the war monger and not the stable and collected being in presence and in equilibrium with me as the physical solution.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel upset, like something is wrong when I face women leaders, like my programming tells me that there is something about it that is wrong or out of tune, that either I SHOULD cherish it and within that political correctness – worship it – religiously/politically OR I would resent it and think something is skewed and out of order, and eventually I fall back to myself in anger, judgement and depression with thinking that I am the problem, because I am not worshiping and praising like the programming tells me to. Within this I see that it is my starting point of feeling inferior to women leaders and that is my “pyramid” point to correct – to ground to myself as my physical presence.

I forgive myself as my beingness my innocence that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I need to find the neutral point of my pyramid, but that is still a pyramid so it is a waste of effort and the same deal, rather; the BIG idea is for me to NOT REACT to seeing/sensing the pyramid within me, but for me to EQUALIZE to it, o not react to it, and to ground myself as the point into my physical being and body stability – that is the solution and equilibrium that is missing in this math and polarity equation of me.

I commit myself to keep grounding myself as the physical and when ever I sense the pyramid / polarity construct emerging, take a deep breath and stabilize – ground into the physicality of self and being – for me to be that calm, collected and stable point in the situation and by that be equal to everyone.

Note:

The war and balance/fight between personalities (2 or 3 personalities) within self – is typical to the schizophrenic. A war and a fight within self as static personalities.

 

More to study about the pyramid : see article from Bernard Poolman

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