Day 717 – Self forgiveness on new living words

Connecting with my beingness

Self forgiveness on new living words relations

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my life become unorganized and rather chaotic as of my insides and my outsides, mind and living would become so messy and unstructured that I would think I have to move and change my location – to think that if I only move there will be structure and organizing in my life – somewhere new – like with a consumer logic of consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I have to move and change my car and my computer my clothes etc, change my life style to become “new” and to find more peace if I only changed, failing to realize that self and being was here always, I just have to wake inn to it and live that origin of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see that the origin of me was always here as my being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to give up my old self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to addict somehow to being messy and unorganized.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that schizophrenic people are supposed to have drug addictions, alcohol issues, and lots of different sexual partners and that the life of a schizophrenic is supposed to be painful upside down and sorry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame consumer culture and politics/media for how I have been living my schizophrenia and for judging and blaming the world out there and not taking it into myself what is my responsibility/origin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to relate “strictness” and “obedience” and “rules” and “control” to the words stabile and organized.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see police and military as institutions that follow on that path, and that is nothing for me to get into – pushing the words stabile and organized away from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the military and police and control institutions “win” these words, stabile and organized.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand equal and one to police and military.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I can learn from police and military.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to walk into a stabling process of myself and to improve my living to that extent that I can and that I must live these words but I would fear to be to organized and to fear to be strict with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I have to live these words, no other choice, and to make it into a ultimatum within myself to live these words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go rounds with myself in my mind of if I should live these words or say “fuck it” and give up my process.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be strict with myself, like I would fear strict parents or teachers/masters and I would fear to hear the voice calling me to obey.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to obey to other peoples rules and likings fearing to not live my life and within this I would not see that I was myself all the time, I have to find stability and organizing myself back into my beingness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to do mistakes with becoming more organized and more stabile, where I should rather celebrate these wrongs and my faults and learn from them.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust on the consumer type of life style thinking money can buy my way out of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I failed to see me and to see my true collours and to live my beingness but rather take my beingness as my enemy and fight myself within so without.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of it as  a great “sin” that awareness about beingness is not taught at schools and for feeling sorry for all the people who walk on “blind”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see my path in my life as where is my purpose and  what can I do in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a life in mind chaos and disturbances in my life and to disgrace stability and to fear to face my true self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail/fear to live the word stabile.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail/fear to live the word organized.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself how I have been living the polarity of these words and for simply doing and living the opposite of “stabile”, and “organized”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see how I have limited my creative ability and creation powers within living “unorganized” and “unstable”, from my experience of living words and living creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find myself programmed to fight my origin and my true self (being) and for a long time have judged this path and awareness that my mind, body and being have now showed me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find myself pretty lost and “dirty” of all my past extravaganza and living in mind occupying mind and looping and fucking around with my mind, simply doing no good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see how we all have separated us from our origin and how we treat each other is a mirror of that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like curling up and fearing to take on this task of living words stabile, organized, structured, colorful and symmetric.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find myself pitying myself greatly from not having seen what my origin was and that it came as quite a surprise to me what my origin was/is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am pushing the opposite of stabile – mostly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a work load in fearing to connect with my beingness – when the opposite is reality, from a “comfortable” living word solution.

Even though I have lived so many years without stability and organizing, I see today that I can be that stabile guy, I can be organized and structured and I can make this happen. It is a matter of living words and discipline.

 

I see how I can live these words ; organized and structured for the best of my ability and to better connect with my beingness. I see these words as solutions now, and I will live them in my life/acting.

 

 

 

 

world word …

Check out SOUL – for how to live words

 

enjoy breathe

 

 

 

 

 

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