Immortal, Horus and Schizophrenia
So. I am doing something no one have ever done before me. No one before me in human history have walked a process having schizophrenia and then be walking a process of self communication, self forgiveness, and self correction. Into self responsibility, self honesty and a purposeful life and living. To be without slaving to energies within mind. To stop living by the old metaphysical (separation) of thinking/thoughts. I am stepping out of that role of living like a schizophrenic, obsessed with mind, and how schizophrenic people are supposed to be addicted to weed, the drinking, obscure/nasty culture, and in general addiction to all sorts…. Society is rooted so that it wants me who have schizophrenia, to live that “criminal” and marginalized way. It have been rigged and I say no more of this old sickness/system. It is all energies. It can be forgiven within. I have now been walking my desteni I process for a little more than 4 years. I can tell you that I no longer live a life of a suffering schizophrenic. I still carry the blue print within me. I have its coding sort o speak. But I don’t live it no more. I know what it was and what it is to millions of being out there. Now my further purpose is to stand and help. Assist and support others. And let me tell you that it is going quite well.
Today I trust a great deal on self intimacy. Into – me – I – see. I look into myself and I see myself. I see myself in self honesty. And you could say I am amazed of what I see. Now I have been clearing out energies and psychological data within me for years – and I have dumped old data and energies from within, and found a way to embrace myself and to stand and be responsible with myself, clear and awake.
A fun thing appears to me lately. It is related to the movie “Immortal”. I suggest to check it out, it is quite a show. And it is about how I see this figure Horus – this ancient Egyptian God – who carries sort of similar story as the more popular Jesus Christ. Anyways : this god Horus, is doing some “God stuff” to a character in the movie. To Nikopol. Nikopol have lost a leg in action. And Horus is then melting and creating a metal bar/rail to replace the foot. Horus creates a artificial foot for Nikopol from metal.
So what does this have to do with me ? I keep seeing within myself a construct of rebars. It is a small construct of rebar’s that is see within me. Perhaps it is from suppression. I see it down by my foot it is like a extra foot to me.This may seam like strange imagination or fantasy and perhaps that it all it is. It is still what I see within, to deal with to myself in self honesty.
I know this can sound silly or hard to understand – but I keep seeing this foot, of rebar’s at my own foot. And … within this I think it is important to understand that I am more like a sponge/receiver now, than ever before. I love to learn new things. I love to read new things and to learn new skills. So this belief or this fantasy of Horus and the melted leg really got to me. So I would picture myself as wounded and hurt. So that I need to have a cure or a healing from having had schizophrenia. And within this comes then the story of Horus and his magic. And I really like that movie. Weather it is a matter of belief system or fear or whatever – I will clear it out with self forgiveness; to not drag shit around – and rather be more sponge ! Point is that I am able to see a alternative to the same old Jesus story that is being be – lie – ved and worshipped etc.. to this day. It is that of a alternative and also it is telling me that strange things can happen and strange things can occur. And to use myself and my physical as example I would tell at least myself that I have already done lots of magic on myself by no longer living and suffering to energies as schizophrenic – but rather carrying the blue print of that illness.
This is the dawn of awakening. Time of consequences; year of creation. If you are living in lies, (be-lie-ve) no matter how small or how great you will be confronted. We can’t create a good world for all beings based on the very same fundaments (thinking) that brought us here in the first place.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to brush of this insight as imagination and fantasy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think this is to strange material for a blog.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be – lie – ve that I know Horus or to give into any sort of be – lie – ves to him or to anything at all really.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I favor Horus over Jesus.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think religions is a great popularity contest which is not far from “truth” only it is much more grave and depriving than so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be seen as a beliver.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that Horus would save me, failing to realize I have to save myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for alternative solutions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I need a fix.
Check out the movie: Immortal