I realize today, that I am living a specific pattern from years back. It is a real tough pattern that I believe blends a bit with my schizophrenia and mixes itself with some believes and addiction systems and whips there is the sneaky character.
From I was very young I learned to steal. I do not know from WHO I learned to steal but I started very early to take a few kroners here and there. This would go on systematically since I was 7 or 8 years old, and it would blend with my schizophrenia systems – or at least that is how I see it.
Today, more than 30 years later I like to say that this time is past me – it’s gone. And though I have ended the stealing, I still find today that system character of being a sneak. Like a thief that would sneak in on something – take something and hide it. Back then it was for the adrenaline rush and the experience. Today my mind uses this system – this error to sneak in new thoughts and new systems into me – to further occupy and possess my mind and my conscious with thoughts, feelings & emotions – the holy triangle of mind’s dope & cravings.
One more time. Today I catch myself in sneaky sabotage systems – where my mind tries to sneak in desires, positivity, spite, pity, blame, fear, worry or ANY sort of ENERGY MIND SYSTEM into my world – to pollute my awareness – to fog and make my reality complicated and metaphysical.
I notice that the sneaky character (that is a personality/system within me) wants to seduce me by promising experiences and escaping, from my pain and troubles, with feelings and emotions – like selling dope to myself/my ego. It’s the addiction ticket.
So I will note this and take onto myself to end this system of sabotage. I can reverse it and drive it back to the physical – through self for-giveness – because I am the one who started it and created it – and I am the ONLY one who can truly deal with it – to forgive it and live the best solution – after having properly forgiven it. So I will look at my addiction to adrenaline in particular and the sneaky character that wants to sneak in the system of me – to clutter my awareness. Because I do NOT allow for this system to take root – to poison my awareness – any further.
Give time to DESTENI
A schizophrenic's journey from consciousness to awareness. In Oneness & Equality! 
“blends a bit with my schizophrenia and mixes itself with some believes and addiction systems and whips there is the sneaky character.” This quote also important/defines my ‘schizophrenia’. Moreso to avoid conflict than to steal . Tolkein’s character Gollum became relevant for me. Perhaps the desire to be invisible