Day 719 – Stabilizing myself in Hogganvik Camphill Village

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Since 1st of July 2016 – I have officially held my address in Hogganvik Village in Vindafjord, south west Norway. Life here is rich like they say in Copake Camphill (NY) USA. Life here is very rich. It is rich in hugs (!) quality food, rest, work, animal care, making music, and much much more. Camphill Village holds the things that humans appreciate as the qualities of life, or at least what it should be. It is a mutual benefit society, on holistic principles. It is not perfect but nothing really is perfect. It is a good life where just that; life is in focus.

I have lived with schizophrenia for 38 years now. I was born with it. I receive a welfare check as disability for having schizophrenia. It makes it practically possible for me to live and work here at the camphill. I do what work I can do, and I do my best. I rely on others to do their share and together in it all we make  great team and then also a better life through giving our efforts worth, weather it is fire woods, milking of cows, weeding, picking berries, cooking or doing house chores.

 

Today I have been working with cleaning of bathrooms, and I have also been making buns for this evening and for tomorrows breakfast.

I am learning to take responsibility and to appreciate the work I do as well as the work that is done for me, for the community. I am working on stabilizing myself in this community and to be grounded here as myself: body and being , mind and all – in this camphill village.

It is a challenge to stabilize oneself in such a place. Lots of things are new to a guy who lived alone before, and also considering how my life have changed the last 5 – 6years.

 

Here is my go at the word stabilizing:

LIVING WORDS – link to SOUL

 

STABILIZING

 

Current allocation: I would think of stabilizing as a method or tool to become stabile and calm from first being active/chaotic. On average with self. If you are stabile you stand. An equality with self. Stabilizing is important to have good health.  I would think that today I am not that stabile and I could need to stabilize further within my process. Stabilizing is something one does and that is needed after a turmoil or after a storm or possession/psychosis or after a reaction/commotion. A big tree is stabile and a rock is stabile, grounded and consistent. I usually tell myself every morning : Calm, comfortable, stabile and make it my job to live these words.

Dictionary definition:

 

to make or hold stable, firm, or steadfast.

 

to maintain at a given or unfluctuating level or quantity:

 

The government will try to stabilize the cost of living.

 

Aeronautics. to put or keep (an aircraft) in stable equilibrium, as by some special device.

 

verb (used without object), stabilized, stabilizing.

 

To become stabilized.

 

Etymology:

 

1861, originally of ships; probably a back-formation from stability, or else from French stabiliser. Related: Stabilized; stabilizing. Earlier verbs in the same sense were stabilitate (1640s) and simple stable (v.) “make steady or firm, make stable” (c. 1300), from Old French establir.

 

Sounding of word:

stable twice

steralize

double eyes

stabile eyes

say bees

 

Polarity of word:

Negative: I need to stabilize on a constant basis. I think I am never stabile enough. I think I would need to make huge efforts to stabilize all the time. I would feel like to stabilize is too hard for me. Too much to ask.

Positive: I like to experience myself as stabile, calm and directed. It is a good sense of authority and self direction when I experience that. I cherish to be stabilized, I strive for it.

 

Creative writing:

Being schizophrenic, I would strive for stabilizing all the time it seams. I would think that when I am stabile I go into feelings and desires. Judging myself as not worthy of being stabile. I realize that I need to live this word further. I need to bring to here, what is my reason for judging myself within this and investigate it & forgive it. So I can live this word to myself.

 

 

Self forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not worthy of stabilizing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make stabilizing something more than myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I can’t stabilize it is too much to ask.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that to stabilize is the core challenge to a schizophrenic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I can never be to stabilized.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I always fail to stabilize.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of construction work when thinking of stabilizing and I would think that I am not a particular good or crafty worker with constructions and buildings – simply judging myself for not being stabile.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a bad engineer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I need  more time to stabilize before I do whatever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to fall down from standing up and stabilizing.

 

Self corrections:

When and as I see myself judging myself as a bad construction worker and as a bad engineer, I stop myself, I slow myself down and I breathe. I realize that I am living this life with schizophrenia. I realize that I can become stabile if I practice it. I realize that I can become stabile if I can trust myself. I realize that  I need to stabilize myself where ever I go.

I commit myself to slow down and stabilize. I commit myself to ground myself in breathe and physical and to stabilize myself. I commit myself to find my safe place/zone and stabilize.

 

New definition:

Stabilizing is to have grounding, it is getting to be centered and to be or become calm and at ease from first experiencing turmoil or stress and unrest.

Vol: 2

New definition: Stabilizing is to be at level. Stabilizing is consistent and calm/comfortable and at ease.

 

big tree  wallpapers hd (1).jpg

thanks for reading

 

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