Schizophrenia and Eczemas
I was recently in the Canary Islands on a vocation with my parents and two of their grand children. It was a outmost congenial experience, over all, and I grew quite a lot within my walking process, particularly the last days on the Islands. On the way home from the Canaries to Norway, I had a very fine concentration/living experience of self. I was like in the “zone” like I was “zen” and all transcended lol. I was living the word “discipline” and really seeing new stuff both within myself, of my mind, and also experiencing really nice movement within.
sunshine photo from Bragdøy 2014
It was just as if it was too good to be true. And to my programming – it was.
– What you live today and tomorrow is determining the future you will have – eqafe.com
I have always had eczemas. I grew out of it in my teens and I grew (back) into it later in my early 20’s. if you would like a honest, view of eczemas please check out this link about why we have eczemas.
I was on the bus, with my family, towards, the air port in Las Palmas. It was a 40 minutes drive. I was able to balance my skin with sun block, since my pink/whatever skin had taken on lots of sunshine. I was starting to experience eczemas on my shoulders and upper arms, from sudden lots of sunshine. It itched. Sitting on a bus, and later for 5 hours on a plane, did not do things much better for my itch.
When we later arrived home at my parents place, to sleep that night, I decided to have shower. In the back of my head/mind a backchat started to present itself, when I made myself ready to shower: “burn yourself”, “you should burn yourself on your skin – to not itch”. I undressed and entered the shower with being somewhat (?) aware of my backchat telling me to burn myself with shower. I have chosen to burn myself with hot water a few times before, showering, to be able to avoid scratching and itching. It was (really) one or the other evil. Either to scratch and itch myself, or to burn myself with water. I was in the shower and the hot water would burn my itch away, leaving me in a sort of orgasmic/emotional-relief state of “wounded”. Like a personality of being battled and bruised. It was pretty warm water, and I was red like a lobster after the shower lol.
So I chose the burn over the scratch. What I SHOULD have done, that is easy to see now, was to say neither of these two evils, STOP (!) right here: I would like to add my doctor prescribed crème please! That sentence of common sense should have made my day, but it did not make it; or … I was not aware and slowing down enough to see and block this desire to burn/scratch myself. I should have dealt with the nasty backchat in the moment before taking a shower. But I was in a hurry. The program was to hard wired within me.
The eczema programming nailed me !
Later I felt bad… oh so bad…. lots of self judgment…
Next day I made a (new) testimony to not burn myself in the shower again.
Now my skin is healing, and I am getting back to my track of where I was before the burning. But this was definitely a step – back within and without.
I realize that I should be able to slow down more, before concluding with self to take a shower, to change my activity – that is truly my alert point. I should have marked it with a flag point, within mind programming, if I see that my old mind is driving me to abuse and energies, from changing activity.
So I learn from this to take things sloooowwwer. To sort out nasty backchats and to see it come. I should have had that fine tuning, acumen, to see it coming from the back of my mind/head. I need to be in charge of my own awareness; being, mind and body. If I can have the directive principle of self as here, and slow the fuck down, when doing shit, I can really move faster in my process, in the metaphysics as well as in physical real time. I have seen this lots of times with self – change is here.
Where are you ?
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Enjoy breathe !