A specific eqafe interview was recommended for me today. It made me aware of a phenomena that I have been both suppressing and denying within my daily living and application for quite some time. It is basically to build up anticipation and expectations/creating a mind reality of something I expect and want to happen. It is the accumulation of specifically positive energies within me (my mind) that have been building up within – just like greed/stacking up.
Something like this: I have been wanting and desiring something specific to happen. And within so I have very sneaky to myself within my secret mind and my over all mind creation, saved up lots of positive energies within my mind and my head on how this should play out. How my desires would be in real time, while all in all preventing the event to find place at all.
My opportunities and possibilities of life and carrier would be blocked and prevented from happening simply from the creating a wall of anticipation, expectation and over all a big balloon of positive energies/expectations within my mind/head/eyes. How I wanted my future to be, matrix made/fake.
All this positive energies accumulating and stored in my mind would then automatically be directed like a personality, and the very same personality/polarity construct within my being. This polarity then have both the: stacked and stored positive and good expectations in one end (of the polarity construct) and then: not so much visible the negative and sorry (polarity) of the very personality construct.
One more time. The stacked up positive energies would be stored up within my mind/body and the automatically the mind, from my own programming, would be serving this to the personality and the polarity (pin needle) and making my life complicated and polarity directed, loosing myself into the cage of a person/polarity, from stacking up positive energies out of expecting things to be a certain way/outcome.
painting by me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into expectations of something that I would like to see happening, and within so, stacking up lots of positive energies and expectations (the meeting with this person; will be nice, cozy, warm, interesting etc) and to build up lots and lots of energies within my mind giving a personality of expecting something to happen – the power over my being and body and from that, creating all sorts of thoughts and backchats within my head and sabotaging my over all holistically experience.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore and try to surpess the positive energies that where stacking up within me – from how my preprogrammed design wanted events to play out (dinners, meetings, gatherings etc) and within so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to surrender this energy and polarity of positivity to a personality/polarity of expecting and anticipation of things/events/life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for denying and ignoring the huge expectations that I was building up thinking everyone does this it is normal, simply making my consequences greater and my life more complicated/polarity based.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore and deny to see and “smell” the energy building up within me, I would not know how to handle it as it was more or less pointed out to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel “little” or “low” or inferior in any way, because I was not able to detect this abdication of responsibility myself, but had it pointed out to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to poke or deal with the positive energy out of fear what people would say or think of me if I was to ruin their “positive vibes” they were on – or to mess with their preprogrammed of “reality”, afraid of stepping on others toes within my own process.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not taking a stand within this energy addiction / accumulation, and for feeling like failure for not addressing this point of gathering positive energies like a “game” within and more elusive: polarity play.
Self corrections to be lived:
When and I see myself about to drag into expectations and anticipation, and desire- like dreaming of future things/meeting to happen or in any way ; in detail plan the outcome of things, I stop myself, I slow myself down and I deep breathe.
I realize that creating expectations and “dreaming” about how events occasions and meetings, communication, dinners, could be like – positive and nice – I am then limiting myself and the outcome of the event, because I give into the positive polarity of the game of energies, and within giving into the polarity I create on the downside of things a negative polarity/consequence/math/nature.
I realize that if I have lots of expectations and ideas about how things should be like, and build up lots of energies – about how I would “like” things to be like – I am preventing change and opportunities within my life at these events and in communication. I am preventing change and things to occur, in my life, that would be for the common good (what is best for all).
I realize that I should keep my mind and my world free of that metaphysical energy of positive/negative, and in general energies that my body can’t absorb: that builds into a energy flashes, colors in my mind box/head, addiction/possession and consequence of polarity/out of my control and out of my direction/creation.
I commit myself to be that direction of self, and to stop all living in energies and polarity play, and to take change of my full potential/physicality and not create consequences and to prevent all build ups of energies/expectations.
I hereby commit myself to stop gathering and stacking up energies within my mind as it is a possession and abdication of my responsibility to create a better world, and to end and prevent the limitation of my potential and to live in the physical/living words and not in metaphysics/preprogram/energies.
enjoy breathe !