So this is a snippet, and a bit of a overview, of some self forgiveness from different constructs that I am working on within myself, together with support from Andrea Rossouw from : Quantum Change Kinesiology.
I forgive myself as my beingness, my innocence, that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a construct of religion within me, of making my process, my desteni I process, my religion, where this believe of religion (polarity / good and bad me) is fueled by fear of awakening my schizophrenia and then fear, anxiety and worry of failing process would emerge, and into fear of process itself should find it to dump me off somehow.
Within this I forgive myself as my beingness, my innocence, that I have accepted and allowed myself for having this religious (polarity) fear construct in my mind to recycle itself from how I worry that my schizophrenia should awaken within me, like that was a issue, because of the revolutionary and pioneer work that I have done with forgiving and coming to a full understanding of my schizophrenia and within that stopping it on its track. Where the almost “built in” worry of my mind, will recycle itself from causing fear of waking my schizophrenia and then also fuel my religious construct of making my process a religion in itself. So the one construct from fear of waking my schiziophrenia – is feeding (from fear) my religious process construct. So they recycle each other.
So what we are looking at here is for me, 2 details for me to grasp.
The first detail is the religious process construct – how I make my process (my life) a religion of polarity and how I make my process my “God”, my deity. This sustain itself from extracting energy (fuel) – from my fear of schizophrenia and fear of re- wakening my schizophrenia. This is also the 2nd point : That I fear to waken my schizophrenia, mainly because no one has done the work I have done with self, walking self forgiveness and mind constructs to end (!) my schizophrenia. New ground for us all. Mathematically and commonsensical, the schizophrenia should not be able to re-boot itself. It is done and I stand corrected from the mental suffering that was my schizophrenia.
So from opening up this element and going into understanding of it, I can quantify the other phases that lies within the layers of such issues, and memories. Such as comparing, avoidance, worry, fear, inferiority, manipulation, anxiety etc. I can identify, understand and then change myself and then literally open the pandoras box to take direction of me in these different emotional phases – because I can see it – more clear – within myself – into-me-I-see – intimacy ! I can see the emotion/beast move within me, and then within a second, slowing down, and breathe, I can alter my standing, to forgive the energy/emotion, ground myself and be a living word, together with physical awareness/slowing down. It’s also about giving up the fearing of my the old schizophrenia to reboot itself.
This is about me getting to know myself better – to know my mind, and how it operates, into more clarity within me, for me to take more direction of self.
If this is interesting for you, investigate : desteni.org